Sunday, August 14, 2016

October 13, 2015:

Yesterday was a wonderful day. I had a really late night. I went to the casino where I made nearly $700 at the three card poker table. I woke up late that day and got a text from Rob, asking me to join them for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a very nice surprise and felt awesome to feel included. This is the reason I went to the casino; because I thought I would have nothing to do. I can honestly say that I am blessed with terrific friends. That evening, after dinner, we played a board game and had a bit of dessert. I chose to eat everything. My stomach did not react well. But it was encouraging for me to feel liberated enough in my faith to trust God to believe that everything is clean. I even shared in dessert! Oh man, it tasted good! In spite of this, I intend to eat vegetables and fruit only for another while, to lose weight. Thankful for great friends and great food today! After this, I went to the computer lab down the street and played Sim City 4. It’s an awesome game. The thing I like about it is the fact that its ambition is creation as opposed to destruction. After that, I went home. In the street, I passed a guy who was staring at me. I asked him if he was alright. He said something like ‘nice chest’. I wasn’t sure what he meant by this so I asked him how his day was. He ignored me and asked me my name. I said Jon. He said he didn’t believe it and touched my chest a couple of times. When it registered what he was doing, I said thanks and told him to have a good day. I will say this: he was probably drunk. I’m not angry, although it took me a while to calm down after experiencing this intrusion. I am proud of my body. It may not be sexy or overly muscular but my body has gotten me a long way in my life. And it has endured a lot more than most people probably still know. There is a reason my body has reacted the way it has. And I assure you it’s not been my choice. Regardless, I am doing a lot right now to strengthen it and make it look better. I love my body. Anyways, this didn’t bother me for long once I chose to remember the fact that my friends invited me to share Thanksgiving with them. Today, I went to the gym and signed up for four sessions with a personal trainer. Hopefully he can do something for me. I worked hard for about an hour and a half. Today, I worked out my legs, which is always a difficult area for me. It’s kind of a dichotomy because when I work out my legs, even in a light way, they act up, making it difficult to walk later. The muscles are disfigured mildly because of atrophy and muscle tone, resulting from stress. Also, there could be a bit of nerve damage. I will not give up. I am thankful for all of you today. I am thankful that I’m not in this battle alone. I am continuing to keep faith that something great will happen. I know I will be rewarded if I keep faith. I feel so lonely and sad sometimes. I continually get the thought in my head to just pick up and move and start afresh. Still, I know that I would be leaving a lot. And it is a good thing that I am sad. It shows I feel badly for my sin. I have faith truth will be revealed in one way or another. I am just very sorry that I have come so late.

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