The Fourth. (Updated)

A child cannot raise itself. The fourth commandment is fixed and immovable. However, I do have some insight that I would like to share that I have gathered as a result of experience as well as spiritual insight that I have. I do come from a unique perspective. The fourth commandment has not changed. There are only exceptions. When a parent is unhealthy and hurting their child toxically, that child needs to be safeguarded. Children deserve and need love. Love in a healthy way. Love that is lucid, is not actually love. Love that allows a child to do whatever they want, that does not offer strict and helpful guidance, is not love. Love from fear is not love. It is submission. Like tender roots, children need to be nourished with love in order to flourish. In our culture, it’s even inappropriate for drill sergeants to assault their recruits. Illegal for teachers to punish their students. Absolutely punishable by law if an employer were to abuse their employee. These are all adults. Why would it be alright for a child to be put in that situation? Again, I’m not saying this in order to make anyone feel bad. It’s the way we were taught and raised in many ways. Neither is this a condemnation. Most parents do an awesome job with what they have. And no one can doubt for a single second the degree of selflessness it takes to be a mom or a dad. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” (Ephesians 6:1). This is a passage of the New Testament that expounds upon the fourth commandment, appropriate insofar as we would expect any person to obey ‘in the Lord’. Parenting is an enormous responsibility. Many well-meaning people are not always recognisant of the effect they can have on children for literally the rest of their lives. Surely, we must always obey and do our best to honor our parents as children. But we should not be expected to obey and honor into sinful behavior or when what we are obeying will be to lead to our own harm or to the harm of others. This law is associated with all authority. To learn to obey an authority, we need to obey our parents. What happens when those parents, are abusing their own authority? I think the same can be said for obedience of any order by an authority figure. This is not leave to disobey simply because something makes us uneasy. Rather, through discernment and prayer, we can come to a place where we are given wisdom as to what to do in a situation. What of when the child is being hurt by the parent? Surely we cannot expect the child to pray on his discernment for what to do next. This is where the line between abuse and discipline is essential to be drawn. Obviously, a parent who continually strikes their child, rapes their child (it happens), or tortures their child, would be considered a parent who is abusing their child. Discipline always comes from a place of love and interest in the well-being of the child. We see instances these days of parents who are accosted for attempting to discourage their children from gender reassignment surgery because they are experiencing confusion. While I believe personally that these confused people deserve enormous amounts of compassion, one need ask themselves honestly whether it is a matter of discipline or of abuse, whether the decision to ask a child to pray about their identity rather than make drastic and irreversible changes to their bodies, is for the good will of the child’s future or whether it is to satiate their desires in the moment. Kids are not the friends of their parents. Parents have a vocation and a responsibility to guide and shape their children. No question that it is difficult. This is the hardest job in the world. But they do happen. More and more, with the increase in social media and communication, we’re hearing about stories like these. It’s tragic. And they should not happen. Never. Why should a child suffer? Merited, their suffering is not always a result of intentional harm. We are to care for ourselves first and love God first. From this, emerges the ability of a human being to love themselves and from that, others. That is hardly to deny the fact that the child should always obey a parent in righteousness and in decisions that are made for him out of the insight and righteousness of the Lord. We must honor our parents but we should not make ourselves suffer in order to do that. “God values the protection and safety of children and of those suffering more than He values the endurance of pain for the sake of endurance. God would rather protect a child than have that child suffer and then have to forgive”. Parents, as the commandment states, are to be honored. This commandment was and remains true. But, there is an exception. If a parent is deliberately or continuously harming a child, or if in any severe way, a parent is unfit in care-taking a child, that parent’s will is not to be honored. The parent, absolutely, must be honored. Actually, we must, in every case, seek to preserve the family unit. But we must know that sometimes, the best way to seek to honor our parents is to distance ourselves from them or even to seek professional help for them. Reconciliation is different from forgiveness. We can forgive but it is not always appropriate or healthy to reconcile the relationship to the way it once was. This is the case if a parent is unhealthy emotionally and the nature of the relationship toxic. That is not so much a criticism towards the parent as it is a matter of the child’s welfare. If a parent is not a believer in God, that parent’s will must be honored, on condition that they keep their child safe and are able to nurture its growth with love and support. As children, we must absolutely honor our parents. But that is not to discount the fact that there are many responsibilities that come along with parenting. I am definitely not criticizing or changing the Word of God. I just feel that we need to read it in context and not perform closed readings of passages believing that by reading only that passage, we discern the truth about it. The Word needs to be read in context. Everything. Every word. Every letter. We need to analyze and interpret passages with love. The love that Jesus came to bring to mankind. Of course we must not forget that God is the righteous judge as well. But our God is a God of love. He wants to protect children. All children. Also, discipline is different than abuse. Discipline is not only an important part of growing up, it is essential. God disciplines those He loves. Another little piece of wisdom is that parents can feed a child, clothe it and house it. If they are raping it or taking out their frustration on it, they don’t have that child’s best interest at heart.

I cannot fathom how it is even difficult to perceive that the way a parent raises a child is going to have an effect on their growth. Merited, children should respect parents and behave well. And of course, discipline is essential in any child’s development. Everything, everything a parent does to a child, every grunt, every smile, every shout, every laugh, every attack, every hug has the capacity to make or break their spirit. Parents, do you not understand? Do you not recognize the incredible task and responsibility that has been placed before you? It is a vocation. Nothing less. Parenting is difficult. It is obvious that I am looking at this from one perspective. I have never been a parent. If God wills, I am at His service. God just showed me a different perspective. Parents, this is why it is so important to heal and address the wounds of our own past. God desires, the Church desires that children have families. God wants you to be with your child. God wants every child to have a mother and father. What do I know? I am not a parent. I am however someone’s child. I was a child at a point. And I have an exceptional testimony and insight into psychology that has been given to me by God. Parenting is difficult. Certainly. And children need stresses in life to grow. I am not telling you to treat them like flowers. They do not need to be abused, belittled, humiliated, shamed. We owe it to them, to God to treat our children with more respect than we would pay to a poor employee. We should not speak to them like an employee. We should not speak to them like someone to be ridiculed. Shame is especially wounding. And in this, there is a dynamic that perpetuates terribly. Yes, sexual abuse in childhood perpetuates. Almost certainly. The shame we receive in our childhoods also perpetuates. Our parents shame us. We will certainly shame our children. Even if we are not conscious of it. Until we process the feelings. Parents, if I am hard on you, it’s only because of how much potential there is in our children. I say this to you with love, deep love. Parents you are doing such an amazing job. God sees the sweat, the pain, the extra hours, the laundry, the meals. Your work is not in vain. It is for your children. It is also for God. Healing is coming.

Above all of this, I just want you to know how valuable the child is to God the Father. Abortion is a terribly grave sin. Human trafficking, sex trafficking and child trafficking and slavery are nearly as grave. How we treat our most vulnerable is what is important. There is a reason why the Word states, in the Kingdom of Heaven, the child will be considered the first. Above kings, above princes, above doctors and warriors. And so it will be. We often choose in our childhood’s a path for the rest of our lives. O, where could I have gotten my wisdom? This is another reason we need to be respectful of our children. We must resist the temptation to break our children. Our children are in the process of determining who they will be in their futures. In childhood, the possibility of future lives are endless. We are in a constant choice during our childhoods, planning and organizing the paths of our lives. It’s Scriptural. “If our eye causes us to sin, pluck it out and throw it away.” Children have much more insight and gifts than we want to believe. We think that because they cannot speak, because they are dependent upon us for their survival, they are not intelligent. On the contrary. All of the intelligence God has given us, which we will possess in our adulthood is present in childhood. It simply needs to be nurtured and developed. Children possess a connection deeper to the spiritual realm than the most powerful of prophets. They cannot articulate it. The same goes almost certainly with those who are disabled. To one realm or the other. Particularly disabled children. Though, not all people who are disabled are going to choose God (the same is true with anyone else), I can attest to the fact that when I was asleep in a coma, my physical well-being completely invalid, spiritually, the angels danced over me. It was an extremely active time for me spiritually. There is a beautiful play written by an English playwrite called “Bea”. Wonderful story about a young girl who is disabled. The play juxtaposes two sides to this girl. The first side: her real life, where she presents as unresponsive and completely dependent. The second side: her spiritual side, where she is a playful child, performing somersaults, playing hide and go seek, jumping on the bed and playing with dolls. It is only a play. But I think we can learn so much from it. In my life, I have felt more alive when I was in a coma, simply because of the hand of God upon me then, than I have over the rest of my life. We don’t agree with abortion. We don’t agree with euthanasia. What is the reason? If this were true, what would it mean for these industries? Just because something doesn’t speak doesn’t mean it is unintelligent. God, who is the Master of Life, has created the universe in such a paradoxical irony that where there is life, there is life. But where there appears to not be life, there is even more life. I cannot tell you enough how important it is to nourish your children. Nourish them with Truth and love. Of course, no one expects people to believe anything that is extra-canonical. But, search your hearts. You will find something there. I do not know where this is coming from. God just tells me to write. I am not even teaching. These are simply musings to me. Don’t forget, as far as I know, all I am doing is writing into a private computer. There is no reason for me to believe that people have access to my devices.

Surely, we must always obey and do our best to honor our parents as children. But we should not be expected to obey and honor into sinful behavior or when what we are obeying will be to lead to our own harm or to the harm of others. This law is associated with all authority. To learn to obey an authority, we need to obey our parents. What happens when those parents, are abusing their own authority? I think the same can be said for obedience of any order by an authority figure. This is not leave to disobey simply because something makes us uneasy. Rather, through discernment and prayer, we can come to a place where we are given wisdom as to what to do in a situation. What of when the child is being hurt by the parent? Surely we cannot expect the child to pray on his discernment for what to do next. This is where the line between abuse and discipline is essential to be drawn. Obviously, a parent who continually strikes their child, rapes their child (it happens), or tortures their child, would be considered a parent who is abusing their child. Discipline always comes from a place of love and interest in the well-being of the child. We see instances these days of parents who are accosted for attempting to discourage their children from gender reassignment surgery because they are experiencing confusion. While I believe personally that these confused people deserve enormous amounts of compassion, one need ask themselves honestly whether it is a matter of discipline or of abuse, whether the decision to ask a child to pray about their identity rather than make drastic and irreversible changes to their bodies, is for the good will of the child’s future or whether it is to satiate their desires in the moment. Kids are not the friends of their parents. Parents have a vocation and a responsibility to guide and shape their children.

Parents are gonna shape their children. How they are raised will not only affect their understanding of God and every other relationship in the world, it's also gonna shape what they do in their lives, the decisions they make. A child's understanding of obedience comes through the fruits of their obedience to their parents. If a child was obedient to their parent(s) and the parent's took advantage of that trust to abuse the child, the child's complete understanding of obedience just became trampled. Again, friends, parents can raise a child, give it toys and affection and good food and a good roof over his head. If you, as a parent, are sexually interfering in your child's life, you don't have the child's best interest at heart. What you may consider love, the child does not, he cannot see it the same. This is the reason for the disjointed interactions with authority these days. It's the reason for the emotional turmoil. 

The way a parent treats a child in his formative years will be very influential upon his entire life. This is because trauma accumulates and emotions repress. It's a reason why it is unjust to judge a child who was raised in an abusive household growing up for what they do later in life, especially while the abuse they are undergoing is still going on. Let's use an imaginary analogy. Let's say two parents raised their child in a satanic environment. They sexually abused him, emotionally abused him, physically abused him, neglected him and spiritually and ritually abused him for the first fifteen years of his life. When this child gets older, he begins to act out, do things hysterically (as though he had no control over his actions whatsoever), and eventually hurt one of the parents who did these things to him growing up. It is not a matter of vengeance. In fact, it is exactly what he knows. It is exactly what he was raised on. If it were a matter of vengeance, could the case not be made that he was raised in the sort of environment, which nurtured these thoughts and feelings? Years pass, this imaginary man was baptized and receives healing. At which time, he changes his life and lives a holy life. What I am arguing is that the way the child treated the parent is not as influential as the way the parent treated the child growing up. Which sin would God view with more disdain? Take a step back a second. View it from eyes of love. Put aside your law based glasses for now. First of all, the child is a vulnerable, completely innocent before God. Regardless of your theology, if you cannot see that, you are far from love. It's the reason abortion is so evil. Secondly, the child is incredibly fashionable. A child learns love from those who teach him love. A child learns whatever it is taught. Thirdly, emotions repress. This creates a whirlwind of difficulty for the future. Including acting out in many, many ways. Fourthly, as indicated in this particular imaginary example, satanic abuse most often is the catalyst for behavioral problems within victims growing up. Finally, if you cannot see the fact that we are all as guilty as the next person, then you are missing out on the entirety of the Gospel.

So, what is the purpose of this post? It is not a bash against parents. Look, I'm sorry if I focus on the negative. I encourage you to remember my early mission. I encourage you to see the love that is in telling the truth to people. This is how you show them their path to salvation. This is a problem that is millennia old. It is one, which is so deeply rooted in our culture. I am writing now to tell you that healing is coming. Things will not be this way forever. Healing is coming. God loves you all so much and He wants you to experience healing and restoration. Trust Him for your healing. God will heal the family unit. God will heal the world. God will heal the Church. This is not my promise. It's God's.