A Note:

Something is different today. I am noticing that a lot of people are kind of laughing at me. It’s like when they see me, they smirk and look away really quickly. Most people seem not to notice me, which is nice to a degree. But I am feeling like I have done something wrong again. It’s difficult for me to gauge what others are thinking. What I have is my conscience and the Spirit. Please know that whatever it is, I just want to do the right thing. I’m just saying that it is very understandable to me that there are a lot of limitations that I have after living through so much trauma. This is not an excuse. It’s a reason. You already know I want to. But I may not be able to do some things in the way that healthy people are able to. I’m just asking you to have reasonable and appropriate empathy. Here’s a thought for you. Everybody has the capacity to suffer on equal levels in this world. Though, some suffer a great deal more than others. Would we expect a person with no legs to ‘run’ a race? That’s preposterous. Certain things happen to people, which prevent them from doing other things as efficiently. That doesn’t mean that they don’t want to. Though they have not stopped them from trying, they just have physical or emotional or even psychological limitations because of experiences that have shaped them. Okay, it’s a complicated thought. But I hope you get the picture. Last weekend was a great break from reality. I’m back now. Whatever happens, know that there is a bigger reason. There is a reason for this. I have faith that everything will make sense. Please keep faith and know that God is in control. Keep faith in that the truth will be revealed. This is not entirely about me. Starting a fast today. Have been abstinent for three days. Want to keep moving forward. The number of days, 1260 Revelation 11, 12 are not coincidences. But I want very much to do the right thing for God and for your world. I will pray for discernment. There is a reason. There is a reason but not an excuse for why this is taking so long. I hope that reason will be made clear. I am so sorry. Please know that whatever happens, I have always wanted the best thing for God and for you. What you deserve will be brought to you. I am praying always. Remember, there has to be a reason to rejoice. There will be a reason to rejoice. I am proud to have nourished and to have built my foundation of faith in an evangelical church. I’m proud of this because it has helped me to nurture my faith in grace. Works follow. Once you realize you are loved. When you love someone, you will do things to show them your love. Still, there’s no incorrect way. I know we have all been through a lot. We’ve been mistreated, victims of great injustices. We have to nurture our foundations; we have to fill our hearts with truth, with the Gospel. So that we can react in love. Sometimes, the choices we make are not choices at all. Rather, they’re reactions based on the accumulations, of love or of fear, in our hearts. This is a reason children need love. This is why we need to love one another. And to saturate our hearts with love and Truth of the Gospel. I feel positive in saying I have been very reasonable to everyone over the past at least week. I talk to myself. I do it when I am stressed to self-soothe. But I am trying hard to say positive things. Look for the positive in life, others and circumstances. Life is pretty difficult. This needs to be done. I wish I could have been stronger so that it could have been avoided. When the truth comes out, I hope you will understand. I’m strong enough. This will not end badly.