Monday, August 22, 2016

May 6, 2016:

It’s been an exhausting and stressful couple of days. I’m entirely still just getting used to living in the new apartment. Not getting quality sleep. Last night, when I was coming home from Bathurst and Finch from the Starbucks there, I decided to get a late meal. So I went to the sushi place across the street from my new place. I had spring rolls and veggie tempura. Somehow two pieces of shrimp got into the meal but it was really good anyways. I called my friend Donna who lives in Alberta. Worried about her with what’s happening over there right now with the wildfires. On the way home from the sushi place, I was having a lot of difficulty using my legs because I was so tired. Walking onto the path from Keele and Finch, I tripped and fell pretty hard onto my knees. A group of guys saw that I had fallen and called out to see if I was alright. I told them I was pretty sure I was alright and thanked them. It was really cool of them to ask. I was feeling a little disconcerted before this and this simple act of theirs helped to make me feel connected and grounded again. Still, I noticed a wall forming. I was trying to play tough. It encouraged me to remember that I’m not strong for being tough. True strength is in vulnerability. I want to make a commitment to being more vulnerable and open with myself. Somehow I feel that in that, is the key to a lot that has been opened to me and I haven’t been able to accept. I want to reiterate that I am not seeking vengeance or even justice. Whatever happens, I believe strongly that what I am going to do is the right thing to do. Everything will work for the best. I want you to know that God loves you all so much. You are all so very precious to Him. To those especially, who are running from Him. It’s not only me. I’m no different than any of you. It’s true that I was chosen by Him at a young age because He had compassion on my suffering. We all suffer. And if you remember anything I say, please remember how very much God loves you and how very much all of your suffering means to Him. You are so special. Your faiths are invaluable.

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