January 26, 2016:

Today, I am feeling great again. Went to the gym again this afternoon. Did a couple of different exercises. Also, I spent some time on the punching bag. This was great. I unloaded a bit of frustration on it. Though, right now, I’m very tired. I went to the computer lab a bit ago where I worked on my website for a long time. Then I played a couple of games to pass the time. After this, I went to a Korean restaurant next to the lab. It was really nice. I treated myself to mushroom and garlic. I also had some rice cakes. I am just going to continue with my fast as though I didn’t. After all, the reason I am doing this fast is to show my body that I love it. I think it deserves a treat every once in a while. We have to realize that this is all about love. I’m noticing a lot of people giving me bad looks today. I’m realizing more and more that I just cannot pay attention to everyone who gives me bad looks on the street. I’m increasingly realizing that I am not responsible for how people react to me. I want very much to please people. And believe me, in no way am I denying the fact that people have the right to react to me however they want. I respect their opinions. I just have to learn to differentiate between a look of scorn or judgement from the abuse that happened to me all those years ago that made me feel so helpless. But I’m really realizing I cannot please everyone. In spite of this stuff, I’m learning with increasing prudence and faith, to know and depend on the fact that my God loves me very much in face of these negative things happening. I’m realizing that when they do happen, I’m not at that moment, in my child’s body who was being hurt so much. I’m learning more and more to rely on the love that has ransomed me. Today, I am thankful for this world. And, in spite of the traumas and trials that will definitely come, I am grateful that we have a Creator who loves us and paid an awful lot to show us He loves us. I’m sorry it’s taking so long. I can only continue to try my hardest. By building that base, upon which I can learn to trust. I’m also realizing though that I need more to trust my God a lot more. And I will do that. Today, I am thankful for the end result of pain and trials because these things give you an opportunity to overcome and break through and shine your love. I have a lot of love in my heart. Even though in so many ways, it’s all stifled and silenced. It’s dying to come out. In a sense, I think we’re all like that in many ways. Continuation: In spite of the fact that I treated myself today a bit, I’m still going to continue on my fast. I am going to show myself the love that I deserve and need. In the past, had I committed myself to something like this and not been able to carry it out with perfection, I would have claimed failure and really let myself go. I’m not saying that I shouldn’t commit. But I feel as though I am doing it now in a healthier way. I will continue my fast as of right now. Insert: Reading this again, I make it seem as though I ate a meal. I had some rice cakes at the Korean restaurant I like and a spoonful of peanut butter at night.