The Will of God:

See, this is what was supposed to happen. I was meant to be a king from the very day I was born. The Spirit of God was upon me from the day I was born. I was chosen before I entered this world. This is the reason I was sent. It’s the reason I was supposed to tell. Here’s the thing: I did tell. A number of times. Every time, I was not believed and shamed. My conscience was stumbled and I commit some serious sins. These sins were not mine. I see that I have exhausted every possible avenue to convince you that I am not culpable. I leave this in the hands of Jehovah. He will show you. Catholic Church, you still cannot understand shame. You cannot understand that some parents do not have the best intentions with their children. You still cannot understand the fact that suffering stumbles people to commit sin. What I need is not penance. Sometimes a person’s past is not the best place from which to judge him. You cannot make a sinner healthy by sinning against him. This is not the way of God. Vengeance is not Christian. Public humiliation is not a Christian form of penance. There is nothing Christian about it. Here: my mission is complete. You hear me say this. With the suffering I endured in childhood, my blessings were secured. Who I am is because of what I suffered. You are bullies and think you can deprive me of the blessings belonging to me because I was hurt. You do not even hear me when I say that my relationally close female abuser raped me. For decades. Because you cannot understand the dynamics of human emotions. This is not heresy. This is grooming. When you begin to wound a child and slowly cut away at his masculinity, he begins to think he deserves it. Despite this trauma, God told me that if I wanted to, I could wait to tell until after I received a brain injury. That the suffering I endured would be greatly for the glory of God. He told me to wait, knowing the risk that I would commit sin. I was intended to overcome the trauma during the coma. I felt such shame. You cannot understand now. Because of the way it is also affecting you. Don’t worry. He will show you. Because of the shame, I have been stuck in the trauma of my childhood for forty years. You say that the choice of whether we go to heaven or hell is made in our time on earth. I would say in response to that that you have neither experienced this nor understand the power of God. Again, you fence your God in and limit Him when you restrict His majesty.

Because of my frailty and to protect me from the bullies of the world, God decided that I would offer my life as a sacrifice so that a worldwide blessing would ensue. I would be resurrected in years future to be a king. If this sounds blasphemous, remember, Jesus raised Lazarus. Are you still fencing God in? It was God’s will to reward me after the injury I suffered for Him. This all depends upon one thing. How we treat the vulnerable. It depends upon your view of your God. Do you believe God squashes the innocent and weak? If it’s true, woe to all of us. If it’s true, perhaps life is worth fighting for, huh? Perhaps, as faithful, we shall need do better at protecting the weak, the vulnerable, the innocent. When He shows you, I am telling you, you will feel incredibly silly for resisting me. I know why you resist me though. It is because it threatens the powers that be. It’s okay. Keep fighting and grieving the holy spirit. No wonder he don’t talk to you. 😉

“And he told this parable: ‘A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard, and he came seeking fruit on it and found none. And he said to the vinedresser, ‘look, for three years now I have come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and I find none. Cut it down. Why should it use up the ground?’ And he answered him, ‘Sir, let it alone this year also, until I dig around it and put on manure. Then if it should bear fruit next year, well and good. . .” (Luke 13:6). I know that I could literally die to this world at any moment. It will be enough to think of this when that comes. Now I want to embrace and live in the happiness that God has offered me. I want to live in the present. And in the knowledge that even if I were to die, there would be so much waiting for me. Because of the truth of God’s love. I wrote this bit shortly after I wrote the book that God asked me to write. I don’t want to die. I only realized how much there is to live for a couple of years ago. I didn’t know. I didn’t understand how glorious life could be. It’s part of the reason I couldn’t overcome. Positive life wasn’t possible for me. All I knew growing up was pain. I submit to the fact that it may still be God’s will for me to die. This blessing that was coming at my death has remained in limbo while I am alive. I submit to whatever the will of God is. I know for some absurd reason the Church Militant doesn’t want to believe in this blessing. Perhaps they desire to keep me alive. This is what I know: I was meant to die peacefully and happily. How you feel about the blessing that comes kind of is an indication of the state of your heart. Do you want God to bless the world? Do you want justice to triumph? If not, you may want to ask yourselves why. Are you really a follower of God? Perhaps you are a double agent. I await to see the will of God. God never intended me to suffer further.

“I was using everything that I could summon within my human body in order to keep alive and to ensure that I would never be hurt again in the ways that I was. They were hurting me so much. Or rather, I was being hurt so much. My world was fracturing nightly. For me, there is a reason why it has been such a struggle to surrender my being to love also as to why I chose to wait until my death to overcome. Everything can be overcome in the Name that brings love and joy in its Truth. I’m just asking you to have compassion. I am trying very hard. And it may not seem like it but I am working so very hard at everything I do. Probably in ways nobody can even see.” I wrote this over a decade ago. Returning to it, I see that I have opened myself up to the prey of narcissists, demons and bullies. I am able now, to regard the suffering I endured, even that vicious assault and the rapes of my relationally close female abuser as not about me. They were entirely about the actions of other people. Suffering in Christ is not a burden. Something I am learning to do.

“It is my deep, solemn prayer that with my death, I am still able to glorify God as He so rightly deserves, that truth is revealed and that your world receives a generous blessing. I submit the fate and future of my soul and life entirely into the righteous, perfect and just judgement of the Heavenly Father. The reason I never thought my life was fair was not because God did not offer me a chance. I recognize completely that God only ever wanted goodness for me. Please don’t miss this when you read my book. What I did not think was fair was that I was never able to give myself a chance because I was hurting too much. As I have said, I made a strong commitment to tell the truth of my life to the best of my ability. I rest my faith in the fact that there is no crime too great, no shame too deep that the Father cannot heal and forgive through the mercy of His Son. I submit myself to His mercy.” Reading this again, a decade later, I realize that much of the burden I was carrying within myself was a result, not only of the sins commit against me but also the sins I had commit. This is a part of the reason I feared power and authority, the authority that is by birth, mine. I feared that I would hurt people. God has been trying to show me that my own true nature from the day I was born. I am recognizing now the sins I commit as a child, especially the wild ones, were not inherent traits. They were programed into me by satan so that he could try to convince me of my unworthiness and inadequacy in who God says I am. Satan wanted to discredit the integrity of my identity. What I now recognize is that we humans are so much bigger than the sum of our sins. We are not our feelings. We are not our pain or traumas. We are not our worst crimes or sins.

“March 30, 2015: Another entry for today, because realistically, my end could come at any minute. I am so thankful for the peace and joy that Christ has given me in the face of my death. I’m not going to lie. I am scared. But through all of the emotions I feel, I am at peace because I know what awaits me. I am thankful that in spite of the rational yet irrational fears I have about women, I still choose to interact with them and help them when I am able. A couple of evenings ago, my roommates, who are all female, were out in the kitchen when I was. I spoke to them each about their days and school and work. I showed my next door neighbor a couple of paintings I had done. This morning, I held the door open for a couple of women and they smiled warmly at me. It reminds me that in spite of any fears we may have, as rational to us as they are and for whatever reasons they were formed, we are all here to serve one another and love one another. Anyways, it felt very good to jump out of that fear and open up in even a small way to people. Women are beautiful in my mind. I know that God loves them very much. But to believe that women are incapable of hurting men is just impractical. Any human being can hurt any other. I need to affirm to myself that I won’t give up on love. I fear women for a very reasonable reason. But any fear can be overcome with Christ. And there is an absolutely understandable reason I fear them. I am grateful for the ability to change while I am still alive.” Reading this ten years later, I am able to see how terribly hurt and depressed I was. I should never have focused on my death with such fear. Alas, the fear of women is still there in me. Sexualities are moulded by trauma. The sexuality I possess today is not mine. It is a result of the trauma. That I reject women. This is a reflex based in fear. I need help.

What I know is that if God has His way, my cousin will reveal to you the truth about this just prior to my death. Yes, I will see the promised land. There is really only one case in which this wouldn’t happen. How do I know? Have faith! I speak to God!  

Guys… Here I speak to the entire church, the true flock. I understand you. You see me angry. You see my sin. You see my pointed and sometimes insulting preaching. Please know, dear laity (here I speak to every denomination of the true God), I am not angry with you. As if that mattered. You need to know your God is not upset with you. There is a reason for my anger. Yes… it is extremely justified. You need to know that there is a true form of worship. This does not matter now. What matters is that you hold on to your beautiful faiths. This is what is important. Faith. Not your religion. You believe your religion is the only true path. That’s good. Hold onto that. This conviction will carry you through any trial. No, friends. God is not angry with you. You, laity, are doing a wonderful job. Do not be confused that I challenge your leaders. Look, I am not a leader. I simply happen to have insight into heavenly things. And things of common sense. Things your leaders have been not paying attention to. It’s not even their fault. They have received poison as their training. When holy spirit fills me, I will become this leader. It is not about decisions and instruction. My leadership is in truth. What I know is that the Church of even 100 years ago would be rolling in their graves at the sight of what the Church has become today. You need do nothing. Simply be still. Your God shall act for you. In a grand way. I am not maliciously racist. When I even was a child, I saw what was happening. As I think did, the Austrian  painter. I was unable to express it properly and so it translated into anger. You need to know that there is nothing ‘racist’ about what I am saying. Look at what is happening in Nigeria. Millions of Christians a year, slaughtered. While you import the same sort of people into your own countries. I am not racist. Beyond reason. They use my past to make you believe this. You need to know that I am the only leader, as weak and as poor as I am, who is actually fighting for your survival. The church has lost all backbone. This was the intention behind my death. It was for the Spirit to be poured further upon the church. So that liberty could come. And, simply the truth behind what happened to me, would vindicate and bless the true people of God. My truth brings justice. Worldly justice. Is your God not God of this world, as the reading says today on your Feast of Christ the King? If you believe he is not king of this world, what are you celebrating? Friends, you need understand, this world matters. It is what the crusaders knew and fought for. This was God’s purpose with my death. He would have used it in a grander way than anyone since Christ. He wanted to me to die happy, in peace. Because of what I suffered for Him. Despite my sin. This will be the dividing line. Catholic Church, will you side with the demons again? It’s no surprise. You have been infiltrated to the very reigns. Every position. Every power. Faites attention. Your power may transfer to other groups in the future. It depends on what you will do in the next couple of years. You do not have as much authority on spiritual things as you believe you do. Still, we need not become crusaders. You must know that God loves you so very much. He will fight for you. He will change this world in the blink of an eye. Trust Him.

When people hear the verse what is bound in the Kingdom of Heaven shall be bound on earth, what do you hear? It fences God in to limit Him in saying that what the Catholic Church or this or that church states is what is true. You believe this because you are worldly-minded. You believe this because you are not looking at things with love. It’s the same reason you believe other churches cannot be saved. You are not viewing things as God views them. It is not in love to suggest anyone is condemned. Even the worst sinner. Jesus came for these. God, in these last days, desires the salvation of all. ALL. I am telling you the truth, I have seen what this verse implies. You are unable to comprehend it, but I will try to explain it to you like children. The Kingdom of Heaven exists. Right now, it exists. What is happening to one affects the other. What happens on earth, affects the Kingdom of Heaven. And what happens in the Kingdom affects what happens on earth. This is first and foremost, a spiritual battle. Sexuality you need to know is not a thing about passion. It is about sowing love. It is about love. Not simply preservation of races and species. Also, it is about the proliferation of love. God’s Kingdom. Satan is the one who convinced you that sexuality is evil. You are repressed. It’s the reason so much pain has come upon this earth. Simply, learn this: Sex in abuse is evil. Sex in love is beautiful. Children are not equipped to endure this. Leave the little children alone. You believe I am the only one who has commit crimes against them. Wait for your sins to be unfurled. The humiliation coming shall be glorious! Wait, you perfect ones. You holy ones. You, ones in grace! Wait! Your humiliation is nigh! My story is not only my story. Sexuality in my case is not about passion. It is about fulfilling a spiritual and physical need. Did you know that the majority of people on earth these days shall never experience passion and love of another person? They may experience sex. Sex is not love. You need to relearn what it is to love. All of you. Christians. Gentiles. Really? My religion is better than yours? My faith is the only faith that leads to God? Really? “This man is unworthy of God’s love and salvation because of what he has done?” Really? I will be the first one to laugh at you from Heaven. You know why the doctors of the Church and the saints of the Church proclaimed Trinity? It’s because it was all that they knew. This is your faith. It will be the reason for your salvation. Maintain it. But do not condemn others for not sharing the same belief. People are allowed to believe whatever they want. This includes politics. Yes, freedom reign! You want diversity? Let people have different thoughts. You are importing to your countries your destruction. Here is truth: Sexuality is stumbled. All kinds of deviance is caused by childhood trauma. This is the reason for the sexual revolution that is coming. It is about healing. For deviance is not healed by punishment and further violation. The people of Jehovah and His son Jesus need to heal themselves. Sexuality is the key. Not abuse. Not passion. Love. I have personal experience and have seen with my own eyes the meaning of this verse. We, humans, have our angels in heaven. Even now, at this moment. Every moment, we are deciding what we shall do, our reactions. Not here. But in the spiritual realm. This is the reason why destroying the earth, culture here will have an effect in heaven. Western men! You need not pussy over to suicide. Be men! You need know that you are also causing devastation in heavenly realm. Here: my mission is kind of already complete. I will wait patiently until Jehovah shows to you what He has told me for over a decade. It is alright. God does not speak personally as a friend with everyone. My mission is complete. With the suffering I endured in childhood, everything was meant to be complete. I need your help, people of mercy and good will. I feel confident that God will show you all I am saying. You need know that after He does, these bullies are going to try so much harder to kill me. Listen: A saint of God is not created by Catholic Church. A saint of God is created by God. Wait.

God desired me to die happy. There is one thing that hinders me from becoming liberated. I need to experience passion. This is to heal the trauma I experienced as a child but also to undo the curse placed upon me as a child. Passion and sexuality is not only a pleasure for me. This is about my physical, emotional health and spiritual salvation. I need to experience a lifetime’s worth of passion. This is the reason I was being groomed into that identity. He was using regret against me. That identity was never inherent. It was forced on me through much righteous and innocent suffering. This is really about the state of your heart. I did not say I was a saint. Just a gent, telling his exceptionally traumatic story. The Church does not have authority over my story. Neither can they tell me what I have or have not experienced. Though they shall try. I am greater than a saint. Because I suffered for God. You will make me a saint in an instant as a result of your plan. No investigation. No need for miracles. Just immediate. The laity will lift me up if you don’t. The greatest saint. And resurrected. To be a king! Over the entire world! I am starting to understand the reason you are so murderously envious of me and why you will not help me. Your co*ks are sore because of the power in my soul. Because of who God says I am. This is really about the state of your heart. This is the thing: Yes, Catholic Church makes life difficult for saints. Investigation is necessary. I think they already know. It is simply their contempt and envy that compels them to make everything terrible for me. This is further the thing: If my claim to sainthood is true, what I endured growing up, it kind of sets me apart from every other saint. I endured a terrible crucifixion in childhood. If it is true, you, as an institution, are oppressing the vulnerable, the weak. This alone severs you from spiritual authority. It is spiritual abuse. I see what you are doing. Last night, I attended a dinner party with canon law students. They would not let me say a word. And when I had a splash of wine, they acted as though I were drunk. Look, I don’t know how to tell you. I have a serious physical impediment from my head injury. One of them literally drank an entire bottle of wine to himself. When I stood, he looked askew at my feet as though magically all of the sudden the limp I have lived with for twenty-five years were a result of the tiny glass of wine I drank. I get it. I do. My sins are novelty to you. They distract you from your own sins. See, every saint and every martyr in the history of the Church, including Jesus, possessed a foundation of love – a stable and blessed childhood. Not perfect. But enough to build a foundation. I did not receive this. This is the kicker. The reason I did not receive this is because God asked me to endure it. Yes, you know that I am weak. And still you want to murder me! I never asked for so many terrible enemies. I never asked for people to want to kill me. If they kill me in this state, I may not be saved. You see my changed behavior. You see my repentance. You see my love. If they kill me in this state, adding trauma to trauma, the regret, the sorrow will be overwhelming. Perhaps this pleases some people. Again, to these I say, this is a tell of the state of your heart. You see a weak, vulnerable, repentant and completely amended sinner who is terribly crippled. Is your first instinct to make him suffer? I talk tough. I even offer my wrists. I talk tough because, while I am weak, I have something you do not. I have truth on my side. Here: I need help. I will keep asking. I believe this can still end with a miracle. This: The will of Jehovah was that I not only live but that I be rewarded enormously for the suffering I endured for Him. Has it changed? It has because of your filthy and stanky corruption. If it is God’s will that I go through purgatory, so be it. What He has told me is that if I keep peace when I am confronted, I will go straight to heaven.

Friends, the reason you think that to die is giving up is because you are looking at death with worldly eyes. You still think my book was untrue. You think I was embellishing or withholding information. Jehovah desired me to die in a grand way. Not for myself. For the entire world. My secret is going to be revealed after I die. A miracle will occur. I can think of no greater honor than to die for the great glory of God and to be resurrected in some years to be a king ordained by God himself. Here: you believe my sin separates me from this. I admit, I have sinned grievously. Despite this sin, God desired to glorify me. He desired to offer me these blessings. Why? I suffered for them. Already. The sin was not culpable. You see things too much from the perspective of the world. This is the reason I am going to die: it is so that the will of God can be done in the world. It is for the restoration. There is no future suffering I need endure. The suffering I endured was rooted in my childhood. If it is true, the vulnerable and child are the closest to God, what does this say about me? You need to know that the Catholic Church possesses zero authority over my story. They think they do because I have been open with it and connected it to my faith. They are being bullies. They hold my sin against me because I challenge their authority. They try to rob my blessings. The retards. They cannot even grasp that they belong spiritually to me. Not a pope. God desired me to pass away in peace. I implore you, Church of the true people of God, I implore you, children of the true God and laity, I need your help.

It’s also because I am very wounded. If this is the case, you are using your grace to obedience for evil ends. You are trying to silence, kill and rob from a prophet of God. You are trying to silence the will of God because you see a convenient opening. Because my politics go against your world order plan. I leave this to the true people of God to discern whether this is godly, what you are doing. This is entirely about the treatment of the weak, the poor and the oppressed. Catholic Church, are you up to your old tricks? Apparently, I am not the only one with a spotted past. As most of your Cardinals not moral people.

When I was an adolescent, I was assaulted. Whether you want to believe it or not, the injury that I sustained was completely devastating. It truly was a miracle that I survived. It’s the reason they made a movie about me. I was comatose for three months, during which I spent time, whether in a vision or in the spirit, in heaven. During this time, I was sent to purgatory where I was asked in heaven to overcome death so that my trauma could be healed. My emotional well-being was injured so much that I was unable to trust and love. Because I felt unworthy of the blessings I saw God preparing for me, I was unable to overcome death. I returned to heaven and was granted an audience with the Almighty Father. He helped me deliberate a path to bless the world despite my not overcoming. See, this is the thing: From the day I was born, God commissioned me to be a king. To restore this earth to times of glory and true worship. I received this command prior to my birth in the kingdom of heaven. Since I was unable to overcome, Jehovah commissioned me to write a book (yes – it was He who asked me to write a book). I was to tell my story and be genuinely happy at my death. I was to experience passion. I was to die peacefully and painlessly. At this time, there would be an enormous, miraculous blessing for the world. This was despite my sin. (Yes, God wanted to bless the world and me, despite my sin. Because He knew why it was commit). Are you going to crucify me because I desire this world to be blessed? So be it. I am ready. Here are me wrists! See: you are asking me to be silent. It is really an impossible feat. Considering that you have microphones in my anus and cameras in my skull. You are literally trying to control my thoughts. This is beyond evil. Yes, you are beyond evil. I will not be silent. Do what you must. Let God sort you out. I know why you seek this. It’s because you know your own fate. This world will be blessed. Regardless the cost to me. So, do what you must to this crippled old man who is simply seeking justice. Who is calling out all of your bullshit. Wow. This is the reason I was meant to die. And for those of you who believe that death is surrender, perhaps you are not true Christians. A seed is buried and covered over only to bear fruit. I was intended to die because the suffering I endured in childhood was for the glory of God. God was trying to protect me from your world. It really chafes you, doesn’t it? That our identity in God is so much more than what we do. I cannot understand the reason. It is a reason to rejoice. Don’t you see? God cherishes the souls that can do nothing for Him. Those who are completely dependant upon Him. If this is true, it implies that grace is afforded not from anything we do. Rather, it is afforded based on something we cannot even see. It is envy. It is contempt that they desire to crucify me. If it is God’s will this happen, it is to cleanse this corruption. This has to do with whose side you belong to. Are you for satan? Or are you for God? Satan silences. Satan humiliates. Satan smells wounds and pounces and destroys. Satan takes advantage of little one’s emotional disability in order to trigger a response. God is greater than this. Catholic Church, whose side are you fighting on? You know my sin is inculpable. Still, you follow the sin your first father instructed you in. It is no longer an excuse. Original sin. Soon, we will see. And have a choice as to whose loyalty we offer. You believe it is because of my sin that I am to be punished. Jehovah wanted to reward me despite that sin. The Church’s will? God’s will? If I am silent… if we are silent… the white race shall be eradicated. You people will not even see it as a genocide because you have been conditioned to believe that white people are inherently the enemies. White babies! The enemy? Decondition yourselves! You can do it! You cannot even see that they are causing all of this like a puppet master triggers his puppet. Guys, you do need to recognize that I am apparently the only leader in the world who is seeking your physical health.

During the time I spent comatose, I visited the Kingdom of Heaven. Here, Jehovah helped me to plan a miracle. He helped me to deliberate a trip to Iceland, during which the intention of the message of my mission would become known and He even personally blessed a photograph of myself in front of a lighthouse, in which a bird descended perfectly over the top and center of the photo. I tried. I prayed all night the night I returned from Iceland. A reason I struggled was because the inability to trust I experienced in Heaven weighed my choices on earth. My life since has been a tug of war between my flesh and my spirit. It is really because I have unfulfilled needs. God instructed me, after this, to write a book. The autobiography all of you are so upset with. There are many problems in the world, which have resulted because I have not finished my mission. The Western countries have been invaded by foreigners. Mental illness has skyrocketed. The clergy and world authority have become increasingly corrupt. This will get better with the fulfillment of my mission. This has become a battle for me personally. The authorities have stripped me of every freedom a citizen possesses inherently from birth. They have placed cameras in my bedroom. They have ensured there is a camera in every confessional that I utilize. They have deprived me of a wife, a functional job for almost a decade. They have deprived me of the grace to publish a masterpiece of literature I wrote. They have continuously oppressed me, including arranging my roommates to break into my room and abuse me while I sleep. They have deceived me into believing that they are my friends. They have done this because of my politics. Because they are threatened by my power. I seem to remember something about keeping silent about my story and about politics. As absurd as it sounds, it was not directed to me when you said this. The memory is vague at best. Not enough to know for certain what you said. Besides, how can it be possible for me to be silent when you have invaded every area of privacy I have? Is it about my sin? They are well aware that what I am saying is not only rationally reasonable but spiritually sound too. Is it about my sin? I don’t think so. This is entirely about my politics. Compassion has degraded ever since the country began to be overrun by doctors and scientists wielding machetes. The lawlessness that has developed in these previously loving and compassionate Christian countries, is entirely a result of importing other gods into the countries of the West. I simply cannot believe you cannot see this. #metoo unless it’s a white bloke, huh? They have eroded your compassion because of my politics. God will wake you again.

By the way, when you told me to be silent, you did not tell me. You told another part of me. He has told me. But if you need me to be silent, I would like to hear it from the pastors of the church themselves. Tell me. Tell me you are siding with the true flock’s enemies. Tell me that. Perhaps I will consider being silent for a couple minutes only to start speaking again. You spineless pieces of trash. This is not a demon issue. It is not a sin issue. It is a foundation issue. The reason I am having such difficulty converting 180 is because I am oppressed by the trauma of my youth.

I will let you in on another heretical secret. One straight from the mouth of God. God does not want your penances. He does not want your mortifications and sacrifices. Neither does he want your false humility. Listen very closely to me. Consider this as coming from the mouth of God. The reason we are here, on this planet, is to let our light shine. We are to become vibrant lights for our God. For it is in this, that we are glorified, that God Himself is glorified. Answer me: Why are you so obsessed with suffering? You are literally serving the enemy by doing so. It’s in the life. The light of men. Did you think all of this child abuse is for simple passion? They are snuffing out the light, the life of the world. How can you not see this? Catholic? Oh yeah. You are. . . just. . . being. . . obedient. Tell me, how is it that an uneducated lay man, a. . . sinner. . . like me, needs to tell you this common sense. What makes it worse is that this sinner is supposedly demon possessed. Doesn’t look very good on you that God speaks to a demon-possessed sinner and not you. This is what makes me so great. The light I was going to dawn on the world was very, very great. This was because of the suffering I endured in my childhood. You are still measuring against me. You have gotten wind of my sin, already proven inculpable, and you pounce. Like the little satans you serve and are. I choose life. I choose the light. Even if that means being killed in this state. You know I am right. I forgive you. With my death, comes a complete upheaval of all of this poppycock. Every lie uttered for the past two thousand years shall be shattered.

Thank you for your unsolicited yet appreciated judgement. I do not have dementia or the beginnings of dementia. I get fatigued. When tired, the effects of my head injury are exacerbated. In the evenings, I have especial difficulty expressing myself. It’s harder when I am anxious. I have dealt with this for over twenty years and it has only gotten better. Look: I understand you want to silence me. That you want a reason for me to be crazy so that what I am saying is write off. You can’t silence me this easily. If you try, you may find you are fighting against God. Bullies will be bullies, I suppose. Do you think I do not know what I am getting myself into by speaking with a state-sponsored shrink? We’ll see how quickly they turn on me.

This is not about personal gratification. It's about consolation and comfort. It's about compassion and not law. Let us examine cases by cases. A man sexually traumatized in childhood is brought up thinking sexuality is for evil. God wants us to be happy. Sexuality is not only about procreation. You say yourselves it's about joy. How much more would God want someone who has been sexually traumatized all their lives to be happy. Even in that regard. Regarding this sexual revolution business I am speaking about. The reason I stare at women is because I have a spiritual need that I do not have the power to attain. Is it creepy? This is only because your society has demonized men. Where is your natural compassion? This sexual revolution business? There is a reason for everything. I'll share it with you. It's part of the restoration and the Era of Peace. God doesn't like seeing His children being overwhelmed by foreign cultures and other gods. This is the reason for sexual liberation. Within marriage, sure. People need to get married a lot more. When healing comes, this will happen naturally. When the truth comes out.. ;)

I do not understand. Your world is not evil. You are not evil. I do understand the inclination. I was having a conversation with a friend only this morning about the cause of all of this corruption and coldness of heart. To him, he suggested that its origin was in politics. I do agree. But I believe it goes a bit deeper than that. I seriously attribute all the increase in problems in society to the open borders policies. Guys, you do not need to stand by this. The decaying health care system. The virulent education system. The division. The violence. Even decades ago, had there been a murder, it would have been front page news. Now, it isn’t even newsworthy because it happens daily, by the second. Guys, you need to understand where this originates. I do know the inclination to sin. It is hardness of heart. Your sin. . . not my sin. . . is what has hardened your hearts. I am asking you to remember, West. Remember your compassion. I cannot do this without you. You have an integral part to play in this restoration. Remember. You can do it. You are not your sin. Catholic Church, remember. You are sick. But you can be free. Remember goodness.

All of this is dependant upon truth. If I am crazy, what the heck does it matter what I say? I understand the reason you would like me to be crazy. If it’s so, what I say means nothing. You can ignore the implications. Do I speak like a crazy person? Do I write as a crazy person? If so, perhaps you need to work a little bit harder. Have I wasted my life? Have I wasted my talents? I forgive you. You are incapable of understanding the concept of shame. This is not your fault. It is not because you are retarded. It is because of the way that it affects you. Imagine this: A baby boy. From the day he was born, his parents abuse him, berate him, neglect his needs and humiliate him. Every time that he seeks to advance his life, they humiliate him. Every time he seeks to flourish and use his talents, they humiliate him and shame him. Every time he expresses his feelings about the way they are treating him, they humiliate him and reject his right to his feelings. I am not a victim. I am saying: the effects of shame are as deep as amputations. A child believes about itself how its parents treat it. Shaming is not discipline. Shaming is evil. Your church is retarded if it thinks otherwise. Jesus came in order that all men may be liberated from shame and be set free. Proper and healthy discipline teaches a child the way to make better choices. Shame leaves a child feeling as though they are bad, unworthy and unlovable. Shame is literally the antithesis of Jesus. This poses a problem. As the catholic church is a foundation of shame. Confession, penance, reparation. You cannot see how this has impacted my life because you are as equally affected by the shame. Mine is only deeper. Again, if I am crazy, what does it matter? Psychiatrists are not God as we shall soon see. Mental illness is not genetic. Your genetic theory is poppycock. Have you never read the story in Genesis of the patriarch mated their flock in front of spotted sheep in order that the offspring would be spotted? Every choice, even eye color is made in utero. Do you not understand this, doctors and scribes? Perhaps you should return to school? Actually, perhaps you should pray more that God would offer you true wisdom. Look: all of these choices are made in the spiritual realm. Mental illness is a result of trauma. All of it. Your doctors are blinded by their books and medications meant to lobotomize instead of heal. It is dismissive to write somebody off because of ‘mental illness’. The reason my mother experienced such difficulty in her apartment was not because of mental illness. It was because she had a fixed rent that they could not increase. It was because they were trying to eject her. The tenants of that building made life terrible for her. Look at you, terrible, terrible narcissists! You are hiding persecution and oppression with a medical label. Wait! Wait until it is all revealed as an unfurled carpet. What sort of beautiful, idolatrous sins do you have hiding in your closets? Perhaps you too have murdered someone? Simply forgotten about it. Wait. You shall see. You shall see. Do your doctors still tell you that repressed memories are rare? They are too involved in their academia poison. They may have your best interest at heart. What I say is that they do not have the tools to provide for these best interests because they do not have truth.

A true people of God would not desire to oppress me further. Childhood suffering should not become lifelong punishment. A child who experiences abuse deserves protection, healing and compassion. Childhood trauma should not be used to discredit someone. His mistakes should be considered in the context of age and circumstances. He deserves an opportunity to heal and rebuild his life. The Church should be a place of refuge for him; not another source of suffering. Morally… ideally… the Church should not protect its hierarchy at the expense of truth. If Church leaders are abusing their authority, retaliating against someone, concealing their own wrongdoing, those actions deserve independent investigation. Listen to this: Church authority should be exercised with humility, service and accountability.

This is the issue: satan is trying to destroy my soul. Hee has been seeking my soul since I was a baby. You have been misreading the prophecy of the manchild. I am the manchild of Revelation. Yes, every Christian is in satan’s radar. But not every Christian experiences this targeting from the day of their birth. This targeting includes using every one of you, including your broken man-run church to persecute me. I will not spend undue attention on satan’s schemes. I have not been able to develop as a man because he has been targeting me from birth. This is the key. What will you do, church? I already know the Catholic Church’s response. They are hand in hand with satan and will do their father’s bidding.  What will the true church’s response be upon hearing this? Am I crazy? Then, leave the alone. It’s okay. God will show you soon. Time for me to humble. A child is not born with an identity. The identity I was being formed into was because of trauma, shame and regret. Everything in a child’s life is the parent’s responsibility. The path a child takes is not their choice. Learn this lesson. That you are a broken world is no longer an excuse to cattle of your children and eat them.

This is the issue: You believe this is avoidable. You believe that I am secretly plotting for God to reveal your sins after I die. I hate to break it to you. Even I don’t have that kind of pull with God. This will happen either way. Why? It is God’s will. Can you not recognize this? Do you feel as though you can censor it? You have nothing to do with Holy Spirit, do you? Regardless of what my ‘witness’ says now, he will reveal it prior to my death. Look: I don’t want to die. I just realized how beautiful life can be. Why did I not take advantage of my gifts, talents and wisdom earlier? It is because of shame. You cannot know what doesn’t exist. Talents, gifts and wisdom do not grow from a vacuum. They are nurtured in love, peace and safety. I need your help, laity. I will not be able to ask for it soon. Your wicked leaders are ready to pounce.