April 9, 2015:

Today, I am thankful for recent revelations that I have had, which have encouraged me into recognizing that I am not nearly as bad as I think I am. There are times when I get into a slump, during which my faith really is challenged. I even find myself discouraged by passages of scripture, one in particular, but I have come to see the truth of that passage with the help of God. I am thankful that even while my faith is being challenged, God desires to show me that I am loved. I am thankful for the book I have just read. Sit, Walk, Stand has encouraged me to reassess my walk with Christ. It has shown me that my walk in Christ is a lot more to do than just with my path to holiness and any works I could do. I was encouraged to sit, or rest with Christ, in His finished work for me. I have to admit, though I know I have been in that state in the past, it feels very confusing to me. I know that it involves my ability to trust completely. It is no wonder I am finding it so difficult to rest in His love. After what I have been through, it would be a miracle if I were to ever trust anyone. Still, I trust myself and myself is telling me to trust in God. I know that I am telling the truth. I trust myself and will fight for the truth until the end. I know that a big reason God can’t use me now is because I have so much difficulty trusting. I am thankful for the truth that has been revealed to me in what has happened to me. It was living hell to learn to cope with, the memories and the effects. But it has opened my eyes to so much about myself. I am thankful that tonight I will be going to Jack’s house for men’s ministry. I am blessed to be a part of this fellowship.