Rosary Challenge:

I set out to challenge myself. I set to pray the rosary for thirty days on my knees. For the intention to forgive those who had harmed me. As far as the will goes, I have forgiven decade ago. As a Traditional Catholic, I see the way my faith is headed. Catholicism is struggling. It suffers. It goes through a passion of its own at the moment. And studying the Bible with the Witnesses of Jehovah has given me such a relief. Studying with them has awakened my faith unlike at any time over the course of my life. Look, when I converted to Catholicism, I did not know the ropes of my own faith. I did not know how to go about practicing true faith. With reverence. With love. And so, I simply believed that through my works that I would amass, I could somehow work my way into heaven. I prayed like four or five rosaries a day, went to Mass two, sometimes three times a day. To say the least, because I didn’t have a foundation in love, the rosaries I would say would eventually become more like races, simply words to be ticked off. Like shotgun blasts. When I began studying with the Witnesses of Jehovah, something really and truly clicked. It was there, more than even within my own faith, where I learned how to love, how to live and how to connect with Jehovah. The Jehovah’s Witnesses, man, I’m telling you, have got something very beautiful going on. It was in this renewed spirit that I decided to undertake this challenge. My normal rosary is quite relaxed. Amidst saying it, I have a great number of intentions. Here are the results from my challenge of praying the rosary for a full month, kneeling and for the intentions of forgiveness and healing for my Church.

Day 1: I was having difficulty kneeling because of a tight psoas muscle. I needed to descend on the ground a number of times, prostrate. I experienced very little agitation. I began praying vocally but descending into praying peacefully. The more I prayed, the more at peace I felt.

Day 2: It was easier to kneel as I was at church and I used the kneeler. I experienced a bit more anxiety today, which eased quickly. I took a break after the second decade to have a drink of water.

Day 3: This day, I was exhausted after walking some miles doing post carding for pro-life causes. I was very sore. I began praying vocally and prostrated. I couldn’t get myself up on my knees!  As usual, the more I prayed, the more at peace I felt. I tried meditating before each bead. The final two decades, I prayed on my knees.

Day 4: I prayed today at church. I prayed on my knees the entire time. My eyes were glued together the length of the rosary, focusing on each bead. It was a solid rosary. I felt such, such peace.

Day 5: I prayed two rosaries this day. The first were Legion prayers during the meeting. The second I prayed, for the intention of forgiveness and healing was at 9PM. Realizing I am availing myself more to holy spirit. This rosary was said aloud and prostrate, on my knees, with an erect spine the duration.

Day 6: Prayed with a mixture silence and vocal. Feeling power of holy spirit. Like a burning sensation in my chest while I pray, warmth and love. In past, my rosaries were fueled by anxiety but they are transforming.

Day 7: prayed today on knees and prostrate with eyes open. I experienced great reverence at proclamation of the purpose of this rosary. Feeling deeply when silent.

Day 8: Between knees and prostrate. I experienced a bit of anxiety but great reverence with stating my intentions. I felt also a great sense of accomplishment upon completion.

Day 9: After Mass, I prayed. In quiet, on knees. Left after 9PM. This burn is becoming overwhelming in my heart. It bubbles like water and makes me incredibly emotional. I had a vision of an angel today.

Day 10: Prayed on knees, reverently, in quiet and with eyes open. I had the vision of a dove today and that of a swastika. I didn’t understand the swastika but I am clearly coming to understand that the Nazis were on the good side of history and were fighting for the right cause.

Day 11: Today, I experienced agitation while praying the first decade. There were people around and making noise. I tried praying the second decade but decided to leave it until after Mass. After Mass, I was struck by peace. I prayed silently and with my eyes naturally closed. Noticing greater and greater peace in day to day prayers.

Day 12: After a long day of activities, my flesh tried to convince me that it would be alright if I skipped prayers for the day. Decided to push through. I prayed mostly prostrate and on my knees, silently. Learning to accept my body. It doesn’t matter if my eyes are closed. What matters is reverence.

Day 13: I tripped and fell on the ground, hitting my knees earlier. Prayed on sore knees! I prayed after Mass. It was the second rosary of my day. I cannot tell you how peaceful it is praying after Mass. Very reverent and very loving. Feeling this same burn in my heart.

Day 14: Prayed before bed. I was feeling very restless entering prayer. After about the third decade, feeling enormous peace. I prayed while prostrate.

Day 15: Today, I did a LoM assignment during which I prayed the rosary. I prayed this particular rosary before bed again tonight.

Day 16: Went to Mass this morning. I am spending a week at a kind of religious community. Prayed my rosary for forgiveness before bed. The prayer life here is so rich and free time is scarce. This was a very reverent rosary. I prayed on the kneeler. Satan is challenging this rosary challenge of mine and my prayer life in general. I tripped and scraped my knees today. It was hurting to kneel. But I persevered.

Day 17: Prayed in chapel at community. I prayed in the evening right before bed. I was very tired. I notice my love and reverence increasing.

Day 18: Prayed in chapel at community. I experienced agitation and then deep peace after second decade. Prayed kneeling on kneeler and with eyes open.

Day 19: Today, I prayed three rosaries and a chaplet of Seven Sorrows. For this intention, I prayed on the kneeler and aloud. Practicing praying in French so I can lead rosaries at the meetings. Really, no feeling felt today. Feeling with prayer doesn’t mean you’re doing anything better. What matters is perseverance in prayer despite feeling! Each time I declared my intent for praying this rosary, I experienced strong affection.

Day 20: Prayed many rosaries today. Today, also I prayed in French. Noticing that when I pray aloud, I lose reverence.

Day 21: Prayed aloud, in French, kneeling and in chapel.

Day 22: I stumbled into unintentional sin today. It often happens after my faith is incredibly edified. It is interesting how much power that chastity and holiness imbues within the body. I persevered despite this sin. I prayed completely prostrate and aloud and still on sore knees.

Day 23: Noticing that meditation and concentration is stifled when recovering from sin. Even unintentional. As though it makes you literally unclean. I prayed prostrate, in French, aloud and with my eyes open.

Day 24: Prayed two rosaries today. First was at the Legion meeting. Second was after Mass until 9PM. What a beautiful rosary! Following, I felt communion with Jehovah was restored. I was able to open my heart to Him again. Kneeling, in French, eyes glued.

Day 25: Before bed. In a bit of a rush. Cued by this incredible and docile peace, which captures me after praying some time, I fell into a kind of trance. What a glorious burn this is. My heart feels prepared to explode! Of love! I prayed for God to allow me the ability to simply let go. I love my enemies. Thank you for making me suffer.

Day 26: Love! Love! Love! My heart is about to collapse of exhaustion. I have been carrying this burden for so long. Oh dear! Let go. I am letting go. I surrender to you, God. Beloved God. I know you love the ones who hurt me as much as you love me. I ask for them to see the truth. I also ask for the grace to forgive myself.

Day 27: Kneeling, completely abandoned. I prayed in French. I forgive myself. I am a good person. I deserve love. I deserve hope. I am worthy.

Day 28: Praying for the ones I have hurt to see the truth as well. For their blessing and peace, happiness and for their forgiveness. Prayed also to cast the bitterness and anger and fear I feel back onto the cross. Take it, LORD. I am yours!

Day 29: Length between the prayers is extending. I am meditating more. This burn within my heart is practically and wonderfully unbearable. Noticing, following each Hail Mary, I spend time with Jehovah in open and friendly prayer.

Day 30: This is what prayer is about. It’s not about saying words. It’s not about meeting a deadline. It’s not about repetition. Real prayer is about love. In opening your heart to Jehovah. I can’t believe how much joy is filling my heart. I feel hope again. This burning is like incense in my heart. I now pray the rosary in French. I believe that I will continue praying on my knees. A physical testament to love, devotion and reverence. I love you, enemies. I love you whoever you are. It will come as a shock to me to discover your identity. It is not reciprocal. May Jehovah of Armies bless you and keep you. May He help you with your own bitterness. Maybe it could help to do a rosary challenge of praying a daily rosary, kneeling and for the intention of forgiveness. What do you think? God bless you!