Search This Blog

Thursday, November 21, 2024

An update!

Seeing how a few of my last posts have been so scathing, I am writing this new post as an update on what I am doing in my life, my goals and my faith. Before I get into all that, I would like to say that it has been Jehovah’s will I tell my truth. It has been Jehovah’s will I share so much about my person. That way, you will know the evil that I am up against when their plan to humiliate me foils. Let them use this information against me. You have made your choice, haven’t you? Anyways, I just want to maintain the love in this journal. The last three posts have been rough. If you have read, thank you. If you’ve not read, I humbly and hesitantly encourage you to. You need to know, all of you, that in spite of the envy, in spite of the amnesia you all experience from time to time, you are doing an amazing job. Listen to me carefully when I say, Jehovah is not angry at you. Neither am I angry with you. On the contrary, Jehovah loves you enormously. More so for those who do His will and who have a proper heart condition. I also love you enormously. You need to know that I pray every day. For the Church. For the world. I apologize if I give off an angry demeanour. I’ll work more on it. You need, you all need to know that there is not a chance of Jehovah cursing this world. Jehovah loves this world enormously. Especially in these end times (not yet!) Jehovah desires the world to know His mercy and love. His wrath will come. When hearts are revealed. This gives me an idea for another blog post! But, know I pray for the reparation of the sins of the world, for the blessing of the world and for the Era of Peace. I also pray for you, my dear and special bullies.

For the past years I have been in Ottawa, I have been up to a lot. I have been faithfully attending the TLM at the church here that offers it. I am deeply in love with my faith. I have offered my services in the garden for the church as well as joining the Legion of Mary at the parish in early 2024. I took my promises over the relic of St Pope Pius X. I’ve been gardening at my place in the city. Actually had a couple of beautiful miracles in the garden. The first: In 2022, I found a small pepper plant discarded at the end of someone’s driveway. I took it home, nurtured it and planted it in the center of my garden. Well, by the end of the season, it produced about one hundred and fifty little peppers! It was only a small pepper plant! Second: This last season, I planted a watermelon plant, which did not bear fruit for the entire summer. Ants kept eating the flowers. Well, after the fall hit, one solitary melon sprouted, which I had to pluck before full maturity because of the frost. I didn’t have any hope for it. It was white as leprosy. Still, I resolved to eat it. It turned out sweet as a honeycomb. I had a couple of MRI’s a year ago, in 2024. It came out essentially clear, except for a few difficulties. My mental health, still, has been better. For the majority of my life, chunks of memory have been missing entirely. In 2019, my life began to come together. I started to regather the pieces and memories began returning to me. I have suffered with amnesia for most of my life. Owing mostly to the severe trauma I have endured. Even when I was thirteen, I wasn’t able to recollect pretty much my entire childhood. In 2022, I started getting to know my other selves. I started hearing voices. These voices are different from God’s voice when He speaks to me. When He does, you know. There is no mistaking. Anyways, I discovered that I am dissociative identity disorder. I have been spending the past year, diligently getting to know my alters and work to reintegrate them into my identity. You may ask, how can my mental health be better if this is the case? My entire life, I was like in a cloud. My identity never shaped. Getting to know my alters has been like getting to know entirely different people within myself. It has been like discovering a superpower. Mental illness? Hah! Discovering this has been more like a mental enhancement! Still, it comes with its drawbacks and definite disabling features. I am not one to be envied. If you knew what formed all of this, you would chew bitterly upon the leaf of envy. Anyways, I have also started physio. It’s been good and helpful and I think I am in a healthier frame of mind to receive the help. I also have discovered some incredible passions. Here in Ottawa, I began a while ago to make walking sticks. They are simple walking aids but quite distinctive and unique! I also have begun foraging. Collecting and dehydrating edible weeds and plants. This has opened a whole new world for me! At my beloved, state-surveilled house, I have been mopping and sweeping weekly, cleaning regularly and bringing the bins in after trash collection. I am a good roommate. Here: you cannot say I am living the same I was when younger. I am trying. I'm against a massive wall preventing me from flourishing. Can't you see, their whole message rests in the fact that I haven't changed. Here's a bit of Truth for you this morning: sin is most often not character trait. It's symptom. Yep, my room's messy. What are you trying to prove? By doing so, you may end up looking like massive fools.

I have also met my best friend in the entire world. I could not be in a better place. After she entered my life, my heart has been on fire with passionate flame. Everything I do is seasoned with love and so enriched by her filial love. She is also helping me to see myself the way that Jehovah sees me. I met my best friend just over a year ago. We have become incredibly close. And our friendship in spite of time passing, just seems to grow tighter and tighter. We share incredible intimacy and great joy when we are together. It is a chaste intimacy and we respect each other for the hearts that we possess. I am so thankful for her, for spending so much time, attention on me. I know I don’t deserve it. I thank Jehovah for her precious heart every day. She really is a great gift from heaven. I remember praying a couple of years ago, for a friend, a woman friend, one with whom I could develop a sort of chaste intimacy. I asked for such a thing in my prayers in honor of my dear wife who awaits me. I wanted to be loyal to her. Afterwards, I remembered my wife telling me, after it was discerned that we could not be together for the past several years (my heart breaks), that I could develop relationships with other women to have my needs met. I still look for a girlfriend. It’s tougher than nails! My best friend is the answer to my prayers. We have become so incredibly close to one another all the while being respectful. Truly, our friendship is probably more intimate than most marriages. I feel confident in saying this sort of love is true. It doesn’t happen very often. I encourage my readers to hear when I say that what made such intimacy and love possible was chastity. And our shared focus on Jehovah first. What a lucky man I am. If my heart has opened this much with chaste love, I cannot wait to see the way my soul responds when I am able to experience passion! Still looking. 

I have pursued my writing career. I have been applying for many jobs and offering my volunteer service to work. Since, I have yet been able to find a paying job, I continue to write. I have written two, full length novels and reinvigorated my blog. In addition, I have created another blog, which I document my creative writing and poetry and stories. I was an extra in a kid’s show a couple of weeks ago. What a brilliant experience! Since, I have signed up for a background work website and copy writing job board. Hopefully, more work will come along. Really, I am hoping sales for my novels take a genuine reflection of the sales I am making. For the time being, for whatever reason I cannot get employment, I commit myself to prayer and fasting for reparation of the sins of the world.

I discovered the TLM in Toronto for the first time. After, I experienced it in its beauty in Port Perry. I have to admit that I was a little confused at first. With the silence. I have grown in love and adoration for it. After my time at the religious community, I traveled to the nation’s capital where I discovered a parish offering exclusively the Latin Mass. I have been attending as often as I can. It’s incredibly easy to see the beauty and reverence in this form of worship. It never needed changing or updating. Hard to imagine how anyone could desire to do away with something so incredibly honoring to Jehovah and His Son Jesus. I was helping with cleaning the church for a while. It became a little strenuous for me and I stopped. Instead offering my service to the gardening at the church. What a joy that is. I raked and weeded and watered. I joined the Legion of Mary at the parish some months ago. In spite of the incredible obstacles that I myself still have from my disabilities and trauma, I want to share here how much of a blessing it is to share the gospel and love of God and Kingdom message with other people. It is an amazing gift and brings about great graces to be a channel of God’s love. Even more so when you are struggling yourself, I think. I encourage everyone reading to consider joining the Legion of Mary! While I truly believe that God’s favor is not overcome or won through works, I believe it is still quite a grace to offer service to Him in love. The Legion of Mary is an amazing place to learn how to evangelize and share the love of Jehovah.

 In addition, I have been introduced to the JW. Allow me to say that I am an incredibly strong Traditional Catholic. For what this means, considering the state of my church at the moment. Tradition never changes. I know that where I am at the moment, studying with the JW’s and going to Mass, is exactly where Jehovah desires me to be. I am receiving such valuable knowledge from them. I would actually recommend many Catholics study the Bible in the way they do. I am so incredibly blessed to have been studying with them for many months now. Their knowledge is tops. Some of it is interpretation on part of the governing body. I don’t agree with everything I learn. Actually, as they say, when further truth is revealed, we adapt. I have a feeling many further truths will be revealed in the coming days. It will be in Jehovah’s own choosing. Nothing I say could contribute to it. But, they are very Biblically based and cannot lose because of this. They have knowledge they need for salvation. Everything they need for salvation.

All in all, I feel I am doing the best with what I have. Considering that my life’s wings were severed in my development, I love myself, my life and those around me now. Oh, I forgot to mention! I’m sure that many people who knew me before I went to Madonna House can remember the fact that I was quite agitated when going out in public. This happened for over a decade in Toronto. I was very traumatized and hurt. At times, I’d have flashbacks in public and vocalize my distress. After my time at the religious community this has been entirely healed. It was a mental health problem and in response to stress but still, it troubled me an awful lot. I returned to Toronto a couple of times. When I did, they forgot my message (and were distracted by my bullies’ message) at first. After a couple of days, most people were very surprised to see me in my right mind! Sometimes, all healing requires is a little love and human intimacy. I can’t wait to see what Jehovah does for me when I experience the fullness of intimacy as Jehovah intended it. These are my needs and God’s will. I ain’t ashamed of it anymore. And I am no longer using my faith as a block for getting these needs met. You’re not going to shame me for having a sexuality anymore.

Remember, I am not angry with you. Jehovah ain’t angry at you. Blessing be coming. Try to prevent it. Try to hinder it. You just working against the will of God. Still, you need to know that Jehovah always wanted to bless me and reward me for what I endured for Him. He never wanted me to suffer more. Let God’s will be done. Blessing will come. Either way.

Thursday, November 14, 2024

The problem of envy (Updated):

The problem of envy:

This has been a problem, which has contaminated the joy of my life for far too many years. I am resolving not to allow it to rob me of my joy anymore. It’s been a marker in my life for decades. Since the injury that happened to me, in fact. Even before, even in my childhood, I can pinpoint specific moments when other kids would say something – something off. And of course, the literally countless of adults who during the course of my childhood poured their wrath and sexual frustration upon me. Even I recognize the fact that it has spiritual origins. For even in the time I spent in the Kingdom of Heaven, many angels and celestial beings even paraded their envy over me. I recognize its catalyst. It is in my identity. It’s in who I am to Jehovah. It started off slowly. Especially, following the movie that was created about me. Since then, other men have constantly had a measuring rod in their hands poised and ready to test my manhood, my education, my faith, my strength. Good Lord! Women have been, even prior to all of my sin coming out, very cruel to me. This in addition to the fact that the reason my sin is being brought forth is only because satan is trying to destroy me. If I am inculpable, why in all justice and fairness, would my sin be revealed before the sin that caused it?  No, here is the cause. Here is the catalyst: Satan has been seeking my destruction since before I was an infant. This is the reason for all of the trauma I endured as an infant. You may say holiness doesn’t attract evil. You’d be wrong. Simply look at narcissists. My abusers were the primest example. In later years and after the revelation of my identity, this envy has become manifest in actively suppressing my spirit. Those in charge have been preventing me from getting a job, have illegally given me a criminal record, illegally removed my criminal record of child abuse complaints in my case, have prevented me from getting a girlfriend and wife, have robbed me of my wife, have prevented me from moving from their state monitored home, placed cameras in my bedroom, espionage tools into my devices, constantly poisoned my take out and dine in food and beverage. You can tell me to get a job. Nobody will really give me a job. I cannot even get factory work. I am not complaining. This all has a very specific end. I am worried about that end. Because what begins in envy is not of God. Any money I have made from my books has all been robbed. Somebody is preventing my new literature from being published. I am not accusing anyone. I am learning to accept the fact that every new individual I encounter believes me to be the worst things a human can possibly be because of the mistakes of my childhood. You think I don't deserve God's blessings because of my sins. I was not raised Christian. Also, wait for the big unveiling. There's a skeleton in everybody's closet. ;) Actually, in spite of this roadblock, I have gone far in writing very epic pieces of literature and creating a small business of my own. What can I say? What’s to be done? I am against a terribly large wall.

Every time my eyes even glance at a woman, men who are with that woman inform her as though I have committed the most terrible of violation against her, somehow justifying this man as a brilliant white knight riding in on the sunset. I am not complaining. I am simply saying, if I am inculpable, what is the question? We will see. Friends of envious nature. You are trying to prove me a sinner because you are bitter and envious of my blessings. You see what Jehovah has blessed me with and you say, ‘but he’s sinned so much. How is it God blesses him so much?’ It’s more than that. You then ask, ‘Why hasn’t God blessed me as much when I haven’t committed as many sin? You’re blinded because you cannot see the fact that I am inculpable for the sin of most of my life. So blinded, you can’t see that Jehovah has clearly chosen me from before my birth. If you believe works-based salvation, you would believe me even more. In addition, wait until the world’s secret sin is revealed. You do believe I am evil because you hear about the sin of my childhood. Even though you completely ignore who I have been for the past five years. Really ten years. I say five for your sake because I was still very wounded ten years ago. Even though I was completely righteous. Friends, judge for yourselves if it is morally well for the world to collaborate to have abusers who from the day of a child’s birth, plotted for its destruction, to confront that child with the way it reacted after their maltreatment. They believe if they can get me angry, it justifies them. It's demonic narcissism at its worst. I am surprised the rational thinking world cannot see through this. I believe it’s really a result of my politics that you are so threatened by me. Allow me once again to be clear, I am not a politician. And I have not said anything about my politics for a while publicly. Nothing justifies satanically abusing a child. And the anger this child will feel is completely justified. In spite of it, you will not get me angry. Jehovah is on my side. And He is not on your side. I’ll sit still while the children wail and moan at me and have their tantrum. I don’t say this to insult you. But, it’s kind of true isn’t it? You are nothing more than children who have been spoiled. This stuff warps consciences. What I don’t understand is why you think I want you to hurt me further for having an opinion? I feel like Jehanne D’Arc. Rather, I am beginning to see what was really happening there. Men are evil. Evil as can be. Even religious. Especially religious. You see, someone came along, a child, a woman who challenged their entire notion of faith. More than faith. She challenged their notion of authority. They wouldn’t stand for it. They burned her to death and destroyed every evidence of her existence. God preserved her heart from the flames. You know what man, in all of his wisdom and might did? They chucked it into the river. Friends, there is forgiveness. There is peace. Envy is not the solution. The solution to my story does not have to be a bloody death. It can still be glorious. Glorious as can be. All it will take is a little repentance. World, church, now is the time to repent. Actually, I say especially to the Church, who when I sought protection and help, they placed me into the state sponsored, camera house and actually did all of the suppression of my spirit. Church, you don’t need to be in the business of making martyrs. By and from the church. Your business is in saving souls. Things can still be glorious. Glorious as can be. We just need to repent.

Envy is as serious a mortal sin as murder.

I have not yet been able to discern whether it is true that the clergy are in fact broadcasting my sin matter in confession. For some time, I questioned that it may have simply been due to the fact that I was carrying my ‘smart phone’ into confession with me. Those who hear this, let it be a warning to you as well. I hoped upon hope that it was not actually the clergy who were revealing my sin matter. Then, I began to reflect upon the many times in a place where I was encouraged not to use my phone, received confession and all of a sudden, people were giving me angry looks and making snide comments that seemed impossible for them to have insight into. I remembered the countless times when going into confession, hearing strange buzzing sounds and once, even having a priest ask me to repeat my name as he refocused his watch face in my direction. You try to justify it by the nature of my sin. This violates the seal of confession. Since it happens with nearly every priest I visit for the past ten years, I have been able to discern it is not an individual problem with priesthood. Rather, that it must in fact be a problem higher up, within the ranks of the church. Perhaps even that the Church hierarchy is being influenced and pressured by state officials. And look, I happen to love my church very much. Even though the direction she has been taking for the past fifty years has been contrary to what Jehovah intends for her. I’ll say that you believe the blessing of Jehovah to come through the Church hierarchy because you are worldly Christians. For if we see the hierarchy being filled to the brim with corruption, this kind of flattens the theory that blessings come from the Church, doesn’t it? I believe in the hierarchy. I just wonder if it is in the healthiest position right now. This is the reason they are trying to make heresy out of my common sense while they advocate communism and try to implement modernism into the heart of Catholicism. It’s the reason they try to censor me at every available turn and why they silence me now. Brothers and sisters in the laity, I warn you, solemnly and soberly, if you do not stand up against this, it won’t be long until they are recording every single confession that is viewed as a threat to the state.

Even, kind of, the fact that you have all usurped my writing instruments and electronic devices is based in envy, isn’t it? Humiliation if anything else. For, using common sense, if we, as a society, were to travel back in time a couple of years, prior to this communistic takeover, who would sensibly judge anyone for what they wrote in their private journals? You would think it would stop there. In fact, people I know and trust have quite often broken into my private and locked possessions to spy out my thoughts and ideas. It has often caused confusion, unnecessary confusion, because in my private journals, I keep my healing process. This envy is evident in almost every blessing I have received. In terms of my writing, the platform on which I publish my books doesn’t pay me. And when they do, they drastically under-pay me. In terms of my brilliance in chess, it seems as though the entirety of each platform I use have targeted me in order to adapt to the way I play and make sure they can beat me. Even when I literally create new openings, they band together to counter them. Maybe it is merited in terms of the chess. I was pretty brazenly and unproductively competitive in past. I have since learned my place and have repented and amended my ways for nearly seven years. There is no crime in competition.

When I was a child, I was hit in the face by a foul ball at the SkyDome. For this reason, nets were raised higher behind home plate. It happened when my abuser was molesting me. This is why I could not see the ball coming. Afterwards, baseball staff came to the place where I was living and asked me what they could do for me. I remember saying nothing, while another abuser nodded approvingly. It’s what I was raised for. I was raised to not care a thing about my needs. It affects the conscience. It do. And if you can’t see this, maybe you are the one with mental illness. Or heart illness. I am not that child anymore. I am deserving of love. I am deserving of hope and good things. If you knew what I endured my entire childhood, your envy would shrivel up pretty quickly. Oh wait. You do know. You just refuse to acknowledge it. Anyways, I remember mentioning this incident to a brother Catholic who cringed at the thought. I wish I knew why my brothers and sisters in the faith desire to deprive me of every good thing. For even I know the source of all of this suppression of my spirit and hostility towards me has its origins in the top of the Church.

Many years ago, I learned the fact that God loves me, in spite of anything I could possibly do or say. And it’s a good thing. This free gift is available to all. And the worker who began his work in the beginning, will be paid the same wages as the worker who was hired in the final hour. The wages spoken of is eternity. It is no mystery that God chooses some and His grace is greater for some than others. I get the impression that people feel as though I don’t deserve God’s grace and favor because of my sins. Am I right? To these people, I pray for. I empathize with you as well. It cannot be comforting to know that you have worked for your whole life and to see this hardened guy come in the scene and be rewarded so much. I hear you. I am the first to acknowledge your concerns. Now, this is my perspective: God anointed me before I was born. No one says you have to believe private revelation. But this is just my faith and story. If God wants to make it known, He certainly will. Everything I suffered was for His glory and for this purpose. I have protested this to God Himself. Every time that I protest, His answer is the same. Whether I like it or not, the suffering of my childhood was endured for the glory of God. God can see in the crevices of our hearts and in every area, the places where humans don’t know to look, when judging. Again, just my faith. Not to mention, with tenderness and respect, the reason my sins are being revealed now is because satan wants to silence me. Can I tell you something? When these sins of mine started coming forward, a lot of my heavenly support ceased. God the Father had to tell these heavenly beings the truth, the nature and importance of a foundation, a childhood rooted in God. After He did this, these same angels returned to me and sought again to help me. The only thing that separates me from this is truth. Politics is unimportant. Jesus, well, it is important. But it is not the most important. Place God where He belongs. One other thing, to these people who are jealous of me, I say this: wait until the secret sins are unveiled. I do not say this to scare you. I pray that you will come to see how great a blessing this is of God. Truly, the greatest act of mercy since the cross. Grace, friends. Our salvation, the reason we love, the reason we hope. It’s a free gift. Say yes. Envy, while not a sin, will always lead to sinful action. Watch your heart. God chose me even if everyone else condemned me. My message is not in what I say. Who I am is more important than what I say. It is the reason I push over when people say things even contrary to what I believe. It’s the reason I submit to your subtle humiliations and diatribes. Everything you need to know will be made clear after this is over. Everything. Every vindication. Every justification. It’s part of the reason I keep saying you will have a surprise. You certainly will. Truth makes sense of everything. Not what I say. Not what I do. You could make me confess everything you desire. Truth liberates and vindicates me entirely. As a matter of fact, these efforts will only serve to prove you fools. I am not taunting you. Only a wounded ego would think it. I was assaulted today after people forgot again. How much longer will you wait? They are going to crucify me. They resent me because I possess a higher knowledge. I possess a wisdom that is not of the earth. It threatens their PhD’s and doctorates. Huh? It’s why you won’t let me make money off of my books. Huh?

You're still thinking that who we are is about what we do or say. Do you think that by saying this, I am advocating a sinful lifestyle? Anyone who knows me, knows that is absurd as you can judge by my current holy lifestyle. What I am saying is that to God, our core identities are worth so much more. As God sees our hearts, our most wild and perfect potential. The concept of work-based salvation sets up faithful in competition against themselves. This is why grace is such a fundamental aspect of the faith. None of us can earn merits with God. We have all fallen dreadfully, dreadfully short of His commandments. The fact He has chosen us is a beautiful gift. Gratitude, dear friends. Gratitude is the solution for what you are feeling. How Jehovah views us is not earthly minded. While yes, we can develop in our relationship with Him, that we belong to a club, eat something or even that we are baptized are not important to Him. Jehovah sees the heart. 

Is it because of my politics that you would have me humiliated? Or is it only envy? God bless you. I forgive you. Check the location of your worship. What happens when the shepherd is envious? What happens to the rest of the flock? I’d like to ask a question of you. I would like for you to think hard about it. Not for me. Not because I asked you to but for your own health and sense of well-being. When you worship and I enter the church, what goes on in your head? Imagine this situation at a time when people are especially upset with me. What happens to your heart when you see me receive the Eucharist along with you? Does it perturb you? Do you feel like I don’t deserve to be in God’s grace? Do you feel like you are better than me? A little? Maybe a little? Your focus should be upon Jehovah in this instant. The Holy Mass and homily needs to be about Jesus and Jehovah. Not me. Not me. In any way. Do you really believe that it is my sin that separates me from Jehovah? Which makes me lesser than you? Do you really believe Jehovah does not forgive me? Maybe this says something not about me. Maybe it says something about you and your heart. Do you think it may be true? When you’re in the church and you see me enter, are you focused on God or are you looking and searching for me to do something faux pas that you can say, ‘A-ha!’ I am not scolding. If this is you, there is no judgement. I understand. I am simply trying to show you that our feelings, how we feel is a reaction that no one has accountability for but ourselves. We and we alone are responsible for our feelings. What we do with them especially. This is only our choice. I say this to encourage you not to allow your envy to overwhelm you to the point of bloodlust. You must know that none of this is intentional. The delay. The taunting. I don’t know what to do with the envy. It is weird. Again, if you knew what I endured, there would be no room. Get ahold of yourselves, man. It’s not my choice any more than it is yours. Control your feelings. When we are in ignorance, there is forgiveness. When we know, there is no longer excuse.

Don’t let the world let you become a bully. Or worse: a murderer. I know it’s difficult. The wait. The shock every time that God reveals my truth again. I know you are running out of patience. It’s hard for me too. I am scared to death. I don’t want to be crucified. Regardless of what I have said in the past, regardless of what the church ‘officials’ and world ‘officials’ are saying, I really do not want to suffer more. If it happen, let God’s will be done. You need to know, if that’s the case, it will not be me who is asking for it. If I am inculpable, what is the question? If that is the case, you need to know that God never willed for me to suffer more. In fact, He wanted to elevate me to leadership. Because your leadership is faltering so terribly. This is not intentional. Satan tries to destroy me. There are different people inside of me. If you desire me to be silent, you have got to make it very clear to me. I don’t remember anyone telling me or giving me any direction. Again, I ask you, laity, Church, don’t let yourselves become murderers and bullies. It may be a good question to ask who is making you feel this envy? Who is making you feel this contempt? For me, there are two possibilities. Among many tertiary possibilities. Those envious of me or my abusers. Either way, do you know that its source is from satan? Are you going to allow authorities to crucify a man who is inculpable and innocent? I don’t need to be a prophet to tell you this is not the role of the faithful authority. Please don’t hurt me. Just a very disabled man, writing into his private journal with similar beliefs to over half the free world. Yes I said over half for a reason...

You think I am proud, that I think I am better and boasting. I am traumatized. Gosh, how can I explain to you that life affects us? I am proud. I am proud of the mission God sent me on, of who God says I am. Maybe I am going about this all the wrong way. I don't know what to do with people's envy. With the fact that everybody is forgetting everything I have said. When people realize, it's quite alarming, friends.

Even still, I started to recognize the fact that the periods of social amnesia over which they forgot about what I had endured were being more frequent and more intense. I noticed that people’s outright envy and frustration with me were increasing. I realized why I was seeking vocation. I also visited Toronto again. Here, I started to realize some things. Ever since my long stay with the community, I had clung to the thought of a very special woman. I heard a couple of voices telling me that if I have faith, I am already married. I’ve faith that I have a wife who waits for me.

All that I am doing and advocating is in maintaining the values established by 2000 years of Church teaching. All I am doing is defending tradition. I am very weak guys. There is nothing worldly to be jealous of. I am a simple man, humble and weak. And very, very disabled I don’t really have anything. All that I possess are the heavenly blessings God has bestowed upon me. Even these are untapped mostly because of the childhood I endured for God. Talents and blessings are nurtured and grown in love. Healthy love. Is jealousy a good aim for Christianity? Have mercy on me. I cannot help the fact that people spy on me. It is not a choice I have ever made. I don’t understand why you want to hurt me. You need to tell me very clearly, what you want me to do. Do you want me to be quiet? Nobody has told me. So, I shall keep talking. And if you hurt me, you need to know that it will not be a result of my decision. And if I am inculpable, it will not even be a result of my sin.

Where is this will coming from? If it were for the good of humanity, you would know it is not going to be fruitful. You can force joy and happiness. It will not be true. My guess is that it is coming from a place of envy. Our Lord left the 99 to attend to the 1. Is it His will to murder even for the benefit of all? Is it Christian to want to murder because we have a disagreement? God is merciful. Without my forgiveness, there will be no blessing or healing for the world. You can try to force it. It will not be true because it will not penetrate. It will happen so that the world will not have a broken heart. Again, if I am inculpable, what reason would there be to put me through that?

Listen to me: If you have access to this computer (I have no idea how it is possible nor have I consented to it) listen: I am meant to die. I am not meant to do big things. God’s plan A in my life was that I was to do big things when I was younger. Actually, I am certain that I was to receive every blessing of the spirit after the injury that happened to me. Because I couldn’t overcome then, this is God’s plan B. Because He knows I am a threat. He was trying to protect me. This is the will of God from the Father. I was intended to live and die simply. I wrote a book. Yes, it was a lot of information. Listen, if it sheds a negative light on others, what can I say? I was only telling my truth. This was always Jehovah’s will for me. That I tell the truth about what happened to me. The only other thing that Jehovah asked of me was that I be happy at my death. I will admit freely others could have done the job better than I. I will refute the probability that anyone who, having been through what I endured, could even live up to the point I am at now. Under the same circumstances. My identity is mine. Whether I like it or not, the suffering of my childhood was consecrated for God, for all of you, in holiness. But life affects people. This was the reason I was sent. To bring this message. Along with a lot more. It’s not hard for me to see how a man who loses his leg, might not grow that leg back. The same principle is true of emotional and psychological wounds. At times, which can be as serious as the severed limb. Without Jesus, these are impossible to heal. And with Jesus, their scars may still be tangible. The truth would come at my death. What God does with my death is His business. Know that it is not the end and God is King over even death. But, I am beginning to wonder why you think it is God’s will for me to be put to death? This originates with the same place as does the envy. Why do you think this is the will of God? The only reason they want to kill me is because of their envy. Again, if I am inculpable, why would I be held accountable? Even if there is an intent to let me live in peace, people will simply keep forgetting what I am saying. I have seen how angry people become when they forget what I have been through. I believe that the Spirit of Jehovah can heal me. I was intended to overcome during the coma. Because I couldn’t, I am still stressed with the unprocessed trauma and set of open wounds that I obtained during childhood and adolescence. I didn’t overcome because I felt unworthy. Because trusting to me felt like accepting death. Yes, to be a disciple of Christ we need to pick up our crosses and follow Him in suffering. What you are not considering is that I bore a massive cross in my childhood. I do not have a foundation. I am very weak. I am small. When we do not entrust our suffering to God, during that suffering, it gives rise to all kind of pain. Unprocessed suffering, ten years after, twenty years after, fifty years after that suffering, is still an open wound because it has not allowed the finger of God to touch and heal it. Unless you learn to suffer in God, the suffering will remain unprocessed. I am learning to suffer in God. I have a lot of unlearning to do. You are not hearing me. I am not looking for power. I want to help with some insight that I have. But I know my fate. Because I have faith in God’s ability to lift up even death. Don’t let envy guide you. None of this is your responsibility. You have been extremely gracious to me. But what they try to do to me, in the state that I am in, is intended for my destruction. Be attentive. Wake up. Do you understand why I have been chosen as a sacrifice? It is precisely because I am frail. There are many others who are stronger than me for that task. The reason they choose me is because they know I am weak. Do you not realize what is happening? It is not Christian to kill someone because they think differently than you. It is not Christian to wound a wounded person. My message is that children need love. Ponder it. I will submit to what you choose. I am not your political sacrifice. If this is for the good of humanity, there are a great many others, physically and emotionally well to do this. Why would you choose a crippled man to accomplish this? There could only be one reason.  And it is not born in virtue. You did not even want to do that to my abusers because they were old. I am physically and emotionally crippled!

The test of holiness is not how we interact with the world. We are all sinners. Though it is influenced by these things, holiness is not dependent either our piety or prayer. The test of holiness is entirely the grace of God. Let love and humility and kindness be contests. But do not let envy interrupt our love and kindness. Holiness and God's grace are not contests. Let us rejoice with our brother or sister in their cause for rejoicing. Just as we are called to mourn with they who grieve. Let us also rejoice in our election and salvation, which were given to us as a free gift. What a beautiful gift? We work for God and for others out of love. We work love because He has loved us first.

Thankful for people’s jealousy. I am here to serve. But the blessings are mine. Jehovah given. I truly believe that the reason you are all so jealous is first of all that truth about what happened to me is still obscured. If truth came out, there would be no possible way for you to commit a mortal sin of envy. Secondly, I think that the head, the chief, so to speak is jealous. This is, kind of, guiding all of your moral compasses. What sort of shepherd is jealous of one of his faithful flock? You still believe that the love of God, the grace of God is something to work for. Yes, while true, grace is a free gift. We work in love because we have received love.

“Because what is holiness but the merciful love of God poured into our hearts? For Therese, that is the true and greatest holiness. Moreover, such holiness is not a human work, but rather, God’s work, a work of Divine Mercy rushing down to the lowest place.” – Fr. Michael Gaitley, 33 Days to Merciful Love.

Look, I am not complaining. Nor am I trying to make you feel badly. I recognize that it may not even be under your control. This said, for those of you whose control it is under, check yourself. Get ahold of your feelings. I say it to show you what I am up against. I have told you before. Satan is seeking my soul. He desires to quell it. I need help. Please don’t help satan destroy my soul.

Jesus, I am recognizing that it is not only envy that you are feeling. Everybody has pain and unprocessed suffering. You are just lost in your own pain. I am sorry for how I have been acting regarding seeing people jealous of me. The best apology is changed behavior. I will be more attentive of your feelings. Yes, God’s grace chooses individuals to accomplish His will. I am His servant. I want to encourage you. Do you not realize the amazing and incredible gift God has in store for you all who choose Him? I have seen Heaven. There, I will tell you that there is not even a moment given to thinking on what others possess or the glory that they have been given. This is not because sin doesn’t exist in Heaven. You know why it is? It’s because regardless of what others have, we are going to be so vastly full and filled with love and everything that our little, precious hearts could desire. God will give us everything we can imagine! Church, take heart. God loves you with a strong, strong love. He desires you to have a taste of heaven. He desires this for those who still have not made up their minds. You, those who have always stood next to the Father, will be given strong places of honor. He wants you to know how proud He is of you. You are His first born child. Be strong. He loves you beyond words. And healing is coming. After the healing, this taste of heaven will leave a pleasing odor in the air after it. God has His hand on everything in the world now. I might not be doing the greatest job of showing that religion is not as important to God as what is on the heart. God desires every one of His children to run towards Him, His embrace. Muslim, Jew, Mormon, we are all children of God who proclaim love. Jesus is the Messiah of love. He is the King of that love. There are not black people. There are not white people. There are no Asian people. To God, all that matters, is the love that unites us. God loves you. He will wipe every tear from your eye. He will touch you with His love. In that area of pain that you too, need to process.

Here’s the thing: what I suffered in childhood was for Jehovah. The satanic abuse, whether you have your perspectives on it or not, there is no question that life affects people. If Jehovah could save a child from enduring this, what would make you think He would allow that sort of behavior? This is evil. Jehovah does not condone it. That you think He would suggests you might not really be His follower. Jehovah is a God of love first. Especially for the children. The satanic abuse, in my case, was intended to stumble me into destruction. It involved a lot of abuse and rape by women. Many women. They were mostly witches. It happened for decades. But I ended up being stuck with a handler who was quite relationally close to me. Your society has no information on what happens to men after a childhood of mother rape. The stats will come very quickly after truth is revealed. Sexualities can be wounded. As a triumph, the only other thing Jehovah ever asked of me than to tell my truth was to be happy at my death. Jehovah wanted me to experience passion. It is envy that makes you want to deprive me of what my soul needs to liberate. Even in university, whenever women would be speaking to me, other male students would come up and try to steal that woman away from me. Even without context. Envy is what makes you feel superior to me when you spy on me and see me doing something that everybody else does almost daily. Well, I do it maybe once every three months. By not doing it, is going against my human needs. Let your hearts melt.

You are treating faith like a competition to avoid sin. It is much more than that. The Eucharist as though a prize. I fell into your trap. I too, became legalistic in my approach to faith. Going to confession countless times for sins I was already forgiven for or inculpable for. An example of this is a nocturnal emission. I became legalistic to the point of neglecting my human needs. I need to remember that it is God’s will that I experience passion before my death. It’s the only thing other than telling my truth that He wanted me to do. Was to be happy and do so by experiencing passion. There doesn’t seem to be a single woman in the world at the moment, whole enough to love me for me. In spite of this, I am still looking. Since the end of my life is fast approaching, judging by the speed at which you forget and Satan tries to destroy me, I’m just trying to fill my needs. If I cannot do it with a woman, because of emotional brokenness on their part, I will seek other means. Even pornography for me is not mortal sin. Aside from the fact that I am a king. You know it to be true. Because of the nature of my childhood, God wanted me to be happy. And for me, it is a matter of life and death. There is a contract over my soul to satan that I never experience passion. It’s because of what I suffered for God. How can I know this for certain? God tells me. He’s told me since I was a youngster. I didn’t even comprehend what love was prior to going to the religious community, much less know how to offer it. So, really not one of the opportunities I had before that was practical and a real opportunity. God show you. He will. God judge between us.

This is not about personal gratification. It's about consolation and comfort. It's about compassion and not law. Let us examine cases by cases. A man sexually traumatized in childhood is brought up thinking sexuality is for evil. God wants us to be happy. Sexuality is not only about procreation. You say yourselves it's about joy. How much more would God want someone who has been sexually traumatized all their lives to be happy. Even in that regard. Regarding this sexual revolution business I am speaking about. There is a reason for everything. I'll share it with you. It's part of the restoration and the Era of Peace. God doesn't like seeing His children being overwhelmed by foreign cultures and other Gods. This is the reason for sexual liberation. Within marriage, sure. People need to get married a lot more. When healing comes, this will happen naturally. When the truth comes out.. ;)

What is sin? Some sins are not as mortal for other people. Sins of a sexual nature are not as sinful for me because of what I endured growing up. Yep, there have been many sins I have committed. I confessed them all. Certain sins are not culpable for me. Even premarital sex is not sinful. I await to see if this is a circumstantial situation for me only. Because of what I endured growing up. Wait. You'll see. God will prove it. Guys, why do you think God wants to hinder love? There is no sin in curiosity. In spite of the fact that I don't even think masturbation is a mortal sin for me, I remain completely chaste over five years. 

My teaching about sexuality may seem counter-Biblical and supplementary. It isn't. It's a matter of compassion. When we discover what is happening in the world, you may just feel compassion for yourselves too. The pharisees lost God because their hearts were hardened. Not because they followed tradition. You follow the Bible. Do so with an open heart. I'm not trying to repress my sexuality. We all have sexualities. It is envy that makes you want to shame me. I am not ashamed of my humanness. Why are you? What you see me doing in my privacy is the same thing you do. In your guarded privacy. You're just too ashamed to admit it. So you focus on my sin. Precisely because it distracts you from your own sin. Think about it. 

You still believe faith and Jehovah are contests. Love for Jehovah is not a deathrace. Have compassion. Don’t lead yourselves to destruction with your envy. If you were not envious, why wish me death?

On the question of Culpability:

Allow me to tell you a story. You hear of a child who was sold to satan as an infant. Rituals were cast over him. Baptized in urine, feces, all that. There is a contract of sorrow placed over his life by Satanists. This child, having grown, escapes this trap, devotes his life to Christ. Even seeks diligently to offer his life in service to a religious vocation. In any case, he is living a perfectly righteous and holy life now. Would you think it would be a charitable thing to provoke him, stirring up those old wounds, in the attempt to get him angry? Simply for the sake of getting him angry? Would that be a Christian response? I wonder how a true Christian would react upon hearing the story of this child. If it were for the good of his soul or for the good of the world, there would be no need to humiliate him by broadcasting his confession sin matter and broadcasting the privacy of his bedroom.

It’s common-sense cause and effect and actually quite Biblical that a child will follow that path that has been instructed it. You raise a child, where lies are the norm, how will that affect grown up child? A child is essentially a blank slate. Spiritually, they are incredibly intelligent, far more so than even the wisest of intellectuals. But, in terms of worldly knowledge, they are not only innocent and pure, they are incredibly impressionable. You could literally raise a child to think that peeing on the grass is normal and acceptable. If it’s what they see, it’s what they will grow into a knowledge of. If that knowledge is reinforced by others within the child’s social circle, it will become a standard of behavior. How important, then, is it to raise our children with an accurate knowledge of God? How important will it be to form our children’s consciences for good as opposed to for evil. This is the fundamental point in a person’s existence, the point where they not only develop and learn skills that will become a template for which they will navigate the intricacies and channels of life but also the point in which the development and malleability of those skills is at its easiest to implement for them. A human becomes who they will become then in the first years of life. It will be the point where they will choose the futures that will unfold before them.

Trauma accumulates. Shame and other bad feelings accumulate. Injustice and anger also accumulate. That bully from high school for whom you have been holding resentment, possibly reasonably – well, at home, his parents beat him nightly. This is said to illustrate there is a lot more going on than what we can see. Is it an excuse that he perpetuate this anger? Probably not. Said to illustrate the fact that in a lot of cases, he is a kid too. And he’s probably going through this as he is acting out. But, it’s much more common than we think. This is not a dualistic message. The body and the spirit work in harmony… when one is damaged, the other will be affected. What I am saying is that when one is damaged, we need to heal it in love of the Spirit. It is catechetical and Biblical that some sins are more or less culpable based on a number of factors. The only, only, only thing, which is blinding you is the fact that truth is obscured still.

For most of my life, increasingly so since becoming chaste about five years ago, I have struggled with terrible issue. I have suffered from nocturnal emissions. It’s worse than that. I have recently judged that I am oppressed by a spirit spouse. Many holy people have these issues. St. Padre Pio actually suffered from it as well. It’s called demonic retribution. Here: I have been struggling with shame and low energy since realizing about this every time that it happens. Recognizing that this is actually satan’s purpose in so doing, is kind of liberating because I can fight against it now. Every time I suffered a nocturnal emission, all of the sexual shame and trauma in my heart gets stirred up again. I have, for most of this time, brought the issue to confession believing I was committing some mortal sin. Even with nocturnal emissions, which are triggered by oppressive dreams, I went to confession. Here: For a while, priests were telling me that it was not a conscious choice and therefore, was not a mortal sin. Even to the point of encouraging me by saying that it’s only the body’s natural process of recycling itself. After a while, priests changed their tune. They began to say that I must have been doing something to trigger it and then I must have commit some mortal sin to trigger it. The point of this is that I never give my consent or have any awareness of what is happening. I have stopped going to confession for this and have recently begun renouncing this spirit spouse and praying against her. But this is kind of an illustration of what is really happening here isn’t it? There was a specific point in my journey when religious authority began to turn against me. They are threatened by me because the message I inhabit challenges their rule, their legitimacy, their corruption. I will say no more on the matter. Nocturnal emissions are a great illustration of how what is sin is not always grave or mortal. They, in my case, are also a great illustration of how the hierarchy is using my sin as leverage against my authority. Just so you know, I am chaste as much as I can. Even though this is going directly against my human needs and God’s will for my life.

Yes, we are all born with original sin. While this is true, children are born completely innocent and pure. A child who has been satanically abused will not only have a warped conscience. He will also have behavioral issues and he may commit serious sin. That sin, while it is serious, may not be as serious for that child as it is for people who have had a sturdy upbringing. I remember reading somewhere that these sorts of survivors often have a fascination with extremist groups. Hmm. I can say in my situation, the first thirty years of my life were not lived by me. I understand there may be a sense of repressed justice. But I feel firm in stating that while I commit them, these were not my sins. I get it. There are a lot of people who are angry at me right now. Probably who have harbored this anger for decades. I want to tell you that you are not angry at me. You are angry at my abusers.

It’s not only envy. I get it. There is a sense of repressed justice. Trust me, wait until you find out just how common this sin is. When the truth comes out! If I am a sinner now, it justifies all of the present injustices I am enduring. I get the envy. Luckily, I have some experience with dealing with jealous people. With that movie made about me. I still do not know how to navigate it fully. It boggles my mind. Because if you saw what I endured for this, you would say, ‘Oh!’

While all sins are equal in the eyes of God, not all traumas are the same. Trauma accumulates. Shame accumulates. Willful unrepentance is a hindrance to the lives that God has planned for all of us. Please remember that what happened to me, happened for nearly twenty years. It was unchallenged because I was taught very early that challenging would merit shaming, sometimes violence. I learned very early that dissociation and splitting off from consciousness was safer than enduring what was happening, for the sake of my emotional and mental health. Learned this to stay alive. Read this is context with everything else I have written. I am not diminishing or minimizing the trauma of anyone. But it is a psychological fact that some traumas can have more of an effect on people based on certain factors. And most children, despite being well intentioned, if you traumatize them to the point of fragmenting their personalities, will not know about Jesus and trusting Jehovah in their suffering. It’s the reason there is so much illness, weakness and addiction these days. Wake up.

If you feel I deserve to make reparation for my sins, I will not disagree with you. According to the Gospel, every one of us merits crucifixion for our own personal sins. It is the free gift of God, which sets us free, making us right with Him. This is grace. If you believed what I am saying, you would know that I have been punished from as far back as I remember. After that injury alone, I couldn’t move my eyelids for five months after. I still have difficulty walking. I cannot develop relationships with women because of the traumas I have endured. Still, I trust you. I trust the Church. God will corroborate my exceptional character these days. If you believed my message, you would know that I am inculpable for the things I did into my early twenties. I am living in grace. I wonder who this reparation is for? My abusers were still raping me into my twenties. Just doesn’t seem right that my church and my world, those who in a different circumstance would have been the ones to help me reintegrate, feel I still need to be punished despite the fact that I have been a literal punching bag since before I was born. Yes, it’s nice the movie was made about me. I was still being raped. Yes, it’s nice I had some money. I was still being raped. You don’t get it, do you? This will not stop.

On that note, I just want to point out (it will be the final time that I do) that you are going to my abusers to get information about me. I am not a fool. I know that they have even deceived you into treating me the way that they have told you they have treated me. Call me old-fashioned, call me traditional, I do not think it is healthy to go to someone’s abusers in order to gather information on that person. They are not who you believe them to be. Sure, I may deserve reparation. What did my mother ever do to anyone? They have got you convinced that neither my life nor my mother’s life mean anything. They have got you treating us exactly as they were treating us. Do you not recognize a pattern in that? Sure, I did not treat them well at times. I am inculpable. My abusers started literally committing crimes against me from the time I was out of the hospital as an infant. What adults teach a child becomes their voice. I will have you know that they were still abusing me, even sexually, into my late twenties. I was angry. It was an anger, a shame and a fear that had been accumulating inside of me since I was a baby that I was never allowed to express. Every time I tried to express my emotions, they shamed me. Besides, even the incidents which happened when I was an adult against them, I did not instigate. This is not teaching. This is common sense. If anything, you should be going to the people I just spent two years with to find out about me. After all, it is essentially the basis of the Gospel summed up that people can change. I sincerely hope that the reason you are not believing me is not because you disagree with my politics.

The only perspective that is important in terms of this crime is the child’s or the victim’s. There is no fruit in trying to hear both sides of the story. This is because with this particular sin, unlike most other interpersonal sins, one party is entirely innocent. And if by chance that child happens to be acting out, most of the time, they are simply reacting to unprocessed trauma and a wounded conscience. This is not to impose guilt on anyone. The majority of the time, if we are to look back far enough into the lives of those who ‘act out’, it is almost a certainty that there will be found the most profound of tragedies. This, also, is not to deny accountability. But, people can change. People can heal. What we truly need be vigilant of is the state of denial. We should always be aware and attune to our propensity, as human beings to both hurt others, as well as to be hurt by others. There is often, indeed, another side of the story, in these cases, grave and serious ones. However, in judging, individual cases, one perspective is the only one that merits attention.

The age of reason is not something that can be pinpointed. It is not something that can be generally said, “Oh, a child knows what is right from wrong by the time they’re thirteen. It is different for everybody. And when we consider this, we need to also consider the nature of what is happening around the person who does something bad. I can almost guarantee that every person in prison these days is in prison based on a judgement for an action or a couple of actions, however severe, are in prison is because of tragedy in their own lives, which they perhaps as yet, may not have been able to process and integrate into their awareness. The age of reason can be affected, then, by traumas experienced in the past, traumas still enduring, their understanding of the nature of the crime they are committing. What is the difference between a sin committed in the day or in the darkness? What is the difference between a concealed sin and a revealed sin? The abuse that was happening to me, almost perpetually without stop, went on until I was in my early twenties. When I did the things I did, I was still enduring the same thing, every night. Every offence I commit against people were committed 1) while I was still being abused in much worse ways, and 2) before my baptism. You say yourself that there are matters which make someone more or less culpable for a sin. My entire life, into my twenties, was a delirious blur because of the trauma I was still experiencing.

Everybody has the potential for anger. Anger is a response to how we have been treated. I was not baptized until 2007. If what I am saying is true, everything that I endured before and even what happened after, while I was enduring the treatment, was not entirely mortal sin. If what I am claiming is true, my conscience was surely affected. What do you think? Since I was not baptized until 2007, this means that the trauma I was enduring prior to this was not endured in Christ. A lot of the anger I have, in addition to shame, fear, despair, sorrow will be repressed. I am doing the very best with what I have available to me at the moment. If I have repressed anger, this is aside from the identity that Christ has given to me. I have repressed emotions because I have never been able to confront the evils done to me. Again, I can forgive. Which I have. Thousands of times. I cannot heal until truth is confronted. I am moving forward in my life, quite in spite of this repressed emotion. I am healing. Again, God Himself will corroborate my righteous character when truth comes out for literally the past ten years. This is what Christ through Jehovah is doing in me in spite of repressed emotion. Surely, even if I am inculpable for almost every sin I have commit, I am also inculpable for emotions, which I was forced to gestate in my body in response to their treatment of me. Surely, this is not really about me. Even though God the Father wanted it to be, I will recognize this. Let nobody be ignorant. This is not about punishment. Anger would be justified, I think. This is about my humiliation and shame. Do not deceive yourselves with a constantly changing plethora of reasons. Still, I love you. I choose with the same act of will, with which I have been forgiving for the past twenty years, to forgive you. Again. And again. And again.. Let us let the will of God be done.

I have apologized countless times for how I reacted to the way my abusers treated me. I have gone to confession, in spite of the fact that nearly every way I reacted was prior to my baptism. I will continue to do so. Maybe innocent is a touchy word. I was morally inculpable. The entire basis of Christianity is the fact that people can change, in their hearts, for the good. I don’t think I would want to be a part of a Christianity that canceled Paul because of his past.

Let us not forget Remembrance Day. Our fathers and grandfathers fought, war over war for freedom. Freedom reign. You are not even realizing that it is being stripped from you slowly. Yes, I am a terrible sinner. I will be the first to admit this. That I feel I am inculpable is inconsequential. The fact is that my sin has had an effect upon others. I am no worse a sinner than anyone else. Keep reading and you will find out why I say this. But I acknowledge my sin. Still, as Paul says in his epistles of himself, my conscience is clear. I am no longer dead in my sin. This is because of who I am now. Who I am now is my testimony. Please remember, my dear friends, whoever is listening, God loves you. God respects our freedom. God respects our freedom. God has created us free. Freedom is a good thing. Yes, with freedom comes the negative grace to be able to say no to God. But to deprive people of that grace would make God a dictator. God has given us the choice, and in this respect it is not a matter of saying no to Him. It is a matter through which and by which, the only remedy for healing can possibly come about. God values our freedom just as much as He values us as creatures. Because God wants us to come to Him and only Him through our personal and intimate choosing of Him, for Him. To deny people the ability to think a certain way because a majority considers that way of thinking to be false or even hostile, is to take away that freedom instilled in man by God. Freedom is not the freedom to sin. But here, we have to define sin. Is an idea a sin? No. Even if it offends others. It is not a sin. Is murder a sin? Of course. Because we have freedom to murder is not a reason to do it. Maybe I am sheltered. I do not feel many people in our world would use their freedom to do such a thing. Again, maybe I am sheltered. When I think of freedom, I think of the freedom to do positive things. But remember, just because we feel something offends us or we feel something is a sin, does not mean that it is a sin. The concepts of morality are being dreadfully twisted. The Commandments are a good place to begin. But, in terms of stuff like oppression, we never quite know the full story. We never quite receive the full story. We have to be incredibly careful in making judgements about societal oppression. Just because you have a loud voice, does not mean your oppression is graver than someone who does not complain. More than this, please, remember that people are so much more than simply their politics. To write someone off because of their politics is like poisoning the well. It’s like saying, ‘what he says means nothing because he is racist.’ To write off someone’s argument by drawing attention to their personhood is the epitome of fallacy. It’s like saying, he is smelly so he should not have an opinion on politics. Jesus. Because he is smelly, he should no longer live. Here’s another one. Because he is smelly, he should be supervised and surveilled.  Or another one. Because he is smelly, he should never experience love. Here’s a great one. Because he has been traumatized so much sexually and emotionally in his life, he should never experience love. In fact, we should do everything we can to deprive him of love. Like robbing him of his wife and telling every woman whom he expresses interest in that he is a terrible person. Name of God. Do you not yet see what is happening? Again, these three essays are linked. Make the link you desire. Me? I think it is envy.

God’s plan was always to reward me for what I endured in my childhood for His glory. If I am innocent, if I am inculpable, what’s the problem? As Catholics, our first obligation of obedience is to Christ, to God. I am saying this of no disrespect to the current pope. But if a pope were to come along who taught Catholics to commit idolatry, who led them into line with secular world, would you follow him? Would you follow Christ? What are you not hearing? I am not complaining. Satan has been seeking my destruction since I was born.  Don’t let your politics blind your compassion.

The fact I am still hurt is evident in that my legs tremor violently every time I get anxious. It’s not as clear to see how emotionally and spiritually wounded I am. Since my baptism, I have been conflicted in my faith. I have tried to reconcile the fact that I have a mental illness with my faith. See, my cPTSD often causes me to vocalize stresses and my emotions. It has caused me a lot of stress. In the past, I have been difficult to deal with. I am confessing, years ago, I used to be very difficult to deal with. I used to get angry, defensive and vocalize my complaints whenever I was feeling threatened. You have all heard me criticizing communism in one of these rants. Prior to my journey to the religious community, I had a lot of emotions, which I did not know what to do with or how to express properly. So, I vented. I am sure you have all seen me shouting as I walk down the street. While, this reaction has settled since my stay at the religious community, due to the healing I received there and the good examples of how men interact with conflict, I have always struggled to reconcile my faith with my emotional wounds. I struggled to reconcile my faith, which says to turn the other cheek and forgive, with my emotional wounds. It was even more confusing, I am sure not only for me, that while I was yelling down the street, I could be simultaneously offering my seat on the bus to an older person or giving money to someone on the street. These episodes were most often caused by panic attacks or flashbacks. You have to be able to acknowledge that this situation (what is happening in the world in relation to me) is entirely unpredictable. It cannot be difficult to see why this is all overwhelming and even frightening for me that everyone’s – EVERYONE’s – perceptions about me flip 180degrees every couple of hours. It’s terribly nerve racking. I always felt terribly after having one of these episodes. I have taken it to confession many times. Each time, I wondered why I was not improving. Finally, I took it to confession at my traditional parish in Ottawa. I told the priest what was happening and how I was feeling. He told me that I was inculpable and only vocalizing my thoughts. Merited, there were probably many times where there was sin in what I was doing, I have repented for these. Still, the root of the issue is in mental illness and the fact that I have not been able to feel my grief and pain. Anyways, what this priest said to me that day was like healing balm across the wounds of my soul.

Next, allow me to raise the question of my mental illness. I have DID and cPTSD. I don’t like to label myself because God is stronger than labels. But my case, my life is testimony for you all. It is testimony against you all. For when you discover what is really happening in the world, you shall see. See, my story is not only my story. What happened to me, the sexual abuse, the emotional abuse is far too common. What we believe is in love, what we believe is in intimacy is, actually, to the child experiencing it, abuse. There is a real rape culture across the globe. You may call it original sin. You’d be right about that. For all of it, every bit of it, starts with the family. For mother, father, seek to show their child affection. It doesn’t stop there, does it? We do it to other people’s children too. While you are suspicious of me, I may be one of the few who is actually respecting of children and their innocence now. What is even worse? There is a culture of satanic abuse. The satanic panic of the eighties was so real it is obscene. And what they did to those poor survivors. I’m telling you. You just can’t remember. No one can remember. It is so traumatic, no one remembers. It’s happening all across the world. In every land and city. Starts with the cultural elite. The doctors. The lawyers. The judges. The unions. The movie stars and bigshots. Oh, good Lord. Especially the movie stars and bigshots. I am writing these three essays separately but actually, each could be an extension of the other. Am I revealing your secrets? Goot. It is my sincere pleasure. People have got to know what I am up against. The monster of this machine. They need to know I cannot do this alone.

What does this have to do with culpability? It’s the process. It’s their rituals. Here are the rituals. Here is the process. They traumatize children (here I am talking about infants to eight year olds) to the point where they are so hurt they fragment. The trauma literally pours over into their capacity for grief and pain. So much so that they fragment. They have to compensate for this pain by creating new identities, new personalities. It’s worse. Here, they can access through the dissociation of the child, God’s future plans for them. They then work to destroy that identity God has prepared for them by traumatizing them. For instance, if God had it planned out that a person was to be an aircraft pilot as an adult, they would make that child so afraid of flight and air travel that it would become an act of God to overcome this fear. They can actually program a child to commit an assassination at a specific time in their future life. You know it’s true. And if you don’t, then you are in for a hefty surprise and wake up call. This brings me to DID. In terms of mental illness, diagnosed, it is among the most rare and special and unique of all. I posit that it is very much as special and unique as it is asserted among the mental health field. I do posit that it is not nearly as rare as we believe. On the contrary, I believe it is very common. Precisely because of this satanic programming. Many of us are not even aware of the many other identities living in us. These are not demons. These are literally other people, living within us. I lived for almost thirty-five years not knowing my other selves. When I discovered them, it’s like I tapped into a hidden superpower. I became a poet, a lover, discovered likes and talents I never knew I possessed. Jehovah gave me a tongue like a sword. Before I met these other identities within myself, I was like in a daze. I was literally a zombie walking. So, if this is true, what does it say about culpability? Well, it means a lot of people, a lot of people indeed, are less culpable than we originally thought. It means sin and righteousness is not nearly as black and white as we once thought. For, if, we have other people living in our bodies, who have been programmed to commit certain sin, what does this say about us? I’m telling you. Truth will liberate many people. So many people. Are you beginning to understand the importance of my message? Somehow I think this will only make your envy and bloodlust worse. I’ll say, what I wrote in my first book about my life and its experiences were to the fullness of my knowledge. It wasn’t until years after that more realizations started coming to me. About things I had done. About the way I had reacted. My books are self sufficient. If you believe me to be inculpable. I leave that to Jehovah to decide what I deserve. But, almost every way that I reacted was attributed to an alter of mine. These alters are not evil. They are just hurt. Their consciences are hurt. We speak what’s in our heart. What do you say about that piece of Gospel wisdom now? Is it really our choice what is in our heart? The Bible, while sufficient, never considered this sort of evil. While it is and always will be the perfect remedy, sometimes what we need is a hospital, not the final pill in a series of pills. We need therapy. Not rehabilitation. The only reason you would question the existence of evil at such a depravity is because you question the existence of Jehovah. Even well-intended Christians are taking part in this. They don’t know any better. It is what they know. We must be obedient to Jehovah. Not any one else.

What good is worldly justice? I see the wages of your worldly justice. It ignores crimes of the powerful and rich, can be bought simply with a fistful of cash. Worldly justice. Hah! It is as elusive as the evil one, working in the shadows, only claiming to be a public good and commodity. Where was my justice? The men who did this to me died peacefully and wealthily in their beds, surrounded by family. Only I am left with the injury. Yes, yes, actions have consequences. Do you only say that for sin that is in the light of day? What about concealed sin? Pizza? Who the heck do you think you are kidding? Jig’s up. Secret’s out. Can imagine plenty going to be upset at me for saying it. Check your heart. Why are you upset at me for pointing this out? It’s not my doing. Yup. I got some sin in my past. It’s in the open. What’s to say for the ‘swept under the rug’ sin? The concealed sin? Wait for the big unveiling! There’s a skeleton in everybody’s closet! Look, I get it. I see why you don’t want purgatory to be real. It’s going to be very difficult to face all you done with your lives and not dealt with here. These are children man. These are the most beautiful creatures of God. You can get angry at me all you want. I am the only one standing up for these at the moment. The forgotten ones. The switched ones. The traumatized ones. Wait. You shall see. You shall see what God, your Jehovah, really feels about all of this. He will show you. Wait. I also was forgotten. I also was switched. Taken and transferred at birth. In the name of this nonsense. I also was traumatized. Christ, Jehovah desire to heal you. Just so you know, all of these who have been hurt in the special name of your pizza party have instant access to Jehovah. This is not the case for all of you. Wait and see. There is forgiveness. There is healing. But you are going to need to repent and recognize this is evil and evil to the extreme. This is going to be quite a lot of repentance. What authority have I to speak on such a subject? I have no doctorate, no PhD. I do, though, have experience with this, inside knowledge, the Spirit of God and healing enough so that I am able to remember a lot of what they were doing.

See, there's an element of this you are not getting. I don't know if it's because of envy. Or frustrated justice. Or if it's part of the curse itself. Satanic abuse in childhood is especially evil. It's not like sexual abuse as an adult or even as a two year old child. The purpose of satanic abuse is to destroy a child's spirit. Their hope. Their love. Their faith. My wings have been hurt. I am doing miraculously with what I was given. But this abuse is to form consciences in evil. I said years ago that it's no wonder I was stumbled so much. It makes sense with what I endured. It is not an excuse. This is a new phenomena. Satanic child abuse is the epitome of evil because it destroys a human for their lives. It sets them onto a course of stumbled evil. I know I have made a lot of mistakes. I apologize for most of them. Nobody apologized to me. You will see. This is the reason for the contract against me that I never work, never experience passion. A lot of energy has gone into debilitating my sense of self and identity. Friends, I can't do this on my own. Surely, you are not blind, laity. Surely, you see clearly that your church is going astray. Please help me. If there is an option to wait, please let me get married. I just want to do God's will. But I have two groups speaking to me. The church on earth. And Jehovah Himself. Who do I believe? You simply want to humiliate me to delay my message. God love you. But get behind me, Satan.

 

The Bitter irony of Serving Satan – Let every Knee bow to Jehovah

The way that satan has manifested himself in the world today is worse than at any other time in history. First of all, there is the ‘process’ of identity fragmentation I speak about in my culpability essay. In terms of governance and authority, the world is entering a phase never seen before. Yes, worldly authorities are corrupt. Every age and era of the past many millenia have known their share of good leaders and kings. Kings who restore and rebuild. These have also known their share of corrupt tyrants who destroy and tear down. The world has never really seen such a malignant political force as communism. Our Lady of Fatima warned us. There is no greater oppressive force to both the spirit of man and his physical well-being. Be clear, here, I am making a distinction between the politics of a country and its culture. We must be permitted to criticize and question our leaders. This is freedom. Without it, tyranny runs free, without anything holding it back. This is the work of satan. I am afraid too. I don’t think that the world will be able to survive a world wide tyranny under this reign. Obedience is good. We must never be obedient into sin. I am actually quite surprised to see so many Christians who are not obedient to holidays or anthems, willingly accepting experimental vaccinations. Yes, we are to be obedient to authority. If an authority ordered you to take a rifle and shoot your brother, what would be your response? These are the extremes. In terms of milder influence, are you really surprised to see the entertainment industry secrets coming out at this time? It’s not only that. There is an agenda. An ideological agenda being implemented. It’s in the schools, the movies, the television. What’s worse? It’s in the seminaries. Nobody is saying anything. Maybe this is the reason it simply continues and perpetuates. The ones speaking up you oppress and persecute. I remember a certain mayoral candidate a number of years ago in the city of Toronto. She was speaking reason reasonably. They canceled her completely. If I were to tell you that there is a sinister reason behind the immigration rises over the past three decades, you would call me racist, wouldn’t you? It’s okay. It’s what you have been trained to think. The purpose of this is voter control. Saturating certain peoples with other peoples, cultures with other cultures. In order to create conflict in the confusion. Look, this is the reason legal immigration is reasonable. It assimilates the person to the culture. It can all ALL ALL fix. Jehovah is ready to swoop in and restore everything. EVERYTHING. What makes you think that corporations have some sort of soul? Never forget that the purpose of government, business and entertainment is to serve the good will of the customer. I know that it is miniscule in relation to what else is happening. But the customers of a restaurant do not have an obligation to appease the wait staff. Common courtesy is a given. But, I find it laughable all of the abuse of ad time and no harassment clauses. No, harassment is not acceptable. But let us remember, government and every other form of public service exists for the benefit and good will of the public. Not the corporation. There has been a lack of discipline in the world for the past decades. Discipline must be remembered. Discipline is love. It is not abuse. I know first hand the effect of a lack of discipline. So I see it all around. For every generation that has existed, there have been child sacrifices. It is biblical. The disgusting god of Molech. When we see this happening in Scripture, we see something distant. Some eras, it is more evident than others. I am telling you, it is happening today. Even apart from abortion, which actually is a sacrament of satan, these rituals and practices have never been more active. We need to recognize this. Our eyes need to be opened to it. Then the healing shall take place.

What qualifies me to say this? By no means any worldly proficiency or skill. Neither schooling or certification. What qualifies me is the same one who has given me the wisdom I possess. I’ve told my story in other areas. There is no corroboration. This is precisely what I am saying. The memories are too traumatic for you to remember. There is someone very close to me who should remember but doesn’t. She is still under their spell. She had a lot of trauma too. I shared some of that with you as well. To this person and every other person who should remember, I forgive you. Yes, what qualifies me is my experiences. Far more than that it is in who I am. I am not complaining. Why do I say all of this? It’s because I have literally lived, seen and tasted a time when things were drastically different. Things can be like this again. Yes, the world will always be broken. And the restorative times do not make things perfect. But you need to ask yourself, why would you keep the world in a state of misery if there can be a restoration? Why would you deter the restoration? What motive could you have? Even in spite of the fact that this world will always be broken and doomed, the periods of restoration, love and peace were still very, very real. Look, I am sorry that I have to be the one to tell you all of this. And I am sure it’s not exactly uniting. Here’s the truth. Truth has got to be told. It will be too late soon. We need to remember the way it once was in this civilization. I am not angry. Name of God. Jehovah is neither angry. I just cannot express how pained I feel at seeing the world in this state. It fills me with grief. I know it does the same for Jehovah. Look guys, I’m not asking you to do this for me. When you have seen and literally stood before your God and felt His every emotion pass through your recesses of your body, it is hard not to share in this sorrow.

I am not that character. What I endured as a child, I endured because God asked me to. I am who God says I am. Before I was born, God appointed me and chose me to be His servant. My experiences of Heaven began before my birth. At least now we know why God blesses me so much. It is not Christian to try to hurt someone. It is not Christian to provoke bad in someone to justify even worse behavior. I wonder how a true Christian would react to hearing that an infant was sold and ransomed by close abusers to satan? That child having grown, who now lives a righteous life and seeks simply to be consecrated to God. He has eternal life because of the work that he has done. He has been trying so hard to rid himself of this weight. Seems like whatever he does, he cannot shake this contract of sorrow. He learns that he cannot help himself. Is the true Christian’s response going to be to help this child or provoke this terrible curse his abusers placed on him in infancy? I was an infant. This was my abuser’s choice. Not mine. Who is deceived? The one who stands firm to the message of Christ as He instructed and which has been this way for 2000 years? Or is the one who is deceived and who is deceiving the one who is trying to compromise Truth of the Faith with modernism and communism? Two of the biggest heresies of the past. I do not speak heresy. I speak what is common sense. Modernism, communism in the church? Wow. Name of God! For like a decade, you have been seeking answers from the wrong people. I have told my story. In cases of Satanic ritual abuse, the responsibility always lies in the hands of the abusers. It is the abuser's choice to put a child on this path. Not the child's.

Satanic programing is real. It sounds completely insane. Trust me. God will prove it’s real. The program I feel worst about is the program of shame I feel for things I want, for woman I want. I was literally programed to reject my basic needs. Like my sexuality. They worked hard on this. Even my time at the religious community was programed. I remember things said there that my abusers were saying decades earlier. Impossible things. Impossible coincidences. Abusers were programing me for the time I would spend there. First glance, I am sure this sounds ridiculous. Listen: These satanic doctors start in childhood. God controls the destiny of children. They want to mock even this. They get a child, traumatize him so much until they dissociate. In this place of dissociation, they can gain access subconsciously to his future. They can access his entire life. The child simply tells the doctors what they have planned. What God has planned. This is where these sick doctors work. They can program humans like video games. Through trauma, torture and suggestion. https://deprogramwiki.com

I want to include this bit here in this essay about satan. I noticed on a popular social media app, recently, that my defence of Cardinal Pell after a friend criticized him was removed. Seems to be a common occurrence. The random and mysterious removal of ideas and comments that are unpopular. I created a brilliant argument years ago against a friend who was criticizing Christianity. Years after, the entire post was removed and deleted. Into the ethers of electronic social media. Here: Cardinal Pell was a beautiful man. How could I make this assessment with knowledge of what he was accused of? Simple. He stood for truth. And we are all accused of the exact same thing by God. Just wait for the secret sins to be unveiled. ;) We are all doing the exact same thing. We just call it love. Trust me, to children it is not love. If someone was especially holy, especially close to God, don't you think Satan would desire to tarnish that one's reputation and character? It is often the case that the holy ones are chosen as pillars to bear the responsibility of the sins of everyone. It doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t make it just. It will. In the Kingdom where they are crowned perpetually with glory. Just wait. Your sins are coming out too.

Perhaps a person does not agree with an idea politically. Therefore, they deny the possibility that the event could ever happen. In their lives or in the lives of others. It's all about culpability. I find it interesting that the founders of False Memory Syndrome foundations have been accused of abuse as well. Some people have a lot to hide. As though their self image is dependant upon the covering of these crimes. Soon, we will realize how often these things are really happening. Satanic Panic was real. I am living proof. What would it mean if truth came out in my case?

This is Truth: Jehovah God is perfect; just, love, truth and peace. Satan, the father of lies offers only destruction. He is the one who leads men to sin, who leads men to kill each other and to lie. This is the struggle: the continual wrestle between sin and love. Sin is the destruction of mankind, we need to do everything we can to rid it from our lives. Because, though, God is an understanding God, He is perfectly holy and cannot be surrounded by sin. Life affects us all. Unprocessed suffering and pain hinders our faith and no matter how much we try, if we are in places of hurt and sin, we cannot come near to Jehovah. But it is our responsibility to resolve the darkness in our lives. Because there is no excuse for sin. When I think of that, I see the idea more as being that God deserves better than that. God deserves our love, honor and worship. Things may seem like they’re struggling at the moment. But with God, everything works together for the good. Sometimes not in the ways you’d expect. But truth will be revealed. I was stumbled from day one. I think it is very difficult to expect a child going through so much to be perfect. The adult is always the one who makes the decision in cases of abuse. Abuse is never the child’s fault. Even as the child grows. Which questions the nature of culpability at its core. We all been traumatized as kids. We all got unresolved trauma and memories we cannot bear to remember. Even the pope. Even the cardinals. Only we have the responsibility to heal and move forward in love. This is all very re-traumatizing for me. I’m finding myself feeling very censored and ashamed at the moment of my right to speak and have opinions. You know how I feel about what they did to me. In spite of this, I will be grateful and thankful, knowing how much I have to be thankful for.

Purification and test or shame? Humiliation? Told you satan is trying to kill me. It becomes blatant. Invincible ignorance and inculpability are both Scriptural and Catechetical. If you feel I need to make reparation, I will still agree with you. If you only knew what I endured literally the full course of my childhood and young adulthood. This depends on what I am claiming. I say this with deep respect and love because I know that you are simply trying to get to the bottom of what I am claiming. Well, if you remember the several last posts I made in this, me private news broadcasting machine, you would know that there is a lot more to my story than simply the abuse. I think you are listening to the wrong people. I say it with respect for them especially.

I cannot think of a greater honor and blessing than losing your life for the glory of God. As well, with the glory He has planned for me. This being said God has wanted for me to die a happy death. I also want to die a happy death. This is frustrating because I will not trust. I cannot surrender. I do not think you are going to get the reaction or the result you are anticipating in trying to humiliate me. Not just from me. You may actually make me a #saintinaday. May God’s will be done. Regardless of what is being said, I would like to encourage you to appreciate that my current politics have nothing to do with my past. My past was misguided by trauma and misplaced anger. To prove this, Nazism was actually a leftist ideology. In spite of this, I am neither trying to influence the course of politics in the world nor trying to tell people who to vote for. Follow your consciences. By doing so, we follow the right path. For us. Remember truth makes all clear. My message is not in what I say or do. Though, what we say and do are becoming increasingly important to me. I used to always say that who we are is not what we say or do. While this message has integrity and meaning, what we do is truly important for how we relate with one another. In any case, I want you to know that we are, together, a beautiful world. God carries inestimable value in His heart for every one of you. Sinners included. This, after all, is a large reason for my coming. To call the exiles, the sinners to repentance. Do not forget what I have always said: The end is not come yet. This world, this life can still be beautiful. Remarkable. This world can be a foretaste of the love, the peace, the justice and the hope of Heaven. I remember once in the city of Toronto, walking the streets singing to myself the lyrics of the song from a popular movie of the 80’s. I’ll quote them here. I believe them fully that they can still be a reality: “In time, we’ll be dancing in the streets all night. In time, everything will be alright.” It doesn’t seem practical to deprive the world of this blessing in order to punish me. Forget about me for a second. Forget about those involved in my story and life. This is bigger. It has always been bigger. Keep faith. A time will come when we will be dancing in the streets all night. I remember also, actually it is the image in my mind when I meditate upon the joy and happiness that will come, the streets of Toronto after the Jays won the World Series in 92 for the first time. People were literally climbing streetlights. People were running between traffic, hugging and embracing each other. Screaming from balconies. What joy! I am sure there are better examples. I was not here when WWII ended but I imagine this was on a bigger scale, the joy. The world is hurting. People are hurting. There are not nearly as many evil people in the world now as the evil one will make it seem. Most people are just lost in their pain, their hurt. Because of this, their consciences have been altered. Healing is coming. Truly, it is coming. Truly, it is coming. Keep faith, blessed souls. We are all, every one of us, in this fight together. Not one of us is alone. If you ever find yourself feeling lonely, God is only a metaphorical phone call away. What’s His phone number? It’s in your heart, on the tip of your tongue. All you need to do is talk to Him. He wants to hear you. He longs to hear from you. Will you talk to Him? Will you open your heart to Him?

I feel shame constantly. It’s another reason why your attempts to humiliate me are so evil. I feel toxic shame. This sense that I am a bad person because of what I have been through. I’ve said before, guilt is a feeling of remorse over something we have done. Shame is feeling badly about who we are because of nothing we could have done. Anyways, I’m starting to realize that it’s not only people who can hurt us. I’m recognizing the threat at least, of other principalities. I mean very earnestly and succinctly that I have been lied to. I have been lied to not only by people. From my earliest recollection, the evil one has been trying to convince me that I deserved all of that maltreatment. That spirit has been trying to convince me it is God’s doing. This is how Satan works. I do not feel abashed in saying that Satan is a dang, dang, dang liar. Every so often, I’ll hear a voice that shames me. It happens a lot after I do things. Or don’t act on things. It will tell me that I should have done better. Or that I really messed up a relationship with what I have done or not done. Or that I don’t deserve to do something. I’m quickly recognizing this voice as the voice of the tempter. I’m ashamed to say that many times, in the past, I have listened to this voice. I want to acknowledge my contrition, my sorrow for this and offer repentance right now. It comes when we are at our worst. In suffering and pain. We need to remember through our every and deepest trial, God’s most holy and complete love for us all. I’ve been tempted from the earliest recollection I have. As much as I will say that it is unfair to tempt a child like the way that I was tempted, especially in what I was forced to endure, I recognize the great gift that has been given to me in a testimony that has transformed darkness into light. That will at least. And what that early temptation has taught me is that just as God is ever present in our lives, ever desiring the fullness of glories and joy for all of us, the evil one can be present in our lives as well. The difference between he and our holy loving Father is that he wants to rob glory from both us and more importantly, God. That spirit wants us all to experience darkness. God is the only path to light. Light and love is the only path to God. Choose light. Choose life. As I am choosing.

God loves us and wants so much for our love. Satan is the enemy. That one is the cause of all that is and has gone wrong in our world. I get the feeling that by using illustrations like abortion, it does the opposite of guiding you away from satan. Allow me to be frank. Satan does not care about you. Not one bit. Had he his way, he would kill you on earth and swallow your heart and soul. If you think of abortion like the murder of a five year old child, does this change anything? In any case, it’s a sin against your own conscience and against Jehovah first. You are the only one who will answer for it. But, there is forgiveness.

A lot of us, myself included, spend our time and energy focussing on the negative things of this world that we sometimes forget why we embarked on this journey in the first place. I pray continually for our brothers and sisters who are being persecuted overseas. Of all faiths. We are brothers and sisters. We all share the uniting theme that we suffer. Remember Christ. What He did. Who He came for. And why He came. Don’t let your hearts harden. Was Christ condoning sexual immorality when protecting the woman caught in adultery? Or rather, did he choose to see a human being in need of help and of divine forgiveness? Love.

I was evangelizing yesterday. In my own way. I shared with a woman that Jehovah loves her and she said in response that she hates Him. She said that she serves satan. I stood up and walked away. As I was walking away, I said ‘Jehovah still loves you’. This got me thinking. What a terribly foolish and tragically ironic thing it is to willingly serve satan. It is akin to willingly ending your own life. I do suppose that a third of the angels followed satan in his rebellion. The same may be true for humanity. How tragic it is when human beings get stuck into the mindset that this life is the totality of existence. For since we live once, best eat and drink and be merry. I promise you that this life is not the totality of existence. There will most certainly be a judgement. And justice is coming. How tragic it is that within the world today, so many beautiful children of Jehovah are trapped into this mentality that this life is the sum of existence and so succumb to their sinful nature. Witches, performing spells to gain fortune and power. Warlocks committing unspeakable sins to the same end. Are you amassing wealth and power to your benefit? Uncounted kings and princes of the past did the same. Where are they now? They all have the same fate and destination. Naked shall we leave, just as we entered. Is it really difficult to see that Jehovah is not the only one who gives wealth, power and success in this earth? If the world is in the clutches of the evil one, he will give his successes to whoever he wants. God sees what happens in the hidden recesses of the world. From His sight, there is no hiding place. We may feel proud and comfortable knowing we have escaped human authority for this long. God sees. And soon, so will other people. It’s already begun. But there is good news, friends. Our Father, Jehovah is a forgiving God, quick to pardon the sins of everyone, no matter how grievous they are. Thinking about that woman who said this to me, I would approach it differently if it were to happen again. I would ask her if something hurt her. If there was a terrible trauma in her past, which distanced her from the love of Jehovah. Of course, every single one of us are dreadfully stumbled by the entertainment and media. We see it, increasingly so. I remember when I was a kid, even horror movies were mild compared to what they are now. Pornography was rare. But even in innocent children’s shows, there was something happening. Shows meant for teenagers, putting the thoughts onto the watcher’s minds, ‘if God loves us, why so much suffering?’ All of this. Not to mention what happens behind the scenes in these industries. Here is the bitter truth: Serving satan willfully is like serving Hitler willfully, knowing his end while you’re serving him. Actually, it’s worse. Much worse. But I use worldly language so that you might understand me. Hitler’s lifespan was a grain of sand in the eternity, which is awaiting us. I don’t know his fate. I don’t know the state of his heart at the end. But I can guess he may have a lot burdening his conscience. Friends, there is a saint in Catholicism named St. Christopher. He has a beautiful story. Allow me to share it with you now. Based on my recalled account, St. Christopher found the prince of this world. Satan. Because he seemed to rule everything, have everything in his control, Christopher offered his allegiance to this prince. Being responsible for seeing passengers across a long and deep river, one day, a small child came and asked him if he would help him across the river. Christopher began to take him out. But the deeper and deeper they went, the heavier and more resistant the child became. When, in the middle of the river, the child told Christopher that He was the Christ and that he was carrying the burden of the world. Christopher responded, I was under the assumption that the world was in the prince’s power. To which the child responded, ‘I am greater than the prince. True greatness is in service and love.’ From this day on, Christopher offered his full devotion to this Christ. See, to Christopher, he was searching to offer service to the greatest. Thanks God, Jesus found him. He did not know. He did not know. But, we know. We know. We haven’t excuse. In this day, when the message of the Kingdom is proclaimed far and wide, in every language and nation, we must now know that God is not dead. Our sin separates us from Jehovah. We must know that God is indeed watching. We must know that God will have His day of wrath. And that this day is not some distant, metaphysical day, far off in the ethers – one that we need not worry about, because it has no bearing upon our lives. A time of restoration is coming. During which the sins of many will be laid bare. God will have His justice at this time. Hide yourselves, clothe yourselves with the crevices of the rock and the shade of the mountain tops. People will not be able to escape this. It will be an enormous display of both His love, His compassion and His wrath. For the true intentions of hearts in that day will be laid bare. It will be unmistakable, the state of people’s hearts before God. Hide you witches and demons. For Jehovah of armies comes, like a scythe collecting wheat at the harvest. What an honor and a blessing to know that He has chosen my story to be the catalyst of this justice being enacted in all the world.

I do not try to scare you. It will indeed be a frightening day for some. For the most part though, it will be a glorious day. A day of restoration. A day of faith and of glory. A day of hope and of peace. Truly, a day of justice. I say this to encourage you to seek Him in His glory now, at this moment. And as I speak to the wayward children of the world, so I also speak to the ecclesial bodies of the religious authority. Repent! Let us learn a message from St. Christopher. When one greater has come, let us serve Him. And serve Him alone. I am shouting from the rooftops. One greater than the prince of this world has arrived. Golly, I am not talking about myself. I wouldn’t. Even if it were true. And perhaps it is. But, here, I talk about the Christ. But, honor will go to the place she is due. Won’t it? The times for sweeping your sin under the carpet and silencing the lights of the world is over. Believe me, I say this with concern for your very heart. See you believe, because you are worldly minded that what you amass in this life is some end of existence. I pronounce to you once more, what is it for a man to gain the world and lose his soul? I know this all too well myself brothers and sisters. Satan can offer you fame, power, wealth, security and comfort. But in terms of eternity, you will have none of that. Hell exists, friends. It do. It was prepared for the fallen ones. Jehovah does not send people there. We will choose it of our own accord and will. For what is this life in terms of eternity? It is a mere flash. A speck in time. Following Jehovah through His Christ may be burdensome and even hurt. But, let us remember always the reward that awaits us upon the other side. It is a great and illuminated treasure awaiting us. I have seen heaven, friends. I have seen hell. I choose heaven. Not only because it is glorious. Also because of the sanctification and glorification of Jehovah. Jehovah deserves this honor friends. The irony of serving satan is in this: he would sooner trample you and mince you to pieces prior to helping you. We believe the riches, the wealth and the comfort are signs of his care for us. Ironically, he offers them to us because he hates us. He hates Jehovah. He is hate itself. He offers these to us because he knows if we are comfortable, we will not fight. If we are rich, we will never be content with nothing. He knows if we are well-fed, we will be unable to tolerate hunger pangs. If we follow satan, we will be dust. We will die. This is black and white truth. He does not stand a chance. The battle is already waged, fought and the outcome decided. He loses. Anyone choosing this side, will be lost as well. It will forfeit your soul. Your eternity. In addition to this, we believe that our anger and vengeance creates lasting wounds out of our bitterness. These works are not eternal. The sin we carry out now. The murder (and there’s a lot of it happening) is not fruitful for you. Murdering one is like placing a crown upon their victim’s head in the Kingdom. It’s not doing what we think it will do. But what can we expect from worldly minded people?

That people are not what they seem on the surface is very Biblical. People who are deemed ‘good and righteous people’ have secrets in their hearts as well. That is not to say that all good and righteous people are deceitful. I’m just saying that what is on the surface, is not always a clear indication of what’s beneath. Satan enters our minds and hearts so sneakily. To be deceitful and to sin is not always a conscious choice. This is why we must fill our hearts with love and Truth. In a similar way, people who are deemed hard, bad and sinners do not always have as bad a heart as we would like to think. Is it possible that life has simply affected them to the point where they are cold and distant? These are those for whom Jesus came. Much like the severity of an amputated limb, trauma can have a similar permanent effect on people. There are a lot of factors, which contribute to the way trauma(s) affect individuals. Our metaphorical cups can be filled both with negative emotion as a result of traumas, injustices and also as a result of harboring brooding upon bitterness and sinful behaviors. Just as our metaphorical cups can be filled with love and peace and Truth. Because trauma and bad stuff affects our lives negatively doesn’t have to prevent us from living full, happy lives. Fill your hearts with the Spirit in Word and prayer. This is love. It will have a beautiful effect on people. Yes, people are more than what they present on the surface. It is true, a third of the angels fell. Many human beings will follow these. Is this implying that we have no choice? That our fates are predecided? If you hear anything I say, know (do not only hear) that there is never a fixed outcome to our lives. We must know that it is never, never, never too late to call out, to call upon the name of Jehovah through His Christ. We must know that to Jehovah, all that matters is the state of the heart at the time of death. Yes, there will be opportunity to cleanse ourselves after. But, it is not a second chance. We must know that Jehovah will forgive pretty much any sin. You do not repent because you believe your sin to be beyond forgiveness. You believe yourself to be a lost cause. Because of your heart. Brothers, sisters, I assure you today that there is nothing, hear me, NOTHING that our God cannot forgive. It is free. All we need to do is turn to Him. But, at the same time, we must also be vigilant in that our futures are never assured in the Kingdom either. We must always be vigilant and ready to stand for our faith. The point? God is not an angry father. He is not abusive and short tempered. On the contrary. He is eager to accept us and our return. He is not only eager. He desires us with a burning and passionate desire to return to Him. For all of us, every single one, there is no other place in the world more wonderful and safe and accepting than the Father’s arms. While yes, many will indeed follow these fallen ones to judgement, it is my personal belief that not one human was ever intended for the fire. Yes, there will be a cleansing. For everyone. Especially baptized Christians. For with power comes responsibility. The important thing about this cleansing is not to lose hope. Keep faith. Do not despair. Despair is the enemy’s weapon. And while there is always forgiveness, God’s arms are always open, it does not justify bad behavior now. We must not say, ‘if Jehovah is forgiving up to the last moment, I will simply repent at the end.’ We do not know when the end will come. In addition to this, in the cleanse, we will have to face the repercussions of each and every action and word that we have said to others. Seeing our treatment of others. Will it fill us with hope and love? Or will it fill us with despair? End of the day, our choice is entirely our own. God does not judge us. We judge ourselves. We only build a lengthier case against ourselves by the evil deeds we commit.