December 19, 2015:

It snowed today. I am grateful for that! Although I never liked the cold much, actually it affects my body in a lot of really negative ways, I am very happy to see snow this year. I wrote a letter to my sponsor child through Christian Children’s Fund Canada a couple of days ago. I told her that my favorite part of being a Canadian is the seasons. I asked her if she’d ever seen snow. Apparently though, warm weather is returning. Tomorrow, I am going to church along with the rest of my RCIA class, after which we are going to discuss the homily. Also, tomorrow I am going to a little Christmas celebration with my harmonica teacher’s school. Looking forward to this. It will be good to see him. I’m also glad I have taught myself and he has taught me a couple of Christmas songs. If I bring my harmonicas, I will be able to play these! In any case, I am feeling very blessed at this time of year. Last night I went to Rob’s place where we played a board game. A couple of days ago, I went to see a couple of friends who have a store near Major Mackenzie and Yonge. The owner is a great guy. His son has been my friend on facebook since the movie about me first came out. I guess he watched the movie and was encouraged by my story. He has wanted to meet me ever since. I went and met him for the first time a couple of months ago and they are such a wonderful family. He is an inspiration to me. Great family. A lot of what they do is for charity. I was very happy a couple of days ago because Michelle’s mom liked a couple of my posts on facebook. I was encouraged by this and asked Michelle if I could add her as a friend. Christmas day, I will be spending with an elder of my church and his family. I am honored to be able to spend this time with them and very grateful they asked me. I am very grateful for the spirit of this season. I am hopeful and thankful. I managed to get a good amount of sleep last night. I am thankful for that too. Last week in RCIA, we learned about Cardinal virtues. This week, I am going to concentrate on prudence, or rather, thinking before acting or speaking. Being deliberate is valuable. I was recently hired to edit a book that I feel very strongly has great potential. I was hired by the woman who I became friends with after I met her at St. Michael’s Church when she was panhandling. I am proud to be editing her work. Her book is a very good story. It’s amazing in terms of the imagination that went into it. But I spent about ten minutes explaining to her that it’s not a realistic belief that she will make a lot of money off her book. She seemed very motivated and after I offered to return the money she paid me to edit her work, said “I want to have it edited.” And “I believe God will help.” I encouraged her faith and told her I was praying for her and her success. God values the protection and safety of children and of those suffering more than He values the endurance of pain for the sake of endurance. God would rather protect a child than have that child suffer and then have to forgive. Regardless of what has happened in a person’s life, (or a communities life), or the amount of trauma they have been through, they are faced with a choice. The choice to love. Or the choice to hate. Remember the importance of love. Also remember that the ability to change or to make a difference is not hindered by love. Violence only perpetuates violence. Sometimes there is a need for it, as is evident in WWII with the rise of totalitarianism in Europe. Without the sacrifice of millions of young men and brave women, our world could be completely different today. One where we wouldn’t have any freedoms or ‘rights’ as we see them. In that case, it was just to take a stand against oppression and oppressive forces. God is also a God of justice. But for the most part, violence perpetuates violence. But never forget also the massive impact Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr and Gandhi made. Love can move mountains. When we lose compassion and the striving to empathize with other people, the human life becomes devalued and unimportant. We need to have love for each other, knowing that we all suffer. Suppressing flesh and material world vs. processing it. Trauma accumulates in our hearts. We have to process this trauma otherwise our past hurts will continue to have a significant impact on the way we live our lives in the present. Just like our trauma and suffering, we cannot repress our temptations and the material world. We have to process the flesh and the temptations we have. Whereby getting to the root of our trauma and suffering/past hurts, we are able to escape the hold the flesh has on us. Then we will have the conscious choice of whether to react or to act/whether to do something or to decide it might not be in our best interest. Grace/love of God not just an external reality. It is very much internal. It’s God’s life in us. We are children of God, those who believe in love and peace. I realize this all must be very discouraging for you. I do not want attention or glory. I want validation for what I have been through. I want to glorify God. I have faith that God will glorify me, albeit, with what remains. Wait until there is testimony or corroboration of my testimony. I just don’t want you to lose heart. I promise you, I am not crazy. I know I have much work to do in my own life. My message is about love. It’s easy, when there is darkness around to get confused what love means, what it represents and what its goal is. I guess I’m just asking for you to open your hearts. The truth will be revealed. Darkness and evil will not triumph forever. Confess and repent. Revive forgiveness. Remember the reward! I find myself reacting emotionally a lot today. Not necessarily reacting outwardly. Except for a few episodes of self-complaint. But I am going through much emotionally right now. I was pleased with myself because I took the initiative to consciously smile at a number of people today and make random friendly comments about the weather to strangers. I feel strongly that I am continually moving forward. And that the emotions I process today, will ultimately lead me to a happier tomorrow. I intend to be grateful in the meantime. Thank you Lord, for your love and grace. Realizing more that people have a right to just be and do not owe me anything. Realizing this as their right and my own is encouraging. I’m beginning my relaxation exercises again. Hope for positive results.