The problem of envy (Updated):

The problem of envy:

This has been a problem, which has contaminated the joy of my life for far too many years. I am resolving not to allow it to rob me of my joy anymore. It’s been a marker in my life for decades. Since the injury that happened to me, in fact. Even before, even in my childhood, I can pinpoint specific moments when other kids would say something – something off. And of course, the literally countless of adults who during the course of my childhood poured their wrath and sexual frustration upon me. Even I recognize the fact that it has spiritual origins. For even in the time I spent in the Kingdom of Heaven, many angels and celestial beings even paraded their envy over me. I recognize its catalyst. It is in my identity. It’s in who I am to Jehovah. It started off slowly. Especially, following the movie that was created about me. Since then, other men have constantly had a measuring rod in their hands poised and ready to test my manhood, my education, my faith, my strength. Good Lord! Women have been, even prior to all of my sin coming out, very cruel to me. This in addition to the fact that the reason my sin is being brought forth is only because satan is trying to destroy me. If I am inculpable, why in all justice and fairness, would my sin be revealed before the sin that caused it?  No, here is the cause. Here is the catalyst: Satan has been seeking my destruction since before I was an infant. This is the reason for all of the trauma I endured as an infant. You may say holiness doesn’t attract evil. You’d be wrong. Simply look at narcissists. My abusers were the primest example. In later years and after the revelation of my identity, this envy has become manifest in actively suppressing my spirit. Those in charge have been preventing me from getting a job, have illegally given me a criminal record, illegally removed my criminal record of child abuse complaints in my case, have prevented me from getting a girlfriend and wife, have robbed me of my wife, have prevented me from moving from their state monitored home, placed cameras in my bedroom, espionage tools into my devices, constantly poisoned my take out and dine in food and beverage. You can tell me to get a job. Nobody will really give me a job. I cannot even get factory work. I am not complaining. This all has a very specific end. I am worried about that end. Because what begins in envy is not of God. Any money I have made from my books has all been robbed. Somebody is preventing my new literature from being published. I am not accusing anyone. I am learning to accept the fact that every new individual I encounter believes me to be the worst things a human can possibly be because of the mistakes of my childhood. You think I don't deserve God's blessings because of my sins. I was not raised Christian. Also, wait for the big unveiling. There's a skeleton in everybody's closet. ;) Actually, in spite of this roadblock, I have gone far in writing very epic pieces of literature and creating a small business of my own. What can I say? What’s to be done? I am against a terribly large wall.

Every time my eyes even glance at a woman, men who are with that woman inform her as though I have committed the most terrible of violation against her, somehow justifying this man as a brilliant white knight riding in on the sunset. I am not complaining. I am simply saying, if I am inculpable, what is the question? We will see. Friends of envious nature. You are trying to prove me a sinner because you are bitter and envious of my blessings. You see what Jehovah has blessed me with and you say, ‘but he’s sinned so much. How is it God blesses him so much?’ It’s more than that. You then ask, ‘Why hasn’t God blessed me as much when I haven’t committed as many sin? You’re blinded because you cannot see the fact that I am inculpable for the sin of most of my life. So blinded, you can’t see that Jehovah has clearly chosen me from before my birth. If you believe works-based salvation, you would believe me even more. In addition, wait until the world’s secret sin is revealed. You do believe I am evil because you hear about the sin of my childhood. Even though you completely ignore who I have been for the past five years. Really ten years. I say five for your sake because I was still very wounded ten years ago. Even though I was completely righteous. Friends, judge for yourselves if it is morally well for the world to collaborate to have abusers who from the day of a child’s birth, plotted for its destruction, to confront that child with the way it reacted after their maltreatment. They believe if they can get me angry, it justifies them. It's demonic narcissism at its worst. I am surprised the rational thinking world cannot see through this. I believe it’s really a result of my politics that you are so threatened by me. Allow me once again to be clear, I am not a politician. And I have not said anything about my politics for a while publicly. Nothing justifies satanically abusing a child. And the anger this child will feel is completely justified. In spite of it, you will not get me angry. Jehovah is on my side. And He is not on your side. I’ll sit still while the children wail and moan at me and have their tantrum. I don’t say this to insult you. But, it’s kind of true isn’t it? You are nothing more than children who have been spoiled. This stuff warps consciences. What I don’t understand is why you think I want you to hurt me further for having an opinion? I feel like Jehanne D’Arc. Rather, I am beginning to see what was really happening there. Men are evil. Evil as can be. Even religious. Especially religious. You see, someone came along, a child, a woman who challenged their entire notion of faith. More than faith. She challenged their notion of authority. They wouldn’t stand for it. They burned her to death and destroyed every evidence of her existence. God preserved her heart from the flames. You know what man, in all of his wisdom and might did? They chucked it into the river. Friends, there is forgiveness. There is peace. Envy is not the solution. The solution to my story does not have to be a bloody death. It can still be glorious. Glorious as can be. All it will take is a little repentance. World, church, now is the time to repent. Actually, I say especially to the Church, who when I sought protection and help, they placed me into the state sponsored, camera house and actually did all of the suppression of my spirit. Church, you don’t need to be in the business of making martyrs. By and from the church. Your business is in saving souls. Things can still be glorious. Glorious as can be. We just need to repent.

Envy is as serious a mortal sin as murder.

I have not yet been able to discern whether it is true that the clergy are in fact broadcasting my sin matter in confession. For some time, I questioned that it may have simply been due to the fact that I was carrying my ‘smart phone’ into confession with me. Those who hear this, let it be a warning to you as well. I hoped upon hope that it was not actually the clergy who were revealing my sin matter. Then, I began to reflect upon the many times in a place where I was encouraged not to use my phone, received confession and all of a sudden, people were giving me angry looks and making snide comments that seemed impossible for them to have insight into. I remembered the countless times when going into confession, hearing strange buzzing sounds and once, even having a priest ask me to repeat my name as he refocused his watch face in my direction. You try to justify it by the nature of my sin. This violates the seal of confession. Since it happens with nearly every priest I visit for the past ten years, I have been able to discern it is not an individual problem with priesthood. Rather, that it must in fact be a problem higher up, within the ranks of the church. Perhaps even that the Church hierarchy is being influenced and pressured by state officials. And look, I happen to love my church very much. Even though the direction she has been taking for the past fifty years has been contrary to what Jehovah intends for her. I’ll say that you believe the blessing of Jehovah to come through the Church hierarchy because you are worldly Christians. For if we see the hierarchy being filled to the brim with corruption, this kind of flattens the theory that blessings come from the Church, doesn’t it? I believe in the hierarchy. I just wonder if it is in the healthiest position right now. This is the reason they are trying to make heresy out of my common sense while they advocate communism and try to implement modernism into the heart of Catholicism. It’s the reason they try to censor me at every available turn and why they silence me now. Brothers and sisters in the laity, I warn you, solemnly and soberly, if you do not stand up against this, it won’t be long until they are recording every single confession that is viewed as a threat to the state.

Even, kind of, the fact that you have all usurped my writing instruments and electronic devices is based in envy, isn’t it? Humiliation if anything else. For, using common sense, if we, as a society, were to travel back in time a couple of years, prior to this communistic takeover, who would sensibly judge anyone for what they wrote in their private journals? You would think it would stop there. In fact, people I know and trust have quite often broken into my private and locked possessions to spy out my thoughts and ideas. It has often caused confusion, unnecessary confusion, because in my private journals, I keep my healing process. This envy is evident in almost every blessing I have received. In terms of my writing, the platform on which I publish my books doesn’t pay me. And when they do, they drastically under-pay me. In terms of my brilliance in chess, it seems as though the entirety of each platform I use have targeted me in order to adapt to the way I play and make sure they can beat me. Even when I literally create new openings, they band together to counter them. Maybe it is merited in terms of the chess. I was pretty brazenly and unproductively competitive in past. I have since learned my place and have repented and amended my ways for nearly seven years. There is no crime in competition.

When I was a child, I was hit in the face by a foul ball at the SkyDome. For this reason, nets were raised higher behind home plate. It happened when my abuser was molesting me. This is why I could not see the ball coming. Afterwards, baseball staff came to the place where I was living and asked me what they could do for me. I remember saying nothing, while another abuser nodded approvingly. It’s what I was raised for. I was raised to not care a thing about my needs. It affects the conscience. It do. And if you can’t see this, maybe you are the one with mental illness. Or heart illness. I am not that child anymore. I am deserving of love. I am deserving of hope and good things. If you knew what I endured my entire childhood, your envy would shrivel up pretty quickly. Oh wait. You do know. You just refuse to acknowledge it. Anyways, I remember mentioning this incident to a brother Catholic who cringed at the thought. I wish I knew why my brothers and sisters in the faith desire to deprive me of every good thing. For even I know the source of all of this suppression of my spirit and hostility towards me has its origins in the top of the Church.

Many years ago, I learned the fact that God loves me, in spite of anything I could possibly do or say. And it’s a good thing. This free gift is available to all. And the worker who began his work in the beginning, will be paid the same wages as the worker who was hired in the final hour. The wages spoken of is eternity. It is no mystery that God chooses some and His grace is greater for some than others. I get the impression that people feel as though I don’t deserve God’s grace and favor because of my sins. Am I right? To these people, I pray for. I empathize with you as well. It cannot be comforting to know that you have worked for your whole life and to see this hardened guy come in the scene and be rewarded so much. I hear you. I am the first to acknowledge your concerns. Now, this is my perspective: God anointed me before I was born. No one says you have to believe private revelation. But this is just my faith and story. If God wants to make it known, He certainly will. Everything I suffered was for His glory and for this purpose. I have protested this to God Himself. Every time that I protest, His answer is the same. Whether I like it or not, the suffering of my childhood was endured for the glory of God. God can see in the crevices of our hearts and in every area, the places where humans don’t know to look, when judging. Again, just my faith. Not to mention, with tenderness and respect, the reason my sins are being revealed now is because satan wants to silence me. Can I tell you something? When these sins of mine started coming forward, a lot of my heavenly support ceased. God the Father had to tell these heavenly beings the truth, the nature and importance of a foundation, a childhood rooted in God. After He did this, these same angels returned to me and sought again to help me. The only thing that separates me from this is truth. Politics is unimportant. Jesus, well, it is important. But it is not the most important. Place God where He belongs. One other thing, to these people who are jealous of me, I say this: wait until the secret sins are unveiled. I do not say this to scare you. I pray that you will come to see how great a blessing this is of God. Truly, the greatest act of mercy since the cross. Grace, friends. Our salvation, the reason we love, the reason we hope. It’s a free gift. Say yes. Envy, while not a sin, will always lead to sinful action. Watch your heart. God chose me even if everyone else condemned me. My message is not in what I say. Who I am is more important than what I say. It is the reason I push over when people say things even contrary to what I believe. It’s the reason I submit to your subtle humiliations and diatribes. Everything you need to know will be made clear after this is over. Everything. Every vindication. Every justification. It’s part of the reason I keep saying you will have a surprise. You certainly will. Truth makes sense of everything. Not what I say. Not what I do. You could make me confess everything you desire. Truth liberates and vindicates me entirely. As a matter of fact, these efforts will only serve to prove you fools. I am not taunting you. Only a wounded ego would think it. I was assaulted today after people forgot again. How much longer will you wait? They are going to crucify me. They resent me because I possess a higher knowledge. I possess a wisdom that is not of the earth. It threatens their PhD’s and doctorates. Huh? It’s why you won’t let me make money off of my books. Huh?

You're still thinking that who we are is about what we do or say. Do you think that by saying this, I am advocating a sinful lifestyle? Anyone who knows me, knows that is absurd as you can judge by my current holy lifestyle. What I am saying is that to God, our core identities are worth so much more. As God sees our hearts, our most wild and perfect potential. The concept of work-based salvation sets up faithful in competition against themselves. This is why grace is such a fundamental aspect of the faith. None of us can earn merits with God. We have all fallen dreadfully, dreadfully short of His commandments. The fact He has chosen us is a beautiful gift. Gratitude, dear friends. Gratitude is the solution for what you are feeling. How Jehovah views us is not earthly minded. While yes, we can develop in our relationship with Him, that we belong to a club, eat something or even that we are baptized are not important to Him. Jehovah sees the heart. 

Is it because of my politics that you would have me humiliated? Or is it only envy? God bless you. I forgive you. Check the location of your worship. What happens when the shepherd is envious? What happens to the rest of the flock? I’d like to ask a question of you. I would like for you to think hard about it. Not for me. Not because I asked you to but for your own health and sense of well-being. When you worship and I enter the church, what goes on in your head? Imagine this situation at a time when people are especially upset with me. What happens to your heart when you see me receive the Eucharist along with you? Does it perturb you? Do you feel like I don’t deserve to be in God’s grace? Do you feel like you are better than me? A little? Maybe a little? Your focus should be upon Jehovah in this instant. The Holy Mass and homily needs to be about Jesus and Jehovah. Not me. Not me. In any way. Do you really believe that it is my sin that separates me from Jehovah? Which makes me lesser than you? Do you really believe Jehovah does not forgive me? Maybe this says something not about me. Maybe it says something about you and your heart. Do you think it may be true? When you’re in the church and you see me enter, are you focused on God or are you looking and searching for me to do something faux pas that you can say, ‘A-ha!’ I am not scolding. If this is you, there is no judgement. I understand. I am simply trying to show you that our feelings, how we feel is a reaction that no one has accountability for but ourselves. We and we alone are responsible for our feelings. What we do with them especially. This is only our choice. I say this to encourage you not to allow your envy to overwhelm you to the point of bloodlust. You must know that none of this is intentional. The delay. The taunting. I don’t know what to do with the envy. It is weird. Again, if you knew what I endured, there would be no room. Get ahold of yourselves, man. It’s not my choice any more than it is yours. Control your feelings. When we are in ignorance, there is forgiveness. When we know, there is no longer excuse.

Don’t let the world let you become a bully. Or worse: a murderer. I know it’s difficult. The wait. The shock every time that God reveals my truth again. I know you are running out of patience. It’s hard for me too. I am scared to death. I don’t want to be crucified. Regardless of what I have said in the past, regardless of what the church ‘officials’ and world ‘officials’ are saying, I really do not want to suffer more. If it happen, let God’s will be done. You need to know, if that’s the case, it will not be me who is asking for it. If I am inculpable, what is the question? If that is the case, you need to know that God never willed for me to suffer more. In fact, He wanted to elevate me to leadership. Because your leadership is faltering so terribly. This is not intentional. Satan tries to destroy me. There are different people inside of me. If you desire me to be silent, you have got to make it very clear to me. I don’t remember anyone telling me or giving me any direction. Again, I ask you, laity, Church, don’t let yourselves become murderers and bullies. It may be a good question to ask who is making you feel this envy? Who is making you feel this contempt? For me, there are two possibilities. Among many tertiary possibilities. Those envious of me or my abusers. Either way, do you know that its source is from satan? Are you going to allow authorities to crucify a man who is inculpable and innocent? I don’t need to be a prophet to tell you this is not the role of the faithful authority. Please don’t hurt me. Just a very disabled man, writing into his private journal with similar beliefs to over half the free world. Yes I said over half for a reason...

You think I am proud, that I think I am better and boasting. I am traumatized. Gosh, how can I explain to you that life affects us? I am proud. I am proud of the mission God sent me on, of who God says I am. Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way. I don't know what to do with people's envy. With the fact that everybody is forgetting everything I have said. When people realize, it's quite alarming, friends.

Even still, I started to recognize the fact that the periods of social amnesia over which they forgot about what I had endured were being more frequent and more intense. I noticed that people’s outright envy and frustration with me were increasing. I realized why I was seeking vocation. I also visited Toronto again. Here, I started to realize some things. Ever since my long stay with the community, I had clung to the thought of a very special woman. I heard a couple of voices telling me that if I have faith, I am already married. I’ve faith that I have a wife who waits for me.

All that I am doing and advocating is in maintaining the values established by 2000 years of Church teaching. All I am doing is defending tradition. I am very weak guys. There is nothing worldly to be jealous of. I am a simple man, humble and weak. And very, very disabled I don’t really have anything. All that I possess are the heavenly blessings God has bestowed upon me. Even these are untapped mostly because of the childhood I endured for God. Talents and blessings are nurtured and grown in love. Healthy love. Is jealousy a good aim for Christianity? Have mercy on me. I cannot help the fact that people spy on me. It is not a choice I have ever made. I don’t understand why you want to hurt me. You need to tell me very clearly, what you want me to do. Do you want me to be quiet? Nobody has told me. So, I shall keep talking. And if you hurt me, you need to know that it will not be a result of my decision. And if I am inculpable, it will not even be a result of my sin.

Where is this will coming from? If it were for the good of humanity, you would know it is not going to be fruitful. You can force joy and happiness. It will not be true. My guess is that it is coming from a place of envy. Our Lord left the 99 to attend to the 1. Is it His will to murder even for the benefit of all? Is it Christian to want to murder because we have a disagreement? God is merciful. Without my forgiveness, there will be no blessing or healing for the world. You can try to force it. It will not be true because it will not penetrate. It will happen so that the world will not have a broken heart. Again, if I am inculpable, what reason would there be to put me through that?

Listen to me: If you have access to this computer (I have no idea how it is possible nor have I consented to it) listen: I am meant to die. I am not meant to do big things. God’s plan A in my life was that I was to do big things when I was younger. Actually, I am certain that I was to receive every blessing of the spirit after the injury that happened to me. Because I couldn’t overcome then, this is God’s plan B. Because He knows I am a threat. He was trying to protect me. This is the will of God from the Father. I was intended to live and die simply. I wrote a book. Yes, it was a lot of information. Listen, if it sheds a negative light on others, what can I say? I was only telling my truth. This was always Jehovah’s will for me. That I tell the truth about what happened to me. The only other thing that Jehovah asked of me was that I be happy at my death. I will admit freely others could have done the job better than I. I will refute the probability that anyone who, having been through what I endured, could even live up to the point I am at now. Under the same circumstances. My identity is mine. Whether I like it or not, the suffering of my childhood was consecrated for God, for all of you, in holiness. But life affects people. This was the reason I was sent. To bring this message. Along with a lot more. It’s not hard for me to see how a man who loses his leg, might not grow that leg back. The same principle is true of emotional and psychological wounds. At times, which can be as serious as the severed limb. Without Jesus, these are impossible to heal. And with Jesus, their scars may still be tangible. The truth would come at my death. What God does with my death is His business. Know that it is not the end and God is King over even death. But, I am beginning to wonder why you think it is God’s will for me to be put to death? This originates with the same place as does the envy. Why do you think this is the will of God? The only reason they want to kill me is because of their envy. Again, if I am inculpable, why would I be held accountable? Even if there is an intent to let me live in peace, people will simply keep forgetting what I am saying. I have seen how angry people become when they forget what I have been through. I believe that the Spirit of Jehovah can heal me. I was intended to overcome during the coma. Because I couldn’t, I am still stressed with the unprocessed trauma and set of open wounds that I obtained during childhood and adolescence. I didn’t overcome because I felt unworthy. Because trusting to me felt like accepting death. Yes, to be a disciple of Christ we need to pick up our crosses and follow Him in suffering. What you are not considering is that I bore a massive cross in my childhood. I do not have a foundation. I am very weak. I am small. When we do not entrust our suffering to God, during that suffering, it gives rise to all kind of pain. Unprocessed suffering, ten years after, twenty years after, fifty years after that suffering, is still an open wound because it has not allowed the finger of God to touch and heal it. Unless you learn to suffer in God, the suffering will remain unprocessed. I am learning to suffer in God. I have a lot of unlearning to do. You are not hearing me. I am not looking for power. I want to help with some insight that I have. But I know my fate. Because I have faith in God’s ability to lift up even death. Don’t let envy guide you. None of this is your responsibility. You have been extremely gracious to me. But what they try to do to me, in the state that I am in, is intended for my destruction. Be attentive. Wake up. Do you understand why I have been chosen as a sacrifice? It is precisely because I am frail. There are many others who are stronger than me for that task. The reason they choose me is because they know I am weak. Do you not realize what is happening? It is not Christian to kill someone because they think differently than you. It is not Christian to wound a wounded person. My message is that children need love. Ponder it. I will submit to what you choose. I am not your political sacrifice. If this is for the good of humanity, there are a great many others, physically and emotionally well to do this. Why would you choose a crippled man to accomplish this? There could only be one reason.  And it is not born in virtue. You did not even want to do that to my abusers because they were old. I am physically and emotionally crippled!

The test of holiness is not how we interact with the world. We are all sinners. Though it is influenced by these things, holiness is not dependent either our piety or prayer. The test of holiness is entirely the grace of God. Let love and humility and kindness be contests. But do not let envy interrupt our love and kindness. Holiness and God's grace are not contests. Let us rejoice with our brother or sister in their cause for rejoicing. Just as we are called to mourn with they who grieve. Let us also rejoice in our election and salvation, which were given to us as a free gift. What a beautiful gift? We work for God and for others out of love. We work love because He has loved us first.

Thankful for people’s jealousy. I am here to serve. But the blessings are mine. Jehovah given. I truly believe that the reason you are all so jealous is first of all that truth about what happened to me is still obscured. If truth came out, there would be no possible way for you to commit a mortal sin of envy. Secondly, I think that the head, the chief, so to speak is jealous. This is, kind of, guiding all of your moral compasses. What sort of shepherd is jealous of one of his faithful flock? You still believe that the love of God, the grace of God is something to work for. Yes, while true, grace is a free gift. We work in love because we have received love.

“Because what is holiness but the merciful love of God poured into our hearts? For Therese, that is the true and greatest holiness. Moreover, such holiness is not a human work, but rather, God’s work, a work of Divine Mercy rushing down to the lowest place.” – Fr. Michael Gaitley, 33 Days to Merciful Love.

Look, I am not complaining. Nor am I trying to make you feel badly. I recognize that it may not even be under your control. This said, for those of you whose control it is under, check yourself. Get ahold of your feelings. I say it to show you what I am up against. I have told you before. Satan is seeking my soul. He desires to quell it. I need help. Please don’t help satan destroy my soul.

Jesus, I am recognizing that it is not only envy that you are feeling. Everybody has pain and unprocessed suffering. You are just lost in your own pain. I am sorry for how I have been acting regarding seeing people jealous of me. The best apology is changed behavior. I will be more attentive of your feelings. Yes, God’s grace chooses individuals to accomplish His will. I am His servant. I want to encourage you. Do you not realize the amazing and incredible gift God has in store for you all who choose Him? I have seen Heaven. There, I will tell you that there is not even a moment given to thinking on what others possess or the glory that they have been given. This is not because sin doesn’t exist in Heaven. You know why it is? It’s because regardless of what others have, we are going to be so vastly full and filled with love and everything that our little, precious hearts could desire. God will give us everything we can imagine! Church, take heart. God loves you with a strong, strong love. He desires you to have a taste of heaven. He desires this for those who still have not made up their minds. You, those who have always stood next to the Father, will be given strong places of honor. He wants you to know how proud He is of you. You are His first born child. Be strong. He loves you beyond words. And healing is coming. After the healing, this taste of heaven will leave a pleasing odor in the air after it. God has His hand on everything in the world now. I might not be doing the greatest job of showing that religion is not as important to God as what is on the heart. God desires every one of His children to run towards Him, His embrace. Muslim, Jew, Mormon, we are all children of God who proclaim love. Jesus is the Messiah of love. He is the King of that love. There are not black people. There are not white people. There are no Asian people. To God, all that matters, is the love that unites us. God loves you. He will wipe every tear from your eye. He will touch you with His love. In that area of pain that you too, need to process.

Here’s the thing: what I suffered in childhood was for Jehovah. The satanic abuse, whether you have your perspectives on it or not, there is no question that life affects people. If Jehovah could save a child from enduring this, what would make you think He would allow that sort of behavior? This is evil. Jehovah does not condone it. That you think He would suggests you might not really be His follower. Jehovah is a God of love first. Especially for the children. The satanic abuse, in my case, was intended to stumble me into destruction. It involved a lot of abuse and rape by women. Many women. They were mostly witches. It happened for decades. But I ended up being stuck with a handler who was quite relationally close to me. Your society has no information on what happens to men after a childhood of mother rape. The stats will come very quickly after truth is revealed. Sexualities can be wounded. As a triumph, the only other thing Jehovah ever asked of me than to tell my truth was to be happy at my death. Jehovah wanted me to experience passion. It is envy that makes you want to deprive me of what my soul needs to liberate. Even in university, whenever women would be speaking to me, other male students would come up and try to steal that woman away from me. Even without context. Envy is what makes you feel superior to me when you spy on me and see me doing something that everybody else does almost daily. Well, I do it maybe once every three months. By not doing it, is going against my human needs. Let your hearts melt.

You are treating faith like a competition to avoid sin. It is much more than that. The Eucharist as though a prize. I fell into your trap. I too, became legalistic in my approach to faith. Going to confession countless times for sins I was already forgiven for or inculpable for. An example of this is a nocturnal emission. I became legalistic to the point of neglecting my human needs. I need to remember that it is God’s will that I experience passion before my death. It’s the only thing other than telling my truth that He wanted me to do. Was to be happy and do so by experiencing passion. There doesn’t seem to be a single woman in the world at the moment, whole enough to love me for me. In spite of this, I am still looking. Since the end of my life is fast approaching, judging by the speed at which you forget and Satan tries to destroy me, I’m just trying to fill my needs. If I cannot do it with a woman, because of emotional brokenness on their part, I will seek other means. Even pornography for me is not mortal sin. Aside from the fact that I am a king. You know it to be true. Because of the nature of my childhood, God wanted me to be happy. And for me, it is a matter of life and death. There is a contract over my soul to satan that I never experience passion. It’s because of what I suffered for God. How can I know this for certain? God tells me. He’s told me since I was a youngster. I didn’t even comprehend what love was prior to going to the religious community, much less know how to offer it. So, really not one of the opportunities I had before that was practical and a real opportunity. God show you. He will. God judge between us.

This is not about personal gratification. It's about consolation and comfort. It's about compassion and not law. Let us examine cases by cases. A man sexually traumatized in childhood is brought up thinking sexuality is for evil. God wants us to be happy. Sexuality is not only about procreation. You say yourselves it's about joy. How much more would God want someone who has been sexually traumatized all their lives to be happy. Even in that regard. Regarding this sexual revolution business I am speaking about. There is a reason for everything. I'll share it with you. It's part of the restoration and the Era of Peace. God doesn't like seeing His children being overwhelmed by foreign cultures and other Gods. This is the reason for sexual liberation. Within marriage, sure. People need to get married a lot more. When healing comes, this will happen naturally. When the truth comes out.. ;)

What is sin? Some sins are not as mortal for other people. Sins of a sexual nature are not as sinful for me because of what I endured growing up. Yep, there have been many sins I have committed. I confessed them all. Certain sins are not culpable for me. Even premarital sex is not sinful. I await to see if this is a circumstantial situation for me only. Because of what I endured growing up. Wait. You'll see. God will prove it. Guys, why do you think God wants to hinder love? There is no sin in curiosity. In spite of the fact that I don't even think masturbation is a mortal sin for me, I remain completely chaste over five years. 

My teaching about sexuality may seem counter-Biblical and supplementary. It isn't. It's a matter of compassion. When we discover what is happening in the world, you may just feel compassion for yourselves too. The pharisees lost God because their hearts were hardened. Not because they followed tradition. You follow the Bible. Do so with an open heart. I'm not trying to repress my sexuality. We all have sexualities. It is envy that makes you want to shame me. I am not ashamed of my humanness. Why are you? What you see me doing in my privacy is the same thing you do. In your guarded privacy. You're just too ashamed to admit it. So you focus on my sin. Precisely because it distracts you from your own sin. Think about it. 

You still believe faith and Jehovah are contests. Love for Jehovah is not a deathrace. Have compassion. Don’t lead yourselves to destruction with your envy. If you were not envious, why wish me death?