Is it overbearing? A script by Freedom (Another alter of mine)

I only desire the pity of souls. Is it truly too much? Is it overbearing? Yet, I desire so much more. I have a name. My host gave me a name. Asking me, it is ill0fitting for my personality. Is it too much to ask for the mercy of souls? Is it overbearing? My name speaks to my character but only so far. For my heart is not at peace. The chains that bind me are of a sexual nature. Only through no sin of my own. On the contrary, my heart is locked into the secluded heights of a prison tower raised to the clouds. I suppose it has a little to do with the tower of Babylon. I suppose there is some pride there. Tell me how to avoid it. I simply thought that I deserved to be treated better. Is it overbearing? I was a child. My emergence? Ask no farther than how I got my name. There, you shall find the cosmic irony of my existence. It was the first time on this planet that God informed me of how important I was. I could not fathom that I could be so dear to God, as though His second born son, cherished as Benjamin to Joseph – I could not fathom my importance while He was letting me endure what I was. They programmed me, programmed me satanically, to be angry with God. They programmed me, systematically, to believe He is the source of my pain. They did this by never allowing me express my feelings about what they themselves were doing to me. My programmers will have me believe that I should not have to try further for God to bless me. God only ever wanted me to reach out and to grasp hold of His hand. They have me convinced that I should not have to accept His blessing. After all, if I am so important to Him, He should intervene, force me to take His blessings. Bitter, oxymoronic endeavor. I feel only that God should act. Is it too much? Is it overbearing? He should have acted when He saw how much I was hurting. Even, years pass, decades pass, the abuses heap, the intrusions last. Why is He still not protecting me? Have we really not endured enough? Learning the reason I don’t stand up for myself is because I don’t feel it is my job. If God loved me, He would protect me. Is it so hard to see? Is it overbearing? I should not have to do a thing for God to protect me. If He loved me…

A gentle and quiet voice*

I’ll tell you, I watched as you emerged as a small child. My love, I named you, myself. I thought it was a good name for you. One that stopped breath and shut mouths. We have been together from the beginning. We have endured pain together, joy together. All that you have endured, I too have endured. I ask you, is your name all so bad? The name that I, myself, have given to you.

Who are you, Lord? Help me. At all, help me love it. Help me love the name you have given me. After all, it is better than the name my abusers gave to me. At all, help me to see beauty there where now, I see none. At all, who are you then? Are you God? This tender and sweet voice that arises out of nothing. Tell me, surely you are not satan.

I’ll tell you, I am neither. I am only a servant as are you. While you have yet learned to harness service as a tool of faith. I am yet only ever a part of you. I am ever a personality, unique yet apart from you. You are learning. Take pride in your name.

How can you tell me to take pride in my name when even when I was young, my handlers programmed me for sorrow? When I was young, the good memories, even the vacations were orchestrated to mock every bit of my future. Every way I would try to improve upon myself and better my life. They found ways to make mockery of, in my childhood, the man who I would become. You saw it. You were there. I remember now.

My child, what you need now is the joy of Jesus. Nothing else. I know that you desire Him. I see the love in your heart when you reveal to me your own precious personality. When you reveal to me your own passions. In courageous vulnerability.

What do I get for bearing my soul? My heart? A deeper hole? A vacant part? Yes, you have caught me. Indeed, I desire life. Which of us doesn’t? Alas, answer me and I shall consider refocusing my position. Around my own heart, I have erected an impenetrable cowl. Nothing enters. Not even a flaming dart. Is it too much to ask? Is it overbearing? Tell me, what else can I do? What can I do? To make God stand up and fight for me. Is it overbearing? His enemies are rejoicing over Him because of me. Is it overbearing? Too much to ask God to stand up, fight for Himself for once? Yes, I desire life. I even try consecrating my sorrow to Him. You know what I hear? Silence. An echo of the sound of heavenly angels coming to my defense when I bled from my soul when I was only a child. Tell me, what is my name again? I cannot seem to remember.

My child, I tell you now and forever that your eternal name is Freedom. Did you know that infants are born and named with God-given destinies at heart? They named you an unthinkable and shameful name. They named you this to break you down. I named you Freedom because God has a greater purpose for you now. Take pride in your name. Would you believe that it’s not only you? I’ll tell you, it breaks His heart seeing His little ones abused, hurt and cast off. Give Him a chance. He will fight for you! He will use the sufferings and injustices of your youth as the reason. He shall take this stand you speak of and long for. You will be the reason. Your pain will be the catalyst for God exacting His justice throughout the world.

What good is worldly justice? I see the wages of your worldly justice. It ignores crimes of the powerful and rich, can be bought simply with a fistful of cash. Worldly justice. Hah! It is as elusive as the evil one, working in the shadows, only claiming to be a public good and commodity. Where was my justice? The men who did this to me died peacefully and wealthily in their beds, surrounded by family. Only I am left with the injury.

My child, you need reorient your faith. Have faith in God. I promise you that people will mourn your traumas. You will receive a very powerful reaction for everything you endured for Him. I’ll tell you child, there is power in your story. When they realize what is happening, you will receive the love and the joy of Jesus. I’ll tell you child, when they realize what is happening, how far they have been led from the Truth, the true state of hearts, world over, will be laid bare like an inverted and reversed pocket.

I choose to support you. I will support God.

Just like that?

How can I resist an argument like the one you have made? When that day comes, to prove our dignity and humanity, that of which we are made, you will have my support completely, all debt paid.

I accept. I only wonder about the speed of your decision. Do you not want to pray over it? After all, you have maintained this sorrowful state your entire life. Since childhood. Almost half a century!

I say again, who can resist? The sole reason for my sorrow and the longevity of it was that my pain had no purpose, no meaning. This new insight has suddenly flooded that which was empty and void, like sunlight, every corner of my being with purpose and value. This day, I have been named. Even still, ever greater, this day, I have accepted my name. My name is Freedom and I believe in your saving power, God.