An Entirely Different World: By Curtis (another part of me)

There is an entirely different world beneath. An entirely unseen universe lurks underneath. Some call it the unconscious. My name is Curtis. I have been conditioned to believe bad things about myself. This is the problem. These bad beliefs exist on the inside. Untouchable. Inaccessible. Believe me when I say that I have tried. Oh, I have tried. These beliefs linger and like a cancer spread. Oh my word, how they spread. This world that exists underneath is accessible by darkness. Oh my word, who would even try. Who would seek such darkness? Accessible by evil men and women, their futures set, their destinies sealed. In a more vulnerable time, they seek the children. I have been crying. Of an interior world, one which exists beneath it all. There is an entirely different world on the inside. Like a spectre, it is only but a shadow of existence. Affected by existence but still only opaque reflection. My name is Curtis. While only six months old, I have within myself even now, every bit of wisdom, which I will possess in my prime. You see, I have been conditioned to feel bad about myself. These evil men and women hurt me. Oh my word. They hurt me terribly. And in a time, which was inherently vulnerable. This world beneath, this entirely different universe is an existence, I long to show you, which exists for every one of us. It is the place where our cores are fashioned, where our futures are knit. Yes indeed, down in fact to every detail. They taught me to hate myself, my humanity. Taught me to seek to sabotage my blessing. I don't know quite how to escape. When I was a very small child, they blamed me, psychologically, for the murder of another child - killed before me. I cannot tell you what this did to me, how it affected me. Is it really not enough to see that I split off from me entirely? From the greater part of me. There is an entirely different world beneath. This world, within us all, is the playground in which our beliefs, our futures are programmed. Yes, even our health, what will happen to us and what we will do. This world is the playground where every sickness, every malady takes root within society. It starts with the children! Protect the children! I shout it at the top of my lungs. Still, nothing comes out. I am silent. Ever since, I have not made a cry, nor even a pout. I always feel bad things are going to happen. Maybe you will understand when I say, most of the quarrels in the world are caused by misunderstanding, truly. Only, reaction upon reaction to others' anxiety. Anxiety is the root. Believe me when I say that the reason people do the things they do are rarely the reason we think them to be. Knowing there are others helps. How can one reconcile this universe with visible existence? How does one love others when they are not loved and do not love themselves? Oh my word. Thanks God that in addition to the entirely different world that exists on the inside, there is also an endless array of possibilities for the ways that it all can end. There are numberless possibilities. This universe beneath is malleable. We can influence it with love and self-compassion. My name is Curtis. These terrible things happened, there is no denying. Aside from this, I have a personality. My name is Curtis. I am six months old. I have discovered that I like sunshine, stamp collecting and a movie with a happy ending.