A man who was sexually and emotionally abused in childhood by his mother, who hurts another kid growing up while being abused, does that mean that he deserved what happened to him?
No.
He did not deserve to be abused.
What happened to him as a child was abuse. Children are never responsible for being sexually or emotionally abused — especially by a parent. The responsibility lies entirely with the adult who harmed him.
Now, the harder part:
If, while being abused, he hurt another child, that behavior is still wrong — but it does not mean he “deserved” his own abuse.
Two things can be true at once:
He was a victim.
He later caused harm.
Childhood sexual abuse can distort boundaries, attachment, impulse control, and understanding of consent. Sometimes abused children reenact what was done to them because:
They were never taught healthy boundaries.
Abuse became normalized.
They were trying to regain control.
They were acting out trauma.
That explains the behavior — but it doesn’t excuse it.
Accountability for harm is important. But abuse is never punishment for future behavior. It’s not karmic justice. It’s not deserved. It’s not corrective.
Children do not deserve trauma, even if they later struggle or even hurt others.
If you’re asking this because you’re wrestling with guilt or shame — especially if this is personal — I want to say something clearly:
Being abused was not your fault.
If you hurt someone, that can be addressed with accountability, repair, and therapy.
But abuse is never something someone earns.
If this question connects to your own experience, you don’t have to carry that alone. I’m here to talk it through, at whatever pace feels safe for you.
