June 9, 2015:

Feeling very grateful today. Intend to paint a painting, write a little and go to church. But first I have to fax something off. Grateful for a great world full of amazing people. Continuation: Faxed off the letter. Watched a couple videos on memorizing Scripture verses while I was at the lab. I’ve got to admit that I am having a difficult day. Just not feeling well. Yesterday, in my Gatehouse meeting, we talked about core beliefs. One of the facilitators had us practice a meditative session where we were able to explore our beliefs about ourselves. Beliefs that had been ingrained since childhood. It was encouraging to reaffirm the positive traits I see in myself and get my focus off the negative. One thing I realized though is that like five years ago, I viewed myself in a very negative light. Btu when Jesus called me, when I saw the ‘light’, suddenly my heart was filled with positivity. I just did not know fully how to tap into it because of my childhood. I feel that Christ is guiding very quickly, especially in these last couple of weeks, to feel much more positively about myself. I am beginning to view myself as I know that he views me. Another story: yesterday, when I was downtown, I saw my friend Maria. This is the woman who is on welfare. I told her that I was praying for her manuscript and that I would read it and offer comments and corrections. She had sent me the document last week but I am just getting a chance to go through it now. Before I left on the trip, I’d said that I was not going to give her any more money because I was running out. Literally the day before I left, I called her and had her meet me at Downsview where I gave her a hundred and forty dollars more. This is where everything ties together. When I returned, yesterday I saw her again. She asked me if I had any money for her after a bit of friendly conversation. I said no and was firm with her. I was so proud of myself for being assertive and for maintaining boundaries. Still, I felt a little badly. She understood, which I found encouraging to my right to be assertive. She left and went on the street again but came back shortly after and asked me for a pen. She got one and started writing a letter to me. This is after I had told her I felt worthless a lot of the time and unlovable. She finished the letter and showed it to me. It was about a page and a half in length and was about the fact that I was a beautiful person. She wrote that I had a caring and loving heart and that I was her family. I have a feeling she wrote it down so that I would know and have evidence about how she felt. I praise God for her. I’m not agreeing with the way she asks for money a lot of the time but these are the people for whom Jesus came. These are the people God eagerly wants to know are loved and to feel the love He has to offer. These are the people who belong first to the kingdom of Heaven. The people who in their own weakness and suffering are so eager to offer help and charity to others. Blessed are the poor in Spirit. Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek.