April 1, 2016:

Today was nice. I woke up exhausted. I have gotten into the habit of falling asleep with Netflix playing in the background. I don’t feel I am getting quality sleep. Sleep is very important for me for my mind and physical wellbeing to function properly. In spite of this, I went to the gym today. I had an appointment with the massage therapist there. I always feel much better after that. He does something called fascial stretching, which is a really deep stretch routine. It makes me feel good. Afterwards, I did a workout. I did everything the same, except for biceps. Today, I got twenty-five pound weights and did three sets of twelve reps each arm. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow. But, after the gym, I went to Starbucks for a while where I sketched out the painting ideas I have. The first one is a profile of Joan of Arc. The second is a portrait of a smiling Jesus. I got the idea because I was reflecting over my portraits of the Lord and they’re all very sombre. I want to offer the portrait more life and joy. After that, I went to church for Mass. It was a very powerful homily again about the Resurrection and finding rebirth in our own lives. After Mass, I went to Canadian Tire. I’m glad it was still open. I got a lacrosse ball. I watched a video on youtube about myofascial stretching with a lacrosse ball. This evening, I put the ball under my legs on a hard surface and stretched like that. Wow. I’m feeling so relaxed! On the way home, I was at Finch Station where I was waiting in line for the bus. When I realized that the bus was full, I waited for the next one since I had a lot of stuff I was carrying and wanted to sit. I intend to get some quality sleep tonight. It’s difficult to show happiness and joy and even to have patience when you’re in pain. Walking is very difficult when I feel like this. In spite of this, I feel that I have been acting very well over the past week. I feel that I have been very prudent and peaceful. I will say that I can’t be perfect. Nor can I dictate others’ feelings or thoughts. What I can do is try my best to conduct myself with compassion and love. Which is what I feel I have been doing. Tonight I am grateful for my physical difficulties. They give me a reason to challenge myself pretty much by the minute. They remind me that I am blessed to have the amazing gift of being able to do what I am able. Praise God. All I can do is tell the truth. Jesus is Lord. He is the Lord and only way to Life. All I know is what I have experienced. There’s very clearly a reason. I guess I wish that others could see things the way I can. There will be time to rejoice. Remember love and compassion. Things will get better. I just want to emphasize again because I can never say it enough, just how incredible God has been with me. His love and compassion even when it is unwarranted, undeserving melts my heart every time I think of the image I have in my head of Him. I truly do not deserve nor am I worthy of what He has done for me. Neither do I deserve or am I worthy, in spite of constant assurance to the contrary, what He has in store for me. He truly is a great God slow to anger and abounding in love and grace. I was proud of myself because last night, I listened to my body when it told me that it was tired. I got the best sleep I have gotten in a while.