Monday, August 22, 2016

January 1, 2016:

Going to take a bit to get used to writing that, 2016, after the date. I’m feeling very blessed today. This morning, I packed and went to a little cafĂ© by Yonge and Finch to play computer games. Passing time as I wait for my bus. Over the past couple of days, I have felt a significant relief from the tension that I usually feel across my body. The pain that I usually feel, which makes it so difficult to walk, I am learning, makes it hard for me to express my gratitude outwardly. It’s funny how you can see something like that only when it abates. Feeling this peace has given me perspective over the past many years. Also it has given me empathy for myself in that I can understand why I would act the way I did. It’s given me a great perspective into the fact that no one deserved a lot of the ways I was reacting. It’s nice to feel like this, generally relaxed and comfortable. Grounded would be another word. And I am thankful for today, that at least today, I feel like this. But I am going to try to continue the feeling. I am committed to continuing my journey to self-betterment and righteousness. I’m doing well on my fast. Like I said, the next couple of days are going to be tough. But I will do it. I have faith. I cannot be perfect. No one should expect me to be. But I am trying my best to get there. I’m trying very hard. I will overcome this as I have everything else in my life, including death. I needed to be shown love early in my life. I needed it because I experienced a lot of hurt through my childhood. The same goes for all children who are hurt in childhood. People can overcome anything with the power of love. It will give us the attitude and perspective we need to bear the painful stuff, anyways, while we await our glory. Love can beat all. I was never shown the love I needed for the right reasons. This is why I am having difficulty now.

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