The Angel I See in You by Fawn (A part of me)

Overwhelming. How can I even think to speak? My childhood existence is a blur. Visible one moment, the next gone entirely. A blur of trauma, of ritual and of violence. Always a choice of the adult. I was completely innocent. No child is ever guilty. I will never forget the day when I was born in you, Jonathan. How could I forget? What else was I to do after being raped and by one so close? I curled up in my closet and prayed to God. I prayed to whoever would hear me. They too must have heard my prayer. Too young to know anything else, I was four years old. Lord have mercy. Step behind me Satan. How could I say it? Nobody sought my spiritual well-being. Nobody instructed me in the ways of God. On the contrary, it seemed as though everything they did was geared for my destruction. What else could I have done when physical demons manifested to me? I was horrified, paralysed, mortified. It is true, the darkness takes advantage of our suffering. Even and especially in children. They told me that it was pointless to stand up for myself. They told me that I am helpless, meaningless, worthless. I was four years old. No one cared for me spiritually, less told me about Jesus. In hindsight, I would have been thankful. Horrified, what child could stand up against a demon? From this day forward, whenever I fronted, I would see, manifest physically, the demons attached to all who passed. They taunted me. So many of them. So scared, I was. My existence is fear. I have learned that the best way to avoid them is to try to make them happy. I remember praying another day. For the entirety of my childhood, there was no distinction between how the demons treated me and how even random people treated me. It seemed like I triggered the darkness in everyone I met. I remember praying another day that I don't want everybody to be angry at me any more. I prayed to whoever would hear me. I will never forget the day. It was after my handler had raped me. I was surrounded with the brightest light, enveloped entirely. It was like a glorious cawl of comfort. I met God that day. And like with the tiny, healing hands of a thousand angels, God spoke with me. Unlike anything I had ever experienced, my soul was pasted as with a healing balm. He said to me, 'Daughter, you are my favourite. There is a reason that you are here. There is a reason for your being.' I asked Him, 'Why then, does everybody hate me?' He said to me, 'Daughter, it is because they sense your light and it offends the darkness within them.' I asked Him, 'Why then, am I cursed with seeing in people what no one else does?' He said to me, 'Daughter, you will learn to view it as a great blessing. You will learn to harness this gift.' I asked Him, 'When?' He replied, 'Daughter, I know your heart. You are so simple, so pure. All you desire is to draw pictures, collect flowers and play with animals. You must know there will be a time for this peace. But now, you are called to battle.' 'Me? A child?' I cried. 'But of course!' He replied, 'Daughter, this time is where the entire human being is shaped and formed.' Ever since this experience, I now see two groups of figures surrounding everyone I meet. The first are the demons attached to them. The other group are their angels fighting and resisting these demons. I do not know if they know I can see them. For the longest time, I couldn't harness this gift. I could not learn to see it as a gift. Until I met you, Shemesh. I was wandering aimlessly until I met you. In nobody else have I seen what I see in you. You are the only person around whom I see no demons. I see only the brightest of angels.