December 28, 2016:

I prayed not because I have to or because I am obligated but rather because I long for the Creator to know that I want a relationship with him, that I love Him and need Him. That I cannot do this without Him. I thought more about the fact that I had called myself a sham and been depressed, for some time and realized that I was depending on myself for everything I need. It became more and more clear to me what I need to do. I needed to find the Truth of who I am. I needed to see myself the way that only God sees me. I needed to see myself in ways that no one on this earth saw me. I have struggled with this a lot over the past years. It’s a continual battle for me to trust in Christ fully with the weight of the stress that surrounds my body and spirit. It is a continual fight for me to learn to trust and rely on a force other than what I know because what I know has helped me to survive through so much. But then I remember why I was suffering in the first place. I am finally coming to live in an area that is not dictated by the events of my past. Nor is who I am dictated by what I can and should have done. The truth of your reality is not what you have been through. It’s about what Christ went through and overcame. Faith in itself will produce good works. First, we need to believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Christ is Lord of all the world. Hate, in any respect, even against those who hated you, is not a good thing. The Kingdom, the reason Christ came to earth, the reason I write now and fully, the entire nature of God Almighty, stands for love. This is all about love. This life is about love. Love for each other. Love for God. Love for those who hate us. Love for ourselves. Act in love and you will be doing the will of God. Knowing that there will certainly be justice. There is a difference between the love we need and the love we want. The enemy is the one who fills our hearts with deception and pain and lies. He is a punk, wrought on destroying all of mankind. Do not allow your hearts to be filled with resentment. Know in your precious hearts that you are all so very loved. One person is not loved more or less according to God. All are equal in order that God’s perfect love may be revealed. How can we love ourselves? Even when so much disaster has befallen our spirits. How can we love others? Even when there is so much hate and oppression in this world. How can we love God? Even when there is so much pain and suffering that good people never deserved. How can we love those who hate us, hurt us and persecute us? We can do all of those beautiful things in the knowledge of the Truth of God’s love for us. We can do all of these things knowing that God stands for everything wonderful in our world. And yes, it’s a very big universe. He created it all! And still, he notices us, our insignificant presence, marvelling at our every step, our every breath. He marvels at us enough to want so much for all of us to be free and to experience joy and love in the Truth that is absent of suffering, misery, oppression, lies and hate. We can love everyone once we accept the Spirit of the living God. This is not entirely about religion. It’s not about who is right and justified. For there is absolutely no contest, no trial and no battle in love. Jesus, the Lord of love and peace came to earth not just for the Jews, not just for Christians, not for Jehovah’s Witness or any other. He came for all mankind that we all may know that His love is a free gift and a beautiful one. This is not about religion. It is my hope that with love and grace, you are given a glimpse of the LORD Almighty in the way that I have seen Him. Love God, act in love and peace to each other and to all neighboring others, in truth and you will be doing the will of God. I just pray that God reveals to you a knowledge of the love of Christ as it has been shown to me. There are so many similarities between most of the religions of the world. This cannot be for coincidence. It is not a judgment when I tell you that there are too many conventions and rules these days. Merited, there is a Law that God requires you to follow. And that Law is immensely important. I simply encourage you to have faith. The Law will follow if you just have faith. Our world is a truly beautiful one. Every time I look around, I wonder in amazement at everything in God’s glorious Creation. I wonder at the sight of what we have done to it as well. Hardly in a bad way. We have erected monumental metropolis’, we have invented travel that can get us from one corner of the world to the opposing corner in a matter of hours. We have created communication that can connect an individual in Hong Kong to Wyoming in a flash. That is incredible. We are made in the image of God. But, at the same time, it is also a very hurting world. It is a world that is filled with enormous suffering and injustices. We live in a world where people thrive and blossom off of the hard work and pain of others. It is a world that needs a savior. And we are enormously blessed that God Almighty has sent us that savior. With the full knowledge of what He would have to experience in order to stand by the Truth of love and everything that love stands for, God was still willing to send us His Son. The only way we can be made holy and righteous enough to approach God, the Father is through the Savior, Jesus Christ. Church, you beautiful, worthy and strong sheep. Whatever happens, know in your hearts that in front of you lies a future none of you could imagine right now. It is a very real place. You absolutely have this to hope for. Just remember to do everything in love. Do not walk in the presence of evildoers or stand in the way of those who will sin. Just keep strong and maintain your faith. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to provide a voice for you. I’m trying to feel like an apology is enough. Whatever happens, know that you are all so valuable and so loved. You will be home soon. To those who suffer and those who persecute alike, the peace and joy of love and truth is within arm’s reach of you. My life is not over and while there is life, there is still an opportunity to love. I just need to know from you what you would like me to do. I can promise to never give up and to try my hardest with what has been given to me. This was a terribly difficult mission for me. From the start, the odds were stacked against me up to the brim. But I accepted it. I said I would do many things. I’m so sorry I couldn’t have been stronger. Still, one will come who will be a voice for you in a while. You know how I feel about what happened in my life. I will not give up. Love sometimes is a difficult cause to fight for. But it is always worth it. And love will triumph in the end. The Truth does not change or waver. Keep faith. Have patience. Please. Changes are coming. Everyone has been through so much. Regardless of your religion, race or history, we all hurt in the same way. Though our reactions differ and greatly do they differ, we were all children at one point, longing for our mothers to hold us and comfort us. We need to empathize with our brother. Don’t forget the awe and beauty of this world. I see people standing next to gulls and walking through flocks of pigeons like nothing is happening. If you remove the common place occurrence that this is, and mind you, the peskiness of these animals and just step back and view these scenes for the magic they actually are, you’d be surprised. This applies to everything. Just think of the joy and majesty of creation that went into their forming. Think back, remember, as a child, viewing the world for the first time. This entire world is a testimony to the awesome love and power and glory of God Almighty. Everything you have done as a world is magnificent. I remember, (and I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before) during the time I spent on Grimsey Island, I was reflecting a lot. I was taking a lot in visually. In spite of the incredible beauty of the island and the genuine warmth of the people there, there was not much to see. The thought was welcomed in my mind that life can flourish anywhere. All it takes is more than one person. The warmth and love I was shown in my time on this quaint and unique little island, with a population of no more than 100 in the summer, kindled something genuine and irreplaceable for me. I just remember walking through the little streets, observing the trampolines for the children, the tiny church in the middle of the island, the little community restaurant where after a certain time, the locals would show up and start conversing and drinking. Having fun, like people should be allowed to. I remember walking through the schoolyard, reflecting on how many children had grown through it, down by the harbor, a hopscotch design painted into the pavement, a lone lighthouse on the far end of the island. I just think sometimes that it’s remarkably beautiful that we can do this for ourselves. I think it’s amazing the communities we can develop and foster and nourish. Anyways, I tend to think like that when I don’t sleep much.’