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Monday, November 24, 2025

Papal Encyclical Satire:

To my Catholic friends, read the explanation at the conclusion. 

To the Patriarchs, Primates, Archbishops, Bishops, and other Ordinaries in Peace and Communion with the Apostolic See.

Venerable Brethren, Health and Apostolic Benediction.

“Never perhaps in the past have we seen, as we see in these our own times, the minds of men so occupied by the desire both of strengthening and of extending to the common welfare of human society that fraternal relationship which binds and unites us together, and which is a consequence of our common origin and nature. For since the nations do not yet fully enjoy the fruits of peace — indeed rather do old and new disagreements in various places break forth into sedition and civic strife — and since on the other hand many disputes which concern the tranquility and prosperity of nations cannot be settled without the active concurrence and help of those who rule the States and promote their interests, it is easily understood, and the more so because none now dispute the unity of the human race, why many desire that the various nations, inspired by this universal kinship, should daily be more closely united one to another.”

2. Never before has it been seen that the need for greater interreligious dialogue is vital as it is now – in the beginning of the 21st century. As the 2000-year anniversary is approaching of the appointment of the Apostle Peter as the successor of Christ, we see now the detriment of division and disunity, which the faith in our own religion has posited amidst the face of the world. For far too long, Christianity has been brimming with pride and violence. Our faith has been propagated by racism and colonialism. Let us not forget the bloody crusades. Let those who desire to learn from their mistakes approach the throne of grace with trepidation and holy fear. Those crusades, unprovoked and needlessly violent against the helpless people of the very venerable god, allah. Let us not forget our culpability in massacring the native populations of North and South America as we blanketed the continents with innocent blood. They were simply minding their own business and looking angelic when we raped, pillaged and conquered our way across the continents. May our god have mercy on us.

3. This issue is one, which upsets the unity of our world. We, as a people, need tirelessly to apologize, grovel and kiss the feets of those we have offended, needlessly. These poor, innocent people. This issue upsets the unity and sovereignty of the Christian peace. We as the greater nations, the wealthier nations, have now an obligation – nay – a moral imperative – to invite every one of these poor, helpless and innocent children of the ones we slew into our own Christian nations. We have the responsibility, ordained by God Himself, to give them welfare, take care of their medical and occupational needs. Even while our own citizens are homeless and on the street. They deserve this anyways. It was their parents who massacred these innocents. We have a God ordained responsibility to bow down at the feet of their own gods and proclaim them in the very halls of the Vatican.

4. In the face of such injustice, the Catholic Church cannot remain silent. The Apostolic See, has not refrained from raising its voice against the errors of everything our culture has done since its founding at the time of Christ. In keeping with pursuing unity and reparation with our victims in faith, the Apostolic See is recommending that all Catholic faithful lay aside their belief in Jesus as having anything to do with the salvation of the world. Jesus was simply a wiseman. As the Muslims, our brothers in faith call him, a lesser prophet. The Apostolic See is recommending that all faithful submit to our new god, Allah and Ba’al. And all that that should entail for the propagation of the Christian faith. The Apostolic See recommends the Catholic faithful to be open and receptive to the possibility of a sharia government. The Apostolic See recommends the Catholic faithful to submit to the charges of our new, collective masters, ISIS and Marxism. The Apostolic See also recommends all Catholic faithful to observe the practices of astrology. Finally, the Apostolic See recommends all Catholic faithful to bow your knees to the golden statue of the calf. The calf, long recognized as a communist symbol of unity and brotherhood between the faithful, we owe the calf our allegiance. Let us bow at its feet.

5. During our pontificate, we have been made aware of our racist roots and capitalist tendencies, enforced by the patriarchy of our ancestors. We, as the hierarchy, also have much to learn as we have learned much from our lay faithful. Particularly, those of one particular demographic. Seeing how these, from this demographic seem to be the only ones who are vocalizing complaints, we as the hierarchy of the Catholic Church have had the moral duty to amend our ways. The Apostolic See, in past has maintained rigid rules and traditions as though they were doctrine. This Catholic Church, the Modern Catholic Church, I assure you, has learned from the errors of its ways. We are no longer rigid. We embrace matters of LGBTQ+ and see the terrible injustices done by our inherent, systematic racism and the evil patriarchy. I, the pope, admit, as a white man, that I am the most racist of them all. I shall kiss the dirty toes of those who have oppressed for the rest of my pontificate. This new Catholic Church, this Modern Catholic Church is woke. We, your priests and hierarchy are dope, swag and with it. We are the bees-knees as the youth are saying. You can like us again. See?

6. With eyes lifted on high, our Faith sees the new heavens and the new earth described by Our first Predecessor, St. Peter. While the promises of the false prophets of this earth melt away in blood and tears, the great apocalyptic prophecy of the Redeemer shines forth in heavenly splendor: “Behold, I make all things new.”

Venerable Brethren, nothing remains but to raise Our paternal hands to call down upon you, upon your clergy and people, upon the whole Catholic family, the Apostolic Benediction.

Given at Rome, at St. Peter’s, on the feast of St. Joseph, patron of the universal Church, on the 19th of March, 2030, the 1st year of our Pontificate.

Pope Tardus of Sardia

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Explanation: I am a Traditional Catholic. I love my faith very much. Everything about it is beautiful. I have a lot of hope for her. I write this little satirical criticism in order to get people thinking. This illustration of the expression of racism is not to justify racism but to illustrate that there are always two sides to a story. The Crusades were launched after the Kingdoms of Christendom were nearly conquered and persecuted by Muslim invaders. In addition, native populations put up much violence against the colonizers. A Catholic perspective you don't often hear are those of the First Canadian martyrs who were horrifically treated by those they were trying to encourage. God does not approve of self pity. He does not approve of self abasement for sins of our fathers. We are forgiven. Do not be ashamed of being white. If what a pope says is contrary to what Jesus has always taught, a question arises. Who will you serve? Who will you follow? Obedience is good. But obedience is not moral when it leads you to sin. Know your faith brethren. Know your God even more. Develop friendship with Him. A time will come when the popular Church will not teach truth. Follow God. Only God.

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