A Spiritual Pandemic:

Here: Truth has always been more valuable to me than anything else. It is not my intention to hurt others by telling the truths I know. But, truth has to be said. I am learning love. And I am learning feelings. The importance of preserving other’s feelings. I pray, in time, you shall come to forgive me for my delay. I have always known that like peeling a band aid, truth can sting a while. But given time to heal, it can be beneficial to wear it and to take it off. Sometimes, telling the truth is the most loving thing one can do for you. I ask you, brothers, sisters of the world, accept truth when you see it. Face truth when you feel it. Learn from it and amend your ways. God loves you all so very much. Think of this. If what I am saying is true, He has sent me not for me. Yes, He has blessed me enormously. Because of what I endured for this. He sent me for you. For not only the Church. Not just the bride of Christ. He sent me for the entire world. I have often prayed in my rosary for the world. Meditating on this has helped me to understand that Jehovah loves His entire creation. He would never let them fall to their ruin without giving them a chance. A chance to repent. Brothers, sisters, God is in love with you. Heed Him. Answer His call. When you hear truth, God wants to heal you. It’s the reason for truth. Is to lead you kindly on to the correct path. I haven’t mentioned this in the past because I thought it was God’s secret to reveal. It was God’s glory. Alas. It still is. And I have a feeling that this will still come as a surprise to all of you. I simply ask you to remember me when it is done.

So, here is an excerpt from a poem of one of my alters. Pete is a part of me. A very special part. These are his/my words. The poem is called “It’s Like Home”:

“It brought me joy when she gave birth to a child. I watched, delighting as the family grew more and more united. Like a little heaven. The perfection was glorious. The angelic host resounded in cries of triumph. ‘It’s like home,’ I heard whispered. ‘Not yet,’ I cried. . . Taking the man aside, I whispered in his ear, Walking together, Side by side, Under some trees in the garden. I said, ‘Of everything available to you, son, you must resist only from this one thing. You ask, my child and it manifests reality immediately. All I ask, is that you do not express your love for your child in the way that you know your partner. It is a different kind of love that they need. They need to be protected, provided for, blessed. I have seen the confusion that will arise if this happens. The child will become overwhelmed, to navigate this confusion, completely alone. The effects of this cannot be seen now. But the effects will perpetuate until the end of things. A new child has all the hope in the universe. We must not contaminate that hope. He may not seem hurt. Not every hurt is visible by the eyes.’”

This poem is a fictional retelling from Jehovah’s perspective of the Creation. There is truth contained in this poem. The subject matter may not be the matter of original sin exactly. Maybe it is. I leave that for Jehovah to decide and to reveal. But, like original sin, this is a problem that has infested humanity from the very beginning of things and seems to be coming to a climax. Through my personal experience and open communication with Jehovah, this is what I have discerned. There is a problem in this world. I am not attempting to solve it. Only Jehovah can solve it. I simply try to shed some light upon it. This is the purpose of my life. This is the way that I am greater than the others. It’s in what I suffered. God hasn’t spoken to the PhD’s. They just want to steal my work. I can hear your reaction. You’re saying, yeah? As though it’s to be expected. Do you pay attention to what you say? This is not the way the world was created to be. This problem involves, in a way, the PhD’s. Everyone in power. Really, every single person on earth. Because it’s about power. It’s in our nature to exert our power. To dominate and to overwhelm. Sadly, this domination, most of the time, is against those who are weaker. Against those who are vulnerable. It exists in workplaces. It exists in schools. It exists in the family unit. Perhaps even, most of the time, we are not entirely conscious of it even. Had you have asked me a decade and a half ago had my abusers abused me, I would have defended them with my life. Repression is not exclusive to me. So, it’s a terrible problem. Why? Because it does not originate from love. This is where abortion comes from. It’s where euthanasia comes from. It is not a problem solver. It is spiritual in nature. It is demonic. For where life is, there God is. Jehovah values life. As He values, protection of that life, justice, privacy, private property, self-protection (self-defence). Common sense will dictate that all of these have their place in love of self. Do I really have to be the one to tell you that Jehovah sees the things that happen behind closed doors? When you molest and rape someone who is unconscious, do you believe that this goes unseen because it is not voiced against? If you do, I am pleased to tell you might end up in a hot place. See, this is the problem: We, as a people, are apt to dominate others. It is not in our nature. Don’t be foolish. We are not animals. This is a spiritual problem. This desire to dominate often takes a sexual nature. Ps 128:3 “The wicked have wrought upon my back: they have lengthened their iniquity.” All through the Bible, are sexual undertones that cry out for justice. If you do not see it in the Bible, I would understand. But if you cannot see it in the world, you would be blinded. I have always wondered the reason Jehovah has given me such insight into life, such wisdom. On top of that, I have wondered why He has given me access to memories and realities that you all have blocked your hearts to. Why has Jehovah allowed me to remember the sexual realities that occur within our world. Why He chose to allow me to remember, for instance, the abuse I experienced in the hospitals, in schools, how students would visit the teacher for strange amounts of time, how at my cub scout camps, there were practically orgies occurring. While it was at my expense. How on school trips, children would go from room to room in the hotel. Here: sexuality is not always conscious. It is an instinct. And perhaps the only instinct, which makes us like animals. Here: sometimes, after we exact our domination upon others, we feel ashamed. So we repress the memories. This is not knowledge you’ll learn in a textbook. It’s wisdom from Jehovah. Because of the life I have lived. Here: we do not have to be animals. Jehovah Himself instructs me to write this article. You need to know what’s happening. You need to know and understand the truth. Jehovah Himself shall send healing. I don’t understand why you resist me. If it’s nonsense, let it be. It will prove itself nonsense. Won’t it? I think you are realizing I have a lot of truth within me.

This is precisely what makes children special to Jehovah. And before you say that is not biblical, I simply retort, read your bible again. It is their vulnerability. It is their innocence. It is their fragility. It is the infinite universe of potential within their little, beautiful hearts. It’s the reason satan seeks them. This desires to form them to his image. Are you really so blind? That you cannot see how all of this is 100% reversible and avoidable? Yes, satan is the god of this world. But, he has no power. His work is fraudulent. It simply takes a good creation and seeks to destroy it. Like a forest fire, it consumes all in its path. But, after, the possibility exists to rebuild. To rebuild. To rebuild. Jehovah will rebuild His world. Children are exceptionally valuable to Him. More so than the scholar. Than the doctor. Than the priest… than the pope. I tell you truth. Your response shall say a lot about your own heart conditions. This vulnerability is precisely where God is. Mark my words, these ones, these children, aborted ones, murdered ones, abused ones, switched ones, these are the ones who will receive the greater reward. These are the ones who shall receive the First state of Heaven. Put your religion aside. Listen to my sense. By my faith! The reason children are so valuable to Jehovah is because of the spiritual realm. Again, read your bible if you don’t believe me. Where does he get this wisdom? The life I have lived. Jehovah Himself tells me what I know. But he has hurt ones like this. He doesn’t deserve this wisdom. So have you. Neither do you. I’m telling you, you don’t realize what children forfeit for the Kingdom of God. They abandon lives here. But you do not see the blessing they shall receive in Kingdom. You believe it not to be true because you are worldly Christians. A worldly Christian does not exist. It is an oxymoron. A Christian too focussed on material things is no less than a communist. The child is the closest in spirit to Jehovah and His angels. Here’s another piece of remarkable heresy, which shall inevitably prove itself true in coming days: Animals also are much closer in spirit to Jehovah than we believe. In addition, those deemed mentally challenged, what sensitive people may affectionately refer to as vegetables, for instance are bound up in the spirit of God. These are the poor in spirit you seek to help. There is simply no voice for these people sometimes. After all, a child is incapable of voicing up for its rights. An animal is incapable of voicing up for its rights. A vegetable is incapable of voicing up for its rights. There, then is no business in helping these ones. Here: Materially poor are not instantly holy because of their poverty. As a matter of fact, especially these days, a lot of poor are not holy at all. It is business though to help them because they voice their complaints. It is business to help transgenders because they voice their complaints. Let’s face truth: If you are a true victim of real trauma, sometimes voicing your complaints and making you voice known can be the most difficult thing in the world. The world has got its priorities of people needing help all out of whack. Apply this knowledge to the immigration crisis. While veterans and people sincerely dependant upon disability allowance are being kicked out on the streets, the materially poor of other countries are being helped in ridiculous ways. Guys, am I not speaking sense? By my faith! Children possess a light. This light, the evil one seeks to snuff. Did you really think abortion was a healthcare matter?

Remember, there are no bad emotions. Only different emotions. Every emotion has a purpose and an outlet. Emotions are the most beautiful part of a human being. Think about it: We all have bodies. We all have minds. What is it about a child that makes him special to the LORD? It’s his vulnerability. His willingness to feel. When I think of the Father Jehovah, I view Him as an intensely feeling God. Jehovah God is beautiful. We understand the concept intellectually. We cannot grasp it emotionally. Or spiritually. Because our connection to the spirit has been severed. Honestly friends, you believe that elderly people are closer to God. In truth, it is the very opposite. While it’s not black and white, those without speech are the truly spiritually enlightened ones. Some elderly are, in fact, quite holy. But for the general part, it is the opposite. Age amasses sin. Age amasses pain. Speech is a noise. True spirit is silent. It is possible for adults to attain this spirit. It’s what’s being called born again. Not all baptized experience it. It comes through an act of God. Anyways, it’s what makes me special. The light within me. It’s because I am in touch with this spirit that I can speak to saints, to Jehovah Himself, to people who live a distance away who are also in touch with the spirit. You can experience it also. Your hearts are only hardened. This is a matter of heart. For when you see the entire world converging around one man to seek to destroy him because he speaks to God, what does this do to your heart? The same could be said for any child who is being slaughtered. Any dependent who needs help who is not getting that help. Any elderly who is being encouraged to end their life. The state disagrees. We must not obey the state into committing murder. This is the way of satan. It’s the way that has pervaded our world. We try desperately to extinguish the lights of others. We can’t help it. It’s the way of our fathers. The way of our mothers. It’s what’s happening to me at the moment. They have made no secret that they desire to rob me of my intellectual property, my ministry, my life. What you do not realize is that this is not God. This is satan. Maybe you do realize. If you do, we need to ask ourselves why our priests and leaders are contributing to satanic narcissism and the destruction of a soul who speaks to Jehovah.

We are just coming to understand the human consciousness. For millennia, we have slaughtered animals, we are still slaughtering animals. By my faith, we are slaughtering children. We do this because we believe them to be non-sentient. We believe that speech equals intelligence. How dreadfully foolish. I am telling you, just because you cannot speak does not mean you cannot think, cannot feel, do not have a soul. See, I have been in an especially unique situation. Allow me to say that this should have come out decades ago. The coma I experienced, doctors were not sure if I would ever regain consciousness. I tell you, that these were some of the most active days of my life. Spiritually. We cannot understand. I heard much of the things being said around me in this world also. Here: I was more alive then than I am now. Don’t gaslight me. Don’t try to pretend as though you know better than me as to my experiences. Yes, I had a brain injury. Then, I shouldn’t be able to play chess better than the most of you. Our understanding of consciousness is just beginning. What you need to know is that speech is not the determining factor in life. In intelligence. Even animals are more connected to the spirit than our most learned priests. Some. God will prove it. It is our sin, which separates us from the spirit. It is our repressed feelings. There is a way out.

There is a problem happening in the world these days. It is deeply troubling to Jehovah. Call it original sin or not. It is happening. There is a small part of you that knows it is happening. We need to understand. God is not angry. There will be healing. Very soon. But, we need to understand the effect this is having on our children. It is the reason for mental, physical and emotional disability in children. This is the voice of God declaring to the Church and to the world to stop having sex with your children. It’s taboo to you because you keep it secret. Even if it seems like the children enjoy it, they are torn. There are literally other identities, which have been fostered to cope with the trauma. They want to please you while wanting to compromise themselves for your sake. God sees what’s happening. Your little loophole for sexual immorality. It damages them for life. Please stop. You may not be able to remember. You also may be split. But this must be said. You need to be made aware of this. God is disgusted with this practice. But, a complete healing is coming. A complete restoration is coming. There is forgiveness. Let us call upon the name of the LORD.

Here: we do not have to be animals. Jehovah Himself instructs me to write this article. You need to know what’s happening. You need to know and understand the truth. Jehovah Himself shall send healing. You need to know that there is healing. Part of that healing is in healing our sexualities. Sexuality is not evil. You apply so many laws to it that you are uptight. You are repressed. It’s understandable since you are also wounded. When healing comes, you will know the remedy. Let us become conscious in our sexuality again. Let us seek not to dominate. Let us humble ourselves and serve the weaker. It is God’s way. It is the only way. The only other way is choosing to help satan snuff the true lights of the world. This is not like a PhD. For PhD is built upon assertion. It is built upon thesis and an arguable opinion. What I am saying is truth. Is it my truth? Yes. We speak what we know. What we have experienced. Jehovah speaks to me.

The Matter of Shame:

This was going to be a substantially long post. I have condensed it dramatically. Here: I have spoken enough about myself. I will simply offer the problem. Not just to point out the problem. But also for people to see why I have come. Why my mission is vital. And a potential solution. Though Jehovah is the solution, there are ways to help Him in the process. Here: If you wanted the scientific definitions and case studies about shame, my assumption is you’d go to a scientist or a doctor. I will leave out the definitions. My reader probably knows and understands what shame is. As a brief refresh: Shame is an unnatural response to extreme maltreatment in childhood and developmental periods that becomes ingrained. It is not guilt. If all of us were honest, we’d recognize that we should all feel a proportional amount of healthy guilt. No one should feel shame. Never. It is the inherent belief that ‘we are bad people’. You are misunderstanding the complexities of humanity. There is shame. There is guilt. No one, no one – I don’t care what they have done – deserves to feel shame. Perhaps it’s the sense of mercy within me or my desire to see all men be lifted on the last day, no one deserves this feeling. Okay, maybe communists. Haha. I joke. But, some people should be made to feel guilty. But never shame. Not after what Jesus did for us. I have also seen the depths of how we can view ourselves. It is an evil, a crime against God Himself for any of us to feel this bastard emotion. What is it? In my opinion, it is a tent of repressed and unfelt emotions. It occurs when we cannot place the blame for an injustice upon the problem because to do so would be to jeopardize one’s safety or sense of self. A child who is being raped by mother cannot attribute blame to mother because to do so would violate socially acceptable laws or regulations. Paramount to this, it would be to place the child in danger. If a parent, mother in this case, is abusing the child and the child is utterly dependant upon the parent for life, then the world is unsafe. You can see the chaos, which will ensue.

This is a serious problem in the world. A problem that has existed from the very beginning and, which has created untold devastation in its wake. You ask why I use this illustration of mother abuse? Mother abuse is terribly awful. It contributes to the issue of shame like little else. Particularly, the abuse of young boys by mothers. I have experience with this, understanding it from afar. With other’s mothers as well. Why is this such a big problem? I am making the assertion that this is singlehandedly the most devastating issue in our world today. Again, not trying to solve the world’s problems. Only Jah can do that. And praise Jah! I simply am trying to prove to you that I am indeed a prophet and that God has a love for all of you that you cannot possibly comprehend. “Fear not, for you will not be ashamed; be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more” (Isa 54:4). See, this mother issue is so devastating for a number of reasons. Even if there is no sexual incest occurring, I have seen firsthand how mothers can shame their children. Sons, daughters. Mothers shaming their daughter’s appearance. Sound familiar? It is especially traumatic and damaging for sons. This is the reason: Boys do not know what to do with these emotions. Here, you have society telling them that women could never abuse anyone. That moms always, under every circumstance, have the best interest of their sons at heart. In addition, I have personally experienced enough women calling me a f*g and a p***sy for not being willing to have s*x to know that I am not the only one being shamed like this. S*x turns people into different people. Here: the boy doesn’t know what to do with these conflicting emotions that surge within him in response to mother shaming. They, naturally, feel as though they were to blame and as though they were responsible. How much worse, the case would be if, a mother were to groom that child into a sexual relationship with her. It is a chaotic existence. The boy knows it is wrong. The boy feels repulsion. Yet, his body responds. This is the kind of dynamic, this is the kind of place where other identities are forged. This is where people split. I know a particular boy, who was forced by his mother into an incestuous relationship for twenty years of his life. Where, how did this begin? It began with her grooming. It is always, always, always the parent’s choice. Even if it is not a conscious choice, they are simply perpetuating their own trauma. Regardless even if the young boy, as he ages, becomes a willing participant, his conscience has been damaged by her early treatment of him and grooming. He does not know any better. This grooming can take many forms: Subtly, tickling his back and massaging and footrubs and innocent kisses. Slowly, things denigrate until the mother is taunting the boy with scissors over his genitalia. This ‘problem’ is far more common than we care to admit. Before you know it, this mother is having sex with this boy every day for these twenty years. She has sought the intimacy that is missing from her marriage with the boy. He slowly becomes a surrogate lover to her. What a travesty! “Actually sexual immorality is found among you, and such immorality as is not even found among the nations – of a man living with his father’s wife” (1Cn 5:1). May this new wisdom offer you understanding as to the complexities of human psychology, its relation to conscience and sin and shame. There is forgiveness. There is mercy. By my absolute faith, there is healing! In some time, there will be a great miracle for the world. I write to prepare you for it. Can you not see how feminism was a snake in the grass?

You can make a child believe anything about it, about life, that you want. You simply need to make him feel badly enough for thinking the opposite. Children learn everything from parents. They enter the world blank slates. Not 100% tabula rasa. You know my feelings. The child is spiritually superior to the most learned. They just forget spirit as they age. They forget where they come from. But they are incredibly impressionable. We, as parents, write ourselves upon them. We are responsible for their morality. We are responsible for their hopes. We are responsible to offer them a Christian, healthy upbringing. Every child is born 100% pure and free of sin. They have a disposition toward sin. It doesn’t make them sinful. They deserve our complete love and tenderness. For it is in how we treat the vulnerable that we shall be judged. A child does not deserve punishment. Here, is another vital component to the puzzle: There is a difference between discipline and abuse. A child needs discipline to form them properly. Discipline is not rape. Discipline is not sacrificing your child. Discipline is from a place of love. Children are not our property. They belong to Jehovah. We are simply the planters and the waterers. There is often a malignant and dreadful drape of secrecy that exists over these relationships.  For shame to grow, we need secrecy, silence and judgement. These relationships breed fear. The child, while he desires to please the parent, is on an island left alone to navigate his chaotic emotions. The parent, idly left wondering if he is actually still in a state of mortal sin. This is a cycle of abuse. While we are aware that it happens, we are awry in considering that we are affected as well. It is not my intention to hurt people. I am trying to speak with utmost sensitivity and compassion. I don’t want to reveal other’s stories. It is my prayer you will come to accept and love yourselves in this process. Not only yourselves. Also your mothers. Your fathers. Your brothers and sisters. Your uncles and aunts. Your doctors and teachers. You see, this is a problem, which affects every corner of the globe. When we recognize that our families love us very much and are not doing these things maliciously, we will see them for their true hearts. This shall also set up a standard by which to judge people’s true intentions and heart states. We will recognize that sin and holiness is not so black and white. There are always grey areas. And… For the most part, I believe that people are good. I believe in the goodness of people. I believe when they hear these messages, their hearts shall turn. They shall recognize truth and stir their empathy. Don’t be hard on your loved ones. They have experienced it as well. They have been unable to process the pain. You see, shame is the greatest disability that we can have. It affects every aspect of our lives. It is like a brain injury. If it’s injured everything else comes toppling down. It is also the reason for every social problem in our world. Yes, there are indeed evil people. But, I don’t want to believe they are many. I believe most are simply stumbled into hurt consciences also. Just like me. Can you see? When we experience shame, it affects our vocation. It affects our employment. It affects our relationships. It affects every single thing we do. Sometimes, we reject. Other times, we sabotage. Other times, we simply do not have the resources to cope with the stress. When we build from a foundation of shame, we build a broken house. “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death” (2 Cn 7:10). This is the reason satan, that little puke, goes after the children.

This is all I will say about myself in this article. You believe that deeply entrenched habits are indicators of a sinful being. My conscience was stumbled from the day I was born. This shame is the reason for every sin that I committed. I do not possess original sin like other people. It is a matter of culpability. I never said I was immaculate. I have always said that I am inculpable. How I reacted, in every way, would not have happened had I not been abused. Or had truth been told earlier. These aren’t character traits. People are stumbled into sin. This behavior perpetuates. This sort of behavior is a lot more common than we think. When we find out how common it is, you will understand. I understand how this is difficult to see or acknowledge at the moment. One of these days, you will see that maybe I am not so bad after all. In that the ways I reacted were very small compared to what I endured. In saying that, I am not diminishing the significance of anybody’s hurt or what I did. God will corroborate my good character in how I have completely changed. I have a rich prayer life, attend Mass as often as I can, say the rosary daily, read the bible daily, study with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. “For the corruptible body weighs down the soul, and this earthly dwelling presses many thoughts upon the mind” (Wisdom 9:15). If you are looking for proof of my message you need only look at the way my body has reacted to this trauma. How, when I am anxious, no matter how much I must go, I cannot void. Do you see how it may be offensive to me that people suspect I am up to no good because of my past? You make assumptions because of your envy. Repressed justice too, maybe. Name of God! Let it be. I never got justice either. But trust and await on the judgement of Him who does so perfectly. Heck man, I’ve been chaste for nearly six years. Up until the point when I posted a video about my medical disability, which causes me to shake and tremor, people actually believed I was just angry. Realizing the truth, this seems just a little foolish, doesn’t it? I can’t blame people who are simply searching for things to be off in me to prove their crock theories and delusions about me. Nevertheless, do you not see how this may be shaming? There’s a lot of talk about shame these days. Fat shaming. Body shaming. Nothing is as sensitive and triggering as disability shaming. Because to have gotten this disability, one often has gone through a lot of suffering. Race, fat level, it isn’t in the same category. My message is blatantly evident in my body. Can you not see? What God intended for me? It is obvious. Had I insisted about justice when I was a little boy, had these new revelations come out, people’s reaction would have been much different. I would have gotten the rehabilitation that I need. I would have received the formation of love that I need. People would have helped me. It is only natural. Even if I revealed what was happening after my injury, people’s response to me would have been mighty different. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Rm 12:15). All of it. All of these blessings were meant to be mine. This is why I am receiving such wisdom now. Because I am finally doing God’s will and telling my truth.

Here's some new knowledge, which also shall prove itself truth in coming months. The mind can be programmed. Just like a video game, our subconscious can be written and coded. Maybe 5% of our actions are conscious. The first years of our lives set the blueprint. Our first years program our entire futures. There are indeed entities in the world that seek to abuse this knowledge within people. Satanic programing is real. At its worst, ritual abuse and trauma-based mind control. At its softest, the damaging effects of shame and humiliation. “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ep 4:26). For these children, it is not always a choice what they foster in their hearts. Their earliest experience of life begins with terrible trauma that the hardened adult male would shudder and weep at. It is not always a choice when the child harbors wrath.

This is the hidden knowledge. If you have been seeking it. If you haven’t, then it will be new. This is what has been concealed from the world. This is not heresy. And you will see how important it is in this end time. With knowledge of what’s going on in the world. What’s always been happening in the world, you will accept its message. This entire world, its entire existence, has been moulded on the foundation of this secret. It really is a secret. We can manifest the world, we can manifest creation into existence. On our thoughts. On our words. On our beliefs. We will begin to accept and see the integrity of this message because we will see the way it has been used against us. I’m telling you, these satanists invert the whole creation process. They can say they are docile and benevolent. You will soon see the truth. They take children, traumatize them to unfathomable degrees, in order to upload their programs of fear into their subconscious. They can actually program a child now, to commit an assassination at any specific point in their future. This is how they have controlled masses for millennia. Rather, an awakening. Don’t be touchy about the language. I’m not saying that this language or knowledge can save us. Jehovah saves us through Jesus. But, it was written about even at that time. If our realities are crafted by our thoughts, and trauma-based shame alters our thoughts, this is a serious predicament. It’s the reason we have so many people living on the streets, on welfare, obese and addicted. Here: We can change these programs. With inner child work and being mindful of our thoughts, decisions and attitudes. With Jehovah, we can rewind even the most damaging programs.

I recently finished reading a book on childhood sexual abuse recovery that juxtaposed the experiences of a number of very brave and beautiful people, their experiences with sexual trauma as children, to that of the sufferings and betrayals of the Jesus Christ. It was a beautiful book. I think that the biggest gift I received from the book was the healing of shame. For a long time, probably since before I can remember, I suffered from a false toxic shame as a result of other’s actions towards me. The journey to recover from any abuse is very real. But so is the ability to heal and recover with the Spirit, to become emotionally clear and purified. The book shared this verse: “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:5-9). Abuse is sin and causes damage to its victim. The paradoxical tragedy about abuse is that abuse survivors live with the damage created by someone else’s sin. Shame is very real. And it weighs us down deeply. The effect that gives abuse its power is not so much only the timeline of events. It is an extra dimension of shame and secrecy, fear and silence, justified anger and suppression. This passage from 1 John emphasizes the fact that Jesus can cleanse us from all sin and unrighteousness. Even if that sin is not our own. God would never hold a child abuse victim responsible. We need to tell God the truth as it is in our lives and allow God to cleanse us from that truth. We need to acknowledge the damage caused by that truth. I prayed this prayer a couple of days ago. Wow! Physically and completely, I did not expect to be healed. But I am feeling so empowered. I am feeling for the first time as though I have an identity. I feel like my feet are connected to the ground on which I walk. It could be simply endorphins I feel about the faith I feel for the future. I will say this: by accepting truth and shedding shame, we can become stronger, compassionate and empowered people. I get encouraged to think about the first time I set foot in a counselor’s office, the first time I entered my group therapy and recognize immediately how well I am doing today. I remind myself of just how far I have come. At my worst, relearning to breathe and swallow my own saliva. At my worst, dragging my feet through the parallel bars at a children’s rehabilitation hospital. At my worst, fixating my sight at the clock in front of me in my own bedroom because it was too painful to even feel. At my best, content in my faith. At my best, feeling good about myself, who I am and not being ashamed of being a human being. I’ll never forget the first time I realized the terrible impact of what happened to me. The sudden awareness of all of these terrible things done to me, the sudden awareness and deep guilt for things that I myself had done was shattering. But I was not alone. And that painful experience was definitely not the end. There was hope in my future. There was peace after the struggle. There was contentment after the fear and shame. I’ll never forget the first time I walked into a group therapy for men survivors of child sexual abuse. I was shivering and emotionally closed off. It was in learning to be vulnerable that I was able to better understand and embrace what I have been through. We need remember at every point in this life, because we are all walking along this path together, we are not alone. We need learn to depend on one another. Mostly, we are not alone because we have one who has gone before us. One who has suffered the human experience greatly, who has felt shame, humiliation, who has been betrayed and injured deeply. One who has conquered death, suffering and fear so that we are able to LIVE. I want to take an opportunity to thank you for your faith in the past. I know that what I could have given you was more. Please continue to have faith. There is a reason for everything. And I pray the reason will be revealed. I ask you to remember the countless times I turned my cheek to oppression and violence. Please remember that I forgave even though it was not acknowledged or confessed. Remember that I overcame a massive injury and terrible rapes. I know I push away offers of love and attention at times. Please just remember the fact that I was never permitted to develop the emotional, social and tools of intimacy that many grow with naturally. It’s not an excuse. But it’s a reason. It’s a reason I am fighting very hard to correct. Shame is not temporary. Shame is something we carry with us. And that shame accumulates. Please remember what I have been through when you examine my life. This is not about reputation or what we do or say. People are very much more than simply what we see on the surface. I know that this sounds contrary to Biblical teaching. I assure you it isn’t. “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit” (Psalm 34:1).

 

When you want to do something, shame is the one holding you back. Empathy and telling your story is the antidote to shame. “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up” (Pr 12:25). Healing is available in Christ. A lot of people just want to tell their stories. And in the process, they have been shamed deeply by a culture that unfortunately, has not learned how to deal with vulnerability. You need to speak your story in order to heal from it. Healing, truth and health do not exist in silence and secrecy. To not speak your story is to make the shame of the initial silence of abuse so much deeper. Sexuality is very closely interlinked with this concept of shame. I can only speak from experience. Shame represses spirit. When we are in a state of shame, our identity is repressed. This is a tactic satan is using to suppress the human spirit. Do you really think it is in the nature of man to be stifled, obese, addicted, homeless, jobless? God does not want this for us. God desires us to prosper. There is a remedy for this toxic shame. It is in healing, it is in communication. It is in vulnerability. It is in programing our minds and consciences to good and Bible principles. As difficult as it will be for the stuffy types to hear, sexuality can be an incredibly liberating element in life. Sexuality liberates the human spirit. Shame represses the human spirit. Sexuality shall be the key to healing. When we understand how to love one another. Really love one another.

I want you to know it’s okay to hurt, to feel and to be vulnerable. Open your heart to God. To each other. Mourn with each other. Rejoice with each other. Help one another when they struggle to open their spirit. It’s what it’s all about! Spirit. When we live in the spirit, our actions, our words are uninhibited. Like children! Can you not see? It’s what the Bible meant. Let your hearts melt. But lift your hands in praise to God after. Let your hearts melt and open to love. We’ve been told not to feel for so long. We have been so strong. We need to tap into our emotions. Because our souls are like wells that run deep with the experiences of our lives. Trauma and shame accumulate. I am not lying. You need to know that we need to find appropriate places to release that trauma and shame. “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You” (Ps 56:3). Here: this life is tough. This life is hard. It is. While this kingdom belongs to darkness, it shall always be. Through this darkness, always, light shines through. Light shines in absolute abundance. Because light can never be extinguished by darkness. Darkness is not really a thing. All of these inverted masses and satanic programing is nonsense. Once you realize the love of Jesus. The love of Father Jehovah. While these things have an effect. Surely they will. But once you experience this love, the shame they have worked so hard to instill in you, by knocking you down and suppressing you, will evaporate like mist under the flame of a fire. My friends. My dear friends, let that fire be the fire of love. For Jehovah has sent His son for precisely this reason: to liberate those who have been captive. To set free the broken-hearted and ransom the guilty – to acquit the guilty and pardon the sinner. We are all sinners. Every last one of us. And, apparently, the more power you have, the more sinful you may be. But my friends… my dear, dear friends. Listen closely: Jehovah, the God who literally enforces the physics of the universe, who sets time for supernova and black hole, knows you. YOU! Personally! Not only that. He knows and has given a number to each of the hairs upon your head. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Mt 11:28-30). All of this. All of this could have been said in a couple of sentences: You do not need to feel shame. You are loved. Even at your very worst, you are loved. When you realize you are loved, you realize you do not have to tolerate abusive and toxic treatment. The narcissists love that Christians have adopted a ‘turn the other cheek’ mentality to even the worst of their crimes. Knowing that you are loved gives you the strength and the faith to say, ‘I don’t deserve to be mistreated.’ We have the power to fight back. We are not scared. Yet, we restrain. Because we love Jehovah. But, we do not tolerate continued abuse. We flee. It is common sense. My friends, you are loved. Oh, LORD. Very much so. Thank you for reading. May Jehovah of angelic armies bless and keep you.