In the business of melting hearts.

The Gospel is the heavenly good news of man's reconciliation with God, the Father, through His sending of His Son as a sacrificial sin offering. After Adam and Eve had sinned against God in the Garden of Eden, mankind was under the curse of death as a result of their sin. In order to redeem mankind from this curse and to show us His love, God sent His Son, Jesus to the earth, born of the Spirit. Jesus lived a life without sin and because of His righteousness was crucified and killed. He suffered the punishment for all mankind's transgressions against God, the Father. As testimony that man had been redeemed in the eyes of God, Jesus overcame death and was risen again after three days. Thus, the Son of God died and was raised by the Father as testimony that whoever believes in Him, should have eternal life. The Gospel is the good news of the Kingdom of Heaven to mankind. The Gospel is the fulfillment of the Mosaic Law and a conclusion to the Prophets of God, in its replacement as the Love of Christ. Our mission now is to share the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the world.

Man was created in the image of God, in order that we may live our lives for the glory of God, the Creator. Following the Creation, man was tempted away from God and sinned resulting in the curse of death. Because of this original sin, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Then, in His mercy, God sent for mankind a Savior, His Son as a sacrificial offering that man would be redeemed to God. Therefore, whoever believes in the Son of God, Jesus and has faith in His death and resurrection, will not experience death. The Gospel is the good news of the kingdom of God and the fulfillment of the Mosaic Law and the Prophets with the replacement of a new law: the law of Love.

In short, I was having a really difficult time in college. My emotional distress was so overwhelming for me that I was suffering greatly physically as well. Around then, I called out to Christ to hear me that I wanted to accept Him. I was baptized a couple of years later, followed by my baptism in Fire. My relationship with Christ has always been one of healing and dependence. When I first trusted in Him, in spite of the many hardships I was experiencing at the time, I experienced a lot of emotional healing. He was guiding me through the difficulty in my life. I felt a profound motivation to bring my life back in order after a lot of trauma and to spread the love He had shown me. I read the Bible twice and I went on a vegetarian diet and drank only water to heal my body. Since, I have found myself straying from Him a bit to my distress. Though, every time I do stray from His love and succumb to the tempter, I feel miserable and feel a strong pull back to the Word. The straying is a reason I am wanting to become much more active in the church. My ambition is to serve and walk in the Way but it is very difficult at times due to trauma I have lived through. I've recognized that Christ alone can free me of some of the chains that are holding me back.

I've been through a lot in my life, the result of many different traumas. Because of the suffering I have endured, I have been searching many different places to find peace and hope. I've experimented with different spiritualties and there was a period where I immersed myself in the primary texts of most major world religions. After reading the Holy Bible, I felt such a powerful connection and resonance. In college, I was having a very hard time emotionally, which actually led to my drastic decline in physical well-being. I was practically hitting my own personal bottom when I called out to Jesus and accepted Him as Lord. I was baptized shortly after. My relationship with Christ has always been one of dependence and healing. In my sufferings, my search for meaning was endless. With Christ, I have found that meaning and He gives me hope in the future and faith to fight through and recognize that what I've been through is not the finality of life. He shows me so much more. I was baptized as an adult in the Baptist church and had the great grace to have nurtured my faith in evangelical churches.

From here, I was Confirmed into the Catholic Church where from the day of my Confirmation, I have striven to receive our Lord in the Holy Eucharist daily. I have prayed the rosary daily and have experienced much healing because of this Sacrament and sacramental. I found such healing and peace in the Sacraments. I found joy in receiving the Eucharist daily. It was not until I received formation at a Catholic community at which I lived for two years that I was given understanding and wisdom about how to live properly. Children follow the path laid out before them by adults around them. When I was at the Catholic community, I received life training, which I never received in my childhood.

I am and want everyone to know that I would be nothing without the grace and love of God. Without the Spirit, I would be nothing. And to be honest with you, I would most likely be much more damaged, not even being able to make sense of much that is happening around me. There is little denying how much trauma I have endured during the course of my life. I am pretty certain that I have a developmental disorder. Nearly certain that I have dissociative identity disorder. I didn’t pay attention to the symptoms and just associated them to the head injury and trauma. I can’t look over my shoulder without spacing out now. I actually remember a time, not long ago, where I couldn’t write a sentence in the way that I am writing stuff now. I labored over my school essays and papers. If I wanted to creatively express myself or to even express my thoughts, I couldn’t do it. I can’t tell you the amount of times, years ago, I had inspiration to write stories, to create stuff. I would sit there for hours in front of the screen, not knowing where to start. The fact that I went through university, have recovered this much so far over the course of my life has been a truly divine miracle of the grace of God. The beautiful reality of my life is that there has not been one day for me, from the day I was born that has not been healing from unimaginable crimes and traumas. And during all of that, God has been holding my hand. God literally raised me from the dead. If you take anything from my life, take from it the unimaginable goodness and joy to love of our beautiful, holy and truly awesome God. Our God is an incredible Father and deserves to be praised. Our Father truly is a marvelous and awesome Father. And I do not believe that He is done with me yet. The moment I sit to write these days, thoughts flow the moment I set to keyboard. I wrote a pretty great book not so long ago. Glory to God. It’s called LADIRAE.

From 2019, I spent two years at a Catholic community where I worked, prayed and ate with a number of other Catholic people. I have been free of every single coping mechanism that I developed and maintained in order to keep sane with what was happening to me. At the end of my time with this community, I moved to another city. I will let the juxtaposition of my attitude be made by those who had seen me. I never needed an attitude shift. What I needed was the love I never received in my childhood. At the moment, I am discerning a religious vocation. The point of this brief and limited testimony of mine is that God changes hearts.

I have been many people in my life. I acted in a lot of ways like a bad person. No one can explain how every one of these things I was entirely cured of. I was cured of them not when I was baptized. Instead, when I realized and sought healing for what had happened to me. It turns out that I never was these traits. They were not me. The reason I was reacting in these ways is because my own heart was broken. I leave it to you to discern my culpability. Either way, whatever you feel, the life I lived, I am not living any longer. Not a bit of it. I am a completely changed heart. But, I am still very wounded. These coping mechanisms, which helped me not feel what I was unprepared to feel, I would never even imagine returning to now. Because they were never me. They were covers, distractions to help me avoid pain. By God’s grace, I am completely free of these chains.

We see what we want to see. If we are looking for things in a person to be negative, we will certainly find it. I have no intention of seeking to make money. Money is unimportant to me. When it comes, I am happy to see it. I am probably the only capitalist who doesn’t care a thing about money. Mind you, it’s not a bad thing. I have not taken anybody’s money or anything of value for nearly ten years. As a matter of fact, I have given away, given away literally 100,000$ I have worked myself to injury for the Church. It all depends on what you want to see. I’m sure there are cameras all over the place. All you need do is watch them. You have access to my electronic devices. You know for a fact I have not looked at porn of any sort for over 8 years. But I get it. If I am a changed man, Christ is real. And so is my message. Isn’t that the truth? I can’t help if my demeanor is tough. I will submit to whatever you feel I deserve. But I feel like you might be forgetting what I am claiming.

Thankful for the fact that if we judged people based on the writings of St Paul, everyone would be guilty. Thanks be to God that the heart of the gospel is the fact that people can change.

I would never say I am a good man now. At times, it is difficult to maintain a positive outlook and demeanor, since I do not have the consistent support of a Catholic community and without the support of love. I do not have many of the tools people are blessed with who have good foundations in childhood. Still, doing my best to live a completely chaste, holy and good life, in poverty. But, by God's grace, I seem to be doing very well at this. But, this side of Heaven, even the holiest among us are sinners sometimes. This is the entire basis of Christianity; that people can change! That the love of God transforms hearts. Thanks be to God for this FACT.

Yes, it is true that we are sinners. Christ is perfecting us!! I like to believe the best in people. Especially my brothers and sisters in Christ. I would like to believe that we live in a perfect world, one in which Christ and His Mother reigned perfectly and sin was already defeated. Alas, we are poor wretches in this valley of death. Yet, we are shining and luminous beacons of the strongest light in the midst of the darkness. I often find myself meditating upon the early Christian church and how it was that they had such powerful and dramatic changes of heart. Was it God's love that changed them? Was it having literally had a tangible experience of our God in the flesh? Of His Resurrection? What the reason may be, the fact is that thousands, hundreds of thousands of believers, changed completely and almost instantly. This grace still happens today. It has been happening since the year 33!!!! I can feel that my heart has changed. There are elements of toughness, which linger in my behavior and demeanor. And I still sin, though in dramatically less frequent, less intentional and less serious ways. Part of learning love for me was learning what love was. And what love was not. But, it has been a very slow and long process. I cannot even consider returning to the life I once lived. In part, because the love of God overwhelms me. In deep part, because I know full well the reason and the tragedy that brought me to that place of behavior.