April 27, 2015:

Please know and understand that a child is completely innocent of crimes committed against them. When someone chooses to hurt a child, they are making a choice to act in aggression or power towards something weaker. Something that completely is dependent upon them for their very life. If the biggest man in the world made a choice to hurt a chipmunk, even if the chipmunk came towards him, would we blame the chipmunk? Sure, the chipmunk may be pestering him but just as when a child cries, there is a reason the child cries. It could be hungry or simply require the affection and loving, appropriate intimacy that it needs in order to survive. To hurt a child is a choice, though often very much a stumbled choice, of power and not anything else. This is one of the Truths I know about God. He is angry with people who hurt innocent and helpless creatures. And He will reward His creatures for being meek, loving and lowly. Much like this, I was a child when a lot of this stuff happened to me. It started as soon as I was able to develop conscious memory. In this sense and of most of the abuse that happened to me over the course of my life, I was entirely innocent. I wish I was stronger and I will continue to try. I love God and I love the Truth of the gospel. I only wish I could have been stronger from the beginning. In any case, this is my life and I won’t give up on myself. And I will keep faith in the truth of my life. A lot of people who hear about what I am claiming are able to simply go home after hearing about it and turn off their minds to it, embrace their families and enjoy life. For quite a long time, this stayed with me every second of every day. I was never able to just turn off my mind to it. It was my life experience. And I had no family to embrace after I felt this way. In working and moving forward with my life, in going to that support group with the courageous souls who joined me in it, in going weekly to church and ministry small group, in exercising and my music, art and writing, I have been able to lessen the intensity of these experiences and focus more on building my identity. The identity I never had a chance to build as a child. But most of all, it’s in the slow and steady release of my soul and trusting of the Lord Jesus that I am able to more rejoice in all of the things that have happened to me as well as just be me. Praise the Lord! I just pray something big is going to happen still. This is not about me. That’s my spiel for the day. I am grateful for the fact that my muscles were able to heal this morning. This allowed me the ability to get up and to go for a morning jog. I took it a bit slower and easier this morning. It made quite the difference being able to treat my body well and try to get some exercise. I met a beautiful woman at the bus stop this morning who offered me a pamphlet that said on the front of it ‘Heaven or hell?’ We spoke for a minute before the bus came and it’s nice to see there is such light in people these days. Today, I am grateful for the ability to learn. I am grateful for the fact that I have two post-secondary degrees. I have been looking online and found a bunch of post-grad certificates that look good. I am grateful for people who are willing to teach. Because without their loving approaches, it would be something we’d have to do on our own. I am grateful for people like my friend Michelle who is truly a source of outstanding light to this world in everything she is doing. I had the opportunity to chat with her online last night and it is so clear how passionate she is. I will continue to pray for her and consider ways I can help. Today, I am thankful for the injuries and wrongs that people have done to me. Even my childhood experiences. I am grateful for them only because they have shaped me into the man I am today and through them, by the grace of God, I will have the opportunity to glorify His Name. Praise the Lord!