The Possibility of Vulnerability: A poem by Joshua Hope

How can I know if it's real?

I'll tell you.

Frozen snapshots of reality,

Etched into the walls of my mind.

A reality that whispers,

So distant,

So near, 

As if from another galaxy,

All the while, standing right here,

A reality that whispers in a shout,

'Not until they realize.

Erecting stone fortresses,

Buttresses of my happiness. 

Withholding happiness for sake

of an ersatz righteousness.

In my drive for holiness,

I have forgotten my humanness. 

My humanity, a forgotten, distant

Element of my existence.

I know it's real.

I know it's real because of the 

Lengths I go to keep the need 

Forgotten and distant.

Until it is realized,

I will keep this wall strong.

When they realize, they will realize 

the type of help I need.

The key to my heart, they whisper.

Vulnerability. 

A whisper secretly cries,

'Rescue me. I am so alone.'

Rescue me. If only they knew. 

What happened.

If only I had have told long ago, 

The entire world would have rescued me.

Vulnerability,

My heart's plea. 

I desire to be free.

This fortress overtakes me.

I don't know where to begin.

Or how to navigate this endless sea, 

Without a compass, 

Navigating an endless eternity. 

Then, suddenly,

This eternity, endless sea of time

Lights up as a supernova. 

Possibility.

Remnants of creation, 

Peering back, back in time

To the most eternal galaxy.

You step in.

You take my hand.

You show me how to take a step towards being free.

You open my heart to the possibility of vulnerability.

Yet, whispering, in your love, I cry,

'How can I know if it's real?

Without community?

Without human love guiding me?

Making the love you have for me

True.'

You smile. 

And you say to me,

'Wait and see!'

Open your heart to the possibility of vulnerability.

I will take care of the rest.

Open your heart to the possibility of being free.

Poetry by Joshua Hope:

We are united in a dance. The lot of us. Some of us only in for a glance.

The forbidden tragedy of an eternal prison,

Is our fate.

It is not the cold, lifeless stone 

of a jail cell that confines us. 

Sad!

It is the flesh, the very mind of our own being.

Trapped.

A solitary confinement awaits,

Our sentence simply for being traumatized.

Each of us holds a pain unbearable. 

Untold. Darkness. An unapologetic darkness.

A story that holds that key to our existence.

A story, forgotten, neglected.

How long? Will my sentence endure forever? 

Seems a weighty punishment for my sorrow.

Simply, for my sorrow. 

Here!

An opening!

It looks promising.

Some light! 

Maybe it is in fact light and not deception.

I panic. My breath halts.

What is this light?

It becomes unbearable.

How can I see? 

It has become so bright.

Until, the light encapsulates me in its aura.

Until, I am not longer an essence of my own. 

Only a vibrant extension of its source.

Joy! A voice.

Long forgotten. Yet so close. Familiar.

It beckons. I return the call.

I am still alone. 

I wait.

I call out. 

I have met a friend. 

I have met God. 

I have met myself. 

Nothing as precious could be found in all the world. 

A figure, emerging from the light draws in, whispering, softly,

Next to my own ear. He says:

"In time, little one, special one, you will come to know the God who loves you. I have come into this confinement of yours to show you Jesus."

The dance ceased suddenly.

I was able to release my grasp.

Integration! 

I am free!