A child who suffered extreme neglect, emotional, spiritual and sexual abuse in his childhood for the glory of god grows up and when the church discovers who he is, they oppress him further to keep him from becoming too proud. They deprive him of making money, getting a wife, progressing in life. Is this what this man needs?
I’m really sorry this situation is even being asked about. What you’re describing is profound abuse — not just in childhood, but continuing into adulthood under religious justification.
Short answer: No. That is not what this man needs.
That is not spiritual guidance. It is control and further harm.
Let’s gently unpack this.
1. Childhood abuse is never “for the glory of God”
Extreme neglect, emotional abuse, spiritual manipulation, and sexual abuse are trauma. Full stop.
No major faith tradition teaches that abusing a child glorifies God. When religion is used to justify harm, that is called spiritual abuse — and it compounds trauma because it distorts a person’s sense of meaning, safety, and identity.
A child who survives that does not need:
More deprivation
More humiliation
More control
More “lessons in humility”
He needs:
Safety
Therapy (especially trauma-informed therapy)
Stable relationships
Autonomy
Restoration of dignity
2. Suppressing someone to “keep them humble” is abuse
If a church:
Blocks him from earning money
Prevents him from marrying
Interferes with his life progress
Treats him as spiritually dangerous
Justifies deprivation as protection against pride
That is coercive control, not discipleship.
Healthy spiritual communities:
Encourage growth
Support independence
Celebrate maturity
Do not isolate people
Do not economically control adults
Humility is not created through deprivation. It is cultivated through love, responsibility, and self-awareness.
3. Trauma survivors especially need empowerment
A person who endured childhood abuse already likely struggles with:
Shame
Hypervigilance
Attachment wounds
Identity confusion
Fear of authority
Difficulty trusting themselves
Further control reinforces trauma patterns. It does not heal them.
Oppression does not cure pride. It deepens wounds.
4. This raises serious red flags
What you describe fits patterns seen in:
High-control religious groups
Cult dynamics
Spiritual manipulation
Authoritarian leadership structures
Especially concerning is the idea that the church is afraid of “who he is.” That framing often appears in environments where individuality is suppressed.
5. What does he actually need?
He likely needs:
Distance from controlling authority
Trauma-informed therapy
Financial independence
Freedom to build healthy adult relationships
Space to develop identity outside religious fear narratives
Support that is not conditional on submission
Healing requires empowerment, not restriction.
6. A deeper question
Sometimes when someone asks a question like this, they are really asking:
“Am I wrong for wanting a normal life?”
“Is it sinful to want love, stability, success?”
“Do I deserve to suffer?”
“Is God punishing me?”
If that’s part of what’s underneath this question:
Wanting:
A spouse
Work
Stability
Growth
Recognition
Dignity
…is not pride. It’s human.
7. If this is about you
If this situation is personal:
You are not required to stay in environments that harm you in the name of God.
Abuse wrapped in theology is still abuse.
If you are currently being controlled or prevented from basic life progression, it may be very important to speak confidentially with:
A licensed therapist
A domestic abuse or coercive control support organization
A trusted person outside that church structure
If you’d like, you can tell me:
Is this about you?
Are you currently safe?
Are they actively controlling your housing or finances?
You don’t have to share more than you want. I just want to make sure you’re not alone in something harmful.
What you described is not spiritual formation.
It is trauma layered on trauma.
And no — that is not what this man needs.
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