December 30, 2015:

Second day of fast today. It went very well. Today, I had a few green teas while I was downtown working on this book editing job. When I got home, I ate plums, pomegranate, raspberries and pineapple. I am trying very hard not to offend people, in the only way I know how. I’ve noticed people’s perceptions of me change over the past couple of days. There has to be a reason for that. I can think of a lot of things. Whatever it is, I have done a lot of work to get to where I am now. Anyways, I will be grateful. I will be thankful. I’m looking forward to confession. There are a lot of physical and emotional injuries resulted from what happened to me. I have a prostate or kidney problem. I cannot urinate when I am stressed. The only thing that sometimes helps is warm water. This is a result of the assaults. Things aren’t always done for the reason we think. Have compassion. Realized I was trying to avoid emotions by averting my eyes from people. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m realizing this isn’t the best way to deal with my emotions either. Going to try to smile at people again.