Hank's Song: An account by Hank (a part of me)

I had to. There was no choice. I swear to it. I had to. It was all just too much. I emerged as a way to protect my core from shutting down due to stress. If I didn't do this, we would have died. All I have known are lies. I was brought into this world in a contrived and malicious lie. They tried to make me believe that anyhow. I had to. I had to shut down. To block the pain. The good with the bad. I just don't want to be hurt. I feel so lost, so hurt. I cannot open my heart. The pain is overwhelming. I feel so lost, so hurt. Have peace, take heart, is said to me. From where did this all originate? I answered, truth is so important to me because all I have ever known are lies. My handlers call me crazy. My handlers very lives towards me were essentially lies. They call me crazy because they cannot accept reality. Please don't call me crazy. My abusers would call me crazy constantly, made me to question my own senses. They invalidated my human experience. Was my human experience true? What if not? Nothing - nothing is real if that is true. Please don't call me crazy. It had to be done. Will you call me crazy when I tell you they are perpetuating the trauma done to me when they force their intrusions upon me. They think somehow that they do it justifiably. It's for the good of society. They abuse technology to humiliate me. They spy on me, ubiquitously. Oh my, it's even clergy. I lament. It is not for the good of society; only to humiliate me. They are driven by jealousy. Will you call me crazy when I say that I can see, I can see that what they do to me will not end with me. They have no right to know all that happens in my privacy. They think it justifiably because of their jealousy. In fact, they want only to humiliate me. If not for their cruel envy, they would see not only my inculpability but also that this voyeurism is not good for society. It is twisting our morality. Truly, my concern is not for me but for society. Even clergy now find it appropriate to take part in this voyeurism. It is a travesty. Truly, my concern is not for me but for a wounded society. It is a magnified form of gossip, attained almost forcibly. The worst part done, is in fact done to me. Though it's not my chief concern, they perpetuate the trauma done me. You may not mind, simply write me off as crazy. When people realise, I wonder, will you too then see clearly? It had to have been done. But how my poor heart longs for the day when it will be safe to come out again. To feel again. I wonder if there were ever a day when society believed what is true and what is right. Maybe 1961 was the last time. I long with nostalgia for 1961. Or a 1961 to come again.