July, 2016:

I watched the movie the Waterboy this afternoon. I don’t know why I got this feeling but I was so empowered and felt like never giving up. I’m feeling like this a lot lately. Something my roommate said last night reinforced in my heart this feeling of assured salvation. Life gets very stressful. Everyday, there will be trials that seem like mountains to climb. Life is difficult. For the follower of the Way, it is going to be more difficult. We’re able to face through this because of the great and sure promises of our God in love and faith. Through it all, we can be certain of our salvation and secured futures. Life gets really difficult sometimes, especially with a foundation as toxic as my own. Life greatly interferes with our spirits. “For the corruptible body weighs down the soul, and this earthly dwelling presses many thoughts upon the mind” (Wisdom 9:15). I always remind myself of the vision I have in my mind of the time I spent in the spirit in heaven. But, in spite of this amazing and paramount spiritual love the Father has lavished on us, if we can’t comprehend the concept of love in its basest, physical terms, it’s going to be difficult to accept the spiritual. If our earthly fathers mistreat us, it’s going to be difficult to learn to love and open up completely to our Heavenly Father. One thing that is constant through every trial and every poor foundation is the FACT that our God loves us. His love increases for those who stray from His will for them. Because He wants the very best for every single one of us. I’m feeling amazing lately. There’s a lot of stress I am facing. The degree of which, in years past, I would have crumbled. I feel loved. I feel so loved. I’m walking down the street, smiling and saying stuff like ‘what a beautiful day’. I’m not doing this to be sarcastic. I don’t know why anyone might think something like that. But I felt it important to include. I just don’t know what else to say. It’s difficult to see now but this is all leading to something greater. I empathize with your reaction. I just praise God every day for His great mercy and love. And for the fact that there is still a chance to glorify Him as He so rightly deserves. I am feeling so loved. It took an awful lot to get my heart to open up but I am so grateful for that. There’s that. This is a personal reflection. It’s unfair that satan should still be tempting me with the weight of the accumulation of trauma over my life. It’s unfair that I am being punished for not being able to overcome this because I was suffering. Because I felt unworthy because of the nature and severity of the crimes against me. It’s unfair that I did not feel worthy enough to liberate myself in light of all of the promises God offered me. It’s unfair that I did not feel worthy only because of how I was treated. I remember saying once that even the biggest and strongest of animals, if it’s mistreated enough, will learn to lower its head to every interaction. In spite of this, I am learning to love again. I couldn’t be happier. Please keep your hearts open. Have patience. I called York U today because I am finally taking steps towards moving forward with one of my life goals. I might have to go back to high school but I am wanting to go to school for Astro Physics. This is something I have wanted to do for decades. I do not regret the degree I received. And I made good use of it, I think. But, this is what I have always wanted to do. Again, if it is God’s will, I will achieve this. Knowing that God does and always has wanted me to be happy, encourages me. I will get started on this path in any case. I want to say that I understand your reactions. Wait for truth. There will be nothing to be angry at when the truth emerges. You’ll know God is with you. Don’t allow the world and things that are happening here to distort or confuse your understanding of love. “But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded” (2 Chronicles 15:7). I have faith in that. I will never lose faith in that. Blessings.