Let the little children come unto Jesus (Updated):

Friends, there is so very little understood about shame in Catholicism. I understand the veil. It is difficult for you even to hear me speak about it. This is precisely because of the way that it affects you. I have even heard a Traditional Catholic priest utter the abominable words, “a little shame is good for a person.” I will stop calling you retards. I apologize about this. It is not becoming of a gentleman. You need to know that you are wrong about this issue. God does not desire people to be shamed. This is the issue: shame is a different thing from guilt. It seems to incredibly common sense to me. But I will bear with you while you lap up the drool from the floor beneath your low hanging jaws. This, you need know. This is not new revelation. It is common sense. Sense you have forgotten because of your sin and trauma. Actually, Catholicism is a very shame-based religion. The whole unworthy thing and penance. Don’t get me wrong. It is a path the salvation. But, by saying God desires our penance and self-abasement is fencing God in. It kind of makes Him out to be a sadomasochist.

This is the difference between shame and guilt. I will lay it out very clearly for you so that your eyes don’t glaze over and roll back up in your head. Guilt is the recognition of one’s wrongdoing. This is healthy and can lead to repentance. Shame, on the other hand, is a feeling created by trauma that one themselves are unlovable, worthless and beyond forgiveness. This is the key. Are you keeping up? Do you need me to slow down for you? This is the key: Shame is almost always crafted into hearts by trauma and ill will. It is the reason you are unable to hear me speak about this. It triggers grave injustice in your hearts that has happened to you. I have written other articles about the topic of shame. This was probably one of my most important articles despite being the least viewed. I will leave the definition there. Except to say that healthy guilt can motivate conversion. Persistent shame is not spiritually healthy. Mark my words, regardless of the justification you are using to reason your oppression of me, a time will come when you will be grieved terribly for the way you have treated me. It is not a thing I necessarily desire. You are unable to see it now because your hearts are cold. When again, you are thinking lucidly and feeling with love, it will come upon you in an instant. In this time, the religious leaders shall try to convince you not to grieve. It is for your best. After some more time, you will see their true motivation. You will see their evil has been the cause of all of this. There will be justice in this life. Soon, also, you will recognize this is not my will or a will that I am imposing. Rather it is God’s will. They cannot see it because they are far from God. They are too vested in self-preservation. You will realize when your hearts are melted. Be at peace. Shame is crafted within us while we are young and innocent. This is the reason it is so antithetical and incompatible with Spirit of God.

God does not want us to feel shame. Any priest that would suggest such does not understand the concept of shame and its distinction from guilt. God always calls people to repentance and not despair. Awareness of sin is important, but God desires a reconciliation and healing not a lasting sense of humiliation. Jesus came to set the sinner free. Not condemn them to a life of shame. A brief awareness of one’s sins can prompt repentance while ongoing shame that destroys hope or one’s sense of dignity is not Christian. Not all shame comes from personal sin. Being abused and traumatized causes deep shame. This is despite having done nothing morally wrong themselves. What this truly is about is compassion. I know. I have spewed a lot about compassion over the years and empathy. Perhaps, this was even because of me. Know, there is a difference between false compassion and compassion. How can you know the difference? When a person or group of peoples intend your harm and destruction, this is false compassion when we make excuses for them and deny their behavior. We were all children at a point. Therefore, we were all innocent at a point. Here: We must learn to differentiate between the man who has commit sins in his past, yet who seeks reconciliation with his heart, who is repented and the man who commits violence and has no intent to change. I ask you sincerely, do you truly believe that their response to me is in love and for the purpose of shepherding my soul? They are spiritually abusing me. It is evident in the fact they gossip about my confessions. Here is the thing: I talk big. In reality, I am one of the frailest men in the world. Do you want to speak about resilience? They transgress Jesus’ commands to care for the orphan and the weak. Here: Toxic shame shapes our identity. Suffering stumbles. Consciences are stumbled. Is this even up for debate any longer? If it’s true, the sins I commit were not mortal. If this is true, they are persecuting the righteous. Shame, this interior sense of unworthiness is not only not of God, it is satanic. The evangelicals have correct: Jesus liberates. Satan imprisons. Jesus frees. Satan shames. Catholics, I have seen you over the course of my being one of you, travel from liberation to slavery. Be free. Religion shall not save you. Faith will save you. Works, you need realize are not important. If they were, the child in utero would not matter a thing. His murder would be not only permissible, but it may also be beneficial. Importance of the individual based on works is of satan.

Look, I understand that you are proud. I understand that you have paid a lot of money for your diplomas and papers proving that you are a counselor. I implore you! Sometimes, sacrificing yourself for the good or for God’s will is a good thing. Serve. Serve the children. This is about the children after all. In preventing and hindering this blessing upon the world, you are not really spiting me. You need to know that what you are doing by depriving this world of its blessing is you are condemning innocent people to torture and death. Worse than that, souls are being lost. This is not so much about me. This is about a blessing for the world. You are hindering God’s will. Instead, you are ushering the flock, the flock who trusts you and listens to you like innocent infants, to the slaughter. I am not criticizing the leadership. But you need know that the information you are receiving is not entirely true. Everything. The history. The science. The morality. Stand up. You need know that saints will not be made through global techno tyranny. Be shepherds for your people. For the flock who trust you. Those who look up to you and would die for you. Don’t let their martyrdom be in vain.

Suffering itself, suffering for suffering’s sake does not make one holy. Unless that suffering was endured for His glory. It’s about how we react to suffering. But it’s about more than this, isn’t it? For if righteous suffering were simply about our reaction, what could be said about the holiness of an aborted baby? He is not holy because he had not a body to react well to the suffering? Or he is not holy because his body cringed in utero? Cold hearted son’s a guns. I literally do not know what to do with you anymore. Suffering is holy if God asked us to endure it. If it is endured for truth. If it is endured despite sin. All children who suffer are holy. All children who die are entered into the presence of God. Is this heretical to you? You are a retard. Ops. A simpleton. Here’s the thing: If a child commits a sin after being stumbled their entire first nine years on earth, this child is still holy despite their sin.

What I need is the love I never received as a child. When Christ came to me, I was a mess, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I had a wounded and stumbled conscience. I still struggle. 90% of the ways you see me as sinning now, are simply your feelings. They are trauma responses. I think I really owe it to myself to stop, look backwards and see just how far I have come. I need to stop feeling badly about who I am. I need to stop seeing everything that is bad and negative about me. I need to recognize that I am a child of God. And that that is paramount to any despair, any trauma and any failure I could have. God fills this gap with His Holy Ghost. I want this. I want to live and love. I don’t know how to. I am learning. And I am fighting so darned hard for the life that I know I deserve. Had something been done about what was happening to me, you know that I would have been a king. I would have had the love of many women. People would have helped me recover. People would have helped me reintegrate. Justice would have been done for me. Despite, I don’t need love as a reward for something I’ve done or said. I don’t even need reciprocal love. What I need, what I crave and deserve is unconditional love. There is only one place from which to get that. When my mission is accomplished, I will be at peace. Still, how can God’s loving touch be felt if a man has never felt the loving touch of a human being?

Jesus called them together and said, “’You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.’” See, this passage has caused the oppression of many Christians. It is true. But we do not need be a beggar on the street to be a servant. Name of God! We need not even be a servant, in the literal sense, to be a servant. This is what you miss: God is glorified when we are glorified. This is what your communism has taught you. This is truth: You can be a billionaire and still serve. It is not about the money. The blessings. This Church, Catholics, seems to have convinced you that God desires you in dust. By James, Peter and Paul! Where has this even come from? Money is not evil. Blessings are not evil. That I even need say this is retarded. I didn’t call you retarded. This is the takeaway: Serve in your hearts. Are you a billionaire? Help financially. Are you a nurse? Serve your patients. But do it from a place of love. Otherwise, you are simply helping a clump of meat. Are you a teacher? Serve your students. Teach them with love. We can all serve. It just means placing the needs of the other before our own. I learned this at the religious community at which I stayed. We can serve not only tables. We can split wood in service. We can fold laundry in service. We can cut vegetables in service. It is a state of heart then. Not a financial or economic sentence. My goodness!

“Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.” For a long time, I got hung up on this passage. Passages like it, like he who desires to be exalted will be humbled. And he who humbles himself will be exalted. I feared that accepting the glory that God had prepared for me would go against these passages. I refuse to believe this lie any longer. We should know that we cannot perform a closed reading of Scripture with the intent of getting at its entire purpose. We need to read it in context. The context of the Bible is God’s love for His Creation, His glory. These passages can be contrasted with others, like, “Do not lose your saltiness.” Or “You wouldn’t light a lamp and place it under a bushel.” God wants to glorify us. This is how He is glorified on earth. But we cannot forget that while everybody in this world suffers, some suffer a lot more. There are reasons for this.

So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’” Luke 17:10. I got caught up in this verse too. Surely, I was reminded about it weekly by faithful. You need to know, faithful, that your God does not want to make you holy by the suffering you endure. He uses it. It is not His intent. He desires you to be glorified greatly on this earth. It is in this that He is glorified. Yes, humility is essential. We get more practice in humility surrounded by blessings. You have made your church, you have made God Himself a masochist.

I’m not looking to be rewarded. I’m looking for peace. I believe strongly that God will use me. I was kind of born for this. But “For the corruptible body weighs down the soul, and this earthly dwelling presses many thoughts upon the mind” (Wisdom 9:15). I truly believe that when you wake up, when again you are given hearts of flesh, you will help me. I am weak. I am hurt. But, listen to this: I am right. I have God on my side. I am willing to be a martyr even in this state for the sake of the children of the world.

I didn’t write that prophecy I found online. Nor was I created for it. That prophecy was written for me. Things were to be much better. I am kind of ashamed of what I forfeited because I didn’t feel worthy and couldn’t trust. I am not just a prophet to the Church. Let us remember that worldly glory is not necessarily conflicting with God’s will. We don’t have to be a religious to serve God. We can serve God in so many ways. Doctors are serving God. If the heart is in the right place. Roadkill removal service technicians are serving God. If their hearts are in the right place. #David. # Solomon. I shall still be a king. Even after I die. See this is the glorious thing about our God. You cannot even kill us. Do you not see the beautiful irony behind this? Your twisted evil compels you to end a life because you feel it will put an end to these bright, bright lights. In reality, you, in your twisted evil, simply crown and walk hand in hand toward the Kingdom to usher your victims in, before you yourselves get booted out. Well, thanks!

I don’t have to explain myself to you. Just know this: you are persecuting the righteous. The “Righteous” persecuting the righteous. Where have we seen this before? Keep it coming. You cannot break my spirit.

Do you believe that I deserved or wanted the abuse I endured because I did not say anything? Here: You are unable to accept into your hearts the devastating effects of shame. When abuse begins early in childhood, when boundaries are toxically infringed without any respect, the child will learn helplessness. This is not a character trait on their part. For me, it goes a bit deeper than this. Threats were used. Bribes were made. Lies were told. The effect this has on a child’s psyche is devastating. Something you cannot understand because your hearts are frozen rock. For me, I dissociate when experiencing these violations. I cannot speak up if I have no memory of it. This is really about the state of your hearts. Do your hearts tell you that it is fine and just to perpetuate the abuse of a middle-aged man because he cannot speak up? Do your hearts tell you that it is fine and just to abuse in the first place? The gaslighting my abusers shamed me with caused me to question my own reality and perceptions. Whether they were real or not. You think I am less of a victim because of sins I commit. You will see! Wait. Anyone else with the same sufferings would have not only died but commit much worse sins. Wait! You will see! 😉

To enter people’s bedrooms at 3AM. Can you really and truly not see this as a violation of their humanhood? God sees what happens in the darkness. Even if you are strong Catholics. Good luck in purgatory, you widow and orphan makers!

Don’t forget that there is a story, a whole life behind my testimony. Things will be made clear. Things will be better. This is about truth. You know the things that happened to shame me. There’s no sense in reiterating these things. God is going to wake you up to the fact that you are becoming murderous with your envy. He will show you just how you have become bullies. Be at peace. It is not your fault. The responsibility lies entirely in the hands of your leaders. They will be called to a greater account.

Jesus, I never said I was nor would I insinuate that I was a savior. Jesus is the only king. For me to downplay the nature of my mission would not be in true humility. Humility tells the truth. And you give honor where it is owing. I am a prophet. Who would argue that the world is in a bad place? Is it a Christian idea that the world deserves to be in a bad place? I believe that God would want to give His children a chance to repent first. Is this such a bad thing? I see. It conflicts with your political agenda? Perhaps you are not Christian at all. Perhaps you have more to do with your comandante than you do with your God. Your choice. So sad.

I recently finished reading a book on childhood sexual abuse recovery that juxtaposed the experiences of a number of very brave and beautiful people, their experiences with sexual trauma as children, to that of the sufferings and betrayals of the Lord Jesus Christ. It was a beautiful yet sobering book. I think that the biggest gift I received from the book was an outlet in the process towards the healing of my own shame. For a long time, probably since before I can remember, I suffered from a false toxic shame as a result of others actions towards me. The journey to recover from sexual abuse is very real. But so is the ability to heal and recover with the Spirit, to become emotionally clear and purified. The book shared this verse: “This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:5-9). Abuse is sin and causes damage to its victim. The paradoxical tragedy about abuse is that abuse survivors live with the damage created by someone else’s sin. Shame is very real. And it weighs us down deeply. The effect that gives abuse its power is not so much only the timeline of events. It is an extra dimension of shame and secrecy, fear and silence, justified anger and suppression. This passage from 1 John emphasizes the fact that Jesus can cleanse us from all sin and unrighteousness. Even if that sin is not our own. God would never hold a child abuse victim responsible for what they endured. They are just children. We need to tell God the truth as it is in our lives and allow God to cleanse us from that truth. We need to acknowledge the damage caused by that truth. I prayed this prayer a couple of days ago. Wow! Physically and completely, I did not expect to be healed. But I am feeling so empowered. I am feeling for the first time as though I have an identity. I feel like my feet are connected to the ground on which I walk. It could be simply endorphins I feel about the faith I feel for the future. I will say this: by accepting truth and shedding shame, we can become stronger, compassionate and empowered people. I get encouraged to think about the first time I set foot in a counselor’s office, the first time I entered my group therapy and recognize immediately how well I am doing today. I remind myself of just how far I have come. At my worst, relearning to breathe and swallow my own saliva. At my worst, dragging my feet through the parallel bars at a children’s rehabilitation hospital. At my worst, fixating my sight at the clock in front of me in my own bedroom, in dissociation because it was too painful to even feel. At my best, content in my faith. At my best, feeling good about myself, who I am and not being ashamed of being a human being. I’ll never forget the first time I realized the terrible impact of what happened to me. The sudden awareness of all of these terrible things done to me, the sudden awareness and deep guilt for things that I myself had done was shattering. But I was not alone. And that painful experience was definitely not the end. There was hope in my future. There was peace after the struggle. There was contentment after the fear and shame. I’ll never forget the first time I walked into my group therapy for men survivors of child sexual abuse. I was shivering and emotionally closed off. It was in learning to be vulnerable that I was able to better understand and embrace what I have been through. We need remember at every point in this life, because we are all walking along this path together, we are not alone. We need learn to depend on one another. Mostly, we are not alone because we have One who has gone before us. One who has suffered the human experience greatly, who has felt shame, humiliation, who has been betrayed and injured deeply. One who has conquered death, suffering and fear so that we are able to LIVE. I want to take an opportunity to thank you for your faith in the past. I know that what I could have given you was more. Please continue to have faith. There is a reason for everything. And I pray the reason will be revealed. I ask you to remember the countless times I turned my cheek to oppression and violence. Please remember that I forgave. Remember that I overcame a massive injury and terrible crimes. I know I push away offers of love and attention at times. Please just remember the fact that I was never permitted to develop the emotional, social and tools of intimacy that many grow with naturally. It’s not an excuse. But it’s a reason. It’s a reason I am fighting very hard to correct. Shame is not temporary. Shame is something we carry with us. And that shame accumulates. Please remember what I have been through when you examine my life. This is not about reputation or what we do or say. People are very much more than simply what we see on the surface. This is both Biblically sound as well as Catechetical.

What is the remedy for toxic shame? For shame in general? This is a difficult question. It is a mindset unlike most others. From my understanding, every emotion has a corresponding outlet. Some way through which we can channel that emotion. Sadness, sorrow. What do we do with sadness? We cry. With joy, with happiness, we can smile, we can laugh. With anger, we learn to express it in healthy and constructive ways. With shame, however, what I am learning is that the only remedy is to speak your heart. To speak your story. We need to be honest with our emotions and learn to become vulnerable with our true selves. We need to heal our inner children. We need to take care of ourselves. After all, if we do not love ourselves, how can we love others? Jesus heals. Absolutely! Oftentimes, within the shame carrier’s story, there exists a great many misconceptions and areas of faulty thinking. Basically within these stories, lies exist, either told to them directly or developed out of frustration of trauma. These lies have to be assessed and reframed in order for the survivor to be healed completely. For their true selves to emerge. At which point, the love of Christ within a person has the potential to become truly manifest. That love can bloom and blossom. Look at the child. They are unconcerned with worldly things such as money or people’s opinions. They simply chase their dreams. They simply dance and beat to the drum their own beautiful hearts emit. This is what the Gospel means, “To enter the Kingdom of Heaven, we need to have the heart of a child.” This does not mean being childish. It simply means being unrestricted by the weights of this life. To be free. To have one’s spirit in harmony with their body. I am learning this. Still, I am carrying the repressed emotions from my childhood still. Dang, I was terrified of people’s opinions as a baby. Because unfair burdens were placed upon my shoulders as a child. Burdens that not even adults should have to carry. Let us remember the vast complexity, indeed resilience of childhood. Though they are resilient, they are vulnerable as well. What is done to them and around them affects them greatly. I simply want to encourage you tonight. Children are so precious. Life is so incredibly precious and beautiful. They are also incredibly vulnerable and impressionable. We need to care for them. We need give them a future, which they can laid hold of firmly and confidently, with both hands, saying, “thank you for giving me life. I exist today, because at a point in my existence, somebody (many people) decided that I was worthy of life and of the investment in my life.” Let the little children come to Jesus. For He loves such as these.

The suffering I endured in my childhood was a crucifixion. I would have died had I not been carried by angels. This suffering was for God. Regardless of whether or not it was endured in Christ, it was for the glory of God and for the reparation of sins. For all of you. God always intended to reward me for the suffering I endured. Is it His will I be hurt more? It is not a punishment. This penance is not for me. It is for you. To satiate your envy and contempt. If Jesus descended from the cross, what would be your reaction? Perhaps this is the only question we need to answer to define our faith. Would you continue spitting on him? Tell him to man up? That he needed to do more penance since God doesn’t choose favorites? Would you nurture and tend to his wounds? It’s really very telling. Regardless of what Catholic Church tells us, God does not want us to suffer. Okay. They even agree God doesn’t want us to suffer. Here’s what they almost always miss. God, in point of the clearest manner of truth, always wants to reward us. How much more so when a child of His suffered for Him in childhood? It is simply unjust for God to ignore one who willingly suffered for him? Did this one commit sin? Yep. God knew the risk when He asked him to suffer. You are being bullies. You don’t even see it yourselves. A bully picks on the one who is weaker than them. Who is smaller than them. But it always stems from the bullies insecurities and inadequacy. I have seen it and been there. I was abused at home. I bullied as a result. Do you believe God will justify your bullying of this one because of your sick, gross and perverse envy? I’m not afraid to suffer. Here are my wrists. Quit pussyfooting around this. I am saying: This was never the will of God until your filthy corruption and envy was revealed. What you are interpreting as sin in me is simply trauma. Can you not see? They are trying to get rid of me. What I claim, if true, invalidates everything about their religion and faith. This is spiritual abuse. Still, so be it. Here are my wrists. Not everybody shall have complete victory, vindication and justification at their deaths. Some are going to experience a mighty humiliation. Good luck. Fighting against God!

I am losing strength, Church. I am so tired. What gives me strength is not me. It is all of you. I know you must be tired and exhausted as well. I know even that this is the reason for your hardheartedness over the past couple of years. I’ll tell you that the reason this blessing is being postponed is not because of my sin. We all have sin, don’t we? The reason your blessing of the world has not come is because of your leaders. It is out of envy and contempt at the fact that God could choose a sinner and not them to enact his will. They are sinners as well. This blessing will come one way or the other. I am telling you the truth: within five years, the world shall be completely renewed. It shall be glorious. You are doing so very well. Despite your sin, your concupiscence, you need to know that your God, Jehovah loves you with an everlasting love. He is not ashamed of you. If you come near to Him, God will be your friend. He will rejoice in you and bless you enormously. You have been on Jehovah’s mind for much time. He desires you to know that He knows you are tired. He desires you to know He is going to personally wipe every tear away. He has taken note of the great works your world has done, the great feats and works of literature and art. He desires you to know that you need to develop a relationship with Him. He desires you to know that you need not accept your own murders. Stand up and fight for yourselves. This does not need be done from battle. Your leaders need simply stand up and change the tide. Repent you, leaders. Or your humiliation will come swiftly and coldly. He has grown tired of your corruption.