August 23, 2015:

I’ve done a bit over the past couple of days. To begin with, I signed up for a website to advertise my art. It looks like a pretty great website and I’ve already gotten a couple of views. Well, I went to the casino on Friday. It feels really great to have the choice to make a decision about a thing. I mean that in the sense that it was a thought out choice as opposed to a compulsion like I have felt when going there in the past. It was nice because my intention was to go there to make money. And once I had made money, I would leave. So, I made about one hundred to two hundred dollars. I tithed a hundred yesterday at church. I am starting to learn and remember that the commandments are there for a reason. The Law is very important. But really it’s about what motivates the heart. Some things are permitted but not everything is beneficial. It was nice. I was having a difficult time physically yesterday. It was very encouraging to see and feel others around me having great patience with me. I am so incredibly thankful for so many kind and beautiful, good people in this world. I am coming back to gratitude. Recognizing how much I have been given and am blessed with. I’m grateful to be surrounded by so many great people. I am starting a bucket list that I mentioned a couple of days ago in my entry. It’s going to be filled with achievable goals that I can accomplish that will help me to overcome this fear that has been carved into me since I was just small. Today was such a blessed day. I was feeling rough over the past couple of days. I think because I was fatigued from the late night Friday. I hope I am not getting sick. Anyways, a good friend from church shared with me a couple of weeks ago that one of the people who attend her church, her son works in production in California. She invited me to a barbeque where I had the opportunity to speak to him about my novels. So I gave him a copy of each (not my non-fiction piece) and he said he would take the time to read them over the next week. Awesome! So grateful for this chance. And I told him I would be willing to write a screenplay. It was a nice barbeque too. I was very happy to be a part of it and thankful to have been invited. I get the feeling as though some people feel my intention is to criticise this world. It is not my intention to criticise but rather to help. I can’t not stand up for what I see. I’m starting to meditate a lot over just how much of a treasure the kingdom of God is. This feeling began in my heart about a week ago when I realized just how great it will be and just how much of a prize it should be treated by all. This has made me reflect over a bit and has encouraged me in itself to be content in faith. But more than that, it has inspired me to create the bucket list and to memorize Scripture. At church last night, I asked one of the pastors to pray with me. I asked him to pray for me that I am able to effectively memorize Scripture that it may sink in and permeate my soul. I am praying for him as well and remember what he said about what is happening in his life. As I pray and continue to pray in earnest for the Church. I am feeling so grateful today. I just pray that the right thing is done now. For God and His great glory. For the Church and the world. It reminds me, being in a mindset of gratitude and forgiveness, just how wonderful the world can be. It reminds me of what is to come. That great and awesome prize that is awaiting all of us. ‘For it is God’s wish that all should be saved, that none should perish’. Please keep faith in the God of love. There is still much for you to know and I pray that it will be revealed to your world at the right time. It will be made clear if it is the Father’s will. And to the Father’s perfect will, I bow my knee. I bow my knee because His way is perfect, righteous and just. The only true way. This is about a relationship with the Messiah of Love. I bow my knee to Him because love is the right way. It is the only true path. There is reason we struggle. There is reason we fight this Love. #Me. But we have the choice and can make the choice to love. It’s a beautiful, wonderful world. It is a wonderful and great gift, this life, if we can allow our perspectives the shift for a moment to see how much we have, how much we are loved and how much we have waiting for us. If we choose to love.