December 28, 2016:

Sometimes I feel as though people have forgotten about the injury that happened to me and the physical limitations that accompanied it. I’m not saying that like it’s their responsibility to remember. I know a man’s place in society. I just have such joy at the sight in my mind of what our societies can be. It gets pretty despairing having gone through a lot and having no one. I wrote a book. Maybe, read through that again. There’s all sorts of trauma in the world. There is a lot of literature written towards traumatic reaction obtained through a single event. It is different from complex trauma that extends for years and where there is little chance of escape. Early trauma hardwires our nervous systems for stress. Trauma accumulates. “When our foundations are wrought with unprocessed injustice and feelings, this makes it more difficult to deal with injustices later. When our foundations are wrought with unprocessed trauma and feelings, this makes it more difficult to deal with everything that happens to confront us. It is when we have been able to process this trauma and injustice that great things are in sight.” Me Today I am thankful that the truth is going to come out, which will make sense of a lot of things. I hope as to why I have been having so much difficulty as well. Tonight, I am grateful for love. I know no body owes me anything. I want the best thing for your world. It’s not that I don’t. It’s that I resolved to overcome at the end. This has created a lot of problems for me. Even I recognize that I deserve so much better than this. I cannot explain how frustrated I get, in knowing what God had in store for me (not that I ever deserved it) when it is so difficult for me to regulate my feelings. I’m noticing a lot of people laughing at me today. Feeling frustrated that I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Things are going to get better. Very soon. You know how I feel. Remember through whatever darkness that comes that things are going to get better. I’ve really got to stop caring about what others are thinking of me. It’s not important. What is important is my mission. And I will finish well. Even if that means coming at a sacrifice of my glory. I was using everything that I could summon within my human body in order to keep alive and to ensure that I would never be hurt again in the ways that I was. They were hurting me so much. Or rather, I was being hurt so much. My world was fracturing nightly. For me, there is a reason why it has been such a struggle to surrender my being to love also as to why I chose to wait until the end to overcome. Everything can be overcome in the Name that brings love and joy in its Truth. I’m just asking you to have compassion. I am trying very hard. And it may not seem like it but I am working so very hard at everything I do. Probably in ways nobody can even see. Don’t believe until there’s reason to. I keep saying that. You might get a surprise. A lot of the time, I have to remind myself how blessed we are to have a God who knows what it’s like to be human. The temptations, the fears, the shame and the hopes and dreams. We can unite in love and faith once we realize that everyone suffers. That everyone hopes. That everyone dreams. It’s a truly global cause that every human experiences pain. Have faith. Society is increasingly isolating itself with technology and other coping mechanisms. We need to do this together. We all have access to the Word of God, the Holy Bible. I pray that you are not tempted into disbelieving my testimony because of the Truth of the Word of God and because of its unchanging nature. I assure you that I speak nothing other than the Gospel of Christ in love and truth and that any understatement on my part is only a result of the suffering I have endured as well as the mistakes that I myself have made as well as my limited language with which to express the things I know. The Apostle Paul was a great man and fully convicted in the faith. He was very vigilant about the Way. This had to be. And he was rightly glorified. Just as this has to be now. I have only told you the truth that comes from my heart. Still, I do not expect any of you to believe in my testimony until God has proven it as what He desires. “They have seen false visions and lying divinations. They say, ‘Declares the Lord,’ when the Lord has not sent them, and yet they expect him to fulfill their word” (Ezekiel 13:6). I am not asking you to believe now, just that you have faith and compassion and understanding. If it is His will, it will be made clear. For the Word of God is immutable and unchangeable unless God chooses to make it so. God’s heart is loving and eternally unchanging but it is evident in the Bible of passages that suggest God changes His mind on a temporal level: "So the Lord changed His mind about the harm which He said He would do to His people." (Exodus 32:14). In cases of sin and repentance, God can change His mind. We see this in the Garden of Eden as well as with the Christ. With human free will and as God learns about us by our decisions, God can change His mind. Other areas of the Scripture are sufficient but not entirely clear. I speak only what has been instructed me from God. I believe it because I have faith. What is the purpose of a prophet? It was either to defend, to call for a return or the application of a new, word of God. Just have faith. I admit that others could have done the job better than me. But I have run from Him far too many times in my life because of the weight on my heart and only want so much to do the will of God now. Keep faith. The Book of Remembrance has been written: “Those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name. ‘On the day when I act,’ says the LORD Almighty, ‘they will be my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as a father has compassion and spares his son who serves him. And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not” (Malachi 3:16-18). The Book of Life is written. To them who believe in my testimony and what I have said has happened to me in my life, will have the Book of Life opened to them. My life has been one of sorrow and pain. All I needed and want now is for people to acknowledge and to respect what I know for a fact I have gone through. Have faith and keep patience. I am – was – just a human being like all of you. This letter, I admit, may be a little difficult for you to understand now. I apologize for this. I am explaining what I know in the only way I know how. If it is God’s will, things will be made increasingly clear. Until God created it, it didn’t exist. Think about that.