March 30, 2015:

Today, I am so grateful for Easter. I am so incredibly grateful for Christ who died and was glorified for me and for all. I am grateful that while I am still alive, I have the opportunity to change and to follow the will of God. I am so grateful to God for His endless love for all of us. For me, I am grateful for the enormous amounts of love and grace, which He has showered me with. I am also grateful that in His compassion, He is able to empathize with me for the reasons why I ran from the love He offered me over the course of my life. I am reading a little book by Watchman Nee right now, Sit, Stand, Walk. In it, he uses the metaphor of someone drowning to emphasize the difficulty of trusting God. That how someone drowning has to either expend all of their own energy or be knocked unconscious for them to be saved. Otherwise, they will resist because they cannot trust another while their lives are in peril. This really rang out with me with what I have been through. Because, sexual abuse is in all manner of speaking a complete betrayal of trust, at the level of the very ‘self’, it is all that much more difficult to trust God. The earlier it began for me and because of the natures of the relationship, it was committed served to make all of this much worse. In any case, in spite of all that I have been through, I feel I am doing pretty well. I am grateful that God continues to provide me with these insights into my life and heart. And I am so grateful that we have a God who can understand and empathize with us. I know that He will turn the hearts of the children to the fathers and those of the fathers to the children. I am so incredibly grateful for the hope and joy He has offered me through the Christ, in His humble yet awesome majesty. Praise God!