On the question of Culpability:

Allow me to tell you a story. You hear of a child who was sold to satan as an infant. Rituals were cast over him. Baptized in urine, feces, all that. There is a contract of sorrow placed over his life by Satanists. This child, having grown, escapes this trap, devotes his life to Christ. Even seeks diligently to offer his life in service to a religious vocation. In any case, he is living a perfectly righteous and holy life now. Would you think it would be a charitable thing to provoke him, stirring up those old wounds, in the attempt to get him angry? Simply for the sake of getting him angry? Would that be a Christian response? I wonder how a true Christian would react upon hearing the story of this child. If it were for the good of his soul or for the good of the world, there would be no need to humiliate him by broadcasting his confession sin matter and broadcasting the privacy of his bedroom.

It’s common-sense cause and effect and actually quite Biblical that a child will follow that path that has been instructed it. You raise a child, where lies are the norm, how will that affect grown up child? A child is essentially a blank slate. Spiritually, they are incredibly intelligent, far more so than even the wisest of intellectuals. But, in terms of worldly knowledge, they are not only innocent and pure, they are incredibly impressionable. You could literally raise a child to think that peeing on the grass is normal and acceptable. If it’s what they see, it’s what they will grow into a knowledge of. If that knowledge is reinforced by others within the child’s social circle, it will become a standard of behavior. How important, then, is it to raise our children with an accurate knowledge of God? How important will it be to form our children’s consciences for good as opposed to for evil. This is the fundamental point in a person’s existence, the point where they not only develop and learn skills that will become a template for which they will navigate the intricacies and channels of life but also the point in which the development and malleability of those skills is at its easiest to implement for them. A human becomes who they will become then in the first years of life. It will be the point where they will choose the futures that will unfold before them.

Trauma accumulates. Shame and other bad feelings accumulate. Injustice and anger also accumulate. That bully from high school for whom you have been holding resentment, possibly reasonably – well, at home, his parents beat him nightly. This is said to illustrate there is a lot more going on than what we can see. Is it an excuse that he perpetuate this anger? Probably not. Said to illustrate the fact that in a lot of cases, he is a kid too. And he’s probably going through this as he is acting out. But, it’s much more common than we think. This is not a dualistic message. The body and the spirit work in harmony… when one is damaged, the other will be affected. What I am saying is that when one is damaged, we need to heal it in love of the Spirit. It is catechetical and Biblical that some sins are more or less culpable based on a number of factors. The only, only, only thing, which is blinding you is the fact that truth is obscured still.

For most of my life, increasingly so since becoming chaste about five years ago, I have struggled with terrible issue. I have suffered from nocturnal emissions. It’s worse than that. I have recently judged that I am oppressed by a spirit spouse. Many holy people have these issues. St. Padre Pio actually suffered from it as well. It’s called demonic retribution. Here: I have been struggling with shame and low energy since realizing about this every time that it happens. Recognizing that this is actually satan’s purpose in so doing, is kind of liberating because I can fight against it now. Every time I suffered a nocturnal emission, all of the sexual shame and trauma in my heart gets stirred up again. I have, for most of this time, brought the issue to confession believing I was committing some mortal sin. Even with nocturnal emissions, which are triggered by oppressive dreams, I went to confession. Here: For a while, priests were telling me that it was not a conscious choice and therefore, was not a mortal sin. Even to the point of encouraging me by saying that it’s only the body’s natural process of recycling itself. After a while, priests changed their tune. They began to say that I must have been doing something to trigger it and then I must have commit some mortal sin to trigger it. The point of this is that I never give my consent or have any awareness of what is happening. I have stopped going to confession for this and have recently begun renouncing this spirit spouse and praying against her. But this is kind of an illustration of what is really happening here isn’t it? There was a specific point in my journey when religious authority began to turn against me. They are threatened by me because the message I inhabit challenges their rule, their legitimacy, their corruption. I will say no more on the matter. Nocturnal emissions are a great illustration of how what is sin is not always grave or mortal. They, in my case, are also a great illustration of how the hierarchy is using my sin as leverage against my authority. Just so you know, I am chaste as much as I can. Even though this is going directly against my human needs and God’s will for my life.

Yes, we are all born with original sin. While this is true, children are born completely innocent and pure. A child who has been satanically abused will not only have a warped conscience. He will also have behavioral issues and he may commit serious sin. That sin, while it is serious, may not be as serious for that child as it is for people who have had a sturdy upbringing. I remember reading somewhere that these sorts of survivors often have a fascination with extremist groups. Hmm. I can say in my situation, the first thirty years of my life were not lived by me. I understand there may be a sense of repressed justice. But I feel firm in stating that while I commit them, these were not my sins. I get it. There are a lot of people who are angry at me right now. Probably who have harbored this anger for decades. I want to tell you that you are not angry at me. You are angry at my abusers.

It’s not only envy. I get it. There is a sense of repressed justice. Trust me, wait until you find out just how common this sin is. When the truth comes out! If I am a sinner now, it justifies all of the present injustices I am enduring. I get the envy. Luckily, I have some experience with dealing with jealous people. With that movie made about me. I still do not know how to navigate it fully. It boggles my mind. Because if you saw what I endured for this, you would say, ‘Oh!’

While all sins are equal in the eyes of God, not all traumas are the same. Trauma accumulates. Shame accumulates. Willful unrepentance is a hindrance to the lives that God has planned for all of us. Please remember that what happened to me, happened for nearly twenty years. It was unchallenged because I was taught very early that challenging would merit shaming, sometimes violence. I learned very early that dissociation and splitting off from consciousness was safer than enduring what was happening, for the sake of my emotional and mental health. Learned this to stay alive. Read this is context with everything else I have written. I am not diminishing or minimizing the trauma of anyone. But it is a psychological fact that some traumas can have more of an effect on people based on certain factors. And most children, despite being well intentioned, if you traumatize them to the point of fragmenting their personalities, will not know about Jesus and trusting Jehovah in their suffering. It’s the reason there is so much illness, weakness and addiction these days. Wake up.

If you feel I deserve to make reparation for my sins, I will not disagree with you. According to the Gospel, every one of us merits crucifixion for our own personal sins. It is the free gift of God, which sets us free, making us right with Him. This is grace. If you believed what I am saying, you would know that I have been punished from as far back as I remember. After that injury alone, I couldn’t move my eyelids for five months after. I still have difficulty walking. I cannot develop relationships with women because of the traumas I have endured. Still, I trust you. I trust the Church. God will corroborate my exceptional character these days. If you believed my message, you would know that I am inculpable for the things I did into my early twenties. I am living in grace. I wonder who this reparation is for? My abusers were still raping me into my twenties. Just doesn’t seem right that my church and my world, those who in a different circumstance would have been the ones to help me reintegrate, feel I still need to be punished despite the fact that I have been a literal punching bag since before I was born. Yes, it’s nice the movie was made about me. I was still being raped. Yes, it’s nice I had some money. I was still being raped. You don’t get it, do you? This will not stop.

On that note, I just want to point out (it will be the final time that I do) that you are going to my abusers to get information about me. I am not a fool. I know that they have even deceived you into treating me the way that they have told you they have treated me. Call me old-fashioned, call me traditional, I do not think it is healthy to go to someone’s abusers in order to gather information on that person. They are not who you believe them to be. Sure, I may deserve reparation. What did my mother ever do to anyone? They have got you convinced that neither my life nor my mother’s life mean anything. They have got you treating us exactly as they were treating us. Do you not recognize a pattern in that? Sure, I did not treat them well at times. I am inculpable. My abusers started literally committing crimes against me from the time I was out of the hospital as an infant. What adults teach a child becomes their voice. I will have you know that they were still abusing me, even sexually, into my late twenties. I was angry. It was an anger, a shame and a fear that had been accumulating inside of me since I was a baby that I was never allowed to express. Every time I tried to express my emotions, they shamed me. Besides, even the incidents which happened when I was an adult against them, I did not instigate. This is not teaching. This is common sense. If anything, you should be going to the people I just spent two years with to find out about me. After all, it is essentially the basis of the Gospel summed up that people can change. I sincerely hope that the reason you are not believing me is not because you disagree with my politics.

The only perspective that is important in terms of this crime is the child’s or the victim’s. There is no fruit in trying to hear both sides of the story. This is because with this particular sin, unlike most other interpersonal sins, one party is entirely innocent. And if by chance that child happens to be acting out, most of the time, they are simply reacting to unprocessed trauma and a wounded conscience. This is not to impose guilt on anyone. The majority of the time, if we are to look back far enough into the lives of those who ‘act out’, it is almost a certainty that there will be found the most profound of tragedies. This, also, is not to deny accountability. But, people can change. People can heal. What we truly need be vigilant of is the state of denial. We should always be aware and attune to our propensity, as human beings to both hurt others, as well as to be hurt by others. There is often, indeed, another side of the story, in these cases, grave and serious ones. However, in judging, individual cases, one perspective is the only one that merits attention.

The age of reason is not something that can be pinpointed. It is not something that can be generally said, “Oh, a child knows what is right from wrong by the time they’re thirteen. It is different for everybody. And when we consider this, we need to also consider the nature of what is happening around the person who does something bad. I can almost guarantee that every person in prison these days is in prison based on a judgement for an action or a couple of actions, however severe, are in prison is because of tragedy in their own lives, which they perhaps as yet, may not have been able to process and integrate into their awareness. The age of reason can be affected, then, by traumas experienced in the past, traumas still enduring, their understanding of the nature of the crime they are committing. What is the difference between a sin committed in the day or in the darkness? What is the difference between a concealed sin and a revealed sin? The abuse that was happening to me, almost perpetually without stop, went on until I was in my early twenties. When I did the things I did, I was still enduring the same thing, every night. Every offence I commit against people were committed 1) while I was still being abused in much worse ways, and 2) before my baptism. You say yourself that there are matters which make someone more or less culpable for a sin. My entire life, into my twenties, was a delirious blur because of the trauma I was still experiencing.

Everybody has the potential for anger. Anger is a response to how we have been treated. I was not baptized until 2007. If what I am saying is true, everything that I endured before and even what happened after, while I was enduring the treatment, was not entirely mortal sin. If what I am claiming is true, my conscience was surely affected. What do you think? Since I was not baptized until 2007, this means that the trauma I was enduring prior to this was not endured in Christ. A lot of the anger I have, in addition to shame, fear, despair, sorrow will be repressed. I am doing the very best with what I have available to me at the moment. If I have repressed anger, this is aside from the identity that Christ has given to me. I have repressed emotions because I have never been able to confront the evils done to me. Again, I can forgive. Which I have. Thousands of times. I cannot heal until truth is confronted. I am moving forward in my life, quite in spite of this repressed emotion. I am healing. Again, God Himself will corroborate my righteous character when truth comes out for literally the past ten years. This is what Christ through Jehovah is doing in me in spite of repressed emotion. Surely, even if I am inculpable for almost every sin I have commit, I am also inculpable for emotions, which I was forced to gestate in my body in response to their treatment of me. Surely, this is not really about me. Even though God the Father wanted it to be, I will recognize this. Let nobody be ignorant. This is not about punishment. Anger would be justified, I think. This is about my humiliation and shame. Do not deceive yourselves with a constantly changing plethora of reasons. Still, I love you. I choose with the same act of will, with which I have been forgiving for the past twenty years, to forgive you. Again. And again. And again.. Let us let the will of God be done.

I have apologized countless times for how I reacted to the way my abusers treated me. I have gone to confession, in spite of the fact that nearly every way I reacted was prior to my baptism. I will continue to do so. Maybe innocent is a touchy word. I was morally inculpable. The entire basis of Christianity is the fact that people can change, in their hearts, for the good. I don’t think I would want to be a part of a Christianity that canceled Paul because of his past.

Let us not forget Remembrance Day. Our fathers and grandfathers fought, war over war for freedom. Freedom reign. You are not even realizing that it is being stripped from you slowly. Yes, I am a terrible sinner. I will be the first to admit this. That I feel I am inculpable is inconsequential. The fact is that my sin has had an effect upon others. I am no worse a sinner than anyone else. Keep reading and you will find out why I say this. But I acknowledge my sin. Still, as Paul says in his epistles of himself, my conscience is clear. I am no longer dead in my sin. This is because of who I am now. Who I am now is my testimony. Please remember, my dear friends, whoever is listening, God loves you. God respects our freedom. God respects our freedom. God has created us free. Freedom is a good thing. Yes, with freedom comes the negative grace to be able to say no to God. But to deprive people of that grace would make God a dictator. God has given us the choice, and in this respect it is not a matter of saying no to Him. It is a matter through which and by which, the only remedy for healing can possibly come about. God values our freedom just as much as He values us as creatures. Because God wants us to come to Him and only Him through our personal and intimate choosing of Him, for Him. To deny people the ability to think a certain way because a majority considers that way of thinking to be false or even hostile, is to take away that freedom instilled in man by God. Freedom is not the freedom to sin. But here, we have to define sin. Is an idea a sin? No. Even if it offends others. It is not a sin. Is murder a sin? Of course. Because we have freedom to murder is not a reason to do it. Maybe I am sheltered. I do not feel many people in our world would use their freedom to do such a thing. Again, maybe I am sheltered. When I think of freedom, I think of the freedom to do positive things. But remember, just because we feel something offends us or we feel something is a sin, does not mean that it is a sin. The concepts of morality are being dreadfully twisted. The Commandments are a good place to begin. But, in terms of stuff like oppression, we never quite know the full story. We never quite receive the full story. We have to be incredibly careful in making judgements about societal oppression. Just because you have a loud voice, does not mean your oppression is graver than someone who does not complain. More than this, please, remember that people are so much more than simply their politics. To write someone off because of their politics is like poisoning the well. It’s like saying, ‘what he says means nothing because he is racist.’ To write off someone’s argument by drawing attention to their personhood is the epitome of fallacy. It’s like saying, he is smelly so he should not have an opinion on politics. Jesus. Because he is smelly, he should no longer live. Here’s another one. Because he is smelly, he should be supervised and surveilled.  Or another one. Because he is smelly, he should never experience love. Here’s a great one. Because he has been traumatized so much sexually and emotionally in his life, he should never experience love. In fact, we should do everything we can to deprive him of love. Like robbing him of his wife and telling every woman whom he expresses interest in that he is a terrible person. Name of God. Do you not yet see what is happening? Again, these three essays are linked. Make the link you desire. Me? I think it is envy.

God’s plan was always to reward me for what I endured in my childhood for His glory. If I am innocent, if I am inculpable, what’s the problem? As Catholics, our first obligation of obedience is to Christ, to God. I am saying this of no disrespect to the current pope. But if a pope were to come along who taught Catholics to commit idolatry, who led them into line with secular world, would you follow him? Would you follow Christ? What are you not hearing? I am not complaining. Satan has been seeking my destruction since I was born.  Don’t let your politics blind your compassion.

The fact I am still hurt is evident in that my legs tremor violently every time I get anxious. It’s not as clear to see how emotionally and spiritually wounded I am. Since my baptism, I have been conflicted in my faith. I have tried to reconcile the fact that I have a mental illness with my faith. See, my cPTSD often causes me to vocalize stresses and my emotions. It has caused me a lot of stress. In the past, I have been difficult to deal with. I am confessing, years ago, I used to be very difficult to deal with. I used to get angry, defensive and vocalize my complaints whenever I was feeling threatened. You have all heard me criticizing communism in one of these rants. Prior to my journey to the religious community, I had a lot of emotions, which I did not know what to do with or how to express properly. So, I vented. I am sure you have all seen me shouting as I walk down the street. While, this reaction has settled since my stay at the religious community, due to the healing I received there and the good examples of how men interact with conflict, I have always struggled to reconcile my faith with my emotional wounds. I struggled to reconcile my faith, which says to turn the other cheek and forgive, with my emotional wounds. It was even more confusing, I am sure not only for me, that while I was yelling down the street, I could be simultaneously offering my seat on the bus to an older person or giving money to someone on the street. These episodes were most often caused by panic attacks or flashbacks. You have to be able to acknowledge that this situation (what is happening in the world in relation to me) is entirely unpredictable. It cannot be difficult to see why this is all overwhelming and even frightening for me that everyone’s – EVERYONE’s – perceptions about me flip 180degrees every couple of hours. It’s terribly nerve racking. I always felt terribly after having one of these episodes. I have taken it to confession many times. Each time, I wondered why I was not improving. Finally, I took it to confession at my traditional parish in Ottawa. I told the priest what was happening and how I was feeling. He told me that I was inculpable and only vocalizing my thoughts. Merited, there were probably many times where there was sin in what I was doing, I have repented for these. Still, the root of the issue is in mental illness and the fact that I have not been able to feel my grief and pain. Anyways, what this priest said to me that day was like healing balm across the wounds of my soul.

Next, allow me to raise the question of my mental illness. I have DID and cPTSD. I don’t like to label myself because God is stronger than labels. But my case, my life is testimony for you all. It is testimony against you all. For when you discover what is really happening in the world, you shall see. See, my story is not only my story. What happened to me, the sexual abuse, the emotional abuse is far too common. What we believe is in love, what we believe is in intimacy is, actually, to the child experiencing it, abuse. There is a real rape culture across the globe. You may call it original sin. You’d be right about that. For all of it, every bit of it, starts with the family. For mother, father, seek to show their child affection. It doesn’t stop there, does it? We do it to other people’s children too. While you are suspicious of me, I may be one of the few who is actually respecting of children and their innocence now. What is even worse? There is a culture of satanic abuse. The satanic panic of the eighties was so real it is obscene. And what they did to those poor survivors. I’m telling you. You just can’t remember. No one can remember. It is so traumatic, no one remembers. It’s happening all across the world. In every land and city. Starts with the cultural elite. The doctors. The lawyers. The judges. The unions. The movie stars and bigshots. Oh, good Lord. Especially the movie stars and bigshots. I am writing these three essays separately but actually, each could be an extension of the other. Am I revealing your secrets? Goot. It is my sincere pleasure. People have got to know what I am up against. The monster of this machine. They need to know I cannot do this alone.

What does this have to do with culpability? It’s the process. It’s their rituals. Here are the rituals. Here is the process. They traumatize children (here I am talking about infants to eight year olds) to the point where they are so hurt they fragment. The trauma literally pours over into their capacity for grief and pain. So much so that they fragment. They have to compensate for this pain by creating new identities, new personalities. It’s worse. Here, they can access through the dissociation of the child, God’s future plans for them. They then work to destroy that identity God has prepared for them by traumatizing them. For instance, if God had it planned out that a person was to be an aircraft pilot as an adult, they would make that child so afraid of flight and air travel that it would become an act of God to overcome this fear. They can actually program a child to commit an assassination at a specific time in their future life. You know it’s true. And if you don’t, then you are in for a hefty surprise and wake up call. This brings me to DID. In terms of mental illness, diagnosed, it is among the most rare and special and unique of all. I posit that it is very much as special and unique as it is asserted among the mental health field. I do posit that it is not nearly as rare as we believe. On the contrary, I believe it is very common. Precisely because of this satanic programming. Many of us are not even aware of the many other identities living in us. These are not demons. These are literally other people, living within us. I lived for almost thirty-five years not knowing my other selves. When I discovered them, it’s like I tapped into a hidden superpower. I became a poet, a lover, discovered likes and talents I never knew I possessed. Jehovah gave me a tongue like a sword. Before I met these other identities within myself, I was like in a daze. I was literally a zombie walking. So, if this is true, what does it say about culpability? Well, it means a lot of people, a lot of people indeed, are less culpable than we originally thought. It means sin and righteousness is not nearly as black and white as we once thought. For, if, we have other people living in our bodies, who have been programmed to commit certain sin, what does this say about us? I’m telling you. Truth will liberate many people. So many people. Are you beginning to understand the importance of my message? Somehow I think this will only make your envy and bloodlust worse. I’ll say, what I wrote in my first book about my life and its experiences were to the fullness of my knowledge. It wasn’t until years after that more realizations started coming to me. About things I had done. About the way I had reacted. My books are self sufficient. If you believe me to be inculpable. I leave that to Jehovah to decide what I deserve. But, almost every way that I reacted was attributed to an alter of mine. These alters are not evil. They are just hurt. Their consciences are hurt. We speak what’s in our heart. What do you say about that piece of Gospel wisdom now? Is it really our choice what is in our heart? The Bible, while sufficient, never considered this sort of evil. While it is and always will be the perfect remedy, sometimes what we need is a hospital, not the final pill in a series of pills. We need therapy. Not rehabilitation. The only reason you would question the existence of evil at such a depravity is because you question the existence of Jehovah. Even well-intended Christians are taking part in this. They don’t know any better. It is what they know. We must be obedient to Jehovah. Not any one else.

What good is worldly justice? I see the wages of your worldly justice. It ignores crimes of the powerful and rich, can be bought simply with a fistful of cash. Worldly justice. Hah! It is as elusive as the evil one, working in the shadows, only claiming to be a public good and commodity. Where was my justice? The men who did this to me died peacefully and wealthily in their beds, surrounded by family. Only I am left with the injury. Yes, yes, actions have consequences. Do you only say that for sin that is in the light of day? What about concealed sin? Pizza? Who the heck do you think you are kidding? Jig’s up. Secret’s out. Can imagine plenty going to be upset at me for saying it. Check your heart. Why are you upset at me for pointing this out? It’s not my doing. Yup. I got some sin in my past. It’s in the open. What’s to say for the ‘swept under the rug’ sin? The concealed sin? Wait for the big unveiling! There’s a skeleton in everybody’s closet! Look, I get it. I see why you don’t want purgatory to be real. It’s going to be very difficult to face all you done with your lives and not dealt with here. These are children man. These are the most beautiful creatures of God. You can get angry at me all you want. I am the only one standing up for these at the moment. The forgotten ones. The switched ones. The traumatized ones. Wait. You shall see. You shall see what God, your Jehovah, really feels about all of this. He will show you. Wait. I also was forgotten. I also was switched. Taken and transferred at birth. In the name of this nonsense. I also was traumatized. Christ, Jehovah desire to heal you. Just so you know, all of these who have been hurt in the special name of your pizza party have instant access to Jehovah. This is not the case for all of you. Wait and see. There is forgiveness. There is healing. But you are going to need to repent and recognize this is evil and evil to the extreme. This is going to be quite a lot of repentance. What authority have I to speak on such a subject? I have no doctorate, no PhD. I do, though, have experience with this, inside knowledge, the Spirit of God and healing enough so that I am able to remember a lot of what they were doing.

See, there's an element of this you are not getting. I don't know if it's because of envy. Or frustrated justice. Or if it's part of the curse itself. Satanic abuse in childhood is especially evil. It's not like sexual abuse as an adult or even as a two year old child. The purpose of satanic abuse is to destroy a child's spirit. Their hope. Their love. Their faith. My wings have been hurt. I am doing miraculously with what I was given. But this abuse is to form consciences in evil. I said years ago that it's no wonder I was stumbled so much. It makes sense with what I endured. It is not an excuse. This is a new phenomena. Satanic child abuse is the epitome of evil because it destroys a human for their lives. It sets them onto a course of stumbled evil. I know I have made a lot of mistakes. I apologize for most of them. Nobody apologized to me. You will see. This is the reason for the contract against me that I never work, never experience passion. A lot of energy has gone into debilitating my sense of self and identity. Friends, I can't do this on my own. Surely, you are not blind, laity. Surely, you see clearly that your church is going astray. Please help me. If there is an option to wait, please let me get married. I just want to do God's will. But I have two groups speaking to me. The church on earth. And Jehovah Himself. Who do I believe? You simply want to humiliate me to delay my message. God love you. But get behind me, Satan.