April 11, 2015:

I don’t have the luxury of forgetting about what happened to me. Everything in my life follows me home. It will always be with me. Because I know what happened to me. I will fight for the Truth of my life and the Truth I know with my life until my life is extinguished. There is a reason I was chosen. The crimes committed against me were not normal. The nature of my abuse was devastating to every area of my life. It was nothing that could have been remedied by a quick fix. Please don’t think that this was easy for me. Having had all of this culminated with a brain injury really compounded a lot of the trauma I had endured in my youth. This is always with me. The times I have peace, joy and love in my heart is when I am in the Spirit. I know we have to remain in the Spirit of God. And we have to do this by expressing our love to the Father through works of mercy, worship and humility. We need to be in the Word and in prayer. Today, I am thankful for my church, though while it is far from perfect also, treats me with dignity and compassion. Their hearts are very much in the right place. Right now, I am thankful for my small group leader, Jack who, after I sent him an email about my experiences and how I’m finding it difficult to trust enough to rest in Christ, thanked me for this email and told me he had shared it with his brother in prison. The brother in prison had repented and Jack was pleased with the response it gave him. I am thankful for the fact that tonight I will be able to join my friends in playing a board game. I am thankful that while I am breathing, I have the opportunity to repent and rely on Him. I had a sinful past couple of days. After confessing, I feel thankful that the Lord has assured me that this does not make who I am. I am blessed by His assurances that I am not nearly as bad as I, most of the time, feel I am. I have to rely on Christ more and allow His love to control my life. I have to rely on my identity and do what I was born to do. I have faith in God’s love and forgiveness. We all deserve His judgement and wrath. We are so blessed by His gift to mankind.