March 8, 2016:

Today was great! I have so much to be grateful for. I also have so many talents that I haven’t tapped in to. Because of fear. Because of shame. I’ll jump to the end of the day and then come back to the beginning. I want so much to harness and nurture my creative self right now. When I got in, I decided to paint. I started with acrylic and painted a little expressionist landscape. After, I got the canvas with my sketch of the icon of the Mother Mary holding the child Jesus. I didn’t think I could paint this. I seriously doubt my abilities. Another reason I do not use them. About three hours + later, I painted something I am very proud of. It’s about Jesus. Anyways, today, on the bus, I fell trying to get off because the space between two people where I had to pass was so small. I lost my balance, which already is not very good. It wasn’t the passenger’s fault. The bus was full. But I felt pretty embarrassed by this. I really have to be easier on myself. I am not a bad person because of these physical limitations. I don’t want to fall on the bus. So when I am not in a hurry, I’ll wait for the next one if it’s busy. Before I left in the morning, I met a young woman today who also lives in my tenement. She was very nice and took some time to talk to me. Studying at York too. I enjoyed talking to her. After, I added her to facebook. It was day 1 of my fast. I have been abstinent for about a week now. I went to a Korean restaurant and had some vegetable based meal. I am not going to do this again. I also caught myself jaywalking a couple of times now. I don’t intend to do it. Most of the time, when I do it is after gym and I am exhausted. And walking sometimes hurts then. I want to limit the amount of walking I have to do. But, it’s not a good habit to get into. It’s unfair on the drivers. Plus it’s illegal. The RCIA program is very important to me. I strongly feel as though the church is my home. I haven’t missed one session before last week. It was chance that the classes and my support group fell on the same day. The support group means a lot to me too. I simply hope that I can help them in their journeys. If you had the opportunity to help others, would you sacrifice something that means a lot to you? I’m planning a bachelor party. I’m really excited. It’s my first. I hope my buddy enjoys it when it’s all planned out. We must remember the Gospel. It doesn’t lie. And nothing has changed. It is, always has been and always will be about love and compassion, judgement and justice against the evil-doer. Every word in Scripture is there for a reason. We may not understand why it is written. But we have to have faith that everything is for our benefit and good. And we have to have faith that we will be rewarded. We have to be vigilant but also merciful and compassionate. We have to act in love, compassion and mercy.