July, 2016:

I am trying to place the needs of others before my own. I’m noticing that when I exercise on the punching bag, my testosterone levels seem to spike. I really don’t know how to deal with these hormones. Today at the gym, I approached the water fountain and while I was standing there, another man moved in before me. After the guy who was filling a bottle left, I stepped in before the guy who walked in front of me and then walked away. I felt kind of badly about this. But then I thought about it a bit. We are to put the needs of others before our own. We are to be meek. But we are not to be walking mats. I feel I took this particular situation a bit too far. The testosterone, I’m sure had a bit to do with it. But, it just made me reflect over what I have been through. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect a man to subject himself to decades of sexual slavery and abuse at the cost of sacrificing their needs for the needs of others. Sometimes, we need to stand up and say what’s enough. We have to help ourselves for God to help us. I dislike that cliché because it’s not entirely biblical. But I believe very strongly that there is an element of truth in that. It’s not against the Gospel to help those who are suffering. Neither is it to seek justice. Please don’t forget that I confronted them myself and then with the witness of two others, without any acknowledgement of what they did. When the truth comes out, there will be opportunity to rejoice.