Pornography:

'There are different kinds of pornography. The problem arises when pornography for the individual becomes a problem. Which I think is what this meme is speaking to. I've looked at porn in the past. But the reasons I did it were to mask emotional pain of past experiences. Because it is like that: a drug. I agree fully that the signifier of healthy sexuality is about a relationship with the self as opposed to others or other things, but that doesn't change anything about the negative side effects of and degradation of porn. I'm consciously choosing not to anymore but that does not and should not affect your choices. Because like you say in a way Josef, sexuality is a personal expression of self. But even that is relative. It is agreed that there are softcore, romantic porns but there are just the same hardcore, fringing on extremely abusive porn. The main problem is that when porn becomes a 'problem' or an addiction, the chemicals released in the brain to provide the sexual high, get used to previous forms of it, like the softcore porn. This leads to a search for more dangerous, 'thrilling' material to get the same high. Again, this is where it becomes problematic on many levels leading to isolation and relationship problems and heightened desensitization and estrangement to human empathy and suffering. A little porn; ok? Sure. But just like alcohol, it becomes a problem when it itself becomes a problem. I believe that God created sex for a couple to express their love for each other. I think that is all that statement means. I urge you guys to check out some of these videos I've provided links to. One is a TED Talk, another a personal experience of an EX porn star, another scientific symptoms of the negative impacts of pornography addiction on the human psyche. The last one is a personal account of the positive effects of not viewing porn for extended periods of time following that individual's negative experiences with addiction to porn. Ask yourself, what kinds of porn are available today for consumption? Is it simply romantic, softcore porn that expresses human love and intimacy? Or are there practically endless amounts of child porn, brutal and violent porn and other extremely abusive forms of the stuff?'

I wrote this some time ago. The blog post didn't get much attention and so I am elaborating here. I'd like to edit it a little. First, when I said that healthy sexuality is about a relationship with the self as opposed to others, I don't know if I thought this through well. In truth, human sexuality is about service. It's about learning to place the other first. It's about learning to love and place the needs of others over even our own. This is the reason, traditionally, marriage is the exclusive place for sexual relations. I believe that God has something special in store for us in this regard. Something, which will prepare us for what's coming. Something, which will give us the grace and the will to seek to love and serve the other before ourselves with greater intensity. I shall say no more about this. Secondly, I said, 'a little porn is acceptable.' I wrote this with a more secular-influenced mindset. I have grown spiritually and in my faith. At the end of the day, it is a personal choice whether or not to watch the material. I simply write as a warning that it is a serious doorway to demonic activity and darkness to open your spirit in this way. Use of the material creates a spiritual bond to the creators of the material, the actors. Just because you cannot see the spiritual doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It is a reality, more influential than this physical plane.

I will say here that I once had a terrible addiction to pornography. I can say this and bring it into the light because through God's grace, He has helped me quit this addiction for over eight years. I am living a completely chaste life for over five years. I quit the second I learned why I was falling down this slippery slope of an addiction. There is a special insight here. One which may be applicable to all in the world over. Before I continue, I would like to examine the truth that addictions do not spring up out of no where. The reason people become captured in a vice, whether it be religion, overworking, cigarettes, heroin or sugar is because they are trying to numb an unpleasant emotion. Think about it, if you are healthy emotionally, you have no reason to get stuck on a pleasure like this. You experience the pleasure and are returned to life a moment later. You are able to navigate this pleasure without unhealthy attachment. Yes, I am asserting that every addiction is the psyche's attempt to suppress unpleasant and traumatic memories or emotions. There is certainly a genetic factor involved. But, its influence is miniscule compared with the effects of life and their influence. I realized after countless attempts to quit my addictions that I was unable to tackle them by myself. So, I invited God into the equation. Around this time, I asked Him to make known to me the root cause, the underlying trauma causing me to be stuck in these patterns. Soon after, I started receiving heightened awareness of what I had endured as a child. Memories began to sharpen and clear out in image, as though a screen focusing itself. I was filled with righteous indignation and resolved firmly to change my life. I quit smoking a year after this and pornography, two years after this. Pornography was relatively an easy addiction for me to give up. Because I recognized the human and psychological ties to why I was using the material. Literally the moment I received awareness of what I had been through, I made the connection to the fact that I was using it to numb emotions I could not deal with at the time because the memories were clouded. Awareness was clouded for me. And in some cases, I was still enduring the abuse. My mind was protecting me. In addition to this, the scientific matter of the addictive qualities of the chemicals produced in the brain in reaction to this stimuli, caused my addiction to spiral down. After receiving a thrill, using the material, the brain does not produce the same amount of chemical afterward. So, in order to chase that same thrill, users seek more thrilling material to placate this desire for chemical high. Simply put, the addiction gets worse over time. For me, it was not so much about myself that I resolved so quickly to quit. I quit because I recognized the fact that in using the material, I was participating in terrible practices by proxy. Around this time, I discovered a couple of communities. The first was a secular abstinence group, which encouraged users to abstain from sexual arousal for the purposes of increasing manliness. The second group was an anti-porn advocacy group. Here, I learned an awful lot. I saw videos about ex porn stars and their testimonies. Anyways, here I learned that the people who get involved in this sort of entertainment are often victims of child abuse themselves. They often have tragic lives. Even if they don't, a great fraction of those who find themselves involved are not consenting. They are often kidnapped and trafficked and drugged for this purpose. It is incredibly sad. Many are only children. I realized after I quit that in using the material, I was contributing to an industry that thrives on abuse and darkness. So, I quit. Never to look back.

The way pornography has seeped into our culture is surely an act of the evil one. I am making a connection between the physical and the spiritual. That is an unavoidable connection to mistake. It is a terrible thing to see how sex, a beautiful part of humanity be degraded to such a level that it is unrecognizable. Children are learning about it from porn. Which is a travesty. Instead of intimacy and loving touch, they learn the oo's and ahh's acting of a porn video. What awful circumstances. No wonder our culture has tumbled this far. Years ago, a seedy guy might stumble into a back alley doorway, concealed by a cloak and ridden with shame to access pornography. This has progressed terribly. It has 

progressed until our world has become dominated by it. This material estranges the human being to the emotional state of the other. It devalues them and dehumanizes them into an object. I know that this statement may sound like a simple euphemism. It is not. In viewing it, we participate in darkness. The fact is that we have no accurate statistics about how this pandemic of sin will affect our society. It is easy to see how our society has been taken for this. The neurochemical composition progression of the human being speaks to the degradation of this addiction almost world over. It feels good until it don't any more. So we seek deeper and more taboo thrills to get the feels again.Like, increasing access and normalizing it to the point where it is accessible on our smartphones, free and in unlimited amounts.

It is a bit more complicated than simply getting married as a way to curb your sexual appetites, isn't it? We are all individuals. We all have passions and drives, wants and needs. If a boy is abused sexually by his mother, he may experience a lot of emotional resistance in developing a connection with a woman as he ages. There is a dynamic not approached Biblically here. This is the dynamic of trauma and how it relates to the individual. Certainly, the Biblical principles are accurate. But, I don't know if it would be fair for a boy abused all his life by women be forced into chastity and celibacy because of his wounds. Maybe fair is not the right word. I don't know if it is what God would want for this boy. I posit that we are not all called to religious chastity and celibacy. Sanctification? Certainly. But again, God is not as scared of human sexuality as we think. God wants us to be happy. Human sexuality is a key to this happiness. I am not asking you to believe me now. When truth comes out, it will be believed naturally and in response. When we find out what is happening in the world, our eyes will soften towards sexuality. All of this #metoo nonsense will dissipate. In the knowledge that every single one of us is guilty of exactly the same thing. It's a very elementary psychological concept that our sexuality as human beings can be moulded and shaped by our experiences. Elementary in that the concept is so simple that schooling may actually interfere with our ability to understand it. I quickly recognized that a lot of the pathways I was slipping down in terms of what I was viewing online were not actually me. They were guided by the abuse I had experienced and were perpetuating that dynamic of abuse that I endured. Yes, I admit the capacity within myself to abuse. I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we would do the same. When we assign ourselves a victim, this is quite dangerous as it denies the possibility within itself to harm. This is where darkness acts. Upon the throne of denial. In any case, I was abusing myself by submitting to these fantasies. Years after quitting, it's as though my sexuality has undergone a deep reset. This online abstinence community that believes that abstinence can reset our brains and masculinity has something to say. For sure it does.

I want people to know I am truly sorry for anything that I may have done in my past to hurt people. Whether derived from feelings of pride, lust, anger or fear, I repent. We all have pasts. I want anyone in my life who has hurt me to know that I not only forgive you completely, I love you very much. But the reason that I can forgive such horrible crimes is because I have been blessed with the spiritual insight of seeing why people commit sin and do bad things. We need to have compassion and empathy for each other. The human being is a complex organism that reacts and develops intricate and beautiful ways of surviving through the worst of adversity. They are intricate and beautiful because they helped us survive through terrible stuff. But they also have the potential to be destructive, disruptive and hurtful. Please remember this verse: “Neither circumcision or uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation” (Galatians 6:15). I feel very much as though I am entirely a new person from fifteen, twenty, 

ten years ago. We’re humans. With very real feelings and thoughts. And we are all tempted. But the tempting comes according to your own experiences, sufferings and life path. A fair example of this would be lust. If you’re married or are able to have your needs met in a fulfilling way, you’re less apt to be tempted sexually. If you were abused in sexual ways as a child and at the present time, have no options for release, you’re bound to be tempted. Then there’s the issue of pornography and increasing and insatiable desires. This is a reason the Apostle Paul says, “If you are unable to control your sexual appetite, be married”. To be fair, what is happening in the world these days was not happening at the time that Paul was writing. Read this one more time. I think you may find that God has some very big surprises in store for us. Hey, if I am wrong, nothing will come of it. You need not worry about suppressing my thoughts if you think I am crazy. Or if you think I am lying. The only reason you may seek to suppress my thoughts is that you know I am right. And you know that if I am right, it will stir the status quo.