April 13, 2016:

Today has been great. I have been exhausted, to be honest. My body and mind are not working as well as they otherwise would today because I slept very poorly last night. I’m not going to focus on the negative anymore. Honestly, today has been a little stressful. I’ll get more into it tomorrow. I didn’t expect anything different from what happened this morning. Right now, my body is just telling me to sleep. So I had a sleepy-time tea and am just winding down. As I am winding down, a couple of nice things happened today. This morning, I went to Queen and Yonge where I spent some time at a little coffee shop inside the building there where the bank is. I finished reading and meditating on the Gospel of Luke today. I went into Subway Sandwiches and ordered a salad. I had my earphones in. I realize this was rude to order when I was listening. I hope I didn’t come across as rude. It was not my intention. Aside from this, which was not intentional, I feel I have been very reasonable and pleasant to others over the past at least week. I am feeling proud of myself. In the sense that I have given myself a voice. I may not have received the answer I wanted or deserved. But I have said what I needed to say. It feels good to confront issues instead of allowing them to control you. In addition, I feel that being in the Word so much especially recently, is strengthening my faith. As well, attending Mass daily is incredible. It’s literally like food for the soul. I feel as if I am moving forward and living in love for the first time in a long time. Whatever the difference is, I am even noticing myself relaxing in my demeanor and posture. My hands, as opposed to being always clenched and fisted, I’m able to rest one in the other. It’s such a wonderful feeling that I am getting used to. It’s very peaceful just to have your hands lay in your lap in front of you. I was too tense before. The trauma and tension had created a strained and tight posture in me. I praise God for whatever is happening and want to continue. After, I went to an Ethiopian restaurant across the street from the church. I went there about a year ago. The woman who runs the store is so incredibly nice. And the food and coffee there is great. Then I went over to Saint Paul’s Basilica. My RCIA class had its Neophite Mass today. The Mass was offered by the Cardinal of Toronto. It was a wonderful Mass. My RCIA leader found me and welcomed me to sit with him and the others from the other church. After the Mass, I said goodbye to my RCIA leader, who gave me a wonderful compliment. For the glory of God, of course. But it was moving. I hope to see him again. Thank you for what you’re doing. When leaving the church, I went to shake the cardinal’s hand. I realize I should have allowed him to greet the children first. As I said, I wasn’t thinking entirely clearly. I was exhausted even then. It’s not an excuse. I notice myself getting into situations like that a lot. Where I allow my anxiety that I feel to overpower rational thought in the moment. I am going to start deliberating on my actions before I enter anxiety causing situations. Most of the time, the anxiety is caused by myself. I have felt angels surrounding me for the past couple of days. They have made their presences known in a number of ways. I want you to know that I am going to keep faith. Whatever happens I have faith will be for the best. You know how I feel. I want the very best for everyone in this world. There is a reason this secret is so deeply covered in darkness. I have chosen to forgive and that is what I am sticking to. I will say, I know the injury I had was devastating. I would never deny that. No one can deny, if that’s the case, how far I have come. The darkness surrounding this is very deep. Use reason and logic to assess what’s going on. Again, I shouldn’t have expected anything different. I have faith that the truth will be revealed at a time that is appropriate. I have faith that whatever happens will be for the good of my soul. Because, trusting in God, you never lose. I feel as if I am opening my heart to Him and His love. Anyways, the tea I have drank is starting to kick in. Good night.