The problem of envy:
This has been a problem, which has contaminated the joy of
my life for far too many years. I am resolving not to allow it to rob me of my
joy anymore. It’s been a marker in my life for decades. Since the injury that
happened to me, in fact. Even before, even in my childhood, I can pinpoint
specific moments when other kids would say something – something off. And of
course, the literally countless of adults who during the course of my childhood
poured their wrath and sexual frustration upon me. Even I recognize the fact
that it has spiritual origins. For even in the time I spent in the Kingdom of
Heaven, many angels and celestial beings even paraded their envy over me. I
recognize its catalyst. It is in my identity. It’s in who I am to Jehovah. It
started off slowly. Especially, following the movie that was created about me.
Since then, other men have constantly had a measuring rod in their hands poised
and ready to test my manhood, my education, my faith, my strength. Good Lord!
Women have been, even prior to all of my sin coming out, very cruel to me. This
in addition to the fact that the reason my sin is being brought forth is only
because satan is trying to destroy me. If I am inculpable, why in all justice
and fairness, would my sin be revealed before the sin that caused it? No, here is the cause. Here is the catalyst:
Satan has been seeking my destruction since before I was an infant. This is the
reason for all of the trauma I endured as an infant. You may say holiness doesn’t
attract evil. You’d be wrong. Simply look at narcissists. My abusers were the
primest example. In later years and after the revelation of my identity, this
envy has become manifest in actively suppressing my spirit. Those in charge
have been preventing me from getting a job, have illegally given me a criminal
record, illegally removed my criminal record of child abuse complaints in my
case, have prevented me from getting a girlfriend and wife, have robbed me of
my wife, have prevented me from moving from their state monitored home, placed
cameras in my bedroom, espionage tools into my devices, constantly poisoned my
take out and dine in food and beverage. You can tell me to get a job. Nobody
will really give me a job. I cannot even get factory work. I am not
complaining. This all has a very specific end. I am worried about that end.
Because what begins in envy is not of God. Any money I have made from my books
has all been robbed. Somebody is preventing my new literature from being
published. I am not accusing anyone. I am learning to accept the fact that
every new individual I encounter believes me to be the worst things a human can
possibly be because of the mistakes of my childhood. You think I don't deserve
God's blessings because of my sins. I was not raised Christian. Also, wait for
the big unveiling. There's a skeleton in everybody's closet. ;) Actually, in
spite of this roadblock, I have gone far in writing very epic pieces of
literature and creating a small business of my own. What can I say? What’s to
be done? I am against a terribly large wall.
Every time my eyes even glance at a woman, men who are with
that woman inform her as though I have committed the most terrible of violation
against her, somehow justifying this man as a brilliant white knight riding in
on the sunset. I am not complaining. I am simply saying, if I am inculpable,
what is the question? We will see. Friends of envious nature. You are trying to
prove me a sinner because you are bitter and envious of my blessings. You see
what Jehovah has blessed me with and you say, ‘but he’s sinned so much. How is
it God blesses him so much?’ It’s more than that. You then ask, ‘Why hasn’t God
blessed me as much when I haven’t committed as many sin? You’re blinded because
you cannot see the fact that I am inculpable for the sin of most of my life. So
blinded, you can’t see that Jehovah has clearly chosen me from before my birth.
If you believe works-based salvation, you would believe me even more. In
addition, wait until the world’s secret sin is revealed. You do believe I am
evil because you hear about the sin of my childhood. Even though you completely
ignore who I have been for the past five years. Really ten years. I say five
for your sake because I was still very wounded ten years ago. Even though I was
completely righteous. Friends, judge for yourselves if it is morally well for
the world to collaborate to have abusers who from the day of a child’s birth,
plotted for its destruction, to confront that child with the way it reacted
after their maltreatment. They believe if they can get me angry, it justifies
them. It's demonic narcissism at its worst. I am surprised the rational
thinking world cannot see through this. I believe it’s really a result of my
politics that you are so threatened by me. Allow me once again to be clear, I
am not a politician. And I have not said anything about my politics for a while
publicly. Nothing justifies satanically abusing a child. And the anger this
child will feel is completely justified. In spite of it, you will not get me
angry. Jehovah is on my side. And He is not on your side. I’ll sit still while
the children wail and moan at me and have their tantrum. I don’t say this to
insult you. But, it’s kind of true isn’t it? You are nothing more than children
who have been spoiled. This stuff warps consciences. What I don’t understand is
why you think I want you to hurt me further for having an opinion? I feel like
Jehanne D’Arc. Rather, I am beginning to see what was really happening there.
Men are evil. Evil as can be. Even religious. Especially religious. You see, someone
came along, a child, a woman who challenged their entire notion of faith. More
than faith. She challenged their notion of authority. They wouldn’t stand for
it. They burned her to death and destroyed every evidence of her existence. God
preserved her heart from the flames. You know what man, in all of his wisdom
and might did? They chucked it into the river. Friends, there is forgiveness.
There is peace. Envy is not the solution. The solution to my story does not
have to be a bloody death. It can still be glorious. Glorious as can be. All it
will take is a little repentance. World, church, now is the time to repent.
Actually, I say especially to the Church, who when I sought protection and
help, they placed me into the state sponsored, camera house and actually did
all of the suppression of my spirit. Church, you don’t need to be in the
business of making martyrs. By and from the church. Your business is in saving
souls. Things can still be glorious. Glorious as can be. We just need to
repent.
Envy is as serious a mortal sin as murder.
I have not yet been able to discern whether it is true that
the clergy are in fact broadcasting my sin matter in confession. For some time,
I questioned that it may have simply been due to the fact that I was carrying
my ‘smart phone’ into confession with me. Those who hear this, let it be a
warning to you as well. I hoped upon hope that it was not actually the clergy
who were revealing my sin matter. Then, I began to reflect upon the many times
in a place where I was encouraged not to use my phone, received confession and
all of a sudden, people were giving me angry looks and making snide comments
that seemed impossible for them to have insight into. I remembered the
countless times when going into confession, hearing strange buzzing sounds and
once, even having a priest ask me to repeat my name as he refocused his watch
face in my direction. You try to justify it by the nature of my sin. This
violates the seal of confession. Since it happens with nearly every priest I
visit for the past ten years, I have been able to discern it is not an
individual problem with priesthood. Rather, that it must in fact be a problem
higher up, within the ranks of the church. Perhaps even that the Church
hierarchy is being influenced and pressured by state officials. And look, I
happen to love my church very much. Even though the direction she has been
taking for the past fifty years has been contrary to what Jehovah intends for
her. I’ll say that you believe the blessing of Jehovah to come through the
Church hierarchy because you are worldly Christians. For if we see the
hierarchy being filled to the brim with corruption, this kind of flattens the
theory that blessings come from the Church, doesn’t it? I believe in the
hierarchy. I just wonder if it is in the healthiest position right now. This is
the reason they are trying to make heresy out of my common sense while they
advocate communism and try to implement modernism into the heart of Catholicism.
It’s the reason they try to censor me at every available turn and why they silence
me now. Brothers and sisters in the laity, I warn you, solemnly and soberly, if
you do not stand up against this, it won’t be long until they are recording
every single confession that is viewed as a threat to the state.
Even, kind of, the fact that you have all usurped my writing
instruments and electronic devices is based in envy, isn’t it? Humiliation if
anything else. For, using common sense, if we, as a society, were to travel
back in time a couple of years, prior to this communistic takeover, who would
sensibly judge anyone for what they wrote in their private journals? You would think
it would stop there. In fact, people I know and trust have quite often broken
into my private and locked possessions to spy out my thoughts and ideas. It has
often caused confusion, unnecessary confusion, because in my private journals,
I keep my healing process. This envy is evident in almost every blessing I have
received. In terms of my writing, the platform on which I publish my books
doesn’t pay me. And when they do, they drastically under-pay me. In terms of my
brilliance in chess, it seems as though the entirety of each platform I use
have targeted me in order to adapt to the way I play and make sure they can
beat me. Even when I literally create new openings, they band together to
counter them. Maybe it is merited in terms of the chess. I was pretty brazenly
and unproductively competitive in past. I have since learned my place and have
repented and amended my ways for nearly seven years. There is no crime in
competition.
When I was a child, I was hit in the face by a foul ball at
the SkyDome. For this reason, nets were raised higher behind home plate. It
happened when my abuser was molesting me. This is why I could not see the ball
coming. Afterwards, baseball staff came to the place where I was living and
asked me what they could do for me. I remember saying nothing, while another
abuser nodded approvingly. It’s what I was raised for. I was raised to not care
a thing about my needs. It affects the conscience. It do. And if you can’t see
this, maybe you are the one with mental illness. Or heart illness. I am not
that child anymore. I am deserving of love. I am deserving of hope and good
things. If you knew what I endured my entire childhood, your envy would shrivel
up pretty quickly. Oh wait. You do know. You just refuse to acknowledge it.
Anyways, I remember mentioning this incident to a brother Catholic who cringed
at the thought. I wish I knew why my brothers and sisters in the faith desire
to deprive me of every good thing. For even I know the source of all of this
suppression of my spirit and hostility towards me has its origins in the top of
the Church.
Many years ago, I learned the fact that God loves me, in
spite of anything I could possibly do or say. And it’s a good thing. This free
gift is available to all. And the worker who began his work in the beginning,
will be paid the same wages as the worker who was hired in the final hour. The
wages spoken of is eternity. It is no mystery that God chooses some and His
grace is greater for some than others. I get the impression that people feel as
though I don’t deserve God’s grace and favor because of my sins. Am I right? To
these people, I pray for. I empathize with you as well. It cannot be comforting
to know that you have worked for your whole life and to see this hardened guy
come in the scene and be rewarded so much. I hear you. I am the first to acknowledge
your concerns. Now, this is my perspective: God anointed me before I was born.
No one says you have to believe private revelation. But this is just my faith
and story. If God wants to make it known, He certainly will. Everything I
suffered was for His glory and for this purpose. I have protested this to God
Himself. Every time that I protest, His answer is the same. Whether I like it
or not, the suffering of my childhood was endured for the glory of God. God can
see in the crevices of our hearts and in every area, the places where humans
don’t know to look, when judging. Again, just my faith. Not to mention, with
tenderness and respect, the reason my sins are being revealed now is because
satan wants to silence me. Can I tell you something? When these sins of mine
started coming forward, a lot of my heavenly support ceased. God the Father had
to tell these heavenly beings the truth, the nature and importance of a
foundation, a childhood rooted in God. After He did this, these same angels
returned to me and sought again to help me. The only thing that separates me
from this is truth. Politics is unimportant. Jesus, well, it is important. But
it is not the most important. Place God where He belongs. One other thing, to
these people who are jealous of me, I say this: wait until the secret sins are
unveiled. I do not say this to scare you. I pray that you will come to see how
great a blessing this is of God. Truly, the greatest act of mercy since the
cross. Grace, friends. Our salvation, the reason we love, the reason we hope.
It’s a free gift. Say yes. Envy, while not a sin, will always lead to sinful
action. Watch your heart. God chose me even if everyone else condemned me. My
message is not in what I say. Who I am is more important than what I say. It is
the reason I push over when people say things even contrary to what I believe.
It’s the reason I submit to your subtle humiliations and diatribes. Everything
you need to know will be made clear after this is over. Everything. Every
vindication. Every justification. It’s part of the reason I keep saying you
will have a surprise. You certainly will. Truth makes sense of everything. Not
what I say. Not what I do. You could make me confess everything you desire.
Truth liberates and vindicates me entirely. As a matter of fact, these efforts
will only serve to prove you fools. I am not taunting you. Only a wounded ego
would think it. I was assaulted today after people forgot again. How much
longer will you wait? They are going to crucify me. They resent me because I
possess a higher knowledge. I possess a wisdom that is not of the earth. It
threatens their PhD’s and doctorates. Huh? It’s why you won’t let me make money
off of my books. Huh?
You're still thinking that who we are is about what we do or
say. Do you think that by saying this, I am advocating a sinful lifestyle?
Anyone who knows me, knows that is absurd as you can judge by my current holy
lifestyle. What I am saying is that to God, our core identities are worth so
much more. As God sees our hearts, our most wild and perfect potential. The
concept of work-based salvation sets up faithful in competition against
themselves. This is why grace is such a fundamental aspect of the faith. None
of us can earn merits with God. We have all fallen dreadfully, dreadfully short
of His commandments. The fact He has chosen us is a beautiful gift. Gratitude,
dear friends. Gratitude is the solution for what you are feeling. How Jehovah
views us is not earthly minded. While yes, we can develop in our relationship
with Him, that we belong to a club, eat something or even that we are baptized
are not important to Him. Jehovah sees the heart.
Is it because of my politics that you would have me
humiliated? Or is it only envy? God bless you. I forgive you. Check the
location of your worship. What happens when the shepherd is envious? What
happens to the rest of the flock? I’d like to ask a question of you. I would
like for you to think hard about it. Not for me. Not because I asked you to but
for your own health and sense of well-being. When you worship and I enter the
church, what goes on in your head? Imagine this situation at a time when people
are especially upset with me. What happens to your heart when you see me
receive the Eucharist along with you? Does it perturb you? Do you feel like I
don’t deserve to be in God’s grace? Do you feel like you are better than me? A
little? Maybe a little? Your focus should be upon Jehovah in this instant. The
Holy Mass and homily needs to be about Jesus and Jehovah. Not me. Not me. In
any way. Do you really believe that it is my sin that separates me from
Jehovah? Which makes me lesser than you? Do you really believe Jehovah does not
forgive me? Maybe this says something not about me. Maybe it says something
about you and your heart. Do you think it may be true? When you’re in the
church and you see me enter, are you focused on God or are you looking and
searching for me to do something faux pas that you can say, ‘A-ha!’ I am not
scolding. If this is you, there is no judgement. I understand. I am simply
trying to show you that our feelings, how we feel is a reaction that no one has
accountability for but ourselves. We and we alone are responsible for our
feelings. What we do with them especially. This is only our choice. I say this
to encourage you not to allow your envy to overwhelm you to the point of
bloodlust. You must know that none of this is intentional. The delay. The
taunting. I don’t know what to do with the envy. It is weird. Again, if you
knew what I endured, there would be no room. Get ahold of yourselves, man. It’s
not my choice any more than it is yours. Control your feelings. When we are in
ignorance, there is forgiveness. When we know, there is no longer excuse.
Don’t let the world let you become a bully. Or worse: a
murderer. I know it’s difficult. The wait. The shock every time that God
reveals my truth again. I know you are running out of patience. It’s hard for
me too. I am scared to death. I don’t want to be crucified. Regardless of what
I have said in the past, regardless of what the church ‘officials’ and world ‘officials’
are saying, I really do not want to suffer more. If it happen, let God’s will
be done. You need to know, if that’s the case, it will not be me who is asking
for it. If I am inculpable, what is the question? If that is the case, you need
to know that God never willed for me to suffer more. In fact, He wanted to
elevate me to leadership. Because your leadership is faltering so terribly. This
is not intentional. Satan tries to destroy me. There are different people
inside of me. If you desire me to be silent, you have got to make it very clear
to me. I don’t remember anyone telling me or giving me any direction. Again, I
ask you, laity, Church, don’t let yourselves become murderers and bullies. It
may be a good question to ask who is making you feel this envy? Who is making
you feel this contempt? For me, there are two possibilities. Among many
tertiary possibilities. Those envious of me or my abusers. Either way, do you
know that its source is from satan? Are you going to allow authorities to
crucify a man who is inculpable and innocent? I don’t need to be a prophet to
tell you this is not the role of the faithful authority. Please don’t hurt me.
Just a very disabled man, writing into his private journal with similar beliefs
to over half the free world. Yes I said over half for a reason...
You think I am proud, that I think I am better and boasting.
I am traumatized. Gosh, how can I explain to you that life affects us? I am
proud. I am proud of the mission God sent me on, of who God says I am. Maybe I
am going about this all the wrong way. I don't know what to do with people's
envy. With the fact that everybody is forgetting everything I have said. When
people realize, it's quite alarming, friends.
Even still, I started to recognize the fact that the periods
of social amnesia over which they forgot about what I had endured were being
more frequent and more intense. I noticed that people’s outright envy and
frustration with me were increasing. I realized why I was seeking vocation. I
also visited Toronto again. Here, I started to realize some things. Ever since
my long stay with the community, I had clung to the thought of a very special
woman. I heard a couple of voices telling me that if I have faith, I am already
married. I’ve faith that I have a wife who waits for me.
All that I am doing and advocating is in maintaining the
values established by 2000 years of Church teaching. All I am doing is
defending tradition. I am very weak guys. There is nothing worldly to be
jealous of. I am a simple man, humble and weak. And very, very disabled I don’t
really have anything. All that I possess are the heavenly blessings God has
bestowed upon me. Even these are untapped mostly because of the childhood I
endured for God. Talents and blessings are nurtured and grown in love. Healthy love.
Is jealousy a good aim for Christianity? Have mercy on me. I cannot help the
fact that people spy on me. It is not a choice I have ever made. I don’t
understand why you want to hurt me. You need to tell me very clearly, what you
want me to do. Do you want me to be quiet? Nobody has told me. So, I shall keep
talking. And if you hurt me, you need to know that it will not be a result of
my decision. And if I am inculpable, it will not even be a result of my sin.
Where is this will coming from? If it were for the good of
humanity, you would know it is not going to be fruitful. You can force joy and
happiness. It will not be true. My guess is that it is coming from a place of
envy. Our Lord left the 99 to attend to the 1. Is it His will to murder even
for the benefit of all? Is it Christian to want to murder because we have a
disagreement? God is merciful. Without my forgiveness, there will be no
blessing or healing for the world. You can try to force it. It will not be true
because it will not penetrate. It will happen so that the world will not have a
broken heart. Again, if I am inculpable, what reason would there be to put me
through that?
Listen to me: If you have access to this computer (I have no
idea how it is possible nor have I consented to it) listen: I am meant to die.
I am not meant to do big things. God’s plan A in my life was that I was to do
big things when I was younger. Actually, I am certain that I was to receive
every blessing of the spirit after the injury that happened to me. Because I
couldn’t overcome then, this is God’s plan B. Because He knows I am a threat.
He was trying to protect me. This is the will of God from the Father. I was
intended to live and die simply. I wrote a book. Yes, it was a lot of
information. Listen, if it sheds a negative light on others, what can I say? I
was only telling my truth. This was always Jehovah’s will for me. That I tell
the truth about what happened to me. The only other thing that Jehovah asked of
me was that I be happy at my death. I will admit freely others could have done
the job better than I. I will refute the probability that anyone who, having
been through what I endured, could even live up to the point I am at now. Under
the same circumstances. My identity is mine. Whether I like it or not, the
suffering of my childhood was consecrated for God, for all of you, in holiness.
But life affects people. This was the reason I was sent. To bring this message.
Along with a lot more. It’s not hard for me to see how a man who loses his leg,
might not grow that leg back. The same principle is true of emotional and
psychological wounds. At times, which can be as serious as the severed limb. Without
Jesus, these are impossible to heal. And with Jesus, their scars may still be
tangible. The truth would come at my death. What God does with my death is His
business. Know that it is not the end and God is King over even death. But, I
am beginning to wonder why you think it is God’s will for me to be put to
death? This originates with the same place as does the envy. Why do you think
this is the will of God? The only reason they want to kill me is because of
their envy. Again, if I am inculpable, why would I be held accountable? Even if
there is an intent to let me live in peace, people will simply keep forgetting
what I am saying. I have seen how angry people become when they forget what I
have been through. I believe that the Spirit of Jehovah can heal me. I was
intended to overcome during the coma. Because I couldn’t, I am still stressed
with the unprocessed trauma and set of open wounds that I obtained during
childhood and adolescence. I didn’t overcome because I felt unworthy. Because
trusting to me felt like accepting death. Yes, to be a disciple of Christ we
need to pick up our crosses and follow Him in suffering. What you are not
considering is that I bore a massive cross in my childhood. I do not have a
foundation. I am very weak. I am small. When we do not entrust our suffering to
God, during that suffering, it gives rise to all kind of pain. Unprocessed
suffering, ten years after, twenty years after, fifty years after that
suffering, is still an open wound because it has not allowed the finger of God
to touch and heal it. Unless you learn to suffer in God, the suffering will
remain unprocessed. I am learning to suffer in God. I have a lot of unlearning
to do. You are not hearing me. I am not looking for power. I want to help with
some insight that I have. But I know my fate. Because I have faith in God’s
ability to lift up even death. Don’t let envy guide you. None of this is your
responsibility. You have been extremely gracious to me. But what they try to do
to me, in the state that I am in, is intended for my destruction. Be attentive.
Wake up. Do you understand why I have been chosen as a sacrifice? It is
precisely because I am frail. There are many others who are stronger than me
for that task. The reason they choose me is because they know I am weak. Do you
not realize what is happening? It is not Christian to kill someone because they
think differently than you. It is not Christian to wound a wounded person. My
message is that children need love. Ponder it. I will submit to what you choose.
I am not your political sacrifice. If this is for the good of humanity, there
are a great many others, physically and emotionally well to do this. Why would
you choose a crippled man to accomplish this? There could only be one reason. And it is not born in virtue. You did not
even want to do that to my abusers because they were old. I am physically and
emotionally crippled!
The test of holiness is not how we interact with the world.
We are all sinners. Though it is influenced by these things, holiness is not
dependent either our piety or prayer. The test of holiness is entirely the
grace of God. Let love and humility and kindness be contests. But do not let
envy interrupt our love and kindness. Holiness and God's grace are not
contests. Let us rejoice with our brother or sister in their cause for
rejoicing. Just as we are called to mourn with they who grieve. Let us also rejoice
in our election and salvation, which were given to us as a free gift. What a
beautiful gift? We work for God and for others out of love. We work love
because He has loved us first.
Thankful for people’s jealousy. I am here to serve. But the
blessings are mine. Jehovah given. I truly believe that the reason you are all
so jealous is first of all that truth about what happened to me is still
obscured. If truth came out, there would be no possible way for you to commit a
mortal sin of envy. Secondly, I think that the head, the chief, so to speak is
jealous. This is, kind of, guiding all of your moral compasses. What sort of
shepherd is jealous of one of his faithful flock? You still believe that the
love of God, the grace of God is something to work for. Yes, while true, grace
is a free gift. We work in love because we have received love.
“Because what is holiness but the merciful love of God
poured into our hearts? For Therese, that is the true and greatest holiness.
Moreover, such holiness is not a human work, but rather, God’s work, a work of
Divine Mercy rushing down to the lowest place.” – Fr. Michael Gaitley, 33 Days
to Merciful Love.
Look, I am not complaining. Nor am I trying to make you feel
badly. I recognize that it may not even be under your control. This said, for
those of you whose control it is under, check yourself. Get ahold of your
feelings. I say it to show you what I am up against. I have told you before.
Satan is seeking my soul. He desires to quell it. I need help. Please don’t
help satan destroy my soul.
Jesus, I am recognizing that it is not only envy that you
are feeling. Everybody has pain and unprocessed suffering. You are just lost in
your own pain. I am sorry for how I have been acting regarding seeing people
jealous of me. The best apology is changed behavior. I will be more attentive
of your feelings. Yes, God’s grace chooses individuals to accomplish His will.
I am His servant. I want to encourage you. Do you not realize the amazing and
incredible gift God has in store for you all who choose Him? I have seen
Heaven. There, I will tell you that there is not even a moment given to
thinking on what others possess or the glory that they have been given. This is
not because sin doesn’t exist in Heaven. You know why it is? It’s because
regardless of what others have, we are going to be so vastly full and filled
with love and everything that our little, precious hearts could desire. God
will give us everything we can imagine! Church, take heart. God loves you with
a strong, strong love. He desires you to have a taste of heaven. He desires
this for those who still have not made up their minds. You, those who have
always stood next to the Father, will be given strong places of honor. He wants
you to know how proud He is of you. You are His first born child. Be strong. He
loves you beyond words. And healing is coming. After the healing, this taste of
heaven will leave a pleasing odor in the air after it. God has His hand on
everything in the world now. I might not be doing the greatest job of showing
that religion is not as important to God as what is on the heart. God desires
every one of His children to run towards Him, His embrace. Muslim, Jew, Mormon,
we are all children of God who proclaim love. Jesus is the Messiah of love. He
is the King of that love. There are not black people. There are not white
people. There are no Asian people. To God, all that matters, is the love that
unites us. God loves you. He will wipe every tear from your eye. He will touch
you with His love. In that area of pain that you too, need to process.
Here’s the thing: what I suffered in childhood was for
Jehovah. The satanic abuse, whether you have your perspectives on it or not,
there is no question that life affects people. If Jehovah could save a child
from enduring this, what would make you think He would allow that sort of
behavior? This is evil. Jehovah does not condone it. That you think He would
suggests you might not really be His follower. Jehovah is a God of love first.
Especially for the children. The satanic abuse, in my case, was intended to
stumble me into destruction. It involved a lot of abuse and rape by women. Many
women. They were mostly witches. It happened for decades. But I ended up being
stuck with a handler who was quite relationally close to me. Your society has
no information on what happens to men after a childhood of mother rape. The
stats will come very quickly after truth is revealed. Sexualities can be wounded.
As a triumph, the only other thing Jehovah ever asked of me than to tell my
truth was to be happy at my death. Jehovah wanted me to experience passion. It
is envy that makes you want to deprive me of what my soul needs to liberate.
Even in university, whenever women would be speaking to me, other male students
would come up and try to steal that woman away from me. Even without context.
Envy is what makes you feel superior to me when you spy on me and see me doing
something that everybody else does almost daily. Well, I do it maybe once every
three months. By not doing it, is going against my human needs. Let your hearts
melt.
You are treating faith like a competition to avoid sin. It
is much more than that. The Eucharist as though a prize. I fell into your trap.
I too, became legalistic in my approach to faith. Going to confession countless
times for sins I was already forgiven for or inculpable for. An example of this
is a nocturnal emission. I became legalistic to the point of neglecting my
human needs. I need to remember that it is God’s will that I experience passion
before my death. It’s the only thing other than telling my truth that He wanted
me to do. Was to be happy and do so by experiencing passion. There doesn’t seem
to be a single woman in the world at the moment, whole enough to love me for
me. In spite of this, I am still looking. Since the end of my life is fast
approaching, judging by the speed at which you forget and Satan tries to
destroy me, I’m just trying to fill my needs. If I cannot do it with a woman,
because of emotional brokenness on their part, I will seek other means. Even
pornography for me is not mortal sin. Aside from the fact that I am a king. You
know it to be true. Because of the nature of my childhood, God wanted me to be
happy. And for me, it is a matter of life and death. There is a contract over
my soul to satan that I never experience passion. It’s because of what I
suffered for God. How can I know this for certain? God tells me. He’s told me
since I was a youngster. I didn’t even comprehend what love was prior to going
to the religious community, much less know how to offer it. So, really not one
of the opportunities I had before that was practical and a real opportunity.
God show you. He will. God judge between us.
This is not about personal gratification. It's about
consolation and comfort. It's about compassion and not law. Let us examine
cases by cases. A man sexually traumatized in childhood is brought up thinking
sexuality is for evil. God wants us to be happy. Sexuality is not only about
procreation. You say yourselves it's about joy. How much more would God want
someone who has been sexually traumatized all their lives to be happy. Even in
that regard. Regarding this sexual revolution business I am speaking about.
There is a reason for everything. I'll share it with you. It's part of the
restoration and the Era of Peace. God doesn't like seeing His children being
overwhelmed by foreign cultures and other Gods. This is the reason for sexual
liberation. Within marriage, sure. People need to get married a lot more. When
healing comes, this will happen naturally. When the truth comes out.. ;)
What is sin? Some sins are not as mortal for other people.
Sins of a sexual nature are not as sinful for me because of what I endured
growing up. Yep, there have been many sins I have committed. I confessed them
all. Certain sins are not culpable for me. Even premarital sex is not sinful. I
await to see if this is a circumstantial situation for me only. Because of what
I endured growing up. Wait. You'll see. God will prove it. Guys, why do you
think God wants to hinder love? There is no sin in curiosity. In spite of the
fact that I don't even think masturbation is a mortal sin for me, I remain
completely chaste over five years.
My teaching
about sexuality may seem counter-Biblical and supplementary. It isn't. It's a
matter of compassion. When we discover what is happening in the world, you may
just feel compassion for yourselves too. The pharisees lost God because their
hearts were hardened. Not because they followed tradition. You follow the
Bible. Do so with an open heart. I'm not trying to repress my sexuality. We all have sexualities. It is envy that makes you want to shame me. I am not ashamed of my humanness. Why are you? What you see me doing in my privacy is the same thing you do. In your guarded privacy. You're just too ashamed to admit it. So you focus on my sin. Precisely because it distracts you from your own sin. Think about it.
You still
believe faith and Jehovah are contests. Love for Jehovah is not a deathrace.
Have compassion. Don’t lead yourselves to destruction with your envy. If you were not envious, why wish me death?
