March 8, 2016:

Last night, I stayed up until about 4AM because I was painting. I am very proud of the paintings I produced. If you remember earlier this year, I was talking about creating a website. I finally did this today! I am proud of how it turned out. But because I stayed up so late and didn’t really get to sleep until 6, today was pretty rough. My whole body and mind wasn’t functioning properly. I was pretty irritated too. I think I did a good job today of overcoming my irritation. I’m trying very hard to not look at people for too long because it is very clear that this offends people. When I speak to myself, I say encouraging things. I say stuff like, “I have so much to be grateful for” and “Still I’ll praise you”. This works and helps to calm me. I genuinely mean it when I say it. My fast is going well. I’ve been having a difficult time with getting adjusted to it. Everything worthwhile comes with a fight. I went to the restaurant yesterday and though what I ate was vegetable based, it was a meal. I’m doing better today. I have had a couple of crackers this morning. I had fruit for dinner. I was not given the opportunity to develop resources to grow along with the world around me. The reason for this in my childhood is obvious. As I grew, because I never learned to socialize, to date, to do a lot of things, it kind of felt like I got left behind. The developmental stunting is real. It’s difficult when things I do that I mean well by are viewed with suspicion and resentment. I wish my body and mind worked well. There is damage. I have nothing stopping me. Not going to stop me. I had an insight today. That about my art, I can create paintings that I am very proud of. I can do this because I believe in myself. Sometimes, I’ll sketch out the beginnings of a painting and will think to myself, I can’t paint that. After having encouraged myself, I’ll come back to it and paint something that I am really happy with. We shouldn’t let our fears hinder our voice. In spite of developmental problems, resulting from terrible experiences, still I will praise your name Lord Jesus Christ. Looking forward to getting a really good night’s sleep tonight. Good night. Grateful for talents that are not censored by fear tonight. I got a pretty great surprise on my income tax return reassessment from 2014. I think it’s because I donated a lot of money to charities. I also donated two iPads to children’s hospitals and a lot of other money to friends and people who needed it more than I. The tax return was a welcome bonus. But certainly not the only reason I gave this money away.