Wednesday, August 31, 2016

A thought in solitude:

I don’t feel I am doing too badly. I smiled this entire morning. I feel good about myself. This morning, there was an older woman who had a bit of difficulty getting onto the bus. I was about to help her but she got on. When she sat, her walker was kind of rolling around. I noticed she was going to get off the bus and that her walker was rolling away from her. So I put my foot under one of the wheels. I think she misunderstood my intentions. I was trying to help. I have so much to be grateful for. Today, I saw a counselor. He encouraged me to make a list of the positive things I can think of with everything that is happening at the moment. This got me thinking. There certainly are some positives. I didn’t get much work done today. This evening, a community cat (there are a couple) I have seen before was waiting in the courtyard of my neighborhood as I walked up the path. I sat and he came over and purred and rubbed up against me a bunch. It was very nice even though I had to wash my hands immediately after. I smiled again today. Truth will certainly come out. It gets debilitating sometimes, having truth suppressed like this. I saw a page from the internet about children who speak up against maltreatment. This quote stuck with me and I have been meditating over it for the past while: ‘If the child's story is trusted, the implications for action are far reaching for both the child and the family. On the other hand, if the child is not believed and the allegation is true, the effect on the child will almost surely be devastating.’ And surely, not only for the reason that in a child’s situation, the disbelief that could occur there could potentially lead to the child continued to be left under care of the abusive figures. If a child tells something that serious and makes themselves that vulnerable with all of the trauma that they have been through, and they are not believed, it’s devastating psychologically and emotionally for that child in so many ways. I’m not looking for pity. I was reflecting today. I have everything to look forward to. Because I know that the truth is certainly coming out in my case. But, really that’s the least I have to look forward to. I am very happy tonight. Blessings. It seems the two neighborhood cats are taking shifts greeting people coming up the alley. I met my other friend tonight, the black and white one. Stopped and pet him. I’m starting to wonder whether they are wild. Because they’ve no collar, either one of them. But they’re well fed and clean enough. They’re very friendly and it kind of makes me feel good seeing them at night. Anyways, I had a very good and productive day. I finished my travel novella. I’m just going to go through it and add some stuff now. I’m trying very hard to smile right now. Not at anyone in particular but just to smile. In doing this, I hope to be able to train my mind into a state of gratitude. I’m trying to be encouraging when I interact with people. I wrote out a list of positive affirmations some time ago, for my personal emotional health. I’ll post it here as well. Hopefully it can offer someone else a little encouragement. I’m thinking a list of positive affirmations may come in handy over the next couple of months. Truth will certainly come out. Things will certainly make a lot more sense soon. I’m trying very hard to smile, to encourage, to be grateful. Still, I wish you could see how stressful this all is for me. There will be opportunity to rejoice. I pray that you remember me after this is over. Remember that truth is not always found in the easiest solution, in the explanation that seems to make most sense. When our foundations are wrought with unprocessed injustice and feelings, this makes it more difficult to deal with injustices later. When our foundations are wrought with unprocessed trauma and feelings, this makes it more difficult to deal with everything that happens to confront us. It is when we have been able to process this trauma and injustice that great things are in sight.

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