June 14, 2016:

I’ve been living partially with my head in the sand. I just discovered what happened in Orlando. I will write about this tomorrow. I’m not oblivious to what’s happening in the world. I see what is happening and it makes me weep. A man targeted the LGBT community because he thought they were evil. Regardless of your beliefs, orientation, nationality, I am certain that you are in the love of God. God loves you and values you beyond anything else. For the love of God extends to all creatures. “Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right. You know the message God sent to the people of Israel, announcing the good news of peace through Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all.” (Acts 10:34-36). All were created in the image of God. This event in Orlando is not an isolated event. This sort of stuff is happening all across the world. “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19). Everyone is deserving of dignity, deserving of life. We need to hold fast to our convictions that have built us to where we are. Freedom, respect. We need to hold fast to our conviction that God is a god of love and justice and peace. I’ve been praying for days for what happened in Orlando. For the souls involved. More than this, I’ve been praying for the entire world and for the areas that are not as widely reported on. I’ve been praying for this world. But I have faith in a coming world where there will not be all of this pain and all of this suffering. People don’t deserve to suffer and to feel hurt, neglected and shame. Only a little while longer. Have faith. Remember humility. Pride is what caused Satan and many of the angels to fall and to create these lies and deception and pain and suffering and evil. I had a bagel yesterday. I was going to order a pizza. Instead, I went to Tim Horton’s and got a lightly buttered bagel. Proud of my choice. When I got home, I planned on cooking some pasta. I ate pineapples instead. Proud of my choice. I ate a small pizza today. I am willing to stand accountable. I am not prepared to hide truth. I said something that clicked with me a while ago. I said that I am not able to remember the majority of conversations I have had in my life. Meanwhile, I am able to remember the layout of nearly every building I have been in. I thought of the book I am writing now about my experiences in Iceland. When an experience or period of time is too painful to cope with, a strategy the mind employs is to block out the experience. When a person’s entire life is like this, memories will be clouded. When you teach a developing person this is the only reality that exists, they will struggle in a lot of ways. On the same note, I was opening up and in the Spirit when I said most of the things I said on that trip. This is why it is easier for me to remember the dialogue. I remembered very well and remember having processed the themes of the conversations afterwards because they were important to me. God doesn’t necessarily need, but absolutely deserves to be glorified in all of this. There will be reason to rejoice after some time. Remember what I said before this began. There may be a period of darkness and trial. But after, things will make sense. Don’t forget what I have done and said. Truth is obscured now. These are traumatic truths. Things will make sense soon. Sometimes, the choices we make are not choices at all. Rather, they’re reactions based on the accumulations, of love or of fear, in our hearts. This is a reason children need love. This is why we need to love one another. And to saturate our hearts with love and Truth of the Gospel. Most powerful words of spiritual warfare: “God loves me.” Things never happened as they were meant to occur. Things rarely happen as we expect. But I promise you, with all of my love for God through Christ Jesus that things will get better. I know how little sense this must make. I have to follow my conscience. When the truth is revealed. The biggest thing I regret in my life is that I was unable to accomplish God’s will for my life sooner. And to disclose what was happening to me from the beginning. Resulting from my inability to speak the truth, my life has been difficult. The accumulation of trauma was really starting to affect every aspect of my humanly body. Remember the Beatitudes. Blessed are those who struggle in this life. These will be rewarded. I have certain faith that my God and my Lord will accompany me to rest. There will be rebirth. I was far from perfect. I hope you will remember my fasts, my trips to the gym and my painting and writing. And, I pray that your society is able to benefit from my life, my faith and my wisdom (in the few things I have said). But most of all, from the revelation of this secret. Remember the Truth that you are made in the image of God. You are showered with so much love. It’s simply a matter of a choice to open your eyes, to see it and to accept it. Your world is hurting at the moment. I feel as if you’re strong to handle that truth. But you can never deny or doubt your right to exist, your right to flourish and to bless others with everything you have worked so hard to achieve. Do not give up. I have firm belief that there will be strong leaders to come to show you the way. There is no reason your precious societies should have to be subjected to these sorts of terror. There is no reason people should lose their lives at the hands of such brutal attacks against freedom, love and diversity. Remember what God represents. God is love. But we need to keep faith in His wrath that is coming, which will provide righteous justice. Do not place your hope in the hands of one man. Unless that man is Christ Jesus. Hope for the future, hope for change and rejuvenation of your world is in your hands. We can no longer be silent. You can never deny or doubt your right to freedom and to love. Always remember that you are beautiful creatures, created from a God who is in love with your every move. Always remember that you have the choice. You do not have to react. You have the choice to understand the choice between light and dark.