January 25, 2016:

I’ve had an incredible day so far. This afternoon, I went to the gym. Not that it matters much, but today was the third day in a row I’ve gone. This evening, I went downtown to College and Yonge. I saw a gentleman with his hat in his hand. I gave him some money. Now, I’m just working a bit on a workbook for childhood sexual abuse survivors that I cringed with fear looking at in the past. I cringed at it because I was not ready to approach it. I’m feeling empowered, grounded and most of all, loved, going through it now. I’m really working my way through the book to illumine for myself how far I have come. Thank you Jesus. I am doing well on my fast. Really well actually. I have slipped a bit at times, allowing myself to eat soup broths and stuff with a bit of sodium. But for the most part, I feel I’m doing really well. I think I am at day thirty. In any case, I am going until February fifth, or around there. This is not about me. Nothing I have done is about me. Everything I do, the sufferings, the joys is for the glory of God. I am not boasting in my works. Trying to show that I am not doing that bad. I’ve come as far as I have with the love of Christ. All I’m saying is that trauma causes wounds. A child who is deprived of love and affection that it needs in development will struggle with the concept of love later. It’s clear to me why this should matter. Why it matters to God. Personally, now I’m just trying to build a base around which I can develop that trust. Trauma, especially shame, accumulates. We need to fill that place, cleaned out, with love of Gospel.