February 14, 2016:

Today is Valentine’s Day. This morning, I went to church at which we had the ceremony of Recognition. This ceremony was similar to the Rite of Acceptance a couple of weeks ago. The difference between the two events is that with the Rite of Acceptance, I was making the decision to go further in the RCIA program. The event today was the Rite of the church’s decision to elect us. It was so encouraging to witness and feel the whole church praying for me. Not just me, but everyone who is going through this process with me. It was really a powerful event. My sponsor was there. Kind of like my Godfather, he’s a gent I met on the recovery retreat last summer. He’s a great guy and it was also encouraging to have him praying for me and being willing to commit to everything that is part of this process. I’m very thankful for my church today. I’m very thankful for the people with whom I am going through this process with. Well, I went for coffee with a woman with whom I went through the Gatehouse program with yesterday. It was a really great coffee and I enjoyed getting to know her better. From my perspective, we had a very lot in common, both as survivors and as people. She’s very attractive. She’s over fifty but that’s not a big deal. It sounds like we have been through very similar situations. She said something that really motivated me and which sparked a unique insight inside of me. What she said helped me to make a connection between the fear I feel about doing things for myself now and the way I was treated as a child. I suppose I always realized it was related to shame, this fear. But she helped me realize that because I, as a child, could not blame the people in power in my situation, I blamed myself. Thereby developing a deep and almost instinctual fear within myself that everything I would do would be bad and just be bad for me. Whatever happens, however much time remains, I’m glad I have this awareness now because it is giving me the ability to challenge it. I really enjoyed having coffee with her and wish I could see her again. At the end of our coffee, I gave her a Valentine’s Day present. She’s moving to Alberta soon. This morning, after my Rite of Recognition, my sponsor and I went for coffee. After which he drove me to the gym where I did a pretty big workout. I’m pleased with my progress. Biceps are still the same. Triceps and back are the same. My chest and shoulders are really improving a lot though. I pushed on the chest press machine today 160 for 2 sets, 8 reps each. And then 145. Shoulders, then I pushed 20 lbs each arm. Then, forty push ups. Afterwards, I went to a multicultural restaurant in the building where my gym is. I had a wonderful post workout meal. Very good food. Tomorrow is family day. I’m looking forward to a full day of Settler’s of Catan. The board game with my buddies. A lot of fun. People have a right to privacy and individuality. Do not forget this beautiful and amazing fact.