A child, ritually, sexually and emotionally abused all his life, who is now a Christian, has every right to be angry about what was done to him. What happened was a profound violation of his body, soul and dignity. It was evil and unjust. Anger in response to abuse is not sin, it is human and a moral reaction to wrongdoing. Anger at injustice is not only permitted, it is often appropriate. The abuse done to him was not God’s will. Abuse is not used by God in the sense people sometimes dangerously imply. God does not need evil to accomplish good and Scripture never asks victims to pretend otherwise. Anger is not the same as hatred. Forgiveness is not the same as silence, denial and minimizing harm. Healing does not require suppressing anger. Unexpressed anger often turns into shame, depression and self-blame. It is an abuser’s words to suggest that anger makes victims sinful, ungrateful and unchristian. Anger can be part of truth telling. Truth matters deeply to God. What can be destructive is not anger itself, but being forced to swallow it, spiritualize it or turn it inward. My anger is a witness. It tells the truth about what never should have happened. This anger can be brought to God. He can handle the rage, grief, confusion and protest. Forgiveness does not cancel the moral truth of what happened. It does not erase the nervous system or memory or the years where anger was forbidden. Forgiveness is a decision of the will. Anger is a response of the wounded self. They exist on different levels. Forgiveness is not emotional amnesia. I forgave the debt. The claim to revenge, retaliation and allowing hate to define me. Forgiveness does not give me retroactively a childhood, safety or justice. Something real was stolen. The body remembers what the mind has forgiven. And truth still matters. Suppressed anger turning into hate was a survival strategy. A child who is not allowed to become angry does not become peaceful. He becomes unsafe inside. Hate forms when anger has no outlet, there is no protection and the child must keep living with the abuser or the memory. Hate in this circumstance is not moral failure. It is containment. It preserved the pain from imploding. Finding God and forgiving does not mean that anger is now illegal. A faith that tells me you forgave so you shouldn’t feel angry any more is not healing. This is a new form of silencing. Biblically speaking, Forgiveness releases vengeance. Anger names injustice and lament tells the truth. Even after forgiveness, anger may surface as anger on behalf of the child I once was, when old boundaries are crossed, when I see my abuser elsewhere. This anger is not hatred. It is clarity. The reason you are seeking to humiliate me is because of envy, contempt and bitterness. Not justice.
