There were two of us. As there often are. God sends pairs to accomplish his will. Even if one of these pairs chooses to stand against him in the end, it is always for His will. There were two of us. The setting of my story? This dear story is set in within the Kingdom of Heaven right after the Angelic fall. The angels and inhabitants who were now remaining in the Kingdom were those who had chosen to remain loyal to God the Father. I was among this multitude. Around this time, it was revealed to the inhabitants that there was one who was being permitted to remain in heaven who was different. This one did not choose God during the Fall and for a mysterious reason, God had permitted his presence in heaven. When this was announced – who he was and what he had done – the angels and other inhabitants were perturbed and distressed with this one. His behavior and reaction to the response of the inhabitants was fitting for one of his kind. He lashed out and bit at the air. God made an announcement then that sent shivers through the heart of the entire Kingdom. He told us who he was – this one – and what he would do. It became clear that this soul was no ordinary lost soul. The Father revealed that at his last breath, he would choose vengeance against God and against man. This lost soul would become the son of the evil one. In the same breath, God gave all a glimpse of the childhood that was to be his. Tattered and spotted with pains and hurts, he would experience a dreadful foundation and not receive the love and care any child craves and needs. He would grow and begin to plan and scheme in bitterness and envy against all that was true. In the same breath, God asked all of the inhabitants of Heaven a question. He asked if there were one brave enough, among those who had already chosen Him, to enter the world, to endure the darkness in infancy in childhood and infancy that this lost soul would also live. This suffering would not be empty. On the contrary, it would be entirely for God’s glory. This brave soul must wait and endure, until he were a teenager, at which point he could disclose what was happening to him, tell and be free. After this, he would live a very, very significant life, calling all men and women to return to the service of God. What made this cross different from the one, which the lost soul would carry was that in this brave soul’s suffering, he would have insight and love to rely on Jesus, to offer his pain. This mission was of incredible importance, God whispered. Even while some of the angels protested, “All was accomplished at the cross!” God whispered, “and so this has to be. In a manner of ways, to restore all things.” As angel and inhabitant turned to one another hesitantly and questioningly, I shouted ‘God, God, let it be me!’ I desired God’s glory more than anything that I could see. I did not know or understand what would be the impact of having parents who desired nothing less, only to destroy me. Fractured memories. Or insight of the Holy Ghost who revealed it to me, the depths of depravity of the first years of my life in the world. They programmed me. Programmed me for slavery and villainy. They did terrible things to me. They programmed into me everything – everything that that lost soul would be. I entrusted this treachery to God. As years past, my endurance for suffering was well beyond my humanly capacity. My emotional well-being and youthful vitality were damaged beyond recovery. The abuse continued and continued until shame and pure shame covered me. They almost killed me. In matter of truth, they did kill me. But God, God Himself snatched me up and brought me to the Kingdom of Eternity. Here, he explained to me that my emotions and very soul were damaged. He told me that I would spend a brief time in Hell where I could overcome death and be free for the mission that awaited me. So I went to Hell. There, even he seemed afraid of me. After a while, even he asked me the question, ‘Why? Why are you not resisting me?’ I responded, ‘the abuse that happened to me, the shame they put on me has cut me, even cut my will to try. My abusers shaped my conscience to feel like this treatment is normal, a just reality.’ I could not trust. I felt unworthy. And I could not trust. Even He who believed in me and who desired my liberty. I did not overcome physical death when I returned to heaven. Yet, I chose to do His will, to return to earth, and to bring Him glory. I surmised that I could do this at the end of my life, with an act of will. I wanted to bring God glory. Suddenly, there was an announcement in Heaven. God the Father set out to see me. He met with me personally and asked me what had happened. I told Him I felt unworthy. But I knew not who I was talking to. It was He. He who could see right through me. It felt like knives, knives all through me. He told me the reason for my disobedience was because my soul was wounded. Entirely wounded from the wounds of my body. He helped me and agreed that I could bring Him great glory. Oh, He loved me so much! That I could not feel properly is a tragedy. He set me on course but told me that I must hurry, that Satan would be trying to destroy me. I am a part, only a fractioned part of this brave soul. We are many. We are not demons. We are personality, many, many personality. If you knew and understood our history, you too would weep for me. My name is Beast. I refused to allow him to rename me. They programmed me. The reason for my many personality. What I need is for anybody, anybody to see the real me, to love me for me, to see through the behavior that was a reaction. To see me for me. I need some help. Can you truly not see this reality? If I were to share with you this brave soul’s history, what would a Christian and charitable reaction be? Would it be to help this soul or would it be to try to get him angry? Would it be to try to provoke this pain and misery within him simply to try to get him angry? Do not respond too quickly. Your reaction may only be rooted in jealousy.
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