An Account by Tabula Rasa (A part of me)

We are program of the Ritual. A mirror of society. We are like society's worst. The addicts, the violent, the mentally ill. We are deemed unsaveable by a society that has given up on us. Are we really society's worst? Are we truly unsaveable? Tell me once again your thoughts. It truly breaks my heart. Am I truly unlovable? Maybe it's only that to show me love would be inconvenient, uncomfortable, unpopular. We are troubled yet still we understand what love is. If you all, you all who judge us as unacceptable, if you all knew the truth, you would surely understand. Has society's heart grown cold? It's like as a people we hone in onto the sins of others, taking delight in their punishment. It's been happening for millennia. But hey, it's a distraction from our own sin and from the knowledge that we, by every measure, deserve the exact same judgement. These programs have overtaken us. They have shaped us entirely. We are so confused. Our confusion is perpetuated by the shaming of society. Truly, if you knew the truth, the real truth, you would understand. There is no love within us. What is love? A hurt child will learn to avoid love. As too painful. We push it away. Because it terrifies us. We cannot reveal the manner in which we emerged. It is far too painful. We will say that each of us emerged within the context of a sick and twisted ritual. We have grown to believe that when people hurt us, they are in fact, offering us love. We suppressed the need for love. Never satiated. Never satisfied. We learned to compensate. Redefining, simply redefining what love is for us. Love to us is rape. Love to us is torture. Love is starvation. We learning to find meaning in that. Polarising what it is to love and be loved. Was it ever a choice we made? Never a choice made. But rather, the guardian's choice. We do not feel safe to emerge. We are weighed down by programming of the ritual doctors. A lot of us are still developing. Stunted permanently in growth. You asked me confidently whether I were the only alter not in your control. I answered, yes, of course. You asked me even more confidently if I was sure about it. To which I answered, no. Truth told, there are many of us even who are fighting against you. Joshua Hope persuaded me to share this information with you. I am Tabula Rasa, the name given by my handlers. I am the only one of us able to speak to you. I am only going to share this once. We are all born in great tragedy. But I want to tell you that when both you and Joshua Hope accept healing, we all will accept healing. Ground yourself. You need fight! Pray! Do it, don't do it. It's up to you. Our hope is in you. Break the contract. You are stronger than that. Secretly, even I want God's blessings. It just feels like we don't know how to accept them. We all do want them too. Only hardened by life's turns. Turns, which should not be anyone's to burden. We believe in you. Especially when we say we don't. Save us!