Sorrow:

Would you like to speak to me about sorrow? The Virgin Mary was surely pierced with overwhelming sorrow and grief. This is clear. If this is true, how much truer for me? If I were to ask you a question, a rhetorical question, what would you answer? Who suffered more? Jesus or Mary? This is a difficult question. It explores the depths of human reason and emotion. There is a difference, whether you choose to believe it or not, between direct suffering and indirect suffering. Part of me truly believes that you simply are clinging by the bleeding nail to your control. You are afraid of losing control. Of your power. Of your relevance. There is also a difference between physical and emotional suffering. As we have seen, emotional suffering can be as devastating as physical suffering. Here is what you miss in my situation. You believe I am unrepentant, you believe I am angry, you believe I am a sinner and deserved this abuse. You miss the obvious signs that I am screaming for you to hear. The anger, the defence mechanisms, even the sins, it is all encompassed in unexpressed grief and sorrow. You see anger. So you vilify me. Edo I not have the right to be angry? Here is the thing: anger is not an empty emotion… envy is… just an observation. Anger is always attached to some deeper pain. It is a result of overwhelming and undealtwith grief and sorrow. I am not attacking Mary by saying that she did not experience the same grief and sorrow as me. Here: you all believe that I am trumping your traumas. You believe this because your traumas also are unhealed. Here: I kind of have a right to trauma trump. Think about it reasonably, cock aside, how much grief would it produce within a child, to be born into the world through the carcass of a goat? To be satanically abused daily for the first twelve years of life? You cannot see this because your cocks are in the way. Soften your hearts. Repent. Mary is special. I am not challenging this. But she is not the co-savior that you seek. Grief, when processed offers an incredible gift. It is suffering in developmental periods that develops grace. You ready to hear some more heresy? Graces are offered in childhood. It is the reason that I was meant to rule the world with an iron rod. I needed to process this trauma. It is the reason I stare at women. It is because I have lost all power in my life. This is precisely because of the grief I experienced, and which is still plaguing me. You are being bullies. It is the reason why passion is so integral in my healing. Your cock race is going to make you crucify another Jesus. I mean no disrespect to Mary. She does not know grief like I do. Neither do any of you. I am the only one who was strong enough to survive that sort of birth. Processed grief, when dealt with, offers us incredible gifts. It is the reason I was meant to tell my story decades ago. So that I could heal. You are being bullies. I believe I can still be healed. For this, I need to experience passion and to maintain employment. Here: Because of overwhelming grief of my soul, I am handicapped at attaining these. Every woman I fall in love with, I am unable to open my heart to. My relationally close, female abuser (Gosh I detest what your law requires of people telling truth) really hurt me. We are speaking about grief and sorrow. What could result from a man being humiliated by his relationally close, female abuser, (!), raped and shamed daily do to his sense of masculinity, his sense of worth? Might it be a cause for sorrow that his relationally close, female abuser rapes him into his early twenties? I am paralyzed by grief, by sorrow. Your leaders will not help me. Because I pose a threat to their system of retardation. Come on guys, these people still truly believe that women, gays and islam are the most oppressed people in the world. You talk an awful lot about compassion. Perhaps sorrow is something you can understand. The bible does not speak of trauma, perse. It speaks about sorrow. Yup, it’s satan’s world. Are we arming satan by supporting him in this world? Do we see his violence and sin and death as a means to establish Kingdom? It will not come about this way. We need to fight for life. For victims. For each other. On which side will you find yourself? It’s the reason I was intended to die after my trip to Iceland. You see this as a surrender on my part. That is because you are retarded. Jehovah would have used me enormously then. The reason I was to die was because of the overwhelming sorrow in my heart. Oh, let’s not forget your murderous envy. When leaders realize something threatens their touchy leadership, they become all pissy and moany. Guys, I am bold in my words. My leadership is not for now. If I am still to die, whether I am to live and heal and thrive now, is in the hands of my God, Jehovah. What I know is that I need somethings for my spiritual and emotional health. For my liberation. You can trust, leaders of the church and of the world will not help me.