March 30, 2015:

Continuation: Through all of the emotions I feel, I am at peace because I know what awaits me. I am thankful that in spite of the rational yet irrational fears I have about women, I still choose to interact with them and help them when I am able. A couple of evenings ago, my roommates, who are all female, were out in the kitchen when I was. I spoke to them each about their days and school and work. I showed my next door neighbor a couple of paintings I had done. This morning, I held the door open for a couple of women and they smiled warmly at me. It reminds me that in spite of any fears we may have, as rational to us as they are and for whatever reasons they were formed, we are all here to serve one another and love one another. Anyways, it felt very good to jump out of that fear and open up in even a small way to people. Women are beautiful in my mind. I know that God loves them very much. But to believe that women are incapable of hurting men is just impractical. Any human being can hurt any other. I need to affirm to myself that I won’t give up on love. I fear women for a very reasonable reason. But any fear can be overcome with Christ. And there is an absolutely understandable reason I fear them. I am grateful for the ability to change while I am still alive.