Importance of privacy

So, I get it. You only see one side of this story. Maybe you feel it is justified. Maybe it is. But here is another side. One which our society rarely would get.

This is how it all began. In 2012, I wrote a little book, documenting who I was claiming to be and what I endured. After this, I noticed my computer acting up quite a bit. My phone acting up as well. Possibly had been under surveillance prior to this. (There's a skeleton in everybody's closet). You distinguish criminals from other people by setting up a veil. You say this is a good act. And that is a bad act. You say, this is a good person. And that is a bad person. You have gotten so overwhelmed by this us vs. them mentality that you have become blinded to the truth that we are all evil. We are all criminals. And we are all sinners. When the truth comes out, your eyes will be opened to the fact that we are all the exact same, committing the exact same things. How's your relationship with your parents? Anyways, I wrote a little book in 2012. Afterwards, the surveillance was blatant. 

Since nothing seems to be done about it. And this communistic appeal over our democracy and republic has become overarching, privacy has become a thing of the past. Well, friends, I remember a time when individuality, genuine progress and good and healthy economy, privacy, adequate health care, good education, minimal homelessness were not just reality. They were truth. They were simply expected here in the West. Remember that the health of a society is evident in the way that it treats its littles, its vulnerables. Human life is what is most important to God. This limiting of privacy is a reach from the state to gain authority of the human life. Anyways, I wrote a little book in 2012. Afterwards, the surveillance was blatant. 

It did not disagree with me at first because I viewed it with different eyes. At this time, until about 2016, I would use this grace as a way to evangelise. I would travel the city, every day, using the notes section in my phone and my MS Word documents to evangelise to the people whom I would encounter. During these times, my message was the Gospel and that children need love and peace in their developments, that trauma accumulates. In about 2016, I heard about a particular politician's campaign. I was all-in from day 1. Actually, had I money at that time, I would have wagered a lot of money on his success. In spite of the fact that he had been given 2% chances in the polls. I want to be clear that I never prophesied his victory. I just had a feeling. What I want is different from what I prophesy. I started watching youtube videos about his campaign and realised very quickly that people were watching what I was watching on my computer. I want to say very clearly that by 2016, I had completely quit pornography use for about a year. I quit completely in 2015 and haven't looked back since. Anyways, it was at this time, I began to notice people becoming quite angry with me. Some would spit at me. Others would shake their heads and avoid me on the street. While still others lauded me. These were the weirdest years of my life. I quickly saw what was happening in terms of the censorship and media campaigns against this politician who simply seemed to want the best of his country. 

Anyways, about this time, I was confirmed into the Catholic Church. It was a joyful day, my Confirmation day. I soon realised that my confessions were being broadcast after priests had received them. Since it happened with pretty much every single priest I visited, I surmised that it was an edict from high places. I resigned. Because of the anger I faced at the time, because people were sniffing my wifi traffic and leaking my politics, my message quickly transformed from the message of the Gospel, humanity to a defence of the life that I had lived. A defence of my views and a defence of my life. Hitherto, it should be noted that people were incredibly patient with my disability, my sins (which were many). It's almost as though the moment people got wind of my politics, they were eager to forget what I had endured. It's as though compassion had been forgotten.

Afterwards, I spent some time at a religious community where this same surveillance continued. When I moved to another city, I got the impression there were cameras in my room. It was incredibly obvious because of the way I was being spoken to based on material that could never have been assessed had there been no cameras in my room. Actually, thinking clearly about it, I am able to surmise that there were probably cameras in every room I have owned since then. This is my story.

I feel like Truman or Ed in EdTV. Except for one thing. I did not consent to any of it. You may say that because of my sin (which is great) I lost my right to consent. You may say I lost my right to myself. I simply reply to this, would you say the same thing if I were inculpable for the sins I committed? If what I am claiming is true, I just may be. I have no idea how deep this network of surveillance goes. I have often suspected that there is like a channel or something, where everyone collaborates in sharing media about me. I base this on the fact that I'm often videotaped in public. You may say that I lost my right to privacy because of who I claim to be. This would make more sense. But, I'm sure even the pope has privacy within his private bed quarters, his time in the jon and in the shower. I just want to tell you that it is incredibly retraumatising for me when my privacy is intruded upon. That may not mean much to you. But, it does to me. In addition, never have I consented to any of my intellectual property to being open source material. I am stating very clearly, that all of my writing is my copyright.

My friends, still not trying to make a public statement by what I watch/what I do in my privacy.  Still, only, trying to prove what happened to me.

Look, I've got to admit: This tool has been very useful as a medium of communication is for my ministry. I know others have seen it as such as well. Still, I have always found it quite significantly censoring. The fact that other people, I have no idea even how it is possible, possess access to my computer and electronic devices is a great tool, for my evangelism and ministry. I judge the fact that you are accessing my devices because of very clear reactions I receive when I write stuff. It is beyond certainty that this is indeed happening. And part of the reason I embrace it is out of love. Because it does, in fact provide a strong platform for the conveyance of my message. Another reason is because I simply cannot afford to keep buying computers and phones. My old roommate, God bless him, snagged a USB disk with everything on my computer on it a number of years ago. I said nothing. I understand. There are probably aspects of it that I don’t understand. It made immediate sense of the words of a beautiful lay woman in Toronto who told me that what I say is worth money. But you have to look at this from my perspective. The fact that my entire childhood and adolescence was wrought with injustice and violation and intrusion, the behaviour that is happening now feels very similar and perpetuates the sense of victimisation I have endured. I was not blind to people going through my physical possessions as well. I have got to say that having an eye on me, at all times, is extremely censoring. I don’t want to create anything because I feel like the material is just going to be leaked anyhow. I don’t want to create anything because I don’t have a safe place, anywhere. As much as you want to believe, I am not a politician. I am not even a leader. Yet. My time has not come. I am just a guy telling his story of victimisation. Would it be possible if we set a limit on some of the intrusions? For instance, there are a number of documents on my computer that are for others to view. A lot though, are just a guy unprivy to technology, writing his healing and life journey. What would we see if we analysed every person’s private computer and phone history? My guess is that not many people would want that information leaked. I have quit porn for almost ten years. God bless you. 

Often, privacy isn't about hiding; it's about creating space to open up. When we have unlimited access to what a person does in privacy, we restrict their growth. We make assumptions about a person based on context, which may not be present. Healing is accomplished best in a hospital. Not on a stage. Privacy is a human right.

The reason I make a distinction between what I say publicly and what I do privately is because to me, there is a real difference. It’s the same reason I feel people still do not believe me. In all that I have said publicly, including going to the authority, writing and publishing my disclosure testimony and a few posts on facebook and my blog, things haven’t gone that well. This is how I have communicated with others so that they know what is going on with me. When I write in my computer, what I look at on the internet, what I say in private to my friends, I assume I have privacy. I assume people simply want to know me for me. I assume I have the space to write about personal things that have affected me in my life. I have nothing to hide. But that should not matter. Privacy is a human right. Is this sort of surveillance common everywhere? I’m not going to say anything further about this except privacy is very important. I know and understand that people are curious. And I know you have shown a great deal of faith in what I am saying. For that I thank you. Please, at least afterwards, remember that I am not only a prophet. I am also a survivor of a lot of trauma. And that I deserved space, boundaries and healing like everyone else. The fact that I can’t always voice these needs and assert myself is a result of a lot of being taken advantage of. I invite you to continue reading what I write. It’s a good way for me to communicate with you, in the limited state I am in. But remember, value in all of this is in Truth. Not anything I say or do. Trust truth. Not me. It’s about God. Not me. You have been very generous to me in what you have offered me. Or in what you have tried to offer me. I know that one day, I will feel worthy of love. You’re making yourselves forget by focusing on this. Remember my message.

The way people are using technology to spy on others is deplorable, an abomination to God. God values enormously the privacy of people. God will defend me. Thank God for His vindication, which is coming! Promise not to say I told you so… It’s your choice. Do you want to be a bully? Or do you want to act in love? Time will tell. And time and what will happen will ultimately separate the goats from the sheep. Who ever said that because you are a Christian, we need to be nice to people all of the time? We treat people accordingly. I think you will get a shock when you find out that this whole time, you were supposed to be worshipping Jesus in the Mass. Not me. 

Sorry. I cannot apologise for what people are not giving me the opportunity to consent. Maybe I get the reasons you are spying on me. Still, this method of surveillance is not simply for surveillance. It’s the same reason my confessions are being recorded. I cannot tell you how much damage to the morality and mental health this is doing upon society. Look, privacy is a human right. One which I have forfeited for the sake of my ministry. You are not giving me a chance if you go to the extent of 007 espionage to find out about what I am doing. Jesus. 

Call me naïve. I still am not entirely sure whether people are reading this. I’m sure that I do not have to tell you that I am not writing with the intention of being heard. This is my private journal where I express some very personal stuff. Not being privy with technology I guess serves only to further my naivety. I need an outlet. And I will continue to write. I will admit that if others are in fact reading this, it offers me a platform through which to voice my thoughts, in the limited physical and emotional state that I am in. But again, that these are my reflections and emotions and what is in this may not always be that positive. Although, I feel for the most part, it has been. Read. If it is encouraging you. 

There are some things, which you are not intended to see. There is another dimension to my privacy that is important. Some of the things I am writing into private journals God wants to be surprise. It’s all good. 

If He desires it to be surprise, it certainly will. I am and have only been telling you the truth this whole time. I don’t know really any human being who would openly be so transparent with every part of his life. With the entire world. How is your memory? I don’t say that to taunt you. But to remind you. You are forgetting for a reason. Satan is trying to kill me. This is the reason all of my sins are coming out prior to what caused them. Don’t forget invincible ignorance is a very Biblical and Catechetical thing. If what I am claiming is true, wouldn’t it logically follow? I know how incredibly, awfully small and weak I am. I do not want to do this. I keep saying I am not your political sacrifice. The reason I feel I am being chosen for this is because I am so terribly weak. I do not want this. I don’t want to hurt more. I want my wife. It’s frightening seeing how things are progressing. If it’s possible, I would rather die in peace, with my wife. I cannot help what is being placed on my heart by God. By the Holy Ghost. I have the Holy Ghost as much as anyone else. The reason they do not want you to think I have changed, that I am a different man is because of my politics. You know it to be true. I am extremely weak. I am very, very small. Yes, God uses the weak and the small to do enormous things. I keep saying. I will keep saying: I just want peace. You are misunderstanding. I am terribly traumatised still. I need two things for my healing. I need to confront this beast of an abuse story that seems to want to stay in the shadows. In other words, I need truth to come. Secondly, I need the love I never received as a child. The curse is broken. But I need help with this contract of sorrow. I cannot achieve this on my own. You will see.

I don’t know or understand what it is that you need me to do. Are you expecting me to be silent in private emails? Are you expecting me to be silent while using my private computer? Are you expecting me to be silent in terms of what I watch in my home? Let us prepare a list. I don’t know that what you are asking is humanly possible. Please, I am begging you not to hurt me more. I don’t know what it is that I need to be obedient to. Are you forgetting what I have already endured? I had a serious head injury when I was younger. Maybe I just do not understand what it is that you need. No one has told me clearly. You are expecting a lot of me. The least you could do is tell me clearly what you want me to do. The reason you can't is because you know you may be goading against the tide of God. Why do you silence a prophet of God? Look, I will be silent. If you think that will keep me safe. I do not understand where I need to be silent. Places where I have always assumed that I have privacy, like in confession, have become pedestals. For people telling my sins to others. Every sin I have commit was in reaction to what happened to me. Every sin I have commit, which I remember, has either occurred before my baptism or has been confessed already. I have confessed sins from before my baptism. You are not getting the full picture. Please. What do you want? As far as I can see the only reason you would want me to be silent about my story is because you are threatened by it. This may be the case. Truth about what happened to me feels like the only leverage I have against people who truly want to do me lethal harm. It feels like there is nothing I can do. You want me to be accountable. No one has been more accountable than me. I not only confessed my sins to priests who were sharing them with the world. I also took a lot of my sins to the authority. In faith that what happened to me would come out at the time.

I never know what people are upset at. It’s hard for me to process how I write something privately and all of a sudden, heads are turning. Hard for me to process those reactions because they make no sense. Surely, you can’t have access to what I am writing/watching. Schizophrenics used to believe people were spying on them. With this presupposition in mind, I come to the conclusion that people don’t believe me about what happened to me. This feels terribly threatening to me as I have seen how angry people get when they forget my story. Still publicly, it’s only thing I have said. This method of communication is absurd to me and makes little sense. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I cannot handle wavering 

attitudes towards me. Scares me to death. Please just don’t pay attention to me. Don’t be mean about it. Just treat me like anyone else. Consistency is key. Let’s see how long we can go. 

Everyone deserves privacy though. There are a couple of documents on my computer, which I don’t mind sharing. But, my work is not open source. This is my work. Seeing how my experiences with VPN has failed over the last while, I am not going to get that. Please respect my right to my work though. My computer is not public. As much as I am a prophet, I am also a human being and a survivor. I find myself censoring myself sometimes, knowing that others have access to my electronic devices. People need boundaries to thrive. You have to know that it is wrong. And I protest...

I’m sure I do not have to keep telling you that you need not read what I am writing here. Nobody is forcing you to read what I am writing. I don’t even know how it’s possible that you are. Regardless, no one is forcing you to. No one is forcing you to.

Please remember that my computer is not a public forum. This is not a newspaper. I deserve privacy just like anyone else, an essential basic need. All I am doing is writing into my private computer. I’m saying that in the gentlest way I can, knowing how this has benefited me in having a voice. Originally, I never intended or consented for it to be a medium for people to follow. But I want to thank you for listening and for your faith. I will continue to stand up for truth. Just know that I have never consented to this. I will continue to encourage. What is meant to happen will happen. No one can blame you for how you’re reacting now. You don’t know my story. It’s very difficult to trust something you cannot see. Or in this case, something in which there is no corroboration. Don’t forget everything I have done and said. Don’t forget my message. Again, I’m asking you not to believe until there is evidence. I am not looking for attention. But I am going to need validation for my healing and well being. Validation of what happened to me. #Saintinaday!

I also hope that you can understand that this journal is not necessarily intended as a public forum. I speak my thoughts here. And I hope you can understand that some of my thoughts are fleeting. Some thoughts may be sparked by emotion. And I hope you can appreciate that this is my journal, which, in many ways, I began as part of my healing journey from some very serious traumas. In that, I am writing this for myself first. 

This is not like a newspaper. I keep personal thoughts here. Especially in my phone. I actually purchased a VPN a couple of years ago, which I had installed on my phone, though I don’t think it worked. For a while, I noticed relative anonymity but then, as I remained on the same server for a while, people started to react again to what I was jotting down. It’s good. I think it’s a good channel of communication for myself and others. Especially in the uninhibited way it allows me to communicate, in the state that I am in. But I feel that we are a bit off page in comprehending each other with this type of communication. Silence is not lack of concern. You know very well how I feel. Nothing will change. You know what I have been through. I can’t help but feeling as though we are out of sync in terms of what we expect of each other. This method of communication leaves a lot to the imagination and for speculation. At times, leaving us in conflicting paths in terms of things we are reacting to. I can wake up one morning and walk about my day with people being really pleased with me all day, then, with a pin fall, their reactions can do a 180 because of a YouTube video I liked. Still, it’s a good method of communication, considering the limited state I am in now. Truth will come out when it comes out.

Youtube history and facebook newsfeed aren’t forums for public statements. Not the best place to form an opinion about a person. Please don’t let what I ‘like’ on Facebook blind you from everything I have 

been through and done. We are more than what we do and say. I say this with love, we have to do more than listen to what we hear. Examine your beliefs and see why you believe them. What I watch on youtube does not completely shape my perspectives. With respect, I understand your curiosity. But I think it may be not right to form an opinion of a person based on the things they watch and like on social media. A lot of this stuff is only my opinion. But there is a reason for that opinion. Yesterday I wrote a post that I want to stop paying attention to other people. I very much want to please people, because I know the position of responsibility I have. But to please all is not practical now. What I meant by saying this is that I just don’t want to allow people’s opinions to hinder me from doing what I need to. Again, my youtube viewing history is set to private. My Instagram profile has a silly username. You need not be curious.

I’m not going to apologise for what I say in private conversations. This is not about my opinion, what I say or do. This is about truth. People know that I am a follower of the Way of Jesus. This is not a secret. That does not make me perfect. Far from it. It is for the broken Jesus came. To me, Christ is the true path to know God. Through Him, a relationship with and forgiveness with God are accessible. But again, I possess only insight about the True path. What I have written in this book and throughout these letters, I know for Truth or am testifying because of my faith through the experiences I have had and through what is written through the Word of God. And I believe the Word of God is Truth. Love, peace and illumination in truth is the way to know God. I know this for Truth. But love works in both directions. It is not lucid, otherwise it is not love and becomes submission.

The message of this entry is that you have a choice to read this. Nobody is forcing you to. This is kind of absurd to me at times. Considering that I am only writing in my personal computer. Does everybody have access to everybody’s computer and device these days? I see the benefit. In my case. Please remember that privacy is very important to human feelings of safety. 

I’ve gotten a VPN on my phone. Call me naïve. I am just realising what this is for. The notes I make on my phone are where I record my thoughts throughout the day. Not all of them are intended to be read by others. People deserve and have a right to privacy. Again, it’s okay. And I understand your curiosity. Just my phone.

I want the best for God. I know privacy is not a part of that plan. The reason I talk about privacy and its importance is because I realise how the human nature reacts to unwanted intrusion. Reason I got a VPN on my phone is because some things I write as notes in my phone are simply random thoughts and I don’t necessarily want to express those thoughts publicly.

Around the time when I started realising that my confessions were not being held in exclusive privacy, God the Father came to me, telling me that if I needed to confess, He personally would be my confessor. He was offended by this breach and offered to hear my confession whenever I needed. He tells me, after confessing to Him that I am brand new, I am spotless like a lamb without blemish. 

The reason I continue to write is because of reactions I am always getting when I view something online or write something in this computer or on my phone. Do we all take privacy for granted that we forget how important it is for a human being to thrive and to grow? Every so often, my computer, my private computer, which I purchased for myself, into which I write private thoughts about my healing journey, documents I am writing into, don’t save properly. It says that the document is open elsewhere and can’t be opened. Then it spews some nonsense about changes being made globally. My work is not open source. I have not consented to this. Consent is important, isn’t it? Especially for a 24 year rape survivor. I’d guess it would be. 

I’ve tried a lot to not talk about politics. I don’t represent anybody. Remember from where you were getting your information from for the first five years. There is no literal way you can get me to apologise for things I do in my privacy. My message is greater than politics. There are aspects of truth in every perspective. You need to know that all of you are doing so well. God is bigger than politics. You know my early literature. This is my message and all you need to know. Coincidentally, it is one of a very few things I have said publically. (I wrote this years before beginning my perpetual defence argument). I am not even teaching with a lot of what I say. So we are very clear, I don’t represent anything more than me. At the moment, I have no more authority than anyone in the Spirit… Even lay Catholics possess the Spirit of God. And perhaps, to a greater degree for points in humility.

Here is probably a familiar quote: I cannot consent what I cannot control. And - surely people are allowed to have an opinion... "Tell me, how can I be silent when seemingly everyone has unrestricted access to every writing tool I use? I have changed my personal electronic devices countless times. When that has failed, I started writing in journal books. People broke into my room, or otherwise went through my belongings without my consent. They have many times broken into my lock box. Even in places I felt most safe. For as far back as I remember, my internet traffic has been universally sniffed. Without cause. You know I have not looked at porn in over six years. You can tell me to be silent. It is quite impossible. If you don't like what you see, you know what to do. This depends on you. Not me. I will not stop writing."

The problem seems not to get any better. I am sorry to my friends who have to listen to me like this. But, I feel it needs to be said. It is an immoral thing what is happening that cannot be justified. People know who I have been for the past decade but especially over the past five years. I have done my best to explain the reasons for my difficulties as a child and as a young man. I keep trying to share with people what I was even then enduring. The danger, I feel is not personal but rather how the permittance of this behavior is leading to shape and alter the morality of individuals who perceive this going on. I pray for those who are responsible and pray God reveals the truth about how this behavior affects not only me, but everybody else who is observing. When it was discovered that Padre Pio was being spied on, the reigning pope condemned the act strongly because he recognized the dignity of the human being and the right to privacy, free from undesired intrusion. Kind of the same reason the seal of Catholic confession is so strict and guarded. Padre Pio, at the time, was also accused of discrepency, which was later proved to be false. Maybe a half truth. I can imagine there was a desire to humiliate the priest on part of the recorders. I do not understand the methods being used to spy on me if they are strictly for surveillance. 

The point of this: First of all, it is a blatant violation of my human rights. You need know, without hesitation or mildest doubt, that privacy is of utmost importance to God. This is not a matter of opinion. God values the human life. He values the rights to the self in the same way. Just like He values intellectual property. Like He doesn't want us to be victims of abuses after abuses. Just like God does not want to extinguish the light of His children. No, friends, it's not God. It is not God who is tempting you to do this. Not God at all. You are going to have to set back to the drawing boards. To be clear, I am not even worried about me any longer. If you cannot see the fact that this is an erosion of the state and a blatant and tyrrannical abuse of power, I don't know if I can help you. If you cannot see the fact that if they can do all of this to me, yet you feel safe from this happening to you in the very near future, I don't know if anyone can help you. Mark my words, friends, it will not be long before you are deemed a threat and they come after you. It's not prophecy. It's not even foresight. It's simple math. Deduction at the very simplest. Repent, you nations. God is in control.