January 18, 2016:

I woke today feeling kind of depressed again. Decided though that it would be better for me to get out of the house unlike a couple of days ago. I wanted to put on a cheerful face this morning and to be grateful in spite of the negative things and people that I come across daily. I’m realizing more and more, and it is a continual learning process, that it really is our choice to make the best of life as we can. Some people may not have as equal or as ‘fair’ chances getting started but it is all about our attitudes and outlooks. Even in the really ‘unfair circumstances’ we can still choose to be grateful and a light to the world. I’ll tell you that today I am very grateful for the darkness that I myself have been through, really most of my life. I am grateful for these periods because they have given me the outlook to release the pain to God. I still believe very firmly He will make something nice from the life I have lived. I am grateful that living through this darkness I am able to view others with compassion and try to make use of the suffering I have been through. I continue my fast. Today actually is day twenty. Half way there. I am not going to give up. Tomorrow, I’ll go to the gym again. Very thankful and reflecting today. Even though what my abusers did to me was inexcusable, still I am praying for them and choose again to forgive them. Praise God. Thankful for the compassion of others. When you look around, it becomes very apparent just how much people do actually care.