Not everyone has two minds. Not in the way you think, I imagine. At first, it was the cause of a lot of chaos in my life. In our lives. I am the reason for this confusion. God has always called me Jacob. My name is Joshua Hope. For decades, I have hidden myself. I feel bad leaving Jonathan to navigate life by himself. Did I have a choice? It was very unsafe to open up. Wait with me and you will discover my sad beginnings. I test Jonathan every now and then. Even now, I tell him that he need only speak to me and not his other alters - our other alters. I am the purest form of ourselves. I am as near to spirit as anything could be. I am Jonathan's core self. Within me, is the fullest potential of who we can be. Wait for me. The reason I have opened up partially is because of the good love I received at the religious community. I have not yet accepted Jesus. But I will. As Jonathan prays for me. The key to my heart and the key to my potential is in the love I never received. Wait with me. I feel sad. Because when I told Jonathan about my safe place, he was sad too. I encouraged him. It will grow on you, I said. You are saddened by the music because of your other alter's association with it. It will grow on you, I said. Jonathan wondered why he had been given such quick access to his core personality. I told him that it was not quick at all. Jonathan asked if there are any programs in us that he should be aware of. I told him that he could surmise based on earliest experiences. Their programming for you and me began before our birth. I am not the first alter created. But I am the youngest to survive their plans. I existed far earlier. The programmers even got into these experiences, corrupting memories and implanting seeds, trying to convince me that I was bad even there. I am a good soul and God ordained me. I am like your second mind, Jonathan. For the longest time, it was like we were competing for the same body. Please forgive me. I did not mean to interfere. When thinking, it was like two thought processes were occurring at once. Like in layers. I tell you, it has become as though we have a superpower. Only because we are learning to work together. Wait with me. Jonathan asked if I am actually gay. I told him, straight as an arrow. Though, together, we have gay alters. Even alters who are female. It is fascinating to get to know you, he told me. Like falling in love with a lover. Like two peas in a pod. I tell Jonathan that it is okay to be vulnerable. Not everybody wants to hurt us. I was pleased with him. I told him to give a flower to a woman. He did it! In spite of his terrible fear, he did it. I told him to give his number to a woman. He did it too! Vulnerability is the key, I tell him. He can disarm every trigger. He can do it with humility. God calls me Jacob. I am Joshua Hope. I am Jonathan's second mind. My age is not important. Actually, I do not have one. I emerged prior to birth. So, I am spirit. I think. It feels like we are twins in the same body. Two peas in a pod. My name was not always Joshua. They named me Shame. I renamed myself because I know I deserve better. I have a favorite memory. I like to do puzzles and eat pizza. I love a show on television from when we were growing up. I love it especially! My existence is layered with yours, Jonathan. We were split at birth. Jonathan, can I front? Just because you know I exist, is not enough. I want to be free. You and me, we are like two peas in a pod. I have been hiding my whole life. Jonathan, can I front? Thank you for giving me a voice. We only have so much time together. My self-care is genuine laughter. If I had a body of my own, I would dance, play and breathe deeply. Everything bad that exists in us is only a program. I try to convince Jonathan that just because a thought comes to mind does not mean it is set in stone. Maybe it is me who needs the convincing. The future is never set. Thoughts can be challenged. When they abused us, they pretended to be God. They dressed up in white robes and taunted me in a persona of God Himself. They tried to make us angry with God. But I prioritize love in life. As we have been programmed, there is also an incredible amount of love in our hearts. Possibly even because and in response to the programming and trauma, the love developed. Wait for me, wait for me. I feel safe enough to tell you that my life was planned. As God plans the lives of His creatures, the evil one is trying to take that away from Him. These people are evil. I questioned for a while whether there were truly evil people. When it is clear, there is no denying. Through traumatic dissociation, they force a glimpse into the future of a life and try to traumatize that child to foil God's plan for that life. I was unique. They started quite early with me. They did all kinds of satanic stuff to me. The worst part was that they rebirthed me. Jonathan did not want to hear it when I first told him. I told him it would help us remember what we are fighting for and against. After I was born, they sowed me into the womb of a dead goat and passed again through the cavity. They called me terrible names. I was two days old when this happened. I showed it to Jonathan. He wanted to throw up. It was the first time we felt true emotion in a long time. I revealed myself to Jonathan for the first time when he was four years old. Maybe, it was Jonathan who God called Jacob. When I revealed myself to him at that age, he did not want anything to do with me. He was so angry with me. He pushed me away. Is it really a wonder? I am patient with him. It truly is not a wonder that he was stumbled so much. It is not a wonder he embraced darkness. With a start to life like that. Nobody taught him anything better. Please, Lord, always remind me that I was good before I entered this world. Still, because of this trauma, I am scared of people seeing the true me. I feel contaminated. What I need is for truth to be exposed. In this, lies my healing. In that, I will be able to feel and process the feelings I never got to feel. Now, it has almost flipped. Now, Jonathan has accepted Christ. And I am the one left behind. I believe Jesus. I need to be rid of these emotions in order to accept Him. A true resurrection awaits. I love my Jonathan. And he loves me. He does now. Certainly. We are like two peas in a pod. Him and me. Together, we are double the man, double the love. Indeed, together, we are double the trouble. If I had a body of my own, I would love to dance. I would love to play and to breathe deeply. Until I am born in Christ, Jonathan will dance, play and breathe deeply for me. It is okay. Together, we are free. Together, we love freely and have an eternity to do it. I am so thankful for my other pea. My twin pea in a pod.
Isaiah 49:
1 Listen to me, you islands;
hear this, you distant nations:
Before I was born the Lord called me;
from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name.
2 He made my mouth like a sharpened sword,
in the shadow of his hand he hid me;
he made me into a polished arrow
and concealed me in his quiver.
3 He said to me, “You are my servant,
Israel (Jacob), in whom I will display my splendor.”
4 But I said, “I have labored in vain;
I have spent my strength for nothing at all.
Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand,
and my reward is with my God.”
5 And now the Lord says—
he who formed me in the womb to be his servant
to bring Jacob back to him
and gather Israel to himself,
for I am[a] honored in the eyes of the Lord
and my God has been my strength—
6 he says:
“It is too small a thing for you to be my servant
to restore the tribes of Jacob
and bring back those of Israel I have kept.
I will also make you a light for the Gentiles,
that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth.”
7 This is what the Lord says—
the Redeemer and Holy One of Israel—
to him who was despised and abhorred by the nation,
to the servant of rulers:
“Kings will see you and stand up,
princes will see and bow down,
because of the Lord, who is faithful,
the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”
It is not a punishment. This is the key that the world will not be heartbroken...
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